Here I am, the night of April’s full moon contemplating and evaluating where I’ve been, where I’ve arrived and where I’m heading. This is very apt, I was supposed to be moving into my new home today but instead, we haven’t exchanged contracts yet, let alone set a completion and moving date. It’s looking like it might be another week away yet, maybe more. It is very much a cusp moment. After I move all my furniture into my new house, my first ever independent home, I’m going with my husband to his new house for a few days, even as we separate, in order to help our two cats settle with him. Weird, perhaps, but we love each other greatly, we are not separating through lack of love or care for each other, we are remaining each other’s number one best friend. We’re going to be 77 miles apart, so won’t see much of each other once we’re both settled in our respective new homes. It’s a big deal after 38 years of being together as a couple and quite a moment of change for both of us.
At the same time, I’m working hard at setting up my service, Soul Mastery, and putting together the final touches for my first offering, a six session course on soul integration to start in June. So, a lot of new beginnings. It’s feeling like reaching out to the universal energies and humanity, really, in a way that I can be using the gifts of my soul for a purpose that’s larger than the sum of myself.
I couldn’t help but reflect back to a post I wrote on March 11th called ‘Change Is Coming’. That post marked the sewing of the seed, I feel. And that led me to consider what my site here is doing in the way of reaching out, and I really must admit I am clearly not writing these posts for others, for the most part, but really for myself. I am a niche writer, my subject is very personal and probably has a small audience. I have 138 people who follow my blog, a tiny number compared to many blog sites, I know, but then again, put 138 people in a room together and it’s quite a crowd. That said, my post statistics show very little traffic, anything from no views to a rare 13 at best, usually 2 to 4 if I’m lucky. And when it comes to likes, rarer still, with comments as rare as hen’s teeth. No, I am certainly writing for myself here.
And I know it’s not about statistics, but this is a moment of review, so it’s also okay to look at it this way. I’m guessing that other bloggers can identify, there are no other measures for us of how many people care to read us except views, likes and comments, after all. So, if I ponder to myself, what’s the point? Why am I doing this? If I wish to promote a business, why not drop this and use Instagram and Facebook posts instead? After all, I do quite often feel like I’m talking to an empty room. And I’m more than aware of the role of ego in blogging, the idea that every one of us that publishes like this must actually think we have something to say that other people would like to hear, a bit grandiose, perhaps? But that’s okay too. It’s a funny world, the world of WordPress.
Ultimately, this is about trust, it’s about allowing the flow and keeping out of my own way enough for the flow and the universe to take over. It’s for them, the divine flow of universal possibilities. It’s not about you, dear reader (helloooo! Anybody there?!) so I don’t have to worry about views, likes and comments, thank goodness, nor pay any attention to my ego, who likes them.
I like being here. I like writing these posts, I like the process, the way it makes me think and work things out. I like the way it brings things out of me I might otherwise never have said or thought or shared. It matters that it’s public and not stuck somewhere nobody could ever see. It doesn’t matter if only one other person reads it, or maybe that nobody reads it, it’s out there and it could be found, I’m not in control of that and that’s just fine.