Posted in Abundance and lack, divine magic, Full Moon, play

Count Your Pleasures

Pleasure.  It’s something we all need and yet, some of us might struggle in embracing this gorgeous, loving energy.  We can tend to deny ourselves pleasure in so many ways.  And when we do embrace it, it’s often in the form of unhealthy behaviours like food (chocolate, pizza, cake) and drink (alcohol).  If you made a list of your favourite pleasures, how many unhealthy behaviours would be on your list and how many healthy ones?  I know it’s not clear-cut, after all, we have to eat.  Biting into a sweet, juicy mango can be as pleasurable as a big slice of chocolate cake, no?  (I hear you over there, saying no)

In sharing some of my pleasures, let me tell you about last night.

Last night, a beautiful soul sister came around to visit, and that’s pleasure number one.  We made an open fire in my fire pit outside just after dark, under the full moon, and sat together sharing stories, sipping spiced rum and burning incense, pleasure number two.

Later, we decided to go indoors and make cranachan together.  Pleasure number three is, for me, making food with someone, because it can be such fun to do together.

Now, you may not know this, but cranachan is a Scottish desert and it’s become a signature dish for me.  I had already made the coulis earlier in the day – loads of raspberries and strawberries with some water and sugar, simmering in a pot for about six minutes on boil.  The trick with this is not to leave the room whilst making it or you may come back to find a sticky, red Niagra falls of juice pouring out of the pan, over the stove, all the way down the counter and onto the floor, as I did.  Oh my!  I could actually hear it splashing down in a continual pour as I came into the room and there was a veritable lake of it on the floor.  Not a pleasure. 

Still, I rescued it, cleaned up and had plenty left.  I set my coulis aside to cool.

When my friend and I set to it, we only had to blitz the coulis, toast some oats and make the thick cream with honey and whisky (spiced rum in my case).  I put some oats under the grill to toast and set about blitzing.  My friend and I were chatting away, when all of a sudden, she screamed and I looked at her face, she was staring with horror at something behind my back and I couldn’t think what was causing her reaction.  I turned around and there were flames inside the oven, the oats had been forgotten and caught fire.  We had talked about the full moon being in fiery Aries, looks like Grandmother Moon was really bringing fire into our lives! 

I rushed to the oven and opened the door.  And you probably already realised what a mistake that was.  A great deal of black smoke billowed out, threatening my smoke alarm that didn’t go off (hmm, troubling) and oxygen fanned the flames.  I quickly slammed the oven door shut again. Did I mention that, as I flung the window open, I knocked over my cactus and got prickles in my hand?

I had slammed the oven door shut on a much bigger fire and we waited and watched after switching the oven off at the wall.  Eventually, there were no more flames and it was safe to take our oaty burnt offering out of the oven.  No oats for the cranachan, then. 

As we calmed down and felt the release of tension, as the situation ended safely, we both started laughing.  And laughing and laughing.  And all of a sudden, what I felt was pleasure, it was like looking in on this moment from outside and seeing the pleasure of sharing something really memorable and hilariously funny with a dear friend. Pleasure number four.

One of the main reasons cranachan is a signature dish for me is that it’s so easy to make (I know, I know!) I’m not one of the world’s intuitive cooks, as you can see. However, I’m not ditching the cranachan on the back of one little mistake, even if it did threaten to burn my house down (not really that bad).

If you fancy giving it a go, you now know all the possible pitfalls. When you’ve safely made your coulis, toasted oats and thick cream with honey and whiskey added, simply fold your oats into the cream and layer the coulis and cream into dishes or glasses. And don’t forget to keep a few raspberries back to go on the top, it looks pretty.

We enjoyed our oatless coulis beside the fire under the moon and stars, although I was making a gluten-free, vegan version with coconut cream and that wasn’t very successful either, the tin contained mostly liquid that wouldn’t thicken and we couldn’t spread the cream layer out properly over the coulis.

Nevertheless, we shared many pleasures last night.  My friend had brought her paintings to show me for the first time and I was blown away by her talent, I loved seeing a new side to her that I didn’t know existed.  And we decided to set up a painting day together.  Painting is one of my most frequent healthy pleasures and sharing a painting day with a good friend, that’s like two pleasures stacked together at once.    

What are your healthy pleasures?  When did you last enjoy them?  What are you going to do to bring more pleasure into your life now? (Try not to burn anything down)  

Posted in Abundance and lack, Energy healing, Full Moon, inner child, Inspiration, love, Personal Story

Embracing Abundance at the Full Moon

Abundance is something I’ve looked into and worked with energetically many times over the years. I’ve been trying to connect with that energy and invite it fully into my life.

Like secretly eating donuts when you’re trying to lose weight, I’ve been working against myself, sensing deep down that the fear of lack is still underlying.

It’s a difficult one to shake. My mother grew up during rationing with a strong tendency towards frugality, carrying her own lack consciousness wounds. She portioned out every meal, sparsely and carefully, for the family and it was never acceptable to help yourself from the fridge or cupboards, take seconds or refuse to eat everything on your plate. I was the youngest in the family and always received the smallest portions.

Everything was hand-made, toys and clothes, DIY was king and it was all about make-do and mend. My clothes were sewn by my mother, my out-of-fashion school uniform made me an easy target. The sense of material lack, lack of love and lack of emotional connection were tangible in every moment throughout my childhood.

My mother often expressed, sometimes hysterically, fears that we were poor and how she couldn’t cope with it all, now I know we were not as poor as all that. As a little child it scared me and I felt a heavy burden upon me when she spoke like that, a feeling I still remember now. It’s as though my little self translated it as, “we’re going to die!” It felt like she was giving me that burden, she was and I took it.

I don’t think my childhood was that unusual, we all have experiences of lack growing up. When material things and love are both scarce, the two easily become intertwined. So it is my current wounds relate to early traumas about not feeling wanted, loved or valued. That’s the healing I’ve been working on for years.

I’ve come a long, long way. It feels like I’ve cleaned the house and now I’ve just got to hoover up the last bits of mess, left over from all that hard work. But boy, are those sticky bits of mess difficult to vacuum up. If you read my posts you will know that inner child healing has been a game-changer for me, really helping me to shift a lot of stuck patterns and heal early life traumas. And sometimes, one twenty minute healing has changed so much. But when it comes to lack consciousness, I just keep going over and over it with the healing and yet, it’s still there. There’s just so much of it, so many trauma moments from my young selves, such fixed beliefs and patterns of behaviour that it’s like wading through treacle. I know I’m making a difference, finding and healing child after child who are carrying this energy, but there are so many of them!

Lack is deep, sometimes too deep to see. It’s not being good enough, not being worthy, not receiving the love we crave, it’s never feeling full up or complete, like having a hole inside you that cannot be filled, no matter what you do.

Its presence appears in desperately seeking or craving to be loved, engaging in addictions like alcohol, drugs, food or sex. It’s a panic feeling that surfaces when there’s any kind of possibility of not getting enough of anything, whether food, time, money or attention.

Lack of love can materialise as entanglements within relationships, when we are looking for the love we crave but are matching with the wrong energy, finding someone that fits the dysfunctional energy from our past. It never works and there’s only one answer, find that love inside ourselves. But when we carry a hidden wound, it’s not easy to give up the deeply held hope and desire to find the love of our life, the one who fulfils all our dreams and doesn’t hurt us.

I fear, literally fear not getting enough to eat, even when I over-eat, fear I’ll go hungry before my next meal, when that’s simply not possible. I fear that I don’t have enough money to live off, to get me through to my state pension. I even fear that I’m wasting time, that there’s never enough time in the day and I’m not using it wisely. Of course, these fears are always there but they’re not always activated, so there are lots of times I feel huge gratitude and great abundance in my life. But deep down, there’s a part of me that can’t completely buy into that and it’s the part of me that was hurt so much by lack of love throughout childhood.

So, what am I doing about it? Well, today it’s full moon and I’ve been making it my focus all day. I’m celebrating the full moon and her beautiful energies of increase, manifestation and abundance by embracing abundance consciously all day long.

I often bless my food and give gratitude before I eat and today I’m doing this for everything that goes into my body.

I’m having a little fire ceremony to release all that no longer serves me mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually, calling my guides, soul and soul group to help. This will make room for more abundance.

I’m making a candle spell for increase of all harmonious energies in my life, mental, emotional, physical and spiritual.

I’m creating full moon water and drinking it with intention to receive the moon’s blessings of increase and abundance.

I’m drawing down all that is ready to come into my life now and calling in all that my heart is choosing.

I’m working with inner child healing, looking for wound energy trapped within my body related to that little inner child who carried the burdens of lack from her mother.

I’m spending time with my shadow self, my cosmic double who holds all the unresolved energies and offering to transform energies of lack into abundance.

I’m being conscious of abundance all day, starting and ending the day with prayers of gratitude and really feeling the power of gratitude. I’m taking my time, feeling no pressure, putting aside thoughts or feelings that I need to be doing something else.

And I’m sending you many blessings this full moon!

Posted in Full Moon, Personal Story

Full Moon Review: A Blogger’s Ponderings

Here I am, the night of April’s full moon contemplating and evaluating where I’ve been, where I’ve arrived and where I’m heading.  This is very apt, I was supposed to be moving into my new home today but instead, we haven’t exchanged contracts yet, let alone set a completion and moving date.  It’s looking like it might be another week away yet, maybe more.  It is very much a cusp moment.  After I move all my furniture into my new house, my first ever independent home, I’m going with my husband to his new house for a few days, even as we separate, in order to help our two cats settle with him.  Weird, perhaps, but we love each other greatly, we are not separating through lack of love or care for each other, we are remaining each other’s number one best friend.  We’re going to be 77 miles apart, so won’t see much of each other once we’re both settled in our respective new homes. It’s a big deal after 38 years of being together as a couple and quite a moment of change for both of us.

At the same time, I’m working hard at setting up my service, Soul Mastery, and putting together the final touches for my first offering, a six session course on soul integration to start in June.  So, a lot of new beginnings.  It’s feeling like reaching out to the universal energies and humanity, really, in a way that I can be using the gifts of my soul for a purpose that’s larger than the sum of myself.

I couldn’t help but reflect back to a post I wrote on March 11th called ‘Change Is Coming’.  That post marked the sewing of the seed, I feel.  And that led me to consider what my site here is doing in the way of reaching out, and I really must admit I am clearly not writing these posts for others, for the most part, but really for myself.  I am a niche writer, my subject is very personal and probably has a small audience.  I have 138 people who follow my blog, a tiny number compared to many blog sites, I know, but then again, put 138 people in a room together and it’s quite a crowd.  That said, my post statistics show very little traffic, anything from no views to a rare 13 at best, usually 2 to 4 if I’m lucky.  And when it comes to likes, rarer still, with comments as rare as hen’s teeth.  No, I am certainly writing for myself here. 

And I know it’s not about statistics, but this is a moment of review, so it’s also okay to look at it this way.  I’m guessing that other bloggers can identify, there are no other measures for us of how many people care to read us except views, likes and comments, after all.  So, if I ponder to myself, what’s the point?  Why am I doing this?  If I wish to promote a business, why not drop this and use Instagram and Facebook posts instead?  After all, I do quite often feel like I’m talking to an empty room.  And I’m more than aware of the role of ego in blogging, the idea that every one of us that publishes like this must actually think we have something to say that other people would like to hear, a bit grandiose, perhaps?  But that’s okay too.  It’s a funny world, the world of WordPress.  

Ultimately, this is about trust, it’s about allowing the flow and keeping out of my own way enough for the flow and the universe to take over.  It’s for them, the divine flow of universal possibilities.  It’s not about you, dear reader (helloooo!  Anybody there?!) so I don’t have to worry about views, likes and comments, thank goodness, nor pay any attention to my ego, who likes them.   

I like being here.  I like writing these posts, I like the process, the way it makes me think and work things out.  I like the way it brings things out of me I might otherwise never have said or thought or shared.  It matters that it’s public and not stuck somewhere nobody could ever see.  It doesn’t matter if only one other person reads it, or maybe that nobody reads it, it’s out there and it could be found, I’m not in control of that and that’s just fine.

Posted in Celtic festival, Full Moon, Goddess, Uncategorized

The Special Moons Of October

If, like me, you’re a moon lover, you are in for a treat this month of October.  It’s one of those rare months when there are two full moons.

Tonight, Thursday 1st October is the first, it’s the unique Harvest Moon, the name given to the full moon nearest to Mabon or Autumn Equinox.  Then, on 31st October, we get a second full moon called the Hunter’s Moon.  This is also a blue moon, being the second full moon in the same month.  That this takes place on the night of Halloween, or more precisely the Celtic festival of Samhain, (pronounced ‘sow-en’ as in the female pig with ‘en’ on the end) is extra special.

The Harvest moon and Hunter’s moon are the two moons of the year that usually rise closer to sunset, meaning we get more moonlight and that’s why farmers and hunters use these nights to get their work done.

There is a dark or hidden face of the Goddess that sits on the Wheel of the Year. This face can present itself at any point of the year as it appears with the blue moon.  Usually, there are twelve moons within a solar year but since the sun and moon’s cycles do not coincide, sometimes there’s an extra moon in the year.  This occurs because a calendar month is longer than a lunar cycle, so if a full moon takes place very early in the month there can be a second full moon at the end of the same month.  The thirteenth full moon of the year, the second within the same month, is associated with the dark or hidden face of the Goddess.

At the time of the blue moon, we can really connect to our own hidden, dark or shadow self.  It is a mistake to associate this with negativity, we are all part of the world of duality, we do well to embrace both the dark and light from which we are made, the yin and yang, for without one, the other does not exist.  Embracing this part of ourselves and working with the Goddess in this mysterious and deep aspect is extremely valuable.  This is clearing work and we all have unneeded energies to clear. It can be difficult as, in her hidden face, she is likely to bring challenges, but hugely rewarding in the longer term.

Personally, I associate the hidden face of the Goddess at the blue moon with the divine feminine energy of Sheela Na Gig, she definitely has the Crone energy about her and I will write more about that in my next post.  However, depending upon which quarter of the year the extra moon falls, she can be Maiden, Bride, Mother or Crone and also bring qualities that are passive, teacher or challenger energy.  Whichever she is, she comes to reveal aspects of ourselves that we may consciously or unconsciously be trying to hide.

This October 31st, she is appearing in the season of the Crone, the Wise Woman Elder archetype of the Goddess energy, and at Samhain, no less!  This is kick-ass timing and we are the ones getting our ass kicked. What an incredible synchronicity and I am so excited!  Samhain is the festival of the ancestors, the time we especially acknowledge our lineage and all the wisdom and learning that has gone before us and been handed down. The veil between the worlds is at its thinnest on this night.  We are our ancestors, this is especially true if you consider past lives, we lived as them, in all probability.  And when you factor in the eternal ‘now’, because when you take the illusion of time away it’s all happening now, you could say we are living all those lives, past and future, right now, all at the same. I don’t know how that works either, but I do believe it.