Posted in healing, Personal Story

The Last Post

A writer fabricates a narrative by linking events together. Every story is coloured and defined, a comedy or tragedy, depending on how the writer interprets events and the connections between them. Without this, there is no story, only a landscape of disparate words. A landscape that is broad, infinite and mysterious, just as our inner landscape is one of divine magic and mystery.

To accept that inner magical landscape, we must abandon the idea of making any sort of connection between one idea and another. We grasp nothing.

Opening ourselves up to the mystical landscape of our soul and its wordlessness, that is the greatest healing.

Words don’t go far enough. There’s magic in words, they are spells, hence ‘spelling’, but for deep healing we have to get beyond words and into the abstract. We need to bypass the intellect which gets caught up with words. What’s called for is a deeper, wordless knowing.

That’s the kind of healing journey I’ve been on, the kind that heals from within, the only holistic healing there is. The kind that teaches you that everything exists inside you, everything. And it’s no longer words, it’s knowing.

When you’re reborn through that kind of healing, you are born to yourself. You are your own mother and you are foetus and newborn babe all at the same time. You are all that you ever were, are now and will ever be. Nothing is the same from that moment on. And there’s really nothing left to say.

So it is, this is my last post. My blog is ending here and now, this website will soon be taken down. Those who need me will find me, the universe will take care of that.

One day, there may be a new website, but right now, nothing more needs to be spoken, nothing is waiting to be said. I have entered that inner, magical landscape and from here, I am learning to paint my truth without words.

Posted in art, Personal Story

Art From The Heart

There was a time when I wasn’t very confident about my artistic ability. I was still learning techniques but the main problem was confidence in myself.

I couldn’t even get myself to draw or paint for a while. But then, I went to do an art workshop at Findhorn and it released my creativity. That got me painting but it was still years before I became good at it. Art has been there most of my life and I’ve dipped in and out sporadically. There have been times when I did nothing for years. I’ve taken it for granted and thought of myself as a mediocre artist.

That changed after my niece, Chloe, asked me to paint a deck of oracle cards. Forty-four paintings on the same project, it seemed like such a massive task.

Two and a half years later and I’ve painted twenty-three cards. Those twenty-three paintings have changed my painting ability. I’ve become so much more skilled technically and my confidence has grown.

Sometimes, it seems magical, like I’m not even the one doing the painting, I just dab the brush around here and there, sit back to look, and wonder how those marks are working better than I had envisioned. It’s not always like that but it’s true to say I’m a much more accomplished artist than I was twenty-three paintings back.

The paintings are in different styles, they are all bearing the signature of my hand, but quite a range of techniques. A big range of subjects too, some daunting, but I’ve managed to take on some challenging tasks.

“Paint me a woodland full of animals”

“I’ll do my best…”

“Paint me a crowd of people surrounding a breaching whale”

“Okay!”

The more difficult the subject, the more my confidence grew, so that I don’t know there’s anything I wouldn’t tackle, which is just as well, because card twenty-four is a face one way, but when you turn it upside down, you get a whole other scene.

However, the twenty-second card became a bit of a game changer. A new style, a personal story, a triumph. To me, it blew everything else out of the water.

Now, I want to paint more and more in this one style, and it’s working with the theme of the womb, healing work that I’ve been doing with Jen Peters, part of the birthing process that I’ve been experiencing.

But I have a commitment to finish the oracle project as well, so now I’m painting the rest of the cards and starting new paintings, big ones on canvas, and they’re for sale.

I no longer take my art for granted and I’m no longer a mediocre artist. Now, I have to paint. Painting is my breathing.

The funny thing is, I’ve been asking, “What is my gift to the world?” and painting was there all along and I ignored it. I wasn’t ready to see it before. I am now. Painting is my language and I have a lot to say.