Posted in darkness and light, healing, inner child, Inspiration, love, Personal Story, The Truth of our Being

Closing Our Deep Wounds

“The role of the writer is not to say what we can all say but to say what we are unable to say.” – Anais Nin

On this website, I’ve shared a number of deep, personal truths about myself and my life from time to time. Some of those disclosures stayed with me for a while. Was it wise or foolish to speak out? I may have said I was doing it for the healing of others who may resonate with the circumstances but I was also doing it for my own healing.

I realise that what disclosure of intimate truth does is allow me to claim trauma as who I am. I claim it as me, a part of me, it’s my truth and even if it was trauma at the time, now it’s okay. Everything about it is okay, that it happened in the first place is okay.

What was hurting me was not that it happened but that it was hidden away, that what happened remained denied. That’s why I write, why I let it out the box and put my truth, my story out there in the world. And that’s me claiming myself in all my full beauty and magnificence.

When I own it, I am responsible and therefore empowered. I take full responsibility for my actions and truth. I can no longer be hurt because the hurt comes from inside me and it’s something I allow as who I am. All those emotions that weren’t love become love. Love for myself, free from needing love from an outside source. I am loving myself to freedom.

Guilt, resentment, blame, anger, sorrow, all become love. And that love becomes peace. Peace brings stillness, release, acceptance and trust. I’m accepting and healing myself once more.

It’s not an easy thing to do, to speak out about intimate, personal things we don’t normally talk about. It’s certainly not a path for everyone. There are risks and consequences.

Still, how is it that such truths remain hidden to keep the status quo? To perpetuate dysfunctions, damage and abuse? How does society condone so much silence and allow so much to be hidden? Damage is done by silence and power rests with those who ensure we never speak out. It’s uncomfortable to speak out but sometimes, essential that a voice is heard.

Abuse and dysfunction are wounds and trauma being carried from generation to generation. There are no abusers on one level, only people carrying deep wounds and pain. It’s time to let our wounds’ stories seep out so that they can be cleansed, ready for the wound to be closed for good. And if someone needs to step up, then I will speak for us all.

Posted in healing, inner child, Twin Flame

Understanding Trauma Bonding

Trauma bonding is a complex subject. 

During our formative years, usually from womb to around the age of seven when our neurons are creating networks and we are forming a sense of who we are in the world, we are susceptible to deep emotional wounding. We haven’t gained the resilience to see the bigger picture and we personalise everything from our inner child eyes.

Usually, the emotional wounds hang on not being seen, heard, loved or valued. When those are perceived as not present for us, our inner child is traumatised and it’s as though the moment is forever frozen within us. A belief is formed, such as “I’m not lovable” or “I’m not worthy” and from that moment, our inner child is triggered whenever that belief is activated by any situation.

We don’t have one inner child, we have as many as there were wounds or traumas created. And each inner child is inside us and aware of everything that happens, on the alert for anything that feeds that belief or can fix it. Except it can’t be fixed from outside us, that ship has sailed but our inner child doesn’t realise that. They are constantly searching for what is missing.

Sometimes, we may meet someone who resonates with us because our inner child interlocks with their inner child and they bond. This takes place on a deep subconscious level so we don’t realise it happened. We believe we are consciously deciding and that events are fully within our control, but that’s not the case.

When two inner children bond, it’s the most wonderful experience, like we’ve found somebody who resonates with us so deeply, except the resonance is with the trauma we carry. We feel drawn to them and may fall in love. We may feel like soul mates or twin flames.

Bonded inner children feel seen and understood and that’s a big deal because we may often find that nobody gets us, certainly not as deeply as our new special friend, so we feel especially drawn to them. That’s what trauma bonding is.

Now it gets a bit complicated because there are different types of wounds and we may respond differently, depending on the wounds and beliefs we carry. For instance, a co-dependent may carry the need to be loved and appreciated, so when someone resonates with them, someone who really gets them, someone who is just so open and showing such loving affection, then the inner child is going to soak all that in. The inner child feels so loved, cared for, seen and valued. And the other inner child responds in kind, basically, it’s a love-fest.

All this is sounding lovely. Until the day when one or both of the subconscious inner children begin to realise that the deep wound from early childhood isn’t being fixed. At that point, a new dynamic is created as the child-self continually tries to elicit what it perceives as missing, which is the original trauma. And a cycle begins where everything is going wonderfully and then it all blows up and falls apart. A reconciliation is reached and a cycle of love, blame and reconciliation repeats over and over again. This cycle becomes more demanding and destructive of the relationship over time.

Trauma bonding is, deep down, all about unresolved need. And that need is never going to be resolved through the relationship because it cannot be resolved outside of us. This isn’t the basis for a healthy relationship.

Two needy, wounded and unhealed inner children have connected and sooner or later, as children do, they will push the boundaries. They may test this new love, is it real? They may push away to ensure the other comes back. It’s the need of a wounded part of two unhealed beings. Both are trying to get those needs met but with somebody who has their own needs and can’t help. Neither can yet fully love themselves, so how on earth are they going to truly love anybody else? They can’t, their path needs to be one of self-healing and as long as they’re together, that can never happen because they’re caught up in a dynamic that keeps them tied to need, feeding the need. The dark side of this relationship will always crop up from time to time.

When trauma bonding takes place, there are red flags. We let things slide that should raise our red flags because we’re bonded. We are in denial of the fact that something isn’t right. We keep quiet to keep the peace when the dissonance emerges. It may feel like we see each other so clearly, that we see the others’ faults, we may call them out in the hope they’ll fix things, but they can’t whilst trauma bonded. As we come up against the trauma expressing in each other, we feel like we’re walking on eggshells. At its worst, it can feel like everything’s falling apart, like we’re going crazy, like we don’t know what’s real anymore.

All the time, two beautiful souls are stuck in the dynamic. And their souls brought them together in the first place to address what is ready to be healed. Life is like that, if we don’t see it, life will kick our butt and knock our heads together until we work it out. However hard this journey is, even if two people end up hating each other, this can be seen as an opportunity and a gift to fast-track healing.

Nevertheless, we won’t easily let go of the dream of being with that perfect person we first perceived, the fantasy of who we wanted them to be, thought they were. Sometimes, people are stuck in this dynamic for a long time.

Trauma bonding is often mistaken for a twin flame relationship. Twin flames can go through difficulties with each other because they see the best and worst in each other, like looking in a mirror. They sometimes heal together through the drama. So, trauma bonding and twin flame relationships are easily confused. Even so, with both, quite often the answer is to walk away and do the healing away from each other. All those needs can be met, they can be healed but it’s never going to come from someone else. We heal from within. Sometimes, walking away is the biggest act of love we can give to another, even if they’re never going to appreciate it. And more importantly, it’s the biggest act of love we can give to ourselves.

Posted in healing, inner child, love

Nothing To Do: A Secret To Living a Fuller Life

I’ve just hit a pause.  And, oh, that pause is rich, it is deep and it is giving.  Being active, busy, having a full life and stuff to do is great but we need times when there is nothing to do, nowhere to go, nothing to see.  A pause when we are free to just be.  There can be so much richness going on inside, where it matters, when we have nothing to do! 

And I am so lucky.  I don’t exist in relation to anybody else.  I exist only in relation to myself.  Many would consider that a failing, a loss even.  I can see that and sometimes feel it, but it’s also a wonderful gift.  It means I find silence, stillness and space whenever I need it. 

I don’t have a day job (which doesn’t mean I’m not working or busy).  I don’t live with anybody or have anyone dependent upon me.  Some might think me privileged (I would agree) or self-centred (yes I am, but in the most positive manner, putting one’s self first is critical in learning self-love and self-love is my personal healing journey right now.  It’s only a healed self that can really give freely to others.)

My pause moment is bringing forth such treasures, the kind of learning, intuitions, understanding that doesn’t find the space to grow and form when we’re living a full life.  I’m learning what needs to be acknowledged, what needs to be integrated.  I’m moving forwards in my fulfilment.  I’m receiving clarity and have the chance to make adjustments for my growth. 

Specifically, I’m looking deeply into what has not healed from past losses and rejections, yet again, at a deeper level than before.  Why it is that I desperately feel a need to be loved?  I’m asking what has to heal to find that love from within myself.  I know my soul is calling for a solitary path at this time in my life and I’ve ditched, rejected or removed some key people who surrounded me because their presence in my life was stopping me from loving me. 

At the end of the day, we will continuously search for the love we never received in childhood from outside ourselves.  We will keep looking for that love, entering numerous relationships to do so.  However much we are loved in those relationships, it always comes up short and the original loss will not be assuaged.  That can only be accomplished within ourselves through the love we give ourselves. 

We may try to fill that hole in all sorts of ways, with love, food, alcohol, drugs, sex, work.  None of it will truly help, it will pull us further and further to a crisis point where we have no other recourse than to turn to ourselves.  We will have no other options than to heal from inside out.  And finally, we face ourselves.  We go deep and embrace our inner child.  We love our inner child with all our heart and all our truth and all our might. And we acknowledge, heal and integrate the wound that has never left us. We are ready to truly face it and claim it.           

Posted in Energy healing, inner child, Personal Story

Get Out of Your Head!

One of the most powerful lessons that has felt transformational for me in the past year or so is getting out of my own head.

For years, this was a huge bug-bear for me, I was always getting in my own way, over-thinking, messing with my own head. And for most of that time I didn’t realise it. Then, when I did, it was like witnessing a car crash, I could see it happening but seemed powerless to change course.

Recently, I realised I don’t do it much anymore and have to stop a moment and wonder, “When did that happen? How did that happen?!”

And, to be honest, I’m not sure what the answer is. I just don’t need to over-think or over-analyse my conditions and emotions anymore and if I start, I notice and say to myself, “Not going down that road, let’s just stop right there,” and in the next moment I’m reminding myself of better ways to see things, which brings me back to balance.

For me, staying out of my head is synonymous with remaining balanced and centred in myself. Maybe that’s what changed, I found my centre and just stopped doing it. I have to cite positive self-talk as my natural go-to when it starts up though, literally being my own unconditional best friend and putting myself back on track asap.

When I feel into it, I see that the kind of situations where this happened the most were the same ones that came into my life to show me how much inner child healing I needed to do. Well, I have done so much inner child healing now that a great deal has changed for me and perhaps, very likely, this is one of those changes too.

Inner child healing is like magic, it’s one of the simple techniques that gives me an instant, noticeable result. I do a twenty minute healing journey and, hey presto, the next time a trigger situation materialises, I’m not triggered, I’m not behaving, thinking, feeling from my hurt inner child, because that inner child has been healed and integrated into my being. That said, I have found that I have a lot of those healings to do because I carry a lot of lost, hurt and stuck inner children, all capable of being triggered again and again until they’re found, healed and brought to a state of wholeness in my heart. One time, I received a message from my spiritual support team that I had another forty-four inner children to heal. Yikes! I thought. And yet, even after healing the first one or two I had noticed myself being less triggered. To date, I’ve healed at least twenty-two and am feeling hugely proud of myself because it really has been a life-changer. Whenever a trigger situation comes up, I go through it again based on the situation and rescue another beautiful inner child. I use the free tools provided on YouTube by Jen Peters and can vouchsafe that they work for me. If this is something that resonates, you can find her website here.

Posted in Energy healing, inner child, Personal Story, spiritual skills and techniques

Healing The Past and the Present

Our wounds, patterns and beliefs start to make sense, once we see our backstory.

Wounds are the result of the beliefs we make and fix, for the most part before the age of seven.

During those early years, we haven’t got a lot of experience of life.  We haven’t developed sophisticated methods of questioning and reasoning.  We live in a very small world, you could say, a bubble.  And the adults we spend most of our time with, our parents (if we haven’t got parents, our significant care-givers) are our priority cues.  We watch and learn, we have to work out who we are, where we fit, who other people are and where they fit and what the world around us is all about.  And we have to learn fast because our survival, physically and emotionally, depends on it.

We don’t have complex mental or emotional skills at that age, so our reactions are instant.  We create beliefs very quickly and then, since beliefs are absolute, they are fixed and we live by them.  We use them as our immediate go-to, in order to protect ourselves in new situations.  We have little flexibility and in our brains, the neurons hardwire those early beliefs for life.  They are not a part of our conscious thought, they are too deep for that, so we don’t even notice the way our beliefs dictate our life.

What beliefs might we learn before the age of seven?  Since, in our little minds, everything is about us, all the patterns and wounds our significant adults, our parents, carry and display are personal.  They are about us.  So, if we are not acknowledged, not seen or heard, not valued or validated, we create beliefs that we are not good enough, not worthy.  Not loved or lovable.  If our parents are absent, either physically or emotionally, we believe that we are on our own, that people leave us, that we are not lovable or good enough.  If we are put down or criticised, we are never good enough.  We give up our self to be what they need us to be in an attempt to find approval, but we never find it because they were never able to give it. We become a pleaser.  If a parent is controlling and dominating, we become dependent, accepting that they make all the decisions, dictate who we are and what happens in our lives.  If a parent is needy, emotionally or physically, we believe we have to solve their problems, carry their burdens.  And so it goes on. 

Those beliefs remain with us and certain situations trigger them for us again and again, and we probably won’t realise it.  When they are triggered, we fall into old patterns.  The patterns are our behaviours, thoughts, emotions belonging to the belief of the little child who first created that belief.  Triggers may be when someone rejects us or leaves us, when we fail at something, when we are criticised, when we become ill, when others seem needy, when we enter a new relationship.  It can be anything that threatens the belief we carry from our younger years.  And we don’t carry one belief, we carry many, so it gets complicated.

Our wounds are the traumas that we experienced that caused us to create a belief that was meant to help us survive.  When we were put down, when we felt unseen.  When we felt unloved, when we were not enough to keep a parent around, maybe our parents separated, maybe a parent was away working.  Any situation that diminished our sense of self up to the age of seven when we didn’t have the skills and sophistication to understand that sometimes, things are not about us and we don’t have to own them.

So, there we are, all of us, carrying within us wounds and beliefs that still, to this day, create patterns and behaviours when they get triggered.  And that keeps us hostage to a past that, not only is not relevant now, it never was.  It was never about us, it was never true, these were the limited understandings of a little child with a limited view of themselves, the world and everybody else. 

But, if we think about our story as we were growing up in those early years, if we think about our parents or other key care-givers, we can see how that happened.  If we know our parents’ backstory, we can see where they were coming from, if we know our grandparents, backstory, we can see the lineage of wounds that have been handed down.  As long as we know their early story and relationship with their parents, we can see it in our friends, we can see it in our partner, we can even see it in our own children. 

There is no shame and no blame here, everyone was subject to a process they could do nothing about.  But there may come a time when we are grown up and notice all this.  We see the patterns and understand the backstory, so we begin to work out the beliefs we carry and the wounds and traumas that created them, when we were little children before the age of seven. 

That is when we can heal.  We heal, not only for ourselves but for our children because they are still seeing how we respond to the world, ourselves and others.  They are still learning from us, always.  Our parents may never see or know about this in themselves, not consciously, but we are able to end the ancestral patterns when they couldn’t.    

I have found, in my healing, that when I notice a pattern and a wound is triggered, that is the time to do some healing.  Perhaps, something someone says hurts me, perhaps it has triggered a ‘not good enough’ wound.  What happens then is I can engage with that hurt and go through all the feelings and thoughts of not being good enough, of blaming the other person, of feeling hurt, maybe becoming distressed, feeling lonely and depressed.  I may shut myself away.  I may over-eat the wrong kind of foods.  I may get involved in an emotional and escalating exchange with my friend.  The thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations and behaviours then feed themselves and things can go downhill quickly.  Maybe I notice that this is a pattern that comes up for me from time to time.  So, this time, I’m going to choose to do it differently.  Instead of engaging, I’m going to say to myself, “ah, this is a pattern, I’ve been triggered.”  Then, I will find a quiet space and take 20 minutes to go through a healing.  That’s all it takes to connect with the inner child who created that initial belief and those patterns.  I listen to that child, validate that child, love and really see and hear that child, heal that child and reintegrate that child within my heart space, all in 20 minutes – and we are done.  And from then on, that particular belief and those specific patterns will not trigger me. 

So far, I have healed about twenty plus inner children and I have about the same number again of wounded inner children to find, heal and integrate.  But I have come a long way, so many patterns have stopped being triggered and it feels like freedom from bonds that have held me prisoner for all those years.  We all have a different number of wounded inner children, we all have more or less healing work to do, but it’s a life-changer and once you see the difference, and how instant the change is, you will see how beautiful your life was always meant to be.  

Go here for a free inner child healing tool. This is the one that I use because I like working with Jen Peters, but there are more similar therapists and tools to be found online.    

[This is an old photo of me and my niece, Chloe Elgar
Chloe writes about her own ancestral patterns and trauma in her new book, ‘Revealed By Darkness: a psychic memoir’ available from her website. Her book is a catalyst for our own healing as she leads us through her experiences and supports us in looking deeper into our selves.]

Posted in Energy healing, inner child, Soul Integration, spiritual skills and techniques

Bringing In The Soul

Last weeks’ posts were all about persona, it is, after all, a sticky subject.  If persona is strongly present, we will probably either fail to recognise it or we’ll engage in the subject big style, only to announce we got it all sorted and healed in a few short weeks, because that’s the kind of tricksy customer we’re dealing with.  Truth is, it cannot be done in a few short weeks, it’s more likely to take years of dedication and staying with the work.  For myself, I worked for a couple of years on inner child healing, only to feel I was not really getting anywhere.  Then, I received a message from my guides telling me I had to make 44 inner child healings to clear myself.  Now, that’s a lot of work and it takes time, dedication and sticking to the programme.      

Most of us were not parented without some kind of wound being transferred, because that’s the kind of world we live in.  We are the ones who are now waking up to all this, previous generations have been handing down the wounds and traumas from one generation to another without a clue.  And think of what our parents, grandparents and great-grandparents have been through in their lives, two world wars, the fear of nuclear annihilation, perhaps being immigrants, so many sexual, physical, emotional abuses that went unrecognised.  No wonder so many adults learned to be emotionally unavailable, critical, judging, and sometimes, just downright dysfunctional as parents.  They lived in a different world where so much was carried without support or recognition, so much went unheard, unseen and unacknowledged.  They are not perpetrators, they were victims themselves.  Bless them all, every one of them.  May we now find the means to heal ourselves, heal our daughters and sons and stop the ancestral wounds from being perpetuated.

The biggest hurdle with being in persona is that persona hears all this and doesn’t accept it because persona’s job is all about bigging us up, continuously feeding us the narrative that we are ‘more than’.  We want to believe we are not broken, not failing, not ‘less than’.  Persona sees this wound stuff as a deficit, a need, as being ‘less than’.  Persona is wrong about that, it’s the opposite, if we see that this is an active issue for us, then, we are ‘more than’ not ‘less than’.  We have ‘more than’ a fighting chance to become our best selves.  Whereas, as long as we stay in persona, we will keep cycling through the patterns, living from those untrue beliefs and, deep down, believing we are unworthy.  And really, everything we believe is untrue, we were always good enough, always worthy, it was never about us.   

And we must never forget, we are, through some kind of divine dichotomy, always healed, always whole, always complete and always perfect, because wherever we are, whatever circumstances we had to live through as children, whatever wounds and traumas we carry, our soul chose this life for a reason.  It’s our path, it’s perfect for who we are.  We are not trying to fix ourselves or get somewhere, we are simply continuously moving forward on the path of fulfilment.  We are already experiencing fulfilment and through increasing the love that we are, we are increasing our fulfilment, and this is a never-ending story.  We are not here to heal because we are not broken, and we will find our path in our own time, if it is the will of our soul.  And that’s where soul work comes in. 

Imagine how much more powerful we are, how empowered our life path is when we are integrated with our soul, when our soul is fully present in our body, in our lives in every moment, with all the many gifts our soul holds for us.  Such wisdom, love, power, freedom, peace.  When we are releasing the dissonance of the fears and traumas from our past and the past of our ancestral line, through our own healing, then, being as one with the entirety of our soul is as though we just super-charged ourselves and our lives.

Click the link to find out about my six session Soul Integration online workshop, coming soon.  Check it out, book your place, feel free to contact me for more information.      

Posted in Energy healing, inner child

Recognising Persona

Here are some ways we might recognise the presence of a strong persona in our lives:

We may be accomplished at self-image and appearance. This means making efforts towards a polished appearance in public or with significant others and investing in quality products for make-up, hair, clothes, shoes, accessories. It means people regularly compliment us on appearance which persona values. Persona is making sure we present the best image for ourselves to maximise our perceived image and personal story as one of accomplishment, success and distinction.

More self-image and the appearance, this also impacts environment; home, car, what we do for a living, they are an extension of us, so we make an effort to ensure they look and sound impressive. It’s a part of the efforts persona makes to appear worthy, in contrast to the way we feel deep inside.

Friendships and social contacts are often enabled by social media. These are important because they validate us and provide the acknowledgment we inwardly crave. Alongside choosing what makes us feel special, we are also choosing friendships and connections with people who we feel are special and talented too, if possible. We are attracted to people who we would like to associate ourselves with because they fulfil the narrative we are creating.

Seeking praise. Some people in persona enter the performance arenas or public fields; writing, singing, comedy, spirituality, politics, acting, giving presentations. Anywhere we receive praise or feel special because that helps feed the continued need for approval we didn’t get in childhood. And, of course, this happens on some level in whatever arena we find ourselves in. We are constantly seeking to impress with our talents and abilities, we are often driven and successful people who may rise through the ranks. Strong persona people are often found in elevated functioning roles, (presidents of powerful nations perhaps, or just as high as we can get.)

Skills and accomplishments are important, we will probably have one or more talent, hobby or skill that we use to elicit praise. Art, music, cookery, crafts, performance, writing. Whatever it is, we are keen to showcase such skills to feel that sense of worthiness, which is never enough because the inner wound is always there.

Storytelling is key. We concern ourselves strongly with creative ways to tell our narrative, maybe posting, blogging, selfies that are staged and edited. Maybe the unique clothes we wear or other aspects of our appearance. Whatever we use to create our story of self, it’s so important, it feeds the persona and builds that thick protective shell which hides the truth from ourselves and others.

We may often feel that others don’t understand us, that we are hard-done-by or under-valued. We may feel exclusively different, a loner, someone who is so individual that nobody really gets us. This is because our persona is telling us we are especially worthy. This powerful sense of specialness feeds our narrative to offset and hide our deep feelings of unworthiness which is coming from the wound we carry.

Having an overly affectionate manner or being extremely friendly and effusive is common. Persona tends to emphasise affection and praise towards others in order to encourage the same back, which helps feed our unmet needs. We are looking for the affection, love, admiration and approval that we didn’t receive in early years and this is especially true in significant relationships. This is an unconscious behaviour coming from the persona.

We are prone to be highly sensitive. We may pick up the signs and signals of others so clearly, like an empath. This is because we had to learn to read people very well since early childhood. We would have been hyper-sensitive to the moods, words and behaviours of the significant adults around us as a child. We did this in order to protect ourselves and it became a survival skill. Now, as adults, we are really good at reading people, it comes as second nature and we pick up on other’s emotions too, better than they do themselves even.

We commonly have a tendency to be a rescuer, a fixer or feel that we are always there for others. This becomes a key way to feel important and valued for us and it’s a distraction from doing our own healing work which we might be in denial about or keep sabotaging, even as we think we are doing it.

Emotional and physical exhaustion can be a problem, we have moments when we feel overly tired and exhausted because keeping persona going is such hard work. We may find we are overwhelmed with our commitments, keeping on top of our social diary, keeping our narrative going on social media, creative projects and self-image. All this may be quite demanding at times. And we probably have some health issues that keep plaguing us because that hurt and suffering, the deep wound and trauma, it’s got to come out somehow.

Perhaps, deep down, we know something’s wrong, we are just too scared to unpack that feeling and look at it. But there will be moments when this uncomfortable feeling will surface. Perhaps we dismiss it quickly. If we are doing the work already, we might even realise already that our sense of worthiness is a big issue for us.

Is this post starting to feel uncomfortable, perhaps a little bit threatening? Then maybe there’s another clue.

The above list gives some indications to recognise persona, but remember, that includes all of us to some degree. This list is only meant to give a rough idea. The first hurdle for persona is denial, and it’s a big one. If you said ‘yes’ to most of those statements above and you’re still reading now, I’d say you have the insight to overcome it and are already well on your way and going in the right direction.

One thing I want to tell you, right now. If this is you, you are truly beautiful and completely worthy. There is an authentic you underneath persona that is just incredible, so magnificent, you would hardly believe it. It is there. It is the truth of you. It is reachable and you can claim it.

Are you ready to take persona off, like a cloak that has been covering up your natural beauty with a painted image of beauty?  You can do it because it’s the only way to your personal power, supreme liberation and the truth of your being.  It’s what you’re here for, not just here reading this but here on Earth. 

I can’t tell you that doing this is going to be completely safe, but let’s face it, compared to what you’ve been through, you can do it and it’s so worth it. You have all you need to survive. I can’t tell you it won’t kill you because that’s exactly what it’s going to do. But once you ‘die’, you will emerge anew and your life will become the life you have always hoped for, always dreamed of, always been your true destiny. And you know there is no other way. So, get someone to be there alongside you, whether family, friend or expert support. The time has finally come and you so deserve to be free at last.

Posted in Energy healing, Soul Integration

Overcoming The Power of Persona

Self-sabotage is a difficult subject to tackle, it’s a kind of self-denial, so we are fighting ourselves and may never even realise it.

It’s our persona that does this. Personality is who we are, that is, personality is the projection of us that our soul creates as our presence in this incarnation. Ego is a part of personality, although ego may not be such a bad guy, my post ‘Ego is Not the Enemy’ looks closer at this.

Persona is not our true personality at all but it appears to be. We build a persona or personas to protect us from the knocks we learnt to expect in early childhood, when we found that who we were was not deemed acceptable in the eyes of our care givers, and persona has been attempting to protect us ever since. This is another powerful reason for integrating our soul into our being, inviting it to be fully present in every moment of every day.

Persona is built from our wounds and trauma and is the hardest of nuts to crack. Can you tell the difference between your persona and your authentic self? It can be difficult. There are times when it’s possible, for instance, if we are different at work or socially, compared to at home, that’s down to our persona.

Having a persona can feel like it’s a choice, our public face, and that’s one of the ways it deceives us to protect itself. There’s no choice with persona, it is hard-wired to protect itself at all costs, by many means. Not only from everyone else but from us. Then, we cannot tell what is the ‘real’ self and what is not. We cannot tell who we are. We think we know, but we don’t.

How on earth are we going to overcome this problem? We are all trying to heal and be our authentic selves, right?

Most difficult of all, sometimes, when we were scarred by trauma in our early years, some of us ditched our entire personality and became our persona, then, there is nothing of the original personality left. When we were told or shown, over and over again, that we are not good enough, not acceptable, not lovable, not worthy as a little child, we simply didn’t have the skills to process it before we were seven or eight, so we tried to adapt, to please. We may have ended up entirely becoming a new projection of self ditching all that was our authentic and natural self which was rejected by our significant care giver(s).

When personality is overwhelmed by persona, we are really up against it, there’s little chance to fight persona because we are deceiving ourselves all the time and don’t know it. We don’t know we are not our personality, it seems a terrifying truth to face, one that our persona protects us from fiercely. The soul is present to help us but the soul only gets on board when invited, otherwise, soul is an observer. So many people don’t know this and never do the soul-work that enables them to break free of persona. Apart from not being our persona, we are not really our personality either, we are, in truth, our soul and our life becomes so much richer if we embrace that.

Imagine if you were entirely your persona, how would you know? For the most part, you would not. From my early childhood, I lost touch with my authentic self, I did have an uncomfortable feeling about not being my true self at times but initially, I didn’t know what that feeling was, why it was there, what it meant or what to do about it. I didn’t know any different, I was really in the dark.

What changed for me was engaging with an incredible amount of light work, dumping huge quantities of light into my broken down self. I opened myself up to do that and as it continued, I accepted more and more light as my heart and channel opened more and more. The consequence was I changed, I became empowered, found out who I am, realised myself you could say, and it’s still unfolding. It changed everything and, yes, it did mean a lot of the things that kept me ‘safe’ had to go. They were illusions, patterns that kept me locked into my persona, and persona fights tooth and nail to stay. But persona has to go, rather to be naked and alive than clothed and living dead.

I believe there are different ways to break down persona and we each find our own. One thing’s for sure, it won’t happen unless we are 100% committed and we can’t get committed unless we realise what’s going on in the first place.

For me, it all started with a sacred soul initiation and that’s why I am feeling the call to bring that powerful tool to others now. Persona comes from a deep wound and the solution has to go deep as well, getting right to the root inside us where the hurt stems from. I believe light and love are the means by which we break that rock-solid carapace that is the persona. Once we create an opening, we need to pour in self-love as if our life depends upon it. Self-love, more than anything, is our salvation.

This is the beginning of a week of posts about persona, there’s a lot to look at here. Please look out for more posts every day as we unpack it and find out how to move forward from it.

My Soul Mastery Soul Integration online workshop is now available for bookings.

Posted in inner child, Personal Story, spiritual skills and techniques

The Wound

The wound (or wounds, I’m going to call it singular but it usually isn’t) that we carry are given to us by another wounded person, usually a key intimate care giver, like a parent.  They are generally received before the age of seven when we are developing our cognitive abilities and shaping who we are and the world we live in.  The wound is generational, it came to us through a chain of abuse and nobody, nobody is to blame.  There is no blame here, only sadness and hurt and fear.  So, when we are ready to realise and start working with the wound, it helps to do so from the position that the person who gave it to us was a victim like us.  And when we heal it in ourselves, we are also healing them and everybody down the line. 

The most important point to make is that the wound has nothing to do with us, it’s not ours, never was, it is not ours to own and the same applies to the person who gave it us.  And yet, we own it, become it and express it throughout our lives, causing ourselves much pain and suffering and usually pain and suffering that we pass on to others.  Unless we realise and change things.

That we are carrying a wound is entirely acceptable for us because our soul chose this.  We chose to carry this wound so we could learn and heal.  My wound is teaching me about the nature of love, especially self-love, and I can’t learn about love from only receiving love, I need to also experience the opposite, the complete absence of love, in order to fully understand it.  I’ve been learning about the nature of love for many lives and this time, I’ve been learning from a place of scarcity.  What I have learned is that I am love.  Even when there is literally nobody in my life at all that is giving me love, showing love to me, as was the case in my childhood, I am love and there is an infinite abundance of love existing inside of me all the time.  Actually, I did see love in my childhood but it was a warped kind of love, sometimes worse than no love at all.  Sounds like a horrible thing to choose, a horrible way to learn, and it was, one that even took me to contemplate taking my life as a teenager, but I didn’t.  I was too strong, too much in touch with the love from within me.  And now I see it all, now I know and love is my foundation.  I embrace and express a beautiful love when I’m not coming from my wound.  I am learning every day to differentiate and choose love.     

One of the most profound natures of the wound is that we refuse to accept it is there.  The wound itself causes us to refuse to accept that we are wounded at all.  To be wounded would mean we are not special, not healed, not love, not perfect.  The wound wants to hide to survive and it does so by telling us both that we are all these things, and therefore not wounded, and that we are none of these things.  Deep down, sometimes only at an unconscious level, but one that seeps out into everything we are and do, we feel that we are not special, we are not love, we are not perfect, we are not healed.  But up close and consciously, we insist that we are all of those things to avoid facing the pain and hurt from our childhood trauma.  And thus, the wound hides itself and gets to live and thrive.  Actually, we are always healed, love, special and perfect, yes perfect, we are always perfect.  And the wound is never us, never who we are.   

Once we see the wound and are not afraid to admit it’s there, we can start to heal.  We are expressing the wound when we come from a place of hurt, when we are defensive, attacking, controlling, on the back foot.  We are reactive from the wound, we lash out without thinking things through.  We are emotional, we personalise, we blame. 

What happens is, something triggers our wound, it is always something that is connected to the dynamic of trauma and abuse that we experienced as a child with the person who gave it us.  Maybe we were criticised, blamed, shamed, usually many, many times, maybe every day.  Maybe we were refused love and affection, never good enough, maybe we were punished for being ourselves.  Whatever those conditions were for us, they created powerful, absolute beliefs in our tiny child mind; “I am not good enough”, “I am not lovable”, “Everybody leaves me”, “I am on my own”, “Nobody can be trusted”.  We may each be carrying many of these beliefs and each one connects to a trauma, a wound.  When we are living our life as an adult, some situation, something someone says to us suddenly triggers one of those beliefs and the voice of the wound comes out.  We express using words that came from our wounded child.  Those words and actions are not ours and we need not own them, they belong to the person who gave us the wound in the first place, it’s their voice speaking, not ours.  We never need to apologise for our words when we feel vulnerable, attacked, defensive or hurt, it’s not our voice, it’s the wound’s voice.  My calm voice that comes from my place of healing and love will never say those things to anyone.  And it’s quite a contrast, those two voices.  One can be nasty, it expresses an absence of love and the other is our loving, compassionate voice.  We’re the loving one, in case you’re not sure.  We are not the nasty voice, even though it speaks out of our mouths sometimes.  We never own it because it was foisted upon us when we were little, innocent children and it was never ours to own.  It never belonged to us, it was never for us and it was never about us.      

Neither should we have to apologise for being the recipient of such a damaging wound when we were innocent children.  Nowadays, when the wound’s voice comes out, we are quite often not aware, at least not at first, only if we have insight.  It is nothing to do with us how another person responds to our hurt voice.  The way they respond is not our problem and they don’t have to receive it.  A healthy person won’t, but we might attract someone who reflects our voice back to us so we can learn, and they will receive it.  If they do, if they feel hurt, then that hurt is already inside them, not really coming from us, our comment has triggered their wound inside them, which can be a gift to them, giving them a chance to see their hurt and find the wound and change things.  And if we receive somebody’s words and feel hurt, it is not our fault, it is the damage we carry that is our problem, not their words.  We have another opportunity to notice the voice of the wound, that our words are coming from hurt and are reactive.  We have a chance to let that go and instead, find our loving place of peace inside that is coming from healing and speak to them from there instead.  So, we can say thank you for the gift of healing, but we do not need to say sorry, for to do so is to own that which is not ours to own.

Here is a link to a healing meditation for dissolving the inner child wound.  Scroll down, you will find it at the lower half of the post. 

Posted in inner child, Personal Story, spiritual skills and techniques

The Cycle of Hurt – Healing – Hurt – Healing

Sometimes we are called to write our posts as messages to others, but they are really to ourselves, to properly hear ourselves, which can be a healing thing to do.  And this is a part of a stream, you could say a sequel, to one written by someone else about me.  I’m assuming they won’t read this, they have decided to let go and move on now, so this is for me to share with you, reader. I share this because I feel in my heart there are so many of us going through similar conditions and being called to inner child healing. 

I got in touch with someone very dear to me over New Year and wished to let them know they were in my heart and mind.  It was a sweet and yet sad but brief exchange for me.  A few weeks later and I found out, through a post, that my dear one was hurt by the contact, partly because of me, partly because it brought up old wounds that I triggered that were not about me.

I got back in touch with my dear one to mend the hurt and ensure that understanding was reached for us both.  I opened up my heart again and offered to reconnect.  This time, it was she who walked away and now I am the one who is managing my hurt through writing. My hurt also comes from a wound from the past, but also from the certain loss of one I love so dearly. 

You see, I had walked away from our relationship previously, in part because I could see that we were hurting each other without meaning to, triggering deep wounds from our childhoods.  I am a retired psychological therapist, a clinical manager, and this is my specialist subject. Even so, I refused to see it for a while, and when I did, denied it for a while longer, and then tried to fight it and eventually bargained with it until I had no other option but to face it. Once I faced it, I thought I had been led here to be the redeemer, that I was ideally placed to make a difference, but eventually realised I was not there for that. We were a gift to each other in the way we came together as two wounded humans to help each other heal as equals and release what was never our truth, but was instead the received wounds of a wounded other, given to us before the age of seven when our cognitive abilities were still developing.  My dear one is yet to uncover that her deepest wound, like mine, is the mother wound, pre-dating the traumatic event she is aware of. We really did come together to be a mirror for each other and I hope we both learned all we needed before this point of departure.

I, for my part, have been healing my inner child and when I asked my guides, they told me I had 44 inner child wounds.  I have been told the hardest wound to heal is the one we receive in the womb.  I was the unwanted pregnancy of a sixteen year old girl in 1960, the result of an unwise casual dalliance.  Her Victorian parents persecuted her relentlessly for her actions, accusing her of making them both ill and indeed, they did become ill.  When one died, she was blamed for their death.  Her parents had been mortified about what their neighbours and family would think of them.  My birth mother received an offer of marriage from her new boyfriend, not my father, and the chance to keep me as their child, but she refused.  She didn’t want me then and she didn’t want me when I tracked her down in my early forties.  I grew as a foetus in a stew of whatever difficult emotions she faced, I knew from my contact with her that the reason she didn’t want to know me was because of the trauma that I rekindled. 

I went to live with a new family where fear was my constant companion. Emotional neglect, psychological and sexual abuse created many traumas for me, but mostly it was the ever-present, not feeling loved and being criticised daily.  It wears away at you. 

I know I’m not alone and many of us are carrying childhood traumas and their wounds.  A way to heal them is scripted below.  We need to visit and heal each trauma, it requires several visits to our inner children, each one can be healed and placed tenderly in our heart.  When I was told I had 44 to heal, I had already done loads of inner child healing, so maybe I originally had a lot more.  Since then, I’m down to 39, although I also had a mass inner child healing event recently, so maybe I’m down to much less.  When I notice a trigger situation and it’s accompanying behaviour come up, I visit another inner child and heal her. 

When I walked away from my dear one I realised I couldn’t help her heal in person, the only way I could do so was by working in the energetic at a distance.  So, I walked away, to protect us both, despite the deep desire I carried to remain with her.  To do so hurt more than I can say.  Despite this, I always hoped that one day we would be able get together again, healed and whole, reconnecting with the most amazing and deep purity of beauty, joy and love we once had together, she brought me by far the most wonderful of any relationship I have ever known, hurt and pain aside, what a ride of highs and lows it was. Today, I face the knowledge we won’t be back together again, this time for good, we are both going to try and let go and find a life apart.  And my heart feels broken again, like I have lost a piece of my soul.  Time for another healing. 

Here is a script you can use for healing your inner children.  I’ve found this method can be used for other types of trauma healing, I’ve used it to heal a past life with my dear one where a trauma of separation was kindled between us and played out for me in this incarnation, and now is healed. It’s from an expert in the field, Jen Peters.  You can visit her website here Jen Peters – Returning you to your True Essence (jen-peters.com) where you will find a free video version of this healing:-

In meditation, bring to mind a moment when you felt lost, confused, maybe abandoned, rejected.

Notice whereabout in the body that you become emotionally triggered.

Focus on the most strong emotional charge, if more than one place.  That is where the trauma has been trapped.

How does it feel physically?

Go deeper, what feelings and emotions are sitting in that part of your body?

Are there any other emotions sitting in there, in deeper layers?

Go deeper, dive into those emotions and physical feelings and notice a younger part of you that is sitting in that part of your body.  Connect with them now.

If you don’t see or sense your inner child there, then allow your imagination to bring that vision forward for you.

Notice how is this inner child feeling?

Is there more?

Now go in to your inner child, perhaps pick them up, sit down with them, make eye contact and let them know you are here now, you see them and that they are safe.

Recall what you noticed they were feeling before and reflect that back to them and remind them that you are here now and will always be here to love them and keep them safe.

Now it’s time to give them a voice, say to them, “I know you’ve got some really important stuff you want to say, please feel free to share that with me now.”

With that information, mirror that back to them with the reassurances that they need, that they are loved, safe and you are with them now.

Explain in your own words to them that how they are feeling is not about them and is not their fault, that others have passed on their own wounds to them.

Ask them what beliefs have they formed in response to this trauma?

Depending on what they say, mirror that back to them whilst letting them know it’s not true and remind them that they are loved and safe now.

Ask them again if there are any other beliefs they might have.

Once again, play the beliefs back to them with the reassurance that those beliefs are not true and give them specific reassurance that they are more than enough and always have been.

Ask them what patterns of behaviour have they formed, that they play out as a response to this trauma?

Depending what that pattern is, play it back to them and let them know it’s time to let that pattern go.  Let them know that they don’t need to do that to keep themself safe because you are going to keep them safe now, whatever they do.

Ask are there any further patterns that they are playing out?

Once again, replay the patterns and that they don’t need to do them anymore, that you are always going to be there to love them and keep them safe.

You may have noticed a shift in how your little one is feeling now, they are probably more peaceful and maybe sleepy.

So now, look them in the face and tell them that you will always be present for them, to love them and protect them now.  To nurture and care for them and never ever abandon them and that you are really proud of the little girl/boy that they are.

Let us bring in healing energy for them and visualise violet light completely immersing them that will dissolve away their wound.

You are holding a quartz crystal now that has a rainbow of light coming from it and so place that crystal into your body in the place where you first noticed the trauma coalescing when you started. And also place a golden drop of divinity there to intensify the healing.  The rainbow quartz is filled with templates and codes, with geometry and activations that will be specific to you and your needs.

Notice the rainbows starting to radiate out and surround and immerse through your inner child’s little body and also the gold, all the way out to the energy field. 

Now we are going to bring in some unconditional love, so placing some soft pink right into the centre, radiating out with the rainbows and the gold, see it radiate out until your inner child is wrapped up inside a bubble of beautiful gold light, rainbows and softest pink unconditional love.

Notice that they are going to sleep now or are really relaxed.

Now shrink them down to the size of a tennis ball, inside the beautiful ball of light, all wrapped up.

If there is anything else you would like to say to them now, go ahead and do that, but include letting them know that you are now going to bring them home to you, where you will always love them, always nurture them and always care for them and just pop them into your heart, still wrapped up.

If there is anything else you would like to say, just say that to them now.

Beautiful, you’ve done an amazing job.

Now take a little peak at the original scenario that you started with and see how that feels now.

We can have numerous inner children, each one of them holds on to one theme of distortion with its patterns and beliefs.  You can do this exercise with each inner child that is holding a different theme or belief which is currently holding your adult life to hostage.

By doing this, you will be able to collect and dissolve each trauma or wound, which is really powerful and beautiful work because you are literally loving yourself back to wholeness.  You are becoming the source for what those wounded parts of you didn’t get as a child and are still reaching out to others for.  You are now becoming the source for that.