Posted in healing, inner child, Personal Story

Growing Up With a Box Full of Darkness

“Someone I loved once gave me
a box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand
that this, too, was a gift.” – Mary Oliver

Are you someone who grew up having a difficult relationship with a parent? 

It can be a tough experience to grow, from womb to adulthood and beyond, trying to make sense of oneself and the world. And then add in to that a parent or parents who don’t see, hear or acknowledge that we matter, let us know that we are loved and worthy.

Worst still, maybe you lived with a parent or parents who criticised, judged, manipulated, controlled, demanded, abused, denied, hated or gaslighted. Maybe there was alcohol, drugs, absence, divorce, violence, abuse…

There are parents that aren’t able to be loving and affirming because it wasn’t there for them. It wasn’t modelled or experienced when they were growing up. They had difficulties with their own parents that led to not feeling loved or worth much. That’s not to say that a child who had a dysfunctional parent grew up to be dysfunctional themselves. Sometimes, the child becomes the healer of the entire generational family trauma. Sometimes, dysfunction is the starting point for such a journey.

Nothing said here is intended as criticism or judgement. There are few more unfortunate circumstances than a person becoming disordered in their personality because it happens during the earliest years of childhood. I feel sad for every one of us that’s subject to such a life story.

One of the most complicated labels is Narcissistic Personality Disorder. A person with NPD has little or no chance of understanding or accepting that they have this disorder and even if they do, it’s almost impossible to commit to treatment that could help them unpick it, because to do so would go against the absolute need to deny their wound is there.

When an NPD parent brings up a child, undoubtedly it means that the child experiences some shocking deficits that would impact their life. They may need to walk away. Maybe they stay. Either way is difficult.

A parent with NPD would find it difficult to show genuine love, empathy, compassion or gratitude. They may say they understand you, love you or are grateful, but over time, you realise they’re hollow words that are not backed up.

Almost everything revolves around the NPD person, leads back to them and their needs, worries or affairs, although they may be skilled at making it look otherwise. Truth is, they live for drama and their life is often chaotic and complicated as they draw drama around them.

An NPD parent will usually have a charming and highly social persona so that others think they’re fun, charming people. They may be overly affectionate, a ‘talk-to-anybody’ kind of person. They are charismatic, often successful people. As their child, you will see this side being demonstrated, but not so much within the core family. The side projected towards you may be a completely different picture which is very confusing since many will see your challenging parent as a lovely person and that’s not likely to be your reality at all.

The NPD person contains and expresses an absolute sense of entitlement. Maybe they need to express how special and unique they are, maybe they become angry when they feel someone doesn’t understand or appreciate them or didn’t value their specialness, maybe they simply make things about themselves and expect others to organise their lives around them, be at their disposal.

Walking away from an NPD parent is a real consideration, sometimes it’s the only way to heal and learn to love ourselves. I didn’t.

I maintained a good distance and limited contact for many years. Eventually, I found a way to get closer, to abate the onslaught, stay calm, ignore or walk away when needed. I learned it’s of no use to try to explain things in the hope they may understand and adjust their behaviour. Totally pointless.

I love my parent and feel sad that they’re trapped by conditions that were never asked for or deserved and they don’t understand any of it. My parent created in me a pleaser and fixer from a young age but I don’t please or fix so much nowadays, thanks to inner child healing. It’s such freedom to no longer carry the drive to have to do that. I can accept other people’s journeys for what they are, including that of my parent, and focus on my own journey, the only one I have the power to change.

Do you have an NPD-type person in your life? Did you have a difficult time with a parent growing up? Are you still struggling? Have you learned to love yourself, through healing from such a dynamic? Have you understood the gifts and opportunities that are open to you? Have you found all the love you need inside yourself, so you don’t need it from your parent anymore?

If this resonates for you, my love and blessings are with you. There are many others sharing this journey, you’re not on your own. Quite often, we live for years without knowing that it’s never been about us. Then, we hear or read something and start to see the whole of our past in a new way that makes sense. It helps to understand, it’s part of the healing. There may be little we can do but understand, yet that, in itself, is the start of healing, not only for ourselves but for previous generations.

Many of us are healing now and our insights are changing the energy of the past too. We are clearing it for our parents and grandparents and their parents too. We are all healing, only some of us consciously, but that’s all it takes.

(Image: “Opening The Box” by Amenet Drago)

Posted in artistic, darkness and light, healing, inner child, love, Poetry, shadow self, transformation

Searching for Love

Is there anybody searching for love they never had?

Searching, yet, on self-destruct cos things are getting bad.

Because it’s quite a journey, not feeling worth a damn

Makes who you are feel like nothing but a sham.

Were you told no-one could love you?

‘Cos that’s just not true.

Do you know how many there are

Out there feeling just like you?

The truth is, very few know of your pain.

And very many feel exactly the same

And neither do they let their pain show,

Years of denial, taking knocks, blow by blow.

Running away through using drugs or booze or sex.

Always moving on from ex to ex to ex.

Or maybe it’s shopping or maybe it’s food,

The campaign to self-destruct is gonna get you screwed.

But always, underneath are words like poison darts

The ones that made you build defensive ramparts.

Words hiding in the back of your thoughts

That prove you’re worth nothing,

An aberration of sorts.

Well, you’re not, you’re simply caught up in a snare,

Take it from one who’s already been there.

I’m thinking back to what or who might have saved me

During the years when I wasn’t free.

Someone who’d been there, now doing fine.

Someone who knew how to draw a line.

Each journey is lonely and yet we all share

The same kind of experience, the same wear and tear.

Don’t feel resentful for things that don’t matter.

Find out who you are, let the past shatter.

Find all the love you need in your heart

‘Cos that will give you a true restart.

And don’t ever let anyone talk to you

With poison dart words that aren’t even true.

The love that will save you is the love you find inside

Let that love enrich you, it cannot be denied.

You are truly worthy, in fact, you’ve always been,

They didn’t have it in them, your soul was never seen.

But don’t let that stop you from moving on now,

You are amazing, let that be your vow.

Posted in Ascension, darkness and light, Energy healing, healing, Inspiration, Mother Earth, The Truth of our Being

Not Of This World

I can’t judge anybody else’s choices, I don’t know what your soul purpose is.

There’s no value in anybody judging mine, for you don’t know what my soul purpose is.

Don’t talk to me about the news.

Don’t ask me about covid.

Don’t think I have an opinion about global warming.

I don’t have anything to say to you. I am not unaware, I am simply engaged from a different perspective, focused on another means of expressing.

I would rather meditate and invoke healing energy for humanity and the Earth, directing the light where it’s needed, than talk about the problems.

I’m a solution focused sort of person and my modus operandi is in activating energy fields of love and light.

I am not here for the physicality of reality, nor to engage in the affairs of the world.

Mine is not a political journey,

Nor am I here to convince anybody how to think or what to do, even though I may get confused about that sometimes.

More and more, I am being shown that my soul purpose is to cut myself off from the world, to go within. My engagement with media, internet and TV is reducing as my body and mind become averse to their stimulus. My engagement with material possessions, food and physical needs are more and more minimal as I continually reduce and remove what doesn’t serve me. My engagement with people is more discerning and honest than ever.

I am not judging you if you are engaged with the narratives of the world. To me, they are just stories and only have power when we feed their narratives with our emotions.

I’m choosing not to feed them.

I am learning to release my narratives and those pertaining to humanity and the world collectively.

(Image: ‘Metropolis’ by Amenet Drago)

Posted in darkness and light, healing, Inspiration, love, oneness, sovereignty, The Truth of our Being, transformation

Stepping Away to Reconnect

When we wish to connect deeper with someone or a situation or idea, it often helps if first we step away to go deeper into ourselves.

In stepping away, we go within and find the light within ourselves and then we reconnect from a more meaningful and profound place.

Many of us are finding ourselves almost forced into an isolated world, separated from others more than ever. The reason this is becoming our soul journey is to make sure we go within and find our inner peace and learn to unconditionally and unashamedly love ourselves wholly.

Then, we heal, we realise that we are not meant to remain alone, that humanity is a collective. We are ready to understand, from a place of inner peace and love that we are nothing without each other. From that place of inner peace and self love, we reconnect.

(‘Waterfall at Tresaith beach, Ceredigion, Wales’ photo by Amenet Drago)

Posted in channelled message, elemental kingdom, healing, Mother Earth, nature, Personal Story

Talking With Plants: The Japanese Knotweed Conversation

A while ago, I considered purchasing a house with lots of Japanese knotweed growing in the garden. I’ve heard the horror stories but don’t easily succumb to fearful talk. So, I tuned into the plant diva of Japanese knotweed to find out more.

Japanese knotweed, or JK as I came to address this incredible plant, turned out to be welcoming and forthright. Far from a destructive nightmare, JK is a high vibration, powerful healing plant consciousness, waiting to co-create with humans.

When I opened my channel to communicate, first, I offered a heartfelt apology for previously pointing out the presence of JK plants opposite my house that were subsequently poisoned. Here’s the communication I received:
 
“It is with delight that we hear your voice and we are accepting of the apology and learning that you have faced.  We wish to support you in changing your activities, your thinking and your attitude towards our beautiful plants.  The plant that you call JK, and we accept that name, is a plant with a great deal to offer humanity and we do understand the concerns that humanity has over the growth rate of our plant and the resilience and robustness of our plant, that is seen as resistance.  We have a role, a job to do upon the Earth.  A role of collaboration and co-creation with humanity and we wish for our voice to be heard.  We wish for persons like yourself who will make a place for us to be heard, and this is our desire. 

We wish to reassure you that if you choose to make your home within this garden, it will be a beautiful place and you will find the ability to make connection, not only with ourselves but many other incredibly giving plants whose voices are waiting to be heard.  We are grateful that you have spoken to us in the way that you have, and that you have opened your heart to us, to work together, for we wish to let you know we have much to share and much to teach.  And you may find that, far from being a liability, our presence in your life may be amongst your greatest blessings, thus it is to have a garden full of our presence.  We wish to enliven you to such a possibility.  Whether or not you live at this place and use your time in the garden to connect with the nature beings and plant devas there, we are always available, we are always wishing to hear your voice and for you to hear ours.  We thank you for your true apology, we understand the difficulty that humans face with their perceived limitations concerning plants and their nature.  Let us, together, work to make changes to that attitude, for the relationship we offer has a potential energy and power to open up many peoples’ thinking about their relationship with plants and we are grateful that you have stepped forward to connect with us and to become an ambassador for us in the world.  We are the consciousness, the plant deva of the Japanese knotwood, and we offer you our love.”  

Did you notice they referred to themselves as Japanese knotwood rather than knotweed?
The healing power of this edible plant is phenomenal. JK supports pain control, constipation, cramps, bloating, IBS, cancer, Lyme disease, autoimmune issues, brain injury and memory, mood disorders, wound healing, blood pressure, prevention of blood clots, respiratory and lung infections, regulating blood sugar levels and much more. Most of this is down to a couple of active elements in its make-up, resveratrol and emodin.

Young stems that grow in Spring are the edible part, tasting like sour rhubarb. JK can be eaten raw or cooked. Use as you would rhubarb, in savoury or sweet dishes. It works great with strawberries in a tart or fruit pie. Also as pickles, chutney or jams. Try it grilled, tempura style or sautéed in oil and don’t overcook it.

JK eaten raw with cream cheese and raisins

When harvesting in the wild, there are some lookalike plants you will need to avoid, so make sure you know what you’re doing. In many areas, JK is treated with strong chemicals, so ensure your source is indisputably untreated. Avoid roadsides, due to exhaust pollution. It’s not for you if you’re anaemic and it’s not good to eat too much at a time.

JK syrup and a biodegradable drinking straw made from last year’s JK stalks

When it grows again next Spring, I’m hoping to test whether chronic migraine can be added to the list of helped conditions, I’ve got a good feeling about this.

Have you ever tried opening up to communication with plants? Personally, I love connecting with the ones we unfortunately call weeds. Dandelion and nettle are encouraged in my garden, I look on them as loving and giving friends.

(Images: All images from the3foragers.blogspot.com)

Posted in healing, love

Looking at Children Differently

As a society, I can’t help thinking that society may have some healing to do when it comes to attitudes towards children.

Too often, I hear adults putting young people down. It’s as though some adults have forgotten what it’s like to be a child growing up in the world.

Children are sometimes perceived as demanding and needy. This may be because they are not getting their needs met. They try to get their needs met but maybe there are people around them who just don’t know how to meet them.

Young people are often accused of being rude and disrespectful. Have we not considered that they are confused about the messages they’re picking up? The adult world is full of mixed messages that don’t make sense and fearful messages coming from the media. Young people’s behaviour can be seen as a reflection of what’s going on inside them and there are times when the world today is enough to make anyone feel angry.

Some may think that young people are lazy, not making an effort, not trying hard enough, neither interested or motivated in what’s going on around them. Is it possible that they’re simply disengaged?

That might be the case if they feel disempowered or controlled. Are they feeling undervalued? Children are frequently put under pressure by adults. They may be told that their school days are the best days of their lives and that life is going to get a lot tougher. And that might make them feel misunderstood and unsupported if school’s stressful and they’re anxious about the future. Confusion causes frustration and stress.

Another common comment aimed at children is that they’re spoilt or entitled. Once again, if this is so, it’s a reflection of the parenting style they are subject to.

We may label children as troublesome or bad when they act in a way that makes us feel uncomfortable, and likewise, see them as good when they meet our standards and expectations. We must remember that we automatically embody a position of authority from our adult stance and we need to be aware of treating each child with the respect and acknowledgment that’s due from one human being to another.

Do you remember what it felt like to be a child?
Did you feel seen? Did you feel heard?
Were you given respect?
Were you validated and supported?
What are we choosing to pass on to the next generation of adults?

[Image: “Child Amongst the Ancestors: Stonehenge Summer Solstice” by Amenet Drago]

Posted in Ascension, darkness and light, healing, Poetry

Seeing the Light Through Struggle

When something unpleasant comes up, what do you do? Do you hold it inside to avoid creating unpleasantness for others? Or do you express your feelings and go through that unpleasantness in order to work it out and clear the air? And what if you get caught up with the other person in a whole world of hurt and recrimination? What if you can’t work it out together?

I recently found myself in this position, we do, from time to time. I went through all my hurt feelings, explored the dialogues I might have with the other and finally saw that my hurt was coming from inside me, not from the actions of others but from what those actions brought up in me.

What was the learning here?

Sometimes, it’s as though someone is purposely trying to push our buttons, creating drama and trouble. Even so, our reaction is down to us. How do we show strength, so not to be a push-over, and yet, rise above it?

I asked for guidance, helping me to see the underlying message for me. I realised old hurts were being triggered. I realised I had choices, that new directions were possible. Still, I didn’t know if I was going to say anything to the other person. It would take a little time for the feelings to resolve within me. Sometimes, I was calm about it, sometimes the feelings would rise up. I noticed that when I’m calm about it, the problem’s no longer there.

It’s always a good idea to stay with those feelings for a while, because they shift through a process of change and a day or two later, we might not feel the same. Sometimes, we need to talk about it, no matter how painful it may be. Sometimes, we don’t.

I found that the message and healing for me was the realisation that this is igniting a journey of transformation inside me. To remain in a place of connection, not fear, for hurt is a form of fear. This was an opportunity for me to turn within and reconnect with the light within my being, and just like that, I was reminded of a moment, two years ago, when the light flooded through my being like a cascade of the deepest, most incredible love and enlightenment. I knew that moment was with me still, once experienced, never lost, and here was a reminder to open to it again and embrace that light within.

At the time, a friend who witnessed my enlightening experience gave me this poem which I share with you now. It’s a reminder that, even if we don’t hold onto those powerful moments of growth, even if we plunge into darkness again, we don’t lose the moment. It’s called ‘Annunciation’ by Marie Howe:-

Even if I don’t see it again — nor ever feel it
I know it is — and that if once it hailed me
it ever does–

And so it is myself I want to turn in that direction
not as toward a place, but it was a tilting
within myself,

as one turns a mirror to flash the light to where
it isn’t — I was blinded like that — and swam
in what shone at me

only able to endure it by being no one and so specifically myself I thought I’d die
from being loved like that.

(Image: “Turbulent Waters” by Amenet Drago)

Posted in healing, Inspiration, love, The Truth of our Being

We Are Each Responsible For Ourselves

Imagine a world where every adult is truly responsible for themselves.

Not for anybody else, just themselves.

Everybody.

Fully committed to their own needs, their own growth, their own healing.

Stepping up to themselves.

Now, that’s the world we need.

That world is realised when we stop looking outside ourselves.

When we stop thinking we are incomplete without another.

When we stop trying to help, fix, change or heal others.

We are not responsible for them,

We are responsible for ourselves.

This is not selfishness,

This is love.

(Image: “Love Is A Vibrant Feeling” art by Amenet Drago)

Posted in darkness and light, healing, inner child, love

Power Play and Boundaries

Setting boundaries can be hard and that’s something coming to the fore at the moment. It’s so easy to let things slip, then it’s difficult to do a u-turn and put a boundary in place.

And we can feel confused about how to communicate what we want in the best way.

There are times we are going to upset other people and that’s okay.

Have you ever come across a bully? Most people have and where there’s a bully there’s a person or people being bullied.

Have you ever wondered what determines that one person holds all the power and another person is powerless? It’s like a silent agreement between them.

The bully has made control and power their own. The bully feels entitled and lacks empathy.

The bullied is holding victim consciousness, feels guilt and apologises for their needs.

There’s a bully in my environs and although there’s talk about how troublesome they are, people continue enabling their behaviour.

It’s a two-way dance, it takes a mutual agreement. We do have the power to change that dynamic.

The bully in my environs is sometimes confronted but then, the same old dynamic quickly returns. In this dynamic, the souls are learning about personal power, not only the one who is controlling and manipulative but those struggling to stand up for themselves, to find and uphold their boundaries and embody their sense of empowerment. And this means learning how to love, honour and respect oneself.

Are you setting and protecting your boundaries?

Are you involved in a power play with anyone?

What are you learning from them about yourself?

Does that make you feel like changing in any way?

(Image: “Goddess: Yin Yang” by Amenet Drago)

Posted in artistic, divine magic, healing, Inspiration

Creativity and Play

When creating, we are co-creating with the Divine Source.

Through creativity, we speak our truth and express our authentic self. This is the path of the soul. And this is healing in action.

Creativity is play and being playful is a spiritual activity.

When we play, we relax. In relaxation, we naturally connect with the divine flow.

When we laugh and have fun, ego naturally falls away. We are living life in conscious presence, we are accepting the flow of life.

The universe is our playground and the soul journey transforms life into play and laughter, if we invite it to and allow it.

Let past and future drop away….it’s time to embrace creativity and play!