Posted in darkness and light, divine magic, healing, Inspiration

Healing Ceremony Magic

Comfort behaviours were activated last night.

They’ve always been my ways of coping with chronic loneliness.

Chronic loneliness is a hangover from childhood when loneliness was my constant companion.

As a child, I was never alone but always lonely because I didn’t feel seen or heard.

Now, I live in chosen isolation, and it can be awesome.

A place of freedom and empowerment to be me.

I’m not really lonely now, I’m alone and that’s different.  I just came out of a socially awesome time and am noticing the difference now everybody has gone, is all. 
And that’s a teacher.

And I guess I’m processing the end of my thirty-nine year relationship right now, a reason why I wrote about it in my post ‘Letting Go, Stepping Up’

I’m finding the space to look at myself and really see who I am without anybody else defining me.  I guess you could say I’m learning to own myself. 

And I know I can fast-track the emotional fall-out from this process by having a little ceremony and claiming it all, accepting it all. 

If you’re going through some personal stuff right now, would you consider taking a moment to have a little ceremony?  

And in that ceremony claim it all, accept it all, love it all, love yourself and include everything that’s happening in that.  Everything you don’t like, don’t want. 

Make it liked and wanted because it’s yours, it’s you and you don’t get to pick and choose if you’re going to love yourself unconditionally. 

Instead of picking it apart, mulling it over deep into the night, feeling awful and heading for the fridge like I just did, embrace it. 

We go around in circles when we try to understand it intellectually because it’s not intellectual stuff, it’s deep down stuff and has to be embraced at that deep down level.

It’s a shift that takes place inside to get there, to be able to stop trying to make sense of it.

Claiming it, accepting it and loving it is the healing here.  I am reminded of some words from Mary Oliver’s poem, ‘Annunciation’:

“And so it is myself I want to turn in that direction
not as towards a place, but it was a tilting
within myself,
as one turns a mirror to flash the light to where
it isn’t – I was blinded like that – and swam
in what shone at me”

It’s total magic in the biggest sense, in the way that life is magic, everything is magic. 

Your ceremony is anything you want it to be, any words or actions you choose. 

Make it up from your heart.  It can be five minutes or all day.  You may light a candle or smudge yourself or you may not.  You may burn some words in a flame or break something to represent cutting ties, or not. 

Just put your heart into it and allow yourself to be guided.  But at some point, say the words with conviction. 

And this is what to say. Claim all the stuff that’s going on as a part of who you are and send love to it all, even the ‘bad’ stuff or ‘wrong’ stuff (there is no bad or wrong because there are no judgements here). 

Give all your love, give to yourself your unconditional love. 

(Unconditional – unpack that word, it means total acceptance.) 

Accept your stuff and accept yourself.  Completely and totally – now, then step back and watch the magic happen.       

Posted in Abundance and lack, inner child, Personal Story

Embracing a Purer Existence

For some time, moving towards a purer existence has been encouraged by my guides and soul.  A pure existence can mean a number of things and will not be the same for each person.  It means what I put in my body in terms of eating and drinking.  It means the kind of energy that I surround myself with, the people I interact with, the activities I choose to engage with, the music I listen to, reducing the mind-numbing use of my laptop and phone, the kind of TV programmes and films I watch.  It can even mean the colours I choose to wear, white being my favourite for purity.  It means taking walks in nature, being amongst the woodland trees and visiting the coast.  It means spending time with the cats.  It means making every moment mindful, every moment a state of meditation.  It means listening to my body and giving myself what I need when I need it, sleep, movement, singing, a break, alone time, social time.  It means loving myself.

When it comes to food and drink, my body has been reacting for some time, in a detrimental manner, to certain substances.  These are things that my body cannot tolerate and they affect me detrimentally on every level; physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.  They make me sick, cause my mood to drop and deplete my energy, both in terms of vitality and my ability to connect to spirit.  I simply don’t have a choice about it and it has been a fight sometimes.  These substances have to be removed or at least diminished in my life.  They include alcohol, wheat, caffeine, cooking oils and meat.  But the truth is, it’s not about a list of dietary requirements, it’s about attitude, embracing a state of love and appreciation for myself, for my body, listening to my body with respect and acting in love and gratitude. 

For years, I have struggled with an eating disorder leading to over-eating and obesity.  Like many people, I have tried all sorts of ways to change this, diets and restrictions of eating.  Now, I am finding the most radical and unrealistic approach of all is coming into the light for me. 

Have you heard the word ‘breatharian’?  Also known as living off light, it refers to people who don’t need to eat anymore because they have reprogrammed their beings, body, mind and spirit, to find all its nourishment from the light we are naturally breathing in.  They go through a process of changing their body’s access to the fuel it needs, which is pretty challenging, and then use breathing to feed their body’s needs.  As soon as I heard about it, I was intrigued.  Since then, I have researched it.  I know that I’m not yet ready to go through such a profound process of change but that I am moving towards it.  Now, my entire attitude to food is coming from an awareness of this being the reality I am moving to.

So, what’s different?  Now, I enjoy the experience of seeing how long it takes before my body tells me it’s time to eat, instead of eating at mealtimes.  Yesterday, it wasn’t until 4.30pm. 

I am no longer running to the fridge the moment my tummy rumbles, in fact, I can sit and enjoy the feeling of being empty for a while and realise it’s okay.

When I eat, I am learning to be amazed at how little I actually need to feel satisfied.  I’m a lot more comfortable that way than when I take more food.

I am eating a lot more fruit, in fact, the majority of my diet is raw food.  I am eating purer food, not out of a packet or tin.  I am taking an attitude of curiosity to food, trying different things and finding new combinations.  I am liking things I used to avoid and happily avoiding things I used to like.

I am drinking a pint of water and a mug of warm water with organic apple cider vinegar and half a lemon upon waking.  Then, I wait at least an hour before eating.  I have water with me all day long. 

The upshot is I eat a lot less and feel better for it.  I eat a lot more healthily and enjoy it.  I am getting on with things and food is not taking the front focus it was.  Of course, I couldn’t have got here at all without first having healed my inner child enough to overcome my trigger behaviour of comfort eating.  My warped relationship with food has always been about lack consciousness.  Lack of love, fear of going without, fear of starving.  This is about my learning to love myself from within, about my inner child feeling loved, about my inner child feeling reassured that the old fears are not there anymore.  This is all about self-love.