Posted in healing, Personal Story

The Last Post

A writer fabricates a narrative by linking events together. Every story is coloured and defined, a comedy or tragedy, depending on how the writer interprets events and the connections between them. Without this, there is no story, only a landscape of disparate words. A landscape that is broad, infinite and mysterious, just as our inner landscape is one of divine magic and mystery.

To accept that inner magical landscape, we must abandon the idea of making any sort of connection between one idea and another. We grasp nothing.

Opening ourselves up to the mystical landscape of our soul and its wordlessness, that is the greatest healing.

Words don’t go far enough. There’s magic in words, they are spells, hence ‘spelling’, but for deep healing we have to get beyond words and into the abstract. We need to bypass the intellect which gets caught up with words. What’s called for is a deeper, wordless knowing.

That’s the kind of healing journey I’ve been on, the kind that heals from within, the only holistic healing there is. The kind that teaches you that everything exists inside you, everything. And it’s no longer words, it’s knowing.

When you’re reborn through that kind of healing, you are born to yourself. You are your own mother and you are foetus and newborn babe all at the same time. You are all that you ever were, are now and will ever be. Nothing is the same from that moment on. And there’s really nothing left to say.

So it is, this is my last post. My blog is ending here and now, this website will soon be taken down. Those who need me will find me, the universe will take care of that.

One day, there may be a new website, but right now, nothing more needs to be spoken, nothing is waiting to be said. I have entered that inner, magical landscape and from here, I am learning to paint my truth without words.

Posted in gender, sexual healing, The Truth of our Being

Exploring Gender

I’m interested in gender and the constructive nature of the genders we embody.

We know that from the moment we are born, we’re conditioned to conform with the gender our body represents.

Before birth, we all began with female physicality and some stay that way whilst others develop a male body.

Does a newborn baby know what gender it is?

Is gender purely physical or is it defined by a number of different factors, such as cognitive, emotional, spiritual and energetic frameworks?

It’s clear that humans usually place the defining factor on the body.

Over time, males and females learn to walk differently, speak differently, act, think and believe from different parameters.

We dress differently, arrange our appearance in different ways and live life in different roles.

Everything around us supports this; culture, family, society, media, religion, politics, education, law, business.

We are living at a time when people are breaking through these parameters but it’s still not easy and neither is it safe for many.

I identify as a woman but feel masculine too. It’s not either-or, I feel I contain both within the totality of my being.

We are all performers in our daily lives but we’re not aware of the fact that we’re performing. There’s the person we are when we’re asking the bank manager for a loan, the person we are when we’re talking to young children, we’re someone else when we’re dancing with our friends. We have all these different behaviours and all of it is a performance.

Who we are depends on what we decide to take upon ourselves and become.

I believe that if we explore gender as a part of our truth, we open up to healing and awaken positive qualities that are suppressed within us when we limit our truth. We can understand ourselves and each other so much better if we embrace ourselves as beings that embody both feminine and masculine energies.

Posted in ancestors, elemental kingdom, healing

Wandering Womb

Did you know that in the ancient world there was this idea that the womb could wander around inside a woman’s body?

The thought was, it was a being inside our being, a living thing, some called it an animal, some a beast.

Further, they believed it was sensitive to odours and would move towards pleasant smells and away from unpleasant ones. Thus, they treated a displaced womb by wafting scents over the body.

They postulated that a misplaced womb was the cause of hysteria.

Incredible, hey? There’s nothing like that in the body, is there? Well, actually there is a living being inside our bodies, and not only women. It’s not one that exists at the physical level. As you may know, energy manifests at various frequencies and as it becomes denser, it manifests at the noetic level, that’s the world of ideas, and then denser still at the emotional level and finally, densest of all, the physical.

There’s a great deal that exists on Earth at an emotional level but not physical, and yet has consciousness. Of course, the disbelievers will want material proof and that’s a problem, but many people have their own proof, called personal experience.

I’m referring to spirits, such as those our ancestors have experienced for tens of thousands of years. Our own departed loved ones. Mythical creatures such as unicorns and dragons. Angels and beings from the stars. And plant, tree, landscape and elemental beings.

And it’s of these last that I refer with regards the wandering womb. You see, every human, animal and living creature on Earth, not just plants and trees, has an elemental being attached to them from their birth to death.

This being has a job, the same, no matter what it’s attached to. It’s to support that entity in growing, living and expressing it’s divine blueprint.

Can you imagine what a difficult job elementals have with us humans? We, the ones with the free will to go our own way? We are least likely of all to live with a pure intention to express the divine on Earth, that is our blueprint. If we did, our bodies would be flexible, healthy, full of vitality and of the ideal proportions and weight.

Unfortunately, we abuse our bodies dreadfully, and our poor old elemental is overwhelmed by our behaviours that make its job untenable. The same is true of our mental and emotional selves, indeed, every expression of our being is tested to the limit. And then there’s our lifecycle and ways of living. No longer being conscious of our place within the web of life, no longer honouring the Earth and all our animal sisters and brothers, or the plants and trees, or the soil. No longer honouring ourselves or each other. We go through some vital transitions such as adolescence, life partnership, becoming a parent, menopause, retirement and death. In the past, there were rituals which informed and supported our elemental, allowing us to transition smoothly, but nowadays we mostly ignore these events.

What do you think all this misalignment with the emotional consciousness that guides all our systems might create? Yes, hysteria. In other words, a whole heap of common and severe mental health conditions. Not to mention physical conditions. So, maybe the ancient Greeks did have an inkling about what was going on.

If you could talk to your elemental, which you can, what would you say?

If you could hear your elemental, which you can by opening your channel and accepting what comes to you, what do you think it would say to you?

When I did this, the first thing I said was, “I’m so sorry.”

[Image: ‘Ordering the internal body: A thirteenth century uterus diagram in Bodleian, MS Ashmole 399’ courtesy of Thinking3D]

Posted in darkness and light, Inspiration

The Gift

“Have you ever felt like you were lost?

That you didn’t know where you were going or where you came from?

Have you ever asked yourself, “Who am I?

What should I remember?

What is my deepest wish from the bottom of my heart?”

I know you must have a wish like that, because we all do.

I learned that we really have to believe in miracles.

All you have to do is take that leap.

If you stop resisting and surrender,

You’ll see that even the most painful thing in life is a gift.

Instead of thinking, “How can I get rid of this burden?”

Ask yourself, “In what way is this a gift?”

The steps you take to escape the pain can bring you to the edge.

And if you cross over that edge, you can never go back to sleep.”

⁃ taken from ‘The Gift’ by Jason George and Nuran Evren Sit

P.S. The picture today is a close up shot of a monkey puzzle tree’s bark. If you enlarge and zoom into the centre of the eye, you might be able to spot two tiny figures, a male and female greeting each other with arms raised. Or is that just my vivid imagination?

Posted in Inspiration, The Truth of our Being

The Great Heart Sutra [Buddhist mantra to remove all obstacles]

The bodhisatva of compassion

Was practicing deep meditation

When he saw that all desires are empty.

Transforming all suffering and distress,

Form is nothing other than emptiness,

Emptiness is nothing other than form.

Sensation, perception, mental response and consciousness are all emptiness.

All is essentially empty,

Not born, not destroyed,

Not stained, not pure,

Without loss, without gain.

In emptiness there is no form, sensation, perception, reaction or consciousness.

No eye, ear, nose, tongue, body or mind.

No sight, sound, smell, touch, taste, object or thought.

No ignorance and no ending of ignorance.

No suffering, no death,

And also no ending of them.

No pain, no cause for pain, no cease of pain.

No noble path that leads away from pain.

No wisdom and no attainment, since there is nothing to attain.

The bodhisatva lives by life-breath and heart-wisdom,

With no hindrance in the mind and therefore no fear.

For beyond delusive thinking,

Right here is nirvana.

All buddhas of past, present and future

Live by life-breath and heart-wisdom,

Attaining perfect vision.

Therefore, know that life-breath and heart-wisdom

Are the great mantra, the vivid mantra,

The unsurpassed and supreme mantra

Which completely removes suffering.

Therefore, embrace life-breath and heart-wisdom.

Embrace and proclaim:

“Gone.

Gone beyond.

Gone utterly beyond.

Awakened!

Exalt!”

“Gate Gate Paragate Parasamgate Bodhi Svaha

Gate Gate Paragate Parasamgate Bodhi Svaha

Gate Gate Paragate Parasamgate Bodhi Svaha”

[gatay gatay para-gatay para-sam-gatay boh-dee sah-ha]

Posted in Inspiration

If It’s Easy, It’s In The Flow

When it’s right, it’s easy.

When it’s not easy, something’s not right.

Now, don’t get me wrong, difficult has its place.

Hurt, pain and suffering have their place.

But when we’re trying to find our passion,

Our gifts, abilities and destiny,

When we’re trying to find our way forward,

Look out for where it’s easy.

Look for what’s in the flow.

That’s your clue that you’re in the right place,

Doing the best thing,

On the right tracks.

Posted in Ascension

Our Awakening Journey

We are raising our vibration to a higher level. It means we are less dense, heavy, bogged down in the physical and become lighter, shinier and less focused on physical reality.

Rather than a human being having a spiritual experience, we are becoming a spiritual being having a human experience. It means we look at, live and experience everything differently.

What are some of the signs of such a transformation?

⁃ We choose less material stuff and start removing what no longer serves us from our lives. Less possessions, clothes, food, technology, we are less ‘object’ minded. And this includes people, places and situations. We can no longer tolerate what doesn’t serve us and are ready to let go and manifest better conditions.

⁃ We choose to be occupied less with phones, internet, TV, films, games. We enjoy silence and stillness. We become more tuned in to subtle energies, sounds and influences around and within us.

⁃ We slow down. We are more in the now moment and live less focused on what the future holds, the ‘what ifs’ and what happened in the past, the ‘if onlys’. We move beyond time and exist more and more in a state of conscious presence.

⁃ We begin to tune into our divinity and anchor this truth about ourselves into our being. Divinity is no longer words or an idea, we begin to perceive everything around us as an expression of divinity, including ourselves.

⁃ Even as we release people from our lives, we feel more deeply connected to the right people for us. We feel less isolated. We connect with humanity and that translates to finding our people. We are more tolerant of differences and not fearful of being different ourselves, in fact, even if we felt different or thought ourselves misunderstood or unique in some way, we are realising it’s not true, it never was. We are who we are, no longer needing to compare or compete. Everyone is an expression of the same divine energy unfolding in their own creative flavour. Once we recognise the divine in ourselves, we recognise the same divine presence in everyone else and realise we are fundamentally all the same.

⁃ We begin to experience more moments that are filled with peace, joy and wonder. Even if there’s still confusion or healing to be done, the balance has tipped and we are frequently embracing joy and wonder as we explore and participate in the world.

Look out for these changes, they are signalling your awakening to the higher vibrations of the fifth dimensional expression of being human on Earth. Homo Sapiens is evolving into Homo Luminous. There’s so much more to come as we continue our awakening journey.

Posted in Inspiration

Your Way Or The Highway

Hey guys, I just wanted to say one thing.

Your journey is your journey

And it’s not for anybody else to judge.

There’s no right way,

There’s no wrong way,

There’s only your way.

So, just rock up and flow with whatever seems to be your flavour.

Posted in Energy healing, Personal Story

On The Golden Road

Today, I am coming forward with a huge amount of love and gratitude towards myself, towards all the little versions of me I ever was, what they went through and how amazing they are. This is for me being me and for my journey. 

I’ve been on a healing journey for most of my adult life and a couple of months ago, it got hugely real and very empowered when I invited a very special person into my life to help me. Now, me being me is a whole new ball game and I could never begin to describe to you the many ways this is so.

The changes are many, they are unfolding and profound. I’m moving away from a fierce need to exert my individuality as something important, a need that I know has made me appear arrogant or aggressive. I’ve done that throughout the years as part of my inner child’s fight against not feeling seen or valued.

But I’m now letting that go for humble because I no longer feel like I need to fight for myself. When I fought for myself, I was not in alignment, not coming from a place of authenticity, it was fear expressing itself. It was wound and trauma expressing itself and it never felt right. I just didn’t know how else to be.

To finally find the peace to be me is more than wonderful, it’s a gift, a divine gift that I can now fully embrace. It means I breathe out and feel myself sink into the peace of letting go of the fight.

I don’t have to prove myself, I don’t have to convince anyone of anything or fear what anybody might say or how they might judge who or what I am. That’s been my whole life, fear of judgement, of being criticised as a moment-to-moment experience. To feel that it’s not happening or not important anymore, or just not there anymore, is peace and freedom.

Peace and freedom to love myself and others, to love everybody. It’s okay and it’s safe now. It’s all possible. From this place, in letting go of that tiring fight, which felt like the fight to survive, in relaxing into acceptance, peace, love, gratitude and forgiveness, I am proud of myself and can truly say that I love myself, I love what I am, who I am, and in seeing my shadow self, the not so attractive qualities that we all have to some degree, I love them too. I love all of me.

This journey isn’t about the past anymore, it’s about where I am now and who I am now. Here I am, a sixty year old woman, making her healing journey the priority and the journey is really empowering me.

Where I am now feels like a turning point. I have a vision of a golden road that just goes straight out in front of me, clear of obstacles and with a beautiful golden glow about it. I see myself walking down that road hand in hand with my little three year old self and all my healed inner children are walking with us, there’s quite a crowd of us now.

We’re on that road together. We’re marching forward together, and boy, what a mighty force of love we are.

I’m actively embodying self love into every moment of my days, in the way that I live, that I go through a day, the way I make food and eat, that I choose activities and interact with others. Embracing every task, making acts of self love and self care the foundation of my wellbeing.

Every time I choose something that doesn’t fulfil my being, it’s an act of self destruction at some level or other. The influence of my energetic self on my health and wellbeing is undeniable. I am stepping up to appreciate the richness that’s in every moment.

What is home for me? What’s my soul here for? What does it look like? Is it who I am, what I’m doing, where I’m living? And what am I calling forward? How am I manifesting and creating in my existence, my being and life? Because it’s from there that I express my soul purpose.

It means not hiding anymore but expressing my truth through my clear and true voice. It means being connected with other human beings in an easy, natural, loving, supportive and sacred manner.

And all this I manifest. I manifest everything very specifically, clearly knowing that I’m creating home for this soul in this personality at this time, in this physical manifestation upon the Earth.

And then it came. First, I received clarity about my divine plan. Then, along with others, I received an update that aligned my being to a higher dimensional vibration. I realised that as we receive this shift, as many have and more will, it’s important we realise that we still need to step up for ourselves and remain true to our power every day. To stay empowered through our inner peace, love and truth. To trust ourselves, believe in ourselves and hold that conviction steady. It’s down to us to remain in the higher vibration in every moment. It’s a moment to moment choice, not a given. The shift comes when we are ready to step up to that level of clarity and mastery.

All this places me exactly where I’m meant to be in the flow. That’s where I am, in the right place in the flow. When it’s right, it’s easy, that’s what flow means.

So, when the journey’s still difficult, there are obstacles, problems or physical conditions present and I know what that’s like. That’s been my journey for years, especially during the last six years. It means that healing is calling for our attention.

Posted in Inspiration

What’s It Like To Be You?

A special question came across my radar recently.  What would you say if you were asked, “What’s it like to be you?”

It’s a great question because it gets one thinking about oneself from a slightly different perspective to the one that’s usually in our heads when we’re thinking about being us.

We’re thinking from the view of how somebody else might understand us, and we can clarify who we are in a new and refreshing way.

It’s a multi-layered question, we might ask: Who am I? Am I my way of life? Am I what goes on in my head that only I hear? Am I my beliefs and the patterns they create? Am I those complex and varied feelings that are constantly playing out within me? Am I my hopes and aspirations? Am I my past? Am I my memories? This question prompts all of those things in terms of how we express them.

It asks where do we tend to live our moments from? Mostly in the past, the future or the now? How do we see ourselves and our life? Are we glass half empty or full? How kind and loving are we to ourselves?

In so many ways, I think it’s really great to be me, I have freedom to live my life as I choose, I’m empowered to decide every moment and can allow almost every day to be as much of an adventure as I care to make it, in my way. I have all my basic needs ticked off and can dedicate myself to the higher functions of being human. I can invite music, dancing, singing, meditation and relaxation into my life and often do.

My spiritual focus brings enrichment. It’s a blessing to be able to contribute to increasing love and light in the world, in whatever small way I can.

Several days a week I paint and it’s like I slip away into another dimension. It feels wonderful to be creative and expressive. It’s so peaceful and I really feel like I’m in the flow of something divine. Through painting, I am expressing my soul.

I live in such a beautiful place where I can spend the day walking on my mountain or down in the woods and not see another soul. Or I may go to the coast which I love so much, the sea invigorates me with its energies and sounds.

I am a solitary animal but these days, I’ve found my tribe and am blessed with special people around me who love me, have my back and whose hearts are true. Some are nearby, some at a distance and some I have carried through the years. When people know how to love you, you don’t let them go. When I first moved to this neighbourhood a year ago, I didn’t think there was anyone here with similar ideas and aspirations as me, how wrong I was and now I’m certain that this is the right place for me.

My home is a huge blessing, it’s my sacred sanctuary. It feeds my soul. I have nature all about me. Just by opening the glass sliding door of my living room, I step out onto a platform that looks across the tops of the trees to a 180 degree view of lush, green Welsh hills with the Gwendraeth valley below, across to the picturesque ruined castle of Kidwelly and out to sea. I always know where the tide is and watch white foam waves on windy days. Sometimes, the magical mist rolls into the valley beneath my elevated view and I imagine that a fire-breathing Welsh dragon has passed by my door yet again.

One of my favourite places, visible from my house, is the Neolithic henge and standing stones on the opposite hill. Difficult to spot like a well kept secret, it draws my heart and my eye. I feel that the ancestors are ever present through time, conducting ceremonies amongst the stones. I truly feel blessed to live with such a special vista.

Being me has had its challenges. Every so often, the need for further healing comes to the surface and there’s been no slacking on my part. Recent healing has been potent and effective, leaving inner peace and closing doors so that I can finally move forward. Honestly, it’s been like undergoing a rebirth and no wonder this is the theme emerging through my current paintings.

Recently, I received clarity about my soul calling and experienced a shift in my energy. The migraine aura episodes that have largely dictated my life are not happening. It’s down to me to stay true to myself, honouring and loving myself. And if doubt or fear surfaces, I have the skills to handle it.

What’s coming forward right now, more than anything, is the realisation that so much inner peace has seeded and grown at my core. The awareness of how many resources I have to call upon and my capacity to turn things around. I realise how much I used to pay attention to illusion. Most of all, I am loving myself as I live a life that honours my soul.

What about you?  I invite you to reflect on this question for yourself and see how you’re feeling about being you right now.