A couple of days ago, I posted a very personal account of a childhood sexual experience. When I started to write that post, I was intending to write something else entirely, something general about children and play and how that can sometimes involve exploring their bodies from a place of innocence, trust and openness. But all of a sudden, an experience I had that was the opposite of that poured out of me, it clearly wanted to be said.
It’s not the first time I’ve written openly about this event but it’s the first time that I was able to write without any sense of the emotional hurt or confusion, the first time that it came with such clarity and detachment and I think that was the reason it had to be done, to show me I am now in a different place with it.
Of course, writing it for oneself is one thing, sharing it is another thing entirely and I would be lying if I said I was nonchalant about that. Actually, it was a close thing that I didn’t pull it just before it was due to publish. And now it’s out there I’m reminding myself it’s not my concern who sees it and how it’s taken. It’s my truth, not anybody else’s. This is now a big test of owning my truth and letting go of what others think. Because what others think of me has been such a big hurdle throughout my life and it’s still something I’m conscious of.
All this brings up the issue of disclosure, when it’s okay, when it’s not okay, and who’s to judge. It feels like this is about revealing hidden secrets from the past, exposing what others have kept hidden because they had the authority. Now the lid is off, those that had the ability to impose from their position of strength, they created a record of my life, upbringing and experience that was out of synch with what I felt, saw, sensed and believed. And yes, it’s all a question of perception and probably truth is somewhere in the grey areas between those perspectives.
As a healer, I experience many people who have similar stories. Maybe the details are different but, for them too, lies from the past are being exposed. Perhaps lies from your past have been exposed or are in the process of being so. And I know it’s a very painful process, especially if we’re suddenly faced with a huge realisation that goes against everything we once believed.
How painful this process is can be impacted by us. It depends how much we fight it. It’s easy to fight back because we don’t want to know, we don’t want this truth, it hurts. And it may involve finding the healing that enables us to accept, acknowledge, face and embrace the truth. And then the ability to heal and integrate it into our hearts. This can be done in minutes or years, depending upon whether we’ve woken up the knowledge and skills we need, whether we’re ready to claim it all, the good, the bad and the ugly, or not. If it’s coming up, it’s because our guides and spiritual support are with us and they’re available to call on, they’re rooting for us and know that the only way out is through. Be brave, dear one, it’s time, we are waking up and we are more supported than we can ever imagine.