“The role of the writer is not to say what we can all say but to say what we are unable to say.” – Anais Nin
On this website, I’ve shared a number of deep, personal truths about myself and my life from time to time. Some of those disclosures stayed with me for a while. Was it wise or foolish to speak out? I may have said I was doing it for the healing of others who may resonate with the circumstances but I was also doing it for my own healing.
I realise that what disclosure of intimate truth does is allow me to claim trauma as who I am. I claim it as me, a part of me, it’s my truth and even if it was trauma at the time, now it’s okay. Everything about it is okay, that it happened in the first place is okay.
What was hurting me was not that it happened but that it was hidden away, that what happened remained denied. That’s why I write, why I let it out the box and put my truth, my story out there in the world. And that’s me claiming myself in all my full beauty and magnificence.
When I own it, I am responsible and therefore empowered. I take full responsibility for my actions and truth. I can no longer be hurt because the hurt comes from inside me and it’s something I allow as who I am. All those emotions that weren’t love become love. Love for myself, free from needing love from an outside source. I am loving myself to freedom.
Guilt, resentment, blame, anger, sorrow, all become love. And that love becomes peace. Peace brings stillness, release, acceptance and trust. I’m accepting and healing myself once more.
It’s not an easy thing to do, to speak out about intimate, personal things we don’t normally talk about. It’s certainly not a path for everyone. There are risks and consequences.
Still, how is it that such truths remain hidden to keep the status quo? To perpetuate dysfunctions, damage and abuse? How does society condone so much silence and allow so much to be hidden? Damage is done by silence and power rests with those who ensure we never speak out. It’s uncomfortable to speak out but sometimes, essential that a voice is heard.
Abuse and dysfunction are wounds and trauma being carried from generation to generation. There are no abusers on one level, only people carrying deep wounds and pain. It’s time to let our wounds’ stories seep out so that they can be cleansed, ready for the wound to be closed for good. And if someone needs to step up, then I will speak for us all.