Posted in divine magic, healing, inner child, play

Sacred Play is Divine Magic

The energies that have been coming forward recently and lighting up my life are a little unusual for me. For a long while, I’ve been embracing the dark, engaging with shadow work, even befriending death. And this is like coming out into the sunshine.

What’s been coming forward is sacred play. I was shown how we, as children are often not allowed to play. We are stopped from play so often by the fears, judgements and limitations that the adults around us carry. Maybe our play is discouraged because it’s considered inappropriate; “You’re a girl/boy, you shouldn’t be doing that. Why don’t you do this instead?” Or maybe circumstances meant we had to grow up quickly and take on adult responsibilities at a young age.

Whether we got to play freely and without limitations or judgements as a child or not, we usually received this message by the time we reached teenage years and young adulthood; “Playing is for children, grow up!”

Well, I have news for you. Play is for us all at every age. There are no restrictions and play is healthy, healing, loving and necessary for our holistic wellbeing. It works on every level, emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. Play is freedom to explore, be creative, let go, express ourselves safely, have fun, it feeds us body and soul.

Sacred play is playing consciously, knowing that play isn’t something we do because we are childish, but something we do to fulfil, complete and enrich ourselves in every sense.

Few adults know how to play with gay abandon without the use of alcohol or drugs. Those that do are often judged for it, as if they are being irresponsible. Maybe that’s why some people take alcohol or drugs, to get past the inhibitions and find a place where they can let go.

When we play as adults it may look different to child play. Sacred play is not recognised by the activity, it’s recognised by the sense of joy, merriment, curiosity, engagement, immersion, creativity, pleasure and freedom all coming together within any given situation.

Have you ever entered a room where two little children are playing together? Perhaps they didn’t notice you were there. But you watched and saw how deeply focused on the story they were, how creative with the ideas, words and possibilities they expressed. Whether a bundle of laughs or totally serious, they are so present in their play. Little children know how to play until adults interfere and start telling them what is acceptable and what is not.

We are still children inside, children who want to play. Each moment of our lives is held within our energy. That fearless, feisty little girl or boy you once were, until it was knocked out of you, s/he is still there waiting to come out to play. So let’s reclaim play, sacred play. Adult play doesn’t mean acting like a child, it means channelling the energy of that inner child through our adult filter, without the help of alcohol or drugs. We allow the energy to flow and yet, we are our adult selves. It’s an attitude. It’s trust, trusting ourselves and believing in ourselves. Embracing ourselves. Play is one of the fiercest ways to overcome mental and physical health issues. Sacred play is divine magic. And it’s such fun! It’s self-care and you deserve it.

Posted in Abundance and lack, Energy healing, Full Moon, inner child, Inspiration, love, Personal Story

Embracing Abundance at the Full Moon

Abundance is something I’ve looked into and worked with energetically many times over the years. I’ve been trying to connect with that energy and invite it fully into my life.

Like secretly eating donuts when you’re trying to lose weight, I’ve been working against myself, sensing deep down that the fear of lack is still underlying.

It’s a difficult one to shake. My mother grew up during rationing with a strong tendency towards frugality, carrying her own lack consciousness wounds. She portioned out every meal, sparsely and carefully, for the family and it was never acceptable to help yourself from the fridge or cupboards, take seconds or refuse to eat everything on your plate. I was the youngest in the family and always received the smallest portions.

Everything was hand-made, toys and clothes, DIY was king and it was all about make-do and mend. My clothes were sewn by my mother, my out-of-fashion school uniform made me an easy target. The sense of material lack, lack of love and lack of emotional connection were tangible in every moment throughout my childhood.

My mother often expressed, sometimes hysterically, fears that we were poor and how she couldn’t cope with it all, now I know we were not as poor as all that. As a little child it scared me and I felt a heavy burden upon me when she spoke like that, a feeling I still remember now. It’s as though my little self translated it as, “we’re going to die!” It felt like she was giving me that burden, she was and I took it.

I don’t think my childhood was that unusual, we all have experiences of lack growing up. When material things and love are both scarce, the two easily become intertwined. So it is my current wounds relate to early traumas about not feeling wanted, loved or valued. That’s the healing I’ve been working on for years.

I’ve come a long, long way. It feels like I’ve cleaned the house and now I’ve just got to hoover up the last bits of mess, left over from all that hard work. But boy, are those sticky bits of mess difficult to vacuum up. If you read my posts you will know that inner child healing has been a game-changer for me, really helping me to shift a lot of stuck patterns and heal early life traumas. And sometimes, one twenty minute healing has changed so much. But when it comes to lack consciousness, I just keep going over and over it with the healing and yet, it’s still there. There’s just so much of it, so many trauma moments from my young selves, such fixed beliefs and patterns of behaviour that it’s like wading through treacle. I know I’m making a difference, finding and healing child after child who are carrying this energy, but there are so many of them!

Lack is deep, sometimes too deep to see. It’s not being good enough, not being worthy, not receiving the love we crave, it’s never feeling full up or complete, like having a hole inside you that cannot be filled, no matter what you do.

Its presence appears in desperately seeking or craving to be loved, engaging in addictions like alcohol, drugs, food or sex. It’s a panic feeling that surfaces when there’s any kind of possibility of not getting enough of anything, whether food, time, money or attention.

Lack of love can materialise as entanglements within relationships, when we are looking for the love we crave but are matching with the wrong energy, finding someone that fits the dysfunctional energy from our past. It never works and there’s only one answer, find that love inside ourselves. But when we carry a hidden wound, it’s not easy to give up the deeply held hope and desire to find the love of our life, the one who fulfils all our dreams and doesn’t hurt us.

I fear, literally fear not getting enough to eat, even when I over-eat, fear I’ll go hungry before my next meal, when that’s simply not possible. I fear that I don’t have enough money to live off, to get me through to my state pension. I even fear that I’m wasting time, that there’s never enough time in the day and I’m not using it wisely. Of course, these fears are always there but they’re not always activated, so there are lots of times I feel huge gratitude and great abundance in my life. But deep down, there’s a part of me that can’t completely buy into that and it’s the part of me that was hurt so much by lack of love throughout childhood.

So, what am I doing about it? Well, today it’s full moon and I’ve been making it my focus all day. I’m celebrating the full moon and her beautiful energies of increase, manifestation and abundance by embracing abundance consciously all day long.

I often bless my food and give gratitude before I eat and today I’m doing this for everything that goes into my body.

I’m having a little fire ceremony to release all that no longer serves me mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually, calling my guides, soul and soul group to help. This will make room for more abundance.

I’m making a candle spell for increase of all harmonious energies in my life, mental, emotional, physical and spiritual.

I’m creating full moon water and drinking it with intention to receive the moon’s blessings of increase and abundance.

I’m drawing down all that is ready to come into my life now and calling in all that my heart is choosing.

I’m working with inner child healing, looking for wound energy trapped within my body related to that little inner child who carried the burdens of lack from her mother.

I’m spending time with my shadow self, my cosmic double who holds all the unresolved energies and offering to transform energies of lack into abundance.

I’m being conscious of abundance all day, starting and ending the day with prayers of gratitude and really feeling the power of gratitude. I’m taking my time, feeling no pressure, putting aside thoughts or feelings that I need to be doing something else.

And I’m sending you many blessings this full moon!

Posted in Abundance and lack, Energy healing, inner child, Personal Story, sovereignty, The Truth of our Being

Levelling Up and Coming into Alignment

I’ve recently finished a four part webinar on working with energy templates.  Oh boy!  This work is marvellous and I can see I’m going to be working with this for some time.

I called forth the energy template that is my soul’s fulfilment and asked what needs to be acknowledged.  Two energies came forward.  The first was lack consciousness and secondly, a concern with what others expect or say of me.

I need to address these energies and integrate them into my being so that they move from disharmony to harmony.  So that lack moves to abundance and I am claiming my truth rather than giving my power away.

As I worked with the templates, I saw a vertical and horizontal line connected in the middle like a cross.

The vertical line of the cross represents alignment.  I may wobble on this line and move out of alignment instead of remaining in harmony and centredness.  Sometimes, I feel abundant and am less in fear of lack in my life.  Sometimes, I am in my power and truth and less focused on what others think.  And sometimes, I wobble offline.

The horizontal line of the cross is levelling.  Unresolved issues are trauma from the past and they look for opportunities to find what is missing to achieve levelling. For me, that’s always been love. It’s like water flowing in and filling up to the required level.  Lack consciousness and concerning myself with what others think are there because of unresolved issues that are still teaching me what I need to acknowledge and integrate in order to heal. 

This healing is a horizontal and vertical experience. As we heal, we level up (fill up with love) and achieve alignment with the divine source. We become lined up as well as levelled up.

Even though I’ve been working on this issue for years, there’s still a deep part of me that’s trying to find love outside of me.  That part created and feeds lack consciousness deep within me.  It also created a need to read and respond to my perceived expectations of others.  By recognising this and acknowledging it, I can heal.  I come into alignment and find my level because I’m filled up with the love that I felt was missing and this time it’s coming from myself.  In working with the energy templates, I call forth the energy of abundance.  I call forth the energies of truth and personal power that exist within me.  

Posted in healing, inner child, love

Nothing To Do: A Secret To Living a Fuller Life

I’ve just hit a pause.  And, oh, that pause is rich, it is deep and it is giving.  Being active, busy, having a full life and stuff to do is great but we need times when there is nothing to do, nowhere to go, nothing to see.  A pause when we are free to just be.  There can be so much richness going on inside, where it matters, when we have nothing to do! 

And I am so lucky.  I don’t exist in relation to anybody else.  I exist only in relation to myself.  Many would consider that a failing, a loss even.  I can see that and sometimes feel it, but it’s also a wonderful gift.  It means I find silence, stillness and space whenever I need it. 

I don’t have a day job (which doesn’t mean I’m not working or busy).  I don’t live with anybody or have anyone dependent upon me.  Some might think me privileged (I would agree) or self-centred (yes I am, but in the most positive manner, putting one’s self first is critical in learning self-love and self-love is my personal healing journey right now.  It’s only a healed self that can really give freely to others.)

My pause moment is bringing forth such treasures, the kind of learning, intuitions, understanding that doesn’t find the space to grow and form when we’re living a full life.  I’m learning what needs to be acknowledged, what needs to be integrated.  I’m moving forwards in my fulfilment.  I’m receiving clarity and have the chance to make adjustments for my growth. 

Specifically, I’m looking deeply into what has not healed from past losses and rejections, yet again, at a deeper level than before.  Why it is that I desperately feel a need to be loved?  I’m asking what has to heal to find that love from within myself.  I know my soul is calling for a solitary path at this time in my life and I’ve ditched, rejected or removed some key people who surrounded me because their presence in my life was stopping me from loving me. 

At the end of the day, we will continuously search for the love we never received in childhood from outside ourselves.  We will keep looking for that love, entering numerous relationships to do so.  However much we are loved in those relationships, it always comes up short and the original loss will not be assuaged.  That can only be accomplished within ourselves through the love we give ourselves. 

We may try to fill that hole in all sorts of ways, with love, food, alcohol, drugs, sex, work.  None of it will truly help, it will pull us further and further to a crisis point where we have no other recourse than to turn to ourselves.  We will have no other options than to heal from inside out.  And finally, we face ourselves.  We go deep and embrace our inner child.  We love our inner child with all our heart and all our truth and all our might. And we acknowledge, heal and integrate the wound that has never left us. We are ready to truly face it and claim it.           

Posted in inner child, love

Are We Opposing Our Opponent?

There’s a lot of energy coming into my awareness at the moment about opposition.  Not in my reality but I’m aware of it around me, so I feel it’s asking to be written about.

The kind of opposition I’m talking about is bullying, not children, adults, but I suspect they are coming from a wounded child-like energy inside.  There are two types, actual face to face aggressive behaviour towards another when unprovoked and online thoughtless nastiness expressed through comments in community group posts, so these are people who live in the same community with each other.  Maybe this is something you’ve noticed around you too.

There’s a lot of opposition and polarity going on due to Covid, mostly around those that are inoculated and those that are not.  Before that, we had Brexit.  There’s a lot of opposition energy coming up in the world and I do feel this is a releasement.  It has to be expressed, noticed and then released through love.  Many people are stuck in the expression stage and they are not noticing.

Another area where this is manifesting is in the opposition between politicians/consumerism and the fears that a lot of people carry about the so-called ecological destruction of the Earth.  When we carry anger, fear, guilt, frustration or any kind of emotion expressed towards a situation, send it love.  This is another interface of opposition energy and another manifestation of fear, which we can get nowhere with but we end up creating more separation and worsening the energy.

When we respond to our opposer, we create an interface into which our opposer crashes.  There is a clash.  Opposition tends to be met with opposition, like two bulls coming together with a powerful collision.  It’s not going to improve the situation, is it?  In fact, it does the opposite, it makes the energy of aggression spike drastically and it becomes impossible for either of the opponents to back down or step away.  

What will happen if one of those bulls were to step to the side?  Then, the charging bull is going to be so full of momentum that he might run into a wall.  In any case, he’s going to miss his mark, not hurt his opponent and think hard about doing that again.  Maybe there will be a few more charges before he gets it, but if one opponent removes themselves from the situation, then there can be no clash, no aggression, no victim and no situation.

So, how does this translate to people?  A step-aside could mean physically walking away.  It could mean staying but instead of moving into opposition with the opposer, we stay calm, we stay in ‘adult’ mode.  Moving into opposition means becoming angry, reactive, taking it personally, and that means shouting back or perhaps getting hot-under-the collar tearful or emotional.  We go away feeling worse, not better.  And all of that emotion is a ‘child’ response.

Staying calm means we don’t personalise because it’s always about them and not about us.  We don’t respond or get angry, which is coming from our inner child who comes forward with those feelings from traumatic times when our child-self felt that way.  Instead, we notice and choose to remain in adult-self.  Adult-self stays calm and speaks like an adult.  We call them out, calmly, for what they are doing.  We demonstrate that they have missed their mark, we are not hurt or even ruffled and then we walk away.  In my experience, that usually leaves the attacker speechless because that just doesn’t happen to them and they don’t know what to do.

What about when we just cannot move away?  Perhaps it’s a neighbourly dispute.  We get creative and consider how else we can remove ourselves from the situation.  Can we remove our fear, our expectations?  Are we seeing them as the powerful one and ourselves as powerless?  How can we change that narrative and create a new self-narrative where we empower ourselves and disempower them? 

Can we be an energy-ninja and manifest an energy of invisibility around ourselves?  I use this and it works, it’s as though we are no longer going around with a target on us, we go under the radar.  Opposition is a template we carry inside ourselves.  Lack of opposition can be our template instead, if we embrace it.  The best advice I can give is don’t oppose. Don’t personalise. Stay in adult mode and don’t get emotional. And send out love to your opponent because it’s going to be healing for you and them if you do.       

Posted in Energy healing, inner child, Personal Story

Get Out of Your Head!

One of the most powerful lessons that has felt transformational for me in the past year or so is getting out of my own head.

For years, this was a huge bug-bear for me, I was always getting in my own way, over-thinking, messing with my own head. And for most of that time I didn’t realise it. Then, when I did, it was like witnessing a car crash, I could see it happening but seemed powerless to change course.

Recently, I realised I don’t do it much anymore and have to stop a moment and wonder, “When did that happen? How did that happen?!”

And, to be honest, I’m not sure what the answer is. I just don’t need to over-think or over-analyse my conditions and emotions anymore and if I start, I notice and say to myself, “Not going down that road, let’s just stop right there,” and in the next moment I’m reminding myself of better ways to see things, which brings me back to balance.

For me, staying out of my head is synonymous with remaining balanced and centred in myself. Maybe that’s what changed, I found my centre and just stopped doing it. I have to cite positive self-talk as my natural go-to when it starts up though, literally being my own unconditional best friend and putting myself back on track asap.

When I feel into it, I see that the kind of situations where this happened the most were the same ones that came into my life to show me how much inner child healing I needed to do. Well, I have done so much inner child healing now that a great deal has changed for me and perhaps, very likely, this is one of those changes too.

Inner child healing is like magic, it’s one of the simple techniques that gives me an instant, noticeable result. I do a twenty minute healing journey and, hey presto, the next time a trigger situation materialises, I’m not triggered, I’m not behaving, thinking, feeling from my hurt inner child, because that inner child has been healed and integrated into my being. That said, I have found that I have a lot of those healings to do because I carry a lot of lost, hurt and stuck inner children, all capable of being triggered again and again until they’re found, healed and brought to a state of wholeness in my heart. One time, I received a message from my spiritual support team that I had another forty-four inner children to heal. Yikes! I thought. And yet, even after healing the first one or two I had noticed myself being less triggered. To date, I’ve healed at least twenty-two and am feeling hugely proud of myself because it really has been a life-changer. Whenever a trigger situation comes up, I go through it again based on the situation and rescue another beautiful inner child. I use the free tools provided on YouTube by Jen Peters and can vouchsafe that they work for me. If this is something that resonates, you can find her website here.

Posted in inner child, Inspiration, The Truth of our Being

Being Seen, Being Strong, Being Vulnerable

Listen, nobody is saying it’s easy being born into this world, growing up and living your best life. And if we are wise, we know that every stumble, every hurdle and every chain rattling around our ankles is there for a reason. We are here to learn and grow into our best selves and it’s when life brings forth challenges that we are forced to bring our best self to the surface.

As little children, many of us were not seen or heard, not by our parents, our teachers, our siblings, friends or society at large. Not because of who we were, but because others didn’t know how to see us. And some of us felt like that all the way through growing up and into adulthood. If you’ve grown up resonating with; “I’m not important” or “I’m not worthy” or “I don’t matter”, then you know what I’m talking about.

Putting ourselves out there does not come easy to us, from a young age, maybe we got used to staying in the shadows, being a pleaser, getting out of the way. So, good for you if you’re learning to step up now.

And do you know someone who’s loud? They’re giving off an aura of “Don’t mess with me!” Maybe they’re so strong you hardly ever see the person underneath, no vulnerability showing. They are tough and ballsy. Maybe they come over as unpleasant, aggressive and downright full of themselves. It’s normal to want to avoid such a person and maybe we’re the one who’s built that wall and we see how people perceive us as scary but we don’t know how to be any different.

Believe me, the tough ones are likely terrified of being outed as not good enough. They’ve been hurt and built a strong defence. It takes a brave and persistent friend to find out they’re not that hard, scary bully, that they have a centre as gooey as caramel if you get past their defences and a big heart lies hidden within.

There may come a time in your life when you start to change. Instead of being timid, you find your inner lion and start roaring. Or maybe you allow the cracks to light up your inner beauty and start bringing your impenetrable wall down. If you do, you will know that vulnerability is one of the most powerful gifts we have. When we change, we find ourselves learning to find that centre-point where authenticity shines. We may go a little too far the other way before we pull back to our true selves.

Let’s remember, we all encompass, deep inside, that same innocent, vulnerable little child we once were before the world messed with us. We are all truly beautiful and had we lived in a world that embraced love, peace and truth as the three principles of humanity, we would have grown up as the best versions of ourselves from the start. It isn’t our fault that we don’t live in that world, this world exists to bring out the best in us through the choices that we make and the actions we convey. We can choose to embody love, peace and truth for ourselves and the next generation. When we do find our best, authentic self, we can totally own it because it was totally down to us.

Posted in Abundance and lack, Andromedans, divine magic, elemental kingdom, Energy healing, healing, inner child, nature, Personal Story

Magic Night Fire

Last night, I sat in my back garden and christened my crucible. It was a night for connecting with the energies belonging to the place where I live, on the side of a Welsh mountain, above a river estuary, overlooking the sea.

It was a night of tremendous power, I could feel it growing within me all day, even to the point of that uncomfortable feeling when we begin to feel overwhelmed, when we know it’s time to send that energy into the Earth through our feet, to ground and anchor it and relieve the building pressure on ourselves.

It was a night with owls calling as I made magic with the elements. The cracklings of the fire were my soundtrack above the calling fox, swaying trees and the owls.

I sipped a spiced rum which I shared with the fire, the trees and earth around me as an offering of love and gratitude, even as I aligned myself with the upper and lower worlds.

I made a deep healing journey for some of my inner children, those still carrying the abandonment wound.

I received a channelled message from my beloved soul group, the Andromedans about manifestation and how it is the belief, trust and confidence we feel that gets in our way, not the practical skills, which are in-built, we are manifesting in every moment, after all. And whether that’s for our betterment or not is down to our mastery, which is led by our self-belief.

I centred my being and showered love and gratitude on the many blessings in my life, not forgetting to acknowledge and send love and gratitude to my self, my soul and all the expressions that I am in this life.

Eventually, the glowing embers dimmed, the clouds grew thin and one by one, diamonds appeared in the vast canopy overhead.

Posted in healing, inner child, love

I Will Not Fix You

Do you ever get caught up with other people and their lives, because you know you can see something they can’t about the things that are hurting them?

With our nearest and dearest, it can be so tempting to point it out, and usually, that’s going to end badly.

Or we keep tight lipped and watch our dear one floundering around, completely missing the understanding we can see right in front of their nose.

Perhaps, we convince ourselves that we are doing the right thing, the best thing, to tell them what we see, we feel we are helping out.

And yet, this is not always welcomed, especially when they are not ready to hear it, when they don’t see it that way themselves.

And how do we know we were right or wrong?  How do we know what their soul’s truth is?  Maybe it’s their soul path to find this out for themselves when the time is right.  Maybe we will come to see that, actually, we are interfering and our view is simply that, a perspective coming from our personal filter.

Have you ever thought, I’ve been struggling with all this trouble in my life and if somebody who loves me can see what I’m doing wrong, please point it out to me!  

But then, if somebody does, we feel so attacked, we feel small, like we were stupid to be going about without seeing it all that time, that other people must have realised and we didn’t?

And maybe it hurts to be told about what we perceive as our faults.  What we perceive as our weaknesses.  Having someone point out where we are going wrong, where our patterns create dissonance in our lives, that’s going to be difficult to take.

And yet, saying nothing and watching our loved one keep falling down, remaining in pain and suffering because they are oblivious of what we see, that’s a tough one.

Have you noticed, it’s so much easier to understand other people’s lives, their patterns, their wounds, the mistakes they keep making, so much easier to see it in others than in ourselves.

Here’s a little prayer I came across that really speaks to me.  It’s learning I needed, it’s wisdom that speaks volumes, I hope it helps you too, because the last line says it all.  Quite often it’s much harder to walk beside our loved ones and let them make all the mistakes they need.  Let them be oblivious.  To know that that is their path and they’re entitled to it.  To remain constant and unflustered when our loved ones cannot see the healing they need and know that’s okay for them, they are on their own journey and to be alongside is enough.

And, for those of us who are healers, who have dedicated our lives to helping others, we are especially in need of pondering on this wisdom.

A Medicine Woman’s Prayer

I will not rescue you.

For you are not powerless.

I will not fix you.

For you are not broken.

I will not heal you.

For I see you, in your wholeness.

I will walk with you through the darkness

As you remember your light.

Posted in Energy healing, inner child, Personal Story, spiritual skills and techniques

Healing The Past and the Present

Our wounds, patterns and beliefs start to make sense, once we see our backstory.

Wounds are the result of the beliefs we make and fix, for the most part before the age of seven.

During those early years, we haven’t got a lot of experience of life.  We haven’t developed sophisticated methods of questioning and reasoning.  We live in a very small world, you could say, a bubble.  And the adults we spend most of our time with, our parents (if we haven’t got parents, our significant care-givers) are our priority cues.  We watch and learn, we have to work out who we are, where we fit, who other people are and where they fit and what the world around us is all about.  And we have to learn fast because our survival, physically and emotionally, depends on it.

We don’t have complex mental or emotional skills at that age, so our reactions are instant.  We create beliefs very quickly and then, since beliefs are absolute, they are fixed and we live by them.  We use them as our immediate go-to, in order to protect ourselves in new situations.  We have little flexibility and in our brains, the neurons hardwire those early beliefs for life.  They are not a part of our conscious thought, they are too deep for that, so we don’t even notice the way our beliefs dictate our life.

What beliefs might we learn before the age of seven?  Since, in our little minds, everything is about us, all the patterns and wounds our significant adults, our parents, carry and display are personal.  They are about us.  So, if we are not acknowledged, not seen or heard, not valued or validated, we create beliefs that we are not good enough, not worthy.  Not loved or lovable.  If our parents are absent, either physically or emotionally, we believe that we are on our own, that people leave us, that we are not lovable or good enough.  If we are put down or criticised, we are never good enough.  We give up our self to be what they need us to be in an attempt to find approval, but we never find it because they were never able to give it. We become a pleaser.  If a parent is controlling and dominating, we become dependent, accepting that they make all the decisions, dictate who we are and what happens in our lives.  If a parent is needy, emotionally or physically, we believe we have to solve their problems, carry their burdens.  And so it goes on. 

Those beliefs remain with us and certain situations trigger them for us again and again, and we probably won’t realise it.  When they are triggered, we fall into old patterns.  The patterns are our behaviours, thoughts, emotions belonging to the belief of the little child who first created that belief.  Triggers may be when someone rejects us or leaves us, when we fail at something, when we are criticised, when we become ill, when others seem needy, when we enter a new relationship.  It can be anything that threatens the belief we carry from our younger years.  And we don’t carry one belief, we carry many, so it gets complicated.

Our wounds are the traumas that we experienced that caused us to create a belief that was meant to help us survive.  When we were put down, when we felt unseen.  When we felt unloved, when we were not enough to keep a parent around, maybe our parents separated, maybe a parent was away working.  Any situation that diminished our sense of self up to the age of seven when we didn’t have the skills and sophistication to understand that sometimes, things are not about us and we don’t have to own them.

So, there we are, all of us, carrying within us wounds and beliefs that still, to this day, create patterns and behaviours when they get triggered.  And that keeps us hostage to a past that, not only is not relevant now, it never was.  It was never about us, it was never true, these were the limited understandings of a little child with a limited view of themselves, the world and everybody else. 

But, if we think about our story as we were growing up in those early years, if we think about our parents or other key care-givers, we can see how that happened.  If we know our parents’ backstory, we can see where they were coming from, if we know our grandparents, backstory, we can see the lineage of wounds that have been handed down.  As long as we know their early story and relationship with their parents, we can see it in our friends, we can see it in our partner, we can even see it in our own children. 

There is no shame and no blame here, everyone was subject to a process they could do nothing about.  But there may come a time when we are grown up and notice all this.  We see the patterns and understand the backstory, so we begin to work out the beliefs we carry and the wounds and traumas that created them, when we were little children before the age of seven. 

That is when we can heal.  We heal, not only for ourselves but for our children because they are still seeing how we respond to the world, ourselves and others.  They are still learning from us, always.  Our parents may never see or know about this in themselves, not consciously, but we are able to end the ancestral patterns when they couldn’t.    

I have found, in my healing, that when I notice a pattern and a wound is triggered, that is the time to do some healing.  Perhaps, something someone says hurts me, perhaps it has triggered a ‘not good enough’ wound.  What happens then is I can engage with that hurt and go through all the feelings and thoughts of not being good enough, of blaming the other person, of feeling hurt, maybe becoming distressed, feeling lonely and depressed.  I may shut myself away.  I may over-eat the wrong kind of foods.  I may get involved in an emotional and escalating exchange with my friend.  The thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations and behaviours then feed themselves and things can go downhill quickly.  Maybe I notice that this is a pattern that comes up for me from time to time.  So, this time, I’m going to choose to do it differently.  Instead of engaging, I’m going to say to myself, “ah, this is a pattern, I’ve been triggered.”  Then, I will find a quiet space and take 20 minutes to go through a healing.  That’s all it takes to connect with the inner child who created that initial belief and those patterns.  I listen to that child, validate that child, love and really see and hear that child, heal that child and reintegrate that child within my heart space, all in 20 minutes – and we are done.  And from then on, that particular belief and those specific patterns will not trigger me. 

So far, I have healed about twenty plus inner children and I have about the same number again of wounded inner children to find, heal and integrate.  But I have come a long way, so many patterns have stopped being triggered and it feels like freedom from bonds that have held me prisoner for all those years.  We all have a different number of wounded inner children, we all have more or less healing work to do, but it’s a life-changer and once you see the difference, and how instant the change is, you will see how beautiful your life was always meant to be.  

Go here for a free inner child healing tool. This is the one that I use because I like working with Jen Peters, but there are more similar therapists and tools to be found online.    

[This is an old photo of me and my niece, Chloe Elgar
Chloe writes about her own ancestral patterns and trauma in her new book, ‘Revealed By Darkness: a psychic memoir’ available from her website. Her book is a catalyst for our own healing as she leads us through her experiences and supports us in looking deeper into our selves.]