Posted in healing, Personal Story, sexual healing, The Truth of our Being

Exposure – The Rawness of Truth

Have you ever thought about publicly writing about your life in a way that reveals what is usually not spoken or shared? Have you ever wondered why others go there?

Writing for oneself is one thing, sharing it is another thing entirely. Once it’s out there, is it the writer’s concern who sees it and how it’s taken? It’s one person’s truth, not anybody else’s. Perhaps, it’s a big test of owning one’s truth and letting go of what others think. Because what others think can be such a big hurdle throughout life, something to be conscious of.

All this brings up the issue of disclosure, when it’s okay, when it’s not okay, and who’s to judge. It feels like this is about revealing hidden secrets from the past, exposing what others have kept hidden because they had the power and authority. When the lid is off, those that had the ability to impose from their position of strength, they created a record of a life, upbringing and experience that was out of synch with what was felt, saw, sensed and believed. And yes, it’s all a question of perception and probably truth is somewhere in the grey areas between those perspectives.

As a healer, I experience many people who have such stories. Maybe the details are different but lies from the past are being exposed. Perhaps lies from your past have been exposed or are in the process of being so. And I know it’s a very painful process, especially if we’re suddenly faced with a huge realisation that goes against everything we once believed. Of course we’re going to want to work that out and explore it, possibly in writing it down.

How painful this process is can be impacted by us. It depends how much we fight it. It’s easy to fight back because we don’t want to know, we don’t want this truth, it hurts. And it may involve finding the healing that enables us to accept, acknowledge, face and embrace the truth. And then the ability to heal and integrate it into our hearts. This can be done in minutes or years, depending upon whether we’ve woken up the knowledge and skills we need, whether we’re ready to claim it all, the good, the bad and the ugly, or not. If it’s coming up, it’s because our guides and spiritual support are helping us release it now and they’re available to call on, they’re rooting for us and know that the only way out is through. Be brave, dear one, it’s time, we are waking up and we are more supported than we can ever imagine.

Posted in Energy healing, inner child, Soul Integration, spiritual skills and techniques

Bringing In The Soul

Last weeks’ posts were all about persona, it is, after all, a sticky subject.  If persona is strongly present, we will probably either fail to recognise it or we’ll engage in the subject big style, only to announce we got it all sorted and healed in a few short weeks, because that’s the kind of tricksy customer we’re dealing with.  Truth is, it cannot be done in a few short weeks, it’s more likely to take years of dedication and staying with the work.  For myself, I worked for a couple of years on inner child healing, only to feel I was not really getting anywhere.  Then, I received a message from my guides telling me I had to make 44 inner child healings to clear myself.  Now, that’s a lot of work and it takes time, dedication and sticking to the programme.      

Most of us were not parented without some kind of wound being transferred, because that’s the kind of world we live in.  We are the ones who are now waking up to all this, previous generations have been handing down the wounds and traumas from one generation to another without a clue.  And think of what our parents, grandparents and great-grandparents have been through in their lives, two world wars, the fear of nuclear annihilation, perhaps being immigrants, so many sexual, physical, emotional abuses that went unrecognised.  No wonder so many adults learned to be emotionally unavailable, critical, judging, and sometimes, just downright dysfunctional as parents.  They lived in a different world where so much was carried without support or recognition, so much went unheard, unseen and unacknowledged.  They are not perpetrators, they were victims themselves.  Bless them all, every one of them.  May we now find the means to heal ourselves, heal our daughters and sons and stop the ancestral wounds from being perpetuated.

The biggest hurdle with being in persona is that persona hears all this and doesn’t accept it because persona’s job is all about bigging us up, continuously feeding us the narrative that we are ‘more than’.  We want to believe we are not broken, not failing, not ‘less than’.  Persona sees this wound stuff as a deficit, a need, as being ‘less than’.  Persona is wrong about that, it’s the opposite, if we see that this is an active issue for us, then, we are ‘more than’ not ‘less than’.  We have ‘more than’ a fighting chance to become our best selves.  Whereas, as long as we stay in persona, we will keep cycling through the patterns, living from those untrue beliefs and, deep down, believing we are unworthy.  And really, everything we believe is untrue, we were always good enough, always worthy, it was never about us.   

And we must never forget, we are, through some kind of divine dichotomy, always healed, always whole, always complete and always perfect, because wherever we are, whatever circumstances we had to live through as children, whatever wounds and traumas we carry, our soul chose this life for a reason.  It’s our path, it’s perfect for who we are.  We are not trying to fix ourselves or get somewhere, we are simply continuously moving forward on the path of fulfilment.  We are already experiencing fulfilment and through increasing the love that we are, we are increasing our fulfilment, and this is a never-ending story.  We are not here to heal because we are not broken, and we will find our path in our own time, if it is the will of our soul.  And that’s where soul work comes in. 

Imagine how much more powerful we are, how empowered our life path is when we are integrated with our soul, when our soul is fully present in our body, in our lives in every moment, with all the many gifts our soul holds for us.  Such wisdom, love, power, freedom, peace.  When we are releasing the dissonance of the fears and traumas from our past and the past of our ancestral line, through our own healing, then, being as one with the entirety of our soul is as though we just super-charged ourselves and our lives.

Click the link to find out about my six session Soul Integration online workshop, coming soon.  Check it out, book your place, feel free to contact me for more information.      

Posted in Energy healing, inner child

Recognising Persona

Here are some ways we might recognise the presence of a strong persona in our lives:

We may be accomplished at self-image and appearance. This means making efforts towards a polished appearance in public or with significant others and investing in quality products for make-up, hair, clothes, shoes, accessories. It means people regularly compliment us on appearance which persona values. Persona is making sure we present the best image for ourselves to maximise our perceived image and personal story as one of accomplishment, success and distinction.

More self-image and the appearance, this also impacts environment; home, car, what we do for a living, they are an extension of us, so we make an effort to ensure they look and sound impressive. It’s a part of the efforts persona makes to appear worthy, in contrast to the way we feel deep inside.

Friendships and social contacts are often enabled by social media. These are important because they validate us and provide the acknowledgment we inwardly crave. Alongside choosing what makes us feel special, we are also choosing friendships and connections with people who we feel are special and talented too, if possible. We are attracted to people who we would like to associate ourselves with because they fulfil the narrative we are creating.

Seeking praise. Some people in persona enter the performance arenas or public fields; writing, singing, comedy, spirituality, politics, acting, giving presentations. Anywhere we receive praise or feel special because that helps feed the continued need for approval we didn’t get in childhood. And, of course, this happens on some level in whatever arena we find ourselves in. We are constantly seeking to impress with our talents and abilities, we are often driven and successful people who may rise through the ranks. Strong persona people are often found in elevated functioning roles, (presidents of powerful nations perhaps, or just as high as we can get.)

Skills and accomplishments are important, we will probably have one or more talent, hobby or skill that we use to elicit praise. Art, music, cookery, crafts, performance, writing. Whatever it is, we are keen to showcase such skills to feel that sense of worthiness, which is never enough because the inner wound is always there.

Storytelling is key. We concern ourselves strongly with creative ways to tell our narrative, maybe posting, blogging, selfies that are staged and edited. Maybe the unique clothes we wear or other aspects of our appearance. Whatever we use to create our story of self, it’s so important, it feeds the persona and builds that thick protective shell which hides the truth from ourselves and others.

We may often feel that others don’t understand us, that we are hard-done-by or under-valued. We may feel exclusively different, a loner, someone who is so individual that nobody really gets us. This is because our persona is telling us we are especially worthy. This powerful sense of specialness feeds our narrative to offset and hide our deep feelings of unworthiness which is coming from the wound we carry.

Having an overly affectionate manner or being extremely friendly and effusive is common. Persona tends to emphasise affection and praise towards others in order to encourage the same back, which helps feed our unmet needs. We are looking for the affection, love, admiration and approval that we didn’t receive in early years and this is especially true in significant relationships. This is an unconscious behaviour coming from the persona.

We are prone to be highly sensitive. We may pick up the signs and signals of others so clearly, like an empath. This is because we had to learn to read people very well since early childhood. We would have been hyper-sensitive to the moods, words and behaviours of the significant adults around us as a child. We did this in order to protect ourselves and it became a survival skill. Now, as adults, we are really good at reading people, it comes as second nature and we pick up on other’s emotions too, better than they do themselves even.

We commonly have a tendency to be a rescuer, a fixer or feel that we are always there for others. This becomes a key way to feel important and valued for us and it’s a distraction from doing our own healing work which we might be in denial about or keep sabotaging, even as we think we are doing it.

Emotional and physical exhaustion can be a problem, we have moments when we feel overly tired and exhausted because keeping persona going is such hard work. We may find we are overwhelmed with our commitments, keeping on top of our social diary, keeping our narrative going on social media, creative projects and self-image. All this may be quite demanding at times. And we probably have some health issues that keep plaguing us because that hurt and suffering, the deep wound and trauma, it’s got to come out somehow.

Perhaps, deep down, we know something’s wrong, we are just too scared to unpack that feeling and look at it. But there will be moments when this uncomfortable feeling will surface. Perhaps we dismiss it quickly. If we are doing the work already, we might even realise already that our sense of worthiness is a big issue for us.

Is this post starting to feel uncomfortable, perhaps a little bit threatening? Then maybe there’s another clue.

The above list gives some indications to recognise persona, but remember, that includes all of us to some degree. This list is only meant to give a rough idea. The first hurdle for persona is denial, and it’s a big one. If you said ‘yes’ to most of those statements above and you’re still reading now, I’d say you have the insight to overcome it and are already well on your way and going in the right direction.

One thing I want to tell you, right now. If this is you, you are truly beautiful and completely worthy. There is an authentic you underneath persona that is just incredible, so magnificent, you would hardly believe it. It is there. It is the truth of you. It is reachable and you can claim it.

Are you ready to take persona off, like a cloak that has been covering up your natural beauty with a painted image of beauty?  You can do it because it’s the only way to your personal power, supreme liberation and the truth of your being.  It’s what you’re here for, not just here reading this but here on Earth. 

I can’t tell you that doing this is going to be completely safe, but let’s face it, compared to what you’ve been through, you can do it and it’s so worth it. You have all you need to survive. I can’t tell you it won’t kill you because that’s exactly what it’s going to do. But once you ‘die’, you will emerge anew and your life will become the life you have always hoped for, always dreamed of, always been your true destiny. And you know there is no other way. So, get someone to be there alongside you, whether family, friend or expert support. The time has finally come and you so deserve to be free at last.

Posted in Energy healing, Soul Integration

Overcoming The Power of Persona

Self-sabotage is a difficult subject to tackle, it’s a kind of self-denial, so we are fighting ourselves and may never even realise it.

It’s our persona that does this. Personality is who we are, that is, personality is the projection of us that our soul creates as our presence in this incarnation. Ego is a part of personality, although ego may not be such a bad guy, my post ‘Ego is Not the Enemy’ looks closer at this.

Persona is not our true personality at all but it appears to be. We build a persona or personas to protect us from the knocks we learnt to expect in early childhood, when we found that who we were was not deemed acceptable in the eyes of our care givers, and persona has been attempting to protect us ever since. This is another powerful reason for integrating our soul into our being, inviting it to be fully present in every moment of every day.

Persona is built from our wounds and trauma and is the hardest of nuts to crack. Can you tell the difference between your persona and your authentic self? It can be difficult. There are times when it’s possible, for instance, if we are different at work or socially, compared to at home, that’s down to our persona.

Having a persona can feel like it’s a choice, our public face, and that’s one of the ways it deceives us to protect itself. There’s no choice with persona, it is hard-wired to protect itself at all costs, by many means. Not only from everyone else but from us. Then, we cannot tell what is the ‘real’ self and what is not. We cannot tell who we are. We think we know, but we don’t.

How on earth are we going to overcome this problem? We are all trying to heal and be our authentic selves, right?

Most difficult of all, sometimes, when we were scarred by trauma in our early years, some of us ditched our entire personality and became our persona, then, there is nothing of the original personality left. When we were told or shown, over and over again, that we are not good enough, not acceptable, not lovable, not worthy as a little child, we simply didn’t have the skills to process it before we were seven or eight, so we tried to adapt, to please. We may have ended up entirely becoming a new projection of self ditching all that was our authentic and natural self which was rejected by our significant care giver(s).

When personality is overwhelmed by persona, we are really up against it, there’s little chance to fight persona because we are deceiving ourselves all the time and don’t know it. We don’t know we are not our personality, it seems a terrifying truth to face, one that our persona protects us from fiercely. The soul is present to help us but the soul only gets on board when invited, otherwise, soul is an observer. So many people don’t know this and never do the soul-work that enables them to break free of persona. Apart from not being our persona, we are not really our personality either, we are, in truth, our soul and our life becomes so much richer if we embrace that.

Imagine if you were entirely your persona, how would you know? For the most part, you would not. From my early childhood, I lost touch with my authentic self, I did have an uncomfortable feeling about not being my true self at times but initially, I didn’t know what that feeling was, why it was there, what it meant or what to do about it. I didn’t know any different, I was really in the dark.

What changed for me was engaging with an incredible amount of light work, dumping huge quantities of light into my broken down self. I opened myself up to do that and as it continued, I accepted more and more light as my heart and channel opened more and more. The consequence was I changed, I became empowered, found out who I am, realised myself you could say, and it’s still unfolding. It changed everything and, yes, it did mean a lot of the things that kept me ‘safe’ had to go. They were illusions, patterns that kept me locked into my persona, and persona fights tooth and nail to stay. But persona has to go, rather to be naked and alive than clothed and living dead.

I believe there are different ways to break down persona and we each find our own. One thing’s for sure, it won’t happen unless we are 100% committed and we can’t get committed unless we realise what’s going on in the first place.

For me, it all started with a sacred soul initiation and that’s why I am feeling the call to bring that powerful tool to others now. Persona comes from a deep wound and the solution has to go deep as well, getting right to the root inside us where the hurt stems from. I believe light and love are the means by which we break that rock-solid carapace that is the persona. Once we create an opening, we need to pour in self-love as if our life depends upon it. Self-love, more than anything, is our salvation.

This is the beginning of a week of posts about persona, there’s a lot to look at here. Please look out for more posts every day as we unpack it and find out how to move forward from it.

My Soul Mastery Soul Integration online workshop is now available for bookings.

Posted in inner child, Personal Story, spiritual skills and techniques

The Wound

The wound (or wounds, I’m going to call it singular but it usually isn’t) that we carry are given to us by another wounded person, usually a key intimate care giver, like a parent.  They are generally received before the age of seven when we are developing our cognitive abilities and shaping who we are and the world we live in.  The wound is generational, it came to us through a chain of abuse and nobody, nobody is to blame.  There is no blame here, only sadness and hurt and fear.  So, when we are ready to realise and start working with the wound, it helps to do so from the position that the person who gave it to us was a victim like us.  And when we heal it in ourselves, we are also healing them and everybody down the line. 

The most important point to make is that the wound has nothing to do with us, it’s not ours, never was, it is not ours to own and the same applies to the person who gave it us.  And yet, we own it, become it and express it throughout our lives, causing ourselves much pain and suffering and usually pain and suffering that we pass on to others.  Unless we realise and change things.

That we are carrying a wound is entirely acceptable for us because our soul chose this.  We chose to carry this wound so we could learn and heal.  My wound is teaching me about the nature of love, especially self-love, and I can’t learn about love from only receiving love, I need to also experience the opposite, the complete absence of love, in order to fully understand it.  I’ve been learning about the nature of love for many lives and this time, I’ve been learning from a place of scarcity.  What I have learned is that I am love.  Even when there is literally nobody in my life at all that is giving me love, showing love to me, as was the case in my childhood, I am love and there is an infinite abundance of love existing inside of me all the time.  Actually, I did see love in my childhood but it was a warped kind of love, sometimes worse than no love at all.  Sounds like a horrible thing to choose, a horrible way to learn, and it was, one that even took me to contemplate taking my life as a teenager, but I didn’t.  I was too strong, too much in touch with the love from within me.  And now I see it all, now I know and love is my foundation.  I embrace and express a beautiful love when I’m not coming from my wound.  I am learning every day to differentiate and choose love.     

One of the most profound natures of the wound is that we refuse to accept it is there.  The wound itself causes us to refuse to accept that we are wounded at all.  To be wounded would mean we are not special, not healed, not love, not perfect.  The wound wants to hide to survive and it does so by telling us both that we are all these things, and therefore not wounded, and that we are none of these things.  Deep down, sometimes only at an unconscious level, but one that seeps out into everything we are and do, we feel that we are not special, we are not love, we are not perfect, we are not healed.  But up close and consciously, we insist that we are all of those things to avoid facing the pain and hurt from our childhood trauma.  And thus, the wound hides itself and gets to live and thrive.  Actually, we are always healed, love, special and perfect, yes perfect, we are always perfect.  And the wound is never us, never who we are.   

Once we see the wound and are not afraid to admit it’s there, we can start to heal.  We are expressing the wound when we come from a place of hurt, when we are defensive, attacking, controlling, on the back foot.  We are reactive from the wound, we lash out without thinking things through.  We are emotional, we personalise, we blame. 

What happens is, something triggers our wound, it is always something that is connected to the dynamic of trauma and abuse that we experienced as a child with the person who gave it us.  Maybe we were criticised, blamed, shamed, usually many, many times, maybe every day.  Maybe we were refused love and affection, never good enough, maybe we were punished for being ourselves.  Whatever those conditions were for us, they created powerful, absolute beliefs in our tiny child mind; “I am not good enough”, “I am not lovable”, “Everybody leaves me”, “I am on my own”, “Nobody can be trusted”.  We may each be carrying many of these beliefs and each one connects to a trauma, a wound.  When we are living our life as an adult, some situation, something someone says to us suddenly triggers one of those beliefs and the voice of the wound comes out.  We express using words that came from our wounded child.  Those words and actions are not ours and we need not own them, they belong to the person who gave us the wound in the first place, it’s their voice speaking, not ours.  We never need to apologise for our words when we feel vulnerable, attacked, defensive or hurt, it’s not our voice, it’s the wound’s voice.  My calm voice that comes from my place of healing and love will never say those things to anyone.  And it’s quite a contrast, those two voices.  One can be nasty, it expresses an absence of love and the other is our loving, compassionate voice.  We’re the loving one, in case you’re not sure.  We are not the nasty voice, even though it speaks out of our mouths sometimes.  We never own it because it was foisted upon us when we were little, innocent children and it was never ours to own.  It never belonged to us, it was never for us and it was never about us.      

Neither should we have to apologise for being the recipient of such a damaging wound when we were innocent children.  Nowadays, when the wound’s voice comes out, we are quite often not aware, at least not at first, only if we have insight.  It is nothing to do with us how another person responds to our hurt voice.  The way they respond is not our problem and they don’t have to receive it.  A healthy person won’t, but we might attract someone who reflects our voice back to us so we can learn, and they will receive it.  If they do, if they feel hurt, then that hurt is already inside them, not really coming from us, our comment has triggered their wound inside them, which can be a gift to them, giving them a chance to see their hurt and find the wound and change things.  And if we receive somebody’s words and feel hurt, it is not our fault, it is the damage we carry that is our problem, not their words.  We have another opportunity to notice the voice of the wound, that our words are coming from hurt and are reactive.  We have a chance to let that go and instead, find our loving place of peace inside that is coming from healing and speak to them from there instead.  So, we can say thank you for the gift of healing, but we do not need to say sorry, for to do so is to own that which is not ours to own.

Here is a link to a healing meditation for dissolving the inner child wound.  Scroll down, you will find it at the lower half of the post.