Here’s a difficult question today, and it’s not even ‘transformational question Friday’ (for those that don’t know, we have a little Friday theme going on).
This question is challenging us to a new kind of self-truth. “In what ways are you living a lie?” Ouch, did that hurt? Maybe your answer is, “Not at all!” Maybe the ways we do this are so carefully dismissed and disguised by us, excuses made, that we hardly even realise it anymore.
By living a lie, I mean living in a manner that we are not being honest with ourselves. Perhaps we diminish our truth with our significant other, our family or friends. Maybe it’s something we do at work. It can be little or big things. Essentially, it’s diminishing ourselves and it’s always about what others think. Examples of not living our truth might include needing to hide our gender identity, secret addictions or behaviours, holding secrets within our key relationships. Anything we think we’re going to get judged for, basically. These hidden truths are often about society’s rules and expectations, but those rules are meaningless and we don’t have to live by them. The only rules and expectations we need are those that come from within, using our own moral compass, from our compassionate and honest heart. And the person who is really getting hurt here, is us.
It’s not always the big things, it can be little moments when we diminish our truth, saying what we know is going to be best received, and we usually get an uncomfortable feeling when we do that. I had one of those moments recently. A neighbour asked me in a public setting if I had received the Covid vaccination yet. I said the truth, no, I haven’t, I picked up her body language, saw her shift uncomfortably. She’s die-hard pro-vaccine and publishes her views that those who are not stepping up are letting everybody else down. The truth is, I’m choosing not to get the vaccination but I said this; “I was only offered the one that’s being investigated for risk of blood clots, I’ve had two blood clots in my lungs and one in my legs in the past, I’m not taking the injection I was offered because of the risk and now I’ve been put to the end of the list.” Everything I said was true but it wasn’t THE truth. I have no intention of having the vaccine. I noticed the uncomfortable feeling of that lie and later wished I’d been true to myself, rather than acting from my perception of what another thinks. I’m entitled to a choice and don’t need to offer an explanation. A learning opportunity for the next time.
If we can’t be honest with our loved ones about the truth of who we are, we are better to walk away, even if only for a time, to become comfortable with the truth within ourselves first. Or we need to lay our truth out on the table, no matter the consequences. To live a lie is to create a chaotic and dishonest resonance that won’t support our relationships to function in harmony. And for myself, if a person is lying to another about their truth, then they have it in them to lie to me too. And if a friend is disparaging their other friends in my ear, they can be doing the same about me. That’s not a person who knows how to be true to themselves, let alone anyone else.
When it comes to disclosure, we don’t need to share with those who won’t know what to do with the information and, quite often, they don’t really need to know. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for who you are. We are not wilfully hiding who we are, but we don’t have to explain ourselves.
Something else to bear in mind, if you are feeling ready to let your truth show, timing is everything, feel your way through it, don’t just blurt it out. Spend time making it more obvious without saying it outright by living your truth more visibly and drop casual statements that validate your truth. In it’s own time, an opportunity will open up to have a conversation and when that happens, let your confidence and self-belief shine through. This is your TRUTH, own it.
When we live a lie, no matter how small, it eats away at us. Over time, we become accustomed to it for the most part, but we are living in an energy of dissonance and we create our own toxicity. That often expresses itself in our lives physically as an illness. Most of these conditions primarily feature either chronic fatigue, immune deficiency or inflammatory conditions.
Chronic fatigue is a way for our body to shut down. It’s saying, “I can’t live like this anymore! Please, let’s just stop altogether.” That exhaustion is displaced from the dissonance and toxic conditions in our lives.
Immune deficiency is the body’s way of saying, “I can’t fight anymore, I’m overwhelmed, I give up.”
And inflammation disorders are the body’s response to living in damaging conditions or lifestyle. This condition is fighting back, doing it’s level best to protect the body from threat, except that the threat in question cannot be cushioned by swelling and the resulting aches and pains only make life worse.
When you live with long-term conditions, look for the lie in your life. It may even be that your entire life is not where it needs to be, and I say that as I’m about to embark on my new start, new home and new life, already my health conditions have started to move into the realm of wellness. None of this is a judgement, it’s a wake-up call. When we move to be in alignment with our truth, we remove those limitations, that toxicity and dissonance and step out into the light. Truth is light and light doesn’t shine where it’s hidden.
The time has come to open up to the truth of who we are. Let everything be known, the consequences will not be as severe as you imagine. And if they are, ride the storm knowing you are following the truth of your heart. And you will feel like a weight has been lifted from you when you are no longer hiding your truth. But remember, one step at a time. Let’s all do it together, loving and supporting each other, holding amnesty for all the secrets that are revealed. This is how we claim ourselves, how we access 100 per cent personal power, 100 per cent supreme liberation, 100 per cent authentic self. Imagine that.
[ I love this amazing painting by artist Aleah Chapin. These women are naked in their truth and look how magnificent they are. So powerful. aleahchapin.com ]