Quite often, the posts I write don’t represent where I’m at, they’re me working things out for myself. It’s a part of a process where intellect is engaged, part of moving through the energy to realisation. So, when I state something, it doesn’t mean I’m there yet, it means I know I’m working through that energy.
I watched a film recently, it was one I’ve watched at least five times, an old favourite I never seem to tire of. Every time, it gets me in the heart, which is not surprising since it’s a film all about the heart. And more than that, it’s a film about claiming your darkness, and I hadn’t really noticed that before because I hadn’t watched it just at the moment when I was ready to see it before.
As usual, this time, the emotions started to surface, ones I often struggle with.
And there it was. After my recent post ‘Allowing Life to Be’, I realised what I needed as I watched the film. I realised that those struggling emotions of yearning and desires and loneliness, a desire for a deep, abiding loving relationship that expresses as a sacred union at all levels, this is not a lack in me, not something to fight or struggle against, not a bad or negative feeling. It doesn’t represent a deficiency or failure. It’s okay, it’s a part of me. It’s who I am, and all of a sudden I claimed it. I embraced my needs and desires and moved the energy from dissonance to resonance.
Then, I realised there was more that needed to be claimed, I needed to claim the darkness, the loss, abandonment, lack of love I’ve experienced, deeper than I’d ever claimed it before. Instead of feeling it was something that had happened to me, that it was a problem, that it was the opposite of what I wanted, I claimed it all. I claimed the darkness as mine.
Now, I own it. I can no longer be hurt because it’s something I allow as who I am. All those emotions that weren’t love became love, love for myself. I loved myself to freedom.
Guilt, resentment, blame, anger, sorrow, all became love. And that love became peace. The peace brought stillness and release, it brought acceptance and trust. I accepted me and at the same time, I healed myself some more.
Waking up is a series of moments of realisation, of claiming and acceptance of oneself.