Posted in darkness and light, Inspiration

The Gift

“Have you ever felt like you were lost?

That you didn’t know where you were going or where you came from?

Have you ever asked yourself, “Who am I?

What should I remember?

What is my deepest wish from the bottom of my heart?”

I know you must have a wish like that, because we all do.

I learned that we really have to believe in miracles.

All you have to do is take that leap.

If you stop resisting and surrender,

You’ll see that even the most painful thing in life is a gift.

Instead of thinking, “How can I get rid of this burden?”

Ask yourself, “In what way is this a gift?”

The steps you take to escape the pain can bring you to the edge.

And if you cross over that edge, you can never go back to sleep.”

⁃ taken from ‘The Gift’ by Jason George and Nuran Evren Sit

P.S. The picture today is a close up shot of a monkey puzzle tree’s bark. If you enlarge and zoom into the centre of the eye, you might be able to spot two tiny figures, a male and female greeting each other with arms raised. Or is that just my vivid imagination?

Posted in darkness and light, Inspiration

Imperfect Is The New Perfect

Get comfortable with what’s not perfect,

Allow what’s imperfect in your life, imperfect in you.

These are precious gifts.

They bring treasures as well as pain.

Pain and suffering are so valuable.

When you experience and allow pain

You create space for the joy you’ve been missing.

Your imperfect is beautiful,

Let imperfect be your perfect.

[Image: ‘The Green Goblin’ art by Amenet Drago]

Posted in darkness and light, healing, Inspiration

Making Pearls From Grit

“When you create yourself, at some point you’re going to have to either let that creation go and take a chance on being loved or hated for who you really are, or you’re going to have to kill who you really are and fall into your grave grasping onto a character that you never were.

What is the grit that the pearl is built around? The pearl is the personality that you build around yourself as a protection against the thought, “If they ever find out that I’m worthless, if they ever find out that I’m not enough, I’ll be destroyed.”

The avatar you create and the cadence you come up with that’s pleasing to people, it takes them away from their issues and makes you popular, and then at some point you have to peel it away. It’s not who you are.

This is what everybody goes through when they create themselves to be popular or successful. You act a certain way and say a certain thing and lie through your teeth at times, and you do whatever you need to do to look like a winner.

And then at some point in your life you have to say, “I don’t care what it looks like. I found the hole in the psyche and I’m going through and I’m going to face the abyss of not knowing whether that’s going to be okay with everybody or not.”

At some point, they’re going to try to drown you in the middle of that abyss. But no, be the other guy. You told us you were this guy, the character you built, but no one can live with that forever.

People sometimes exist so completely in their character, they maybe don’t know how to get out of it or how to take another road. So, they might take the ultimate road, where they actually have to leave the planet to get out.

All we really yearn for is our own absence. We yearn for what happens at death.

I don’t have to worry about that anymore. I truly feel like if you ask me where I live right now, where the real me is, I would say that there’s a quiet, gentle seat in the universe that seems to contain everything and that’s where I am.

I don’t want anything. I have no ambition. I don’t have to go anywhere. That’s fascinating to me now….. the disappearing.”

– words by Jim Carrey (from the film ‘Jim & Andy: The Great Beyond’)

[Image: ‘Pearl With A Shell Inside’ art by Amenet Drago]

Posted in darkness and light, Soul Mastery

Endurance

The challenges we face are where we find out who we are

The hardships we endure are when we grow the most

The difficulties we overcome are our testing grounds

The suffering we experience is when we are tempered

The darkness that consumes us leads towards the light

No matter how hard it is, our soul has called it

Our soul knows that this trial will heal us

Our soul is holding us, even if we can’t feel it

At the most burdensome of times, trust yourself, for you are your soul

There is always a reason and it will lead to your freedom.

[Image: ‘Freefall’ (detail) art by Amenet Drago]

Posted in darkness and light, Inspiration

The Gifted

There are two sides to the same coin,

And just the same, we may have two sides

Because of the gift we bear.

When we have a gift,

We contend with what it costs to have that gift.

And it’s hard to say what that cost will be.

The gift could be anything, any talent, ability or skill,

And it often comes from darkness

For, it is our earliest adversities that give birth to our greatest gifts.

The cost of that gift is the darkness that comes with it.

And if the darkness eats us up,

If we’re holding anger within us because of adversities from the past,

Be aware of the anger you hold inside.

Anger is a potent spice,

A pinch wakes us up, too much dulls our senses.

Anger is our fighter self who keeps us moving forward

But also, it paralyses.

Our strength came from darkness,

Our hope is in darkness.

We are light and dark, we are all of it.

As long as we accept it as so,

We will not be consumed.

(Words inspired by ‘The Queen’s Gambit’)

[Image: ‘Sparks In The Dark’ art by Amenet Drago]

Posted in darkness and light, Inspiration, Personal Story

When We Are Free

I’ve just been through another dark night of the soul.

I’ve been through them before, ones that lasted days, weeks, months, even years.

The intensity of my darkest night only lasted 24 hours but the ongoing situation is much longer.

My dark night was intense, powerful, transformational and illuminating.

As I reflect back, I notice how much stronger I’ve become and how quickly I turned it around.

I can see how necessary and useful it was.

It came about because of a situation that many go through.

We reach a certain age when our widowed, aged parent is no longer coping.

Somebody needs to step up.

Maybe we’re the only one who can or will do that.

We do our best to make sure our vulnerable parent is looked after, helped to find their best life, a life where they’re safe, loved, happy and able to live every day with the best quality of life available to them.

We explain all the options and make sure there are choices.

Maybe that parent cannot make the decisions we think are best for them.

Maybe they are choosing what is neither safe nor wise anymore.

Maybe it’s difficult because of dementia, mental health, or simply a stubborn disposition.

Maybe the parent has all those things going on.

Maybe there comes a time when we have to make tough decisions for them, just to keep them safe.

Maybe we place ourselves in the firing line to do it.

Maybe we’re the only one prepared to act according to their best interests and that makes us the villain, at least in the eyes of our parent.

Maybe we spent the last few decades knowing this time would eventually come and always wondered what it would be like, how we’d cope, how our parent would be.

If we’re unlucky, maybe our parent will turn against us.

We may falter. We may take it personally, who wouldn’t?

We may be criticised, blamed, accused, when all we’re trying to do is the best thing that can be done.

And perhaps our childhood selves will come to the fore because this is the parent our inner child remembers.

The one who criticised, blamed and didn’t know how to love us.

And if it happens like this, it’s not a bad thing.

If we go through this dark night, we face truth once more, seeing new light, allowing more feelings to be released.

We are cleansed further.

We are not the same as our childhood selves,

We have gathered many resources along the way.

We have learnt how to be our own parent.

This time, we are different.

We are not looking for anything from our parent now.

We are not needing anything now.

We find it inside.

We are free.

If we are by their side at all, let it not be because we have to be but because we choose to be.

Even when it’s the hardest thing to be there.

Even if we keep getting slapped in the face.

Even when they spit hateful words at us.

Or spread them about us behind our back.

Or when we see our parent is showering our sibling with loving words that we don’t receive, even though they make excuses and don’t show up for them.

We choose to forgive.

Forgive ourselves and forgive our parent.

Because we are free.

And they, bless their soul, are not.

[lmage: Owl heart reflection photograph by aol.co.uk]

Posted in darkness and light, Energy healing, Ukraine, war

Compassion At The Heart Of Our Connection

Of late, you may have noticed I’ve cut my posts down to two a week. However, I’m feeling drawn to make additional posts at the moment, in order to share developments and insights coming through during my energy healing for the crisis in Ukraine.

I continue to be blown away by an awareness of many beings who are energetically present over Ukraine, they are sending so much healing and protective energy to the people and the land. There are many beings there from the inner planes and many who are living on Earth, visiting in their meditations, people like you and me. Perhaps you are amongst them.

As I’ve said before, in addition to sending energies to Ukraine, I also focus on sending healing energies to the Russian President. I am immersing him in the violet flame ray of transformation and bathing him in the soft pink light of unconditional love. Then, I’m placing drops of golden liquid light into his crown chakra to bring in the energy of divinity. Finally, I’m placing a rainbow crystal into his energy field. This crystal looks like a regular quartz crystal except it’s blue in colour and it directs rainbow light that carries codes and templates specific to his needs into his being.

As I was doing this tonight, I sensed that the two energies most in need of dissolving within his being are anger and a deep, almost hidden feeling of unworthiness.

So, it is the energies of inner peace to quell the anger alongside divinity and unconditional love bringing him to worthiness that he needs to receive the most.

This will help counteract the patterns and triggers he expresses as aggression and a sense of entitlement, which are displayed in his actions.

I know it may feel like going against the grain to make him the focus of healing but I feel this is a critical part of the overall solution.

If we energetically match his anger by directing our anger towards him, we are only increasing anger. If we feel hatred for him and direct that, we are fuelling his arrogant and haughty behaviours and attitude.

It’s only natural to feel anger and dislike for someone who behaves like him, but what are we trying to achieve here and how do we become the bigger person?

If he, or anyone else, provokes those feelings in us, we do have the power to choose differently by invoking our higher self rather than our egoic nature.

By all means, feel angry, express that anger. Feel hatred, frustration, fury, despair and deep, deep sadness at what’s going on. Let it flow, let it out, don’t block whatever emotions want to emerge, and don’t feel bad for having them. But don’t stay there. Move on, and when you do, when you embody compassion and love, then you are ready to direct your healing energies where they are needed.

We are living at a time when humanity has the opportunity and power to come together in oneness, with compassion and unconditional love at the heart of our connection. It is this possibility that we are here to actualise.

[Image: ‘Light And Dark Clouds At Sunset, Seen From My House’ photograph by Amenet Drago]

Posted in darkness and light, I AM Presence

Prayer To Call In The Entirety of Oneself

“I’m calling in the energies right now, to own myself, completely and utterly.

To own all that I am.

To call in all the disparate energies that are me that have scattered to the four winds

Hear me! I call you back! I address all those parts of me, all those energies that ever left me or were taken from me.

It is safe. It is safe to return to the source, to be whole, to be healed, to be one. I am ready to love you, I am ready to own you

I own my body

I honour my physicality and the ways my body speaks through sensations and pain

I own my feelings

I embrace my anger, sadness, fear, hurt, and allow them to express and unfold

I own my story

I accept the hand I’ve been dealt, that my soul is choosing, and the learning my wounds have brought

I own my wounds and trauma

I allow the depths, the cracks, the burdens that I bear to give me their gifts and teach me their wisdom

I own my thoughts and beliefs

I observe the meandering narratives and persistent absolutes and thank my ego for standing at the interface between myself and the world every day

I own my heart

I ask my heart to remain open and enable the flow of love, knowing that my soul is ever present at my heart’s centre, knowing that the more open my heart is, the more freely the divine flows through me and from me

I own my voice

I enable my words representing my truth and vision to be expressed with power and conviction. I am ready to be heard and will not shirk from speaking my truth

I own my intuition

I get out of the way of myself and let divine inspiration guide me

I own my authenticity

My authenticity is the truth of my being, it is my acceptance of self, it is the owning of my entire multi-dimensional, multi-faceted and integrated being

I own my power

I recognise my sovereignty and know that I am rooted into my divinity and that my foundation is love. I have been holding closed the floodgates of my power but now I unleash my power upon the universe

I own my darkness

I am ready to see and accept that there are no sins, only choices. Whether foul or fair, it is all me. It is all a part of the canvas upon which the divine plays and explores itself. There is no judgement from now on, no evil exists here, only darkness and light, and I embrace them both as I would my children

I am ready to fully step into myself, to never falter from being true to me

I release all the energy that I’m holding that isn’t mine. Begone, return to your maker, you are not for me.”

[Image: This is my one and only tattoo which I call Kali Na Gig, a version of the Crone Goddess bringing forth the energies of empowerment. Inked by Pixtattoo, Southampton, UK]

Posted in darkness and light, Energy healing

Working With Anger

Recently, I wrote about a situation where my anger was coming out and being expressed, in a post called ‘Fire From Within’. I decided to do some work with my anger and just at that moment, specific guidance appeared to help. Not for the first time, exactly what was needed materialised at the right moment.

So it was, I sat with my anger and, asking for clarification, realised it emanated from injustices perceived as a small child. These were experiences of being bullied and traumatised by others. My little self didn’t know why I was being attacked, but had the sense to realise it wasn’t fair. The initiator of my current anger, held within for many years, was my childhood self who didn’t have a voice and was still feeling neither seen or heard.

Anger, albeit internalised, was my lifeline. Anger carries a lot of power and energy, it became my strength and salvation. It meant I was a fighter and survivor. I didn’t give up, I always believed in myself deep down and held the power to eventually cultivate inner love for myself. As a child, I learnt to hide my power, because if expressed, I was punished, but it was still there, defiantly lying dormant within.

When I recently started exploring my anger, I called in a white healing light and was bathed in unconditional love that allowed me to see my anger differently. I saw how it was only because of experiencing injustices that I experienced anger, and it was due to experiencing anger that I experienced my creative power. And when the illusion of anger subsided, I saw that my power was love, unconditional love.

With this unconditional love, which bathed me completely, I saw myself emanating a great cloud of soft pink love towards all those who I had received injustice from. I perceived that I loved them unconditionally. There was nothing there but love, I was nothing but love.

This power of unconditional love has become my foundation. From this foundation, I create. I feel strongly called to make paintings whilst coming from and holding this powerful pink light of unconditional love, so that the canvases themselves hold and convey this love towards all who gaze upon them. The energy is a softness, a flow, it is union, divine unity expressed creatively. Maybe the paintings can help others dissolve their anger and release the power of their creativity.

Anger is an expression of fear and yet, anger can be very powerful, creative and valuable but we must not let that anger become stuck, it must flow as we allow it to be expressed. Every energy we think of as negative is there for a purpose and that purpose brings more love and light into our hearts, if we let it.

Imagine that your base chakra is a red colour.

When you take your awareness into your base chakra and ask if there’s anger there, what do you learn?

What do you learn when you sit with your anger? Stay with it for a while.

Now call in white healing light and see it turn pink when it merges with the red inside your base chakra. This pink colour is unconditional love, let it bathe your root chakra and transform your anger.

Stay with the energy as the pink light dissolves away the illusions of all your anger and allows you to see, with clear understanding, the original source of your anger.

Notice that your new understanding is transforming into the resolution you need, whether it’s the need to forgive, to embrace peace, to love yourself more, to let go, to open up, whatever it is for you.

Know that the anger has now been released and yet, the creative power and force that underlies it will continue to flow from your base chakra and become your foundation, from which you can create anything and everything you could imagine.

[Image: ‘Phoenix Nest’ art by Amenet Drago]

Posted in darkness and light, inner child, Personal Story

Fire From Within

The other day, things got a little fiery. I was in conversation with someone who knows me well and who I love greatly when things started to get out of hand. At first, I was calm and patient but when I felt we were going around in circles and I wasn’t feeling heard, I got fierce.

Two days later, we had a conversation about it when it was said to me; “Because you do so much spiritual work, I was surprised to see all that anger in you!”

You and me both. I had to take a look at it myself.

I remember, a long time ago, someone asked me why I hold myself back and I said, “Because if I were to let go, people will get annihilated.” I really felt the rage that existed inside me but didn’t have the capacity to understand or release it at the time. It was going to have to come out at some point.

It seems I’m learning to let it go.

When we’re on the spiritual journey, there comes a time when we finally learn to embrace our love for ourselves and then we no longer tolerate what we used to accept from others. And that’s when things can get empowering.

I’ve always known that kind of power is inside me.

Like Kali, Cailleach and Ceredwen, I am fierce and capable of delivering a fatal blow to your ego. I can unleash fury like a lioness, strike like a cobra with my cutting words.

I embody the Crone, I am a cracking whip that stings but the sting won’t linger. The more I love you, the more I will honour you with my fire.

Don’t get me wrong, 99.9% of the time, I’m kind, caring, easy going and tolerant. But lately, the deeper I go inside and the more I make space for myself, the less will I tolerate and the fiercer I am.

For some years now, I’ve been healing many traumatised, abandoned, rejected and lonely inner children of mine. I’ve been searching for them, embracing them, acknowledging and loving them, healing and integrating them back into my being, into my heart, into my whole self. Those beautiful children have suffered so much. And some are angry.

Each integrated inner child has my permission to express the entirety of their true selves through me, all the qualities that I once embodied but were knocked out of me. They brought back to life the feisty, sparky firecracker I used to be, now expressed as a grown up who’s ready to claim the full extent of her power.

No filter, no regulating dial, just full-on, absolute brutal honesty. Yes, it’s true, I’m not for everybody. And these days, I come with a warning.