Posted in healing, Personal Story

The Last Post

A writer fabricates a narrative by linking events together. Every story is coloured and defined, a comedy or tragedy, depending on how the writer interprets events and the connections between them. Without this, there is no story, only a landscape of disparate words. A landscape that is broad, infinite and mysterious, just as our inner landscape is one of divine magic and mystery.

To accept that inner magical landscape, we must abandon the idea of making any sort of connection between one idea and another. We grasp nothing.

Opening ourselves up to the mystical landscape of our soul and its wordlessness, that is the greatest healing.

Words don’t go far enough. There’s magic in words, they are spells, hence ‘spelling’, but for deep healing we have to get beyond words and into the abstract. We need to bypass the intellect which gets caught up with words. What’s called for is a deeper, wordless knowing.

That’s the kind of healing journey I’ve been on, the kind that heals from within, the only holistic healing there is. The kind that teaches you that everything exists inside you, everything. And it’s no longer words, it’s knowing.

When you’re reborn through that kind of healing, you are born to yourself. You are your own mother and you are foetus and newborn babe all at the same time. You are all that you ever were, are now and will ever be. Nothing is the same from that moment on. And there’s really nothing left to say.

So it is, this is my last post. My blog is ending here and now, this website will soon be taken down. Those who need me will find me, the universe will take care of that.

One day, there may be a new website, but right now, nothing more needs to be spoken, nothing is waiting to be said. I have entered that inner, magical landscape and from here, I am learning to paint my truth without words.

Posted in gender, sexual healing, The Truth of our Being

Exploring Gender

I’m interested in gender and the constructive nature of the genders we embody.

We know that from the moment we are born, we’re conditioned to conform with the gender our body represents.

Before birth, we all began with female physicality and some stay that way whilst others develop a male body.

Does a newborn baby know what gender it is?

Is gender purely physical or is it defined by a number of different factors, such as cognitive, emotional, spiritual and energetic frameworks?

It’s clear that humans usually place the defining factor on the body.

Over time, males and females learn to walk differently, speak differently, act, think and believe from different parameters.

We dress differently, arrange our appearance in different ways and live life in different roles.

Everything around us supports this; culture, family, society, media, religion, politics, education, law, business.

We are living at a time when people are breaking through these parameters but it’s still not easy and neither is it safe for many.

I identify as a woman but feel masculine too. It’s not either-or, I feel I contain both within the totality of my being.

We are all performers in our daily lives but we’re not aware of the fact that we’re performing. There’s the person we are when we’re asking the bank manager for a loan, the person we are when we’re talking to young children, we’re someone else when we’re dancing with our friends. We have all these different behaviours and all of it is a performance.

Who we are depends on what we decide to take upon ourselves and become.

I believe that if we explore gender as a part of our truth, we open up to healing and awaken positive qualities that are suppressed within us when we limit our truth. We can understand ourselves and each other so much better if we embrace ourselves as beings that embody both feminine and masculine energies.

Posted in Inspiration, Poetry

Faith

An everyday interaction takes place

Which, due to it’s coincidental timing and vague reflection of the circumstances,

Is interpreted as a sign of a higher power at work.

This leads to a more positive attitude,

A change in behaviour.

And life improves,

Coincidence or synchronicity?

It brings faith that something better is possible

You are the maker of your destiny

You create what you perceive as the best and worst moments.

You may not perceive this because we’re not usually conscious of it,

But we are learning to stay conscious.

Just know,

Everything is One

(- taken, adapted and inspired from ‘Humans’ by Sam Vincent & Jonathan Brackley)

Posted in Inspiration, love, Poetry

A Moment of Deep Love

That moment

A teenager tells her mother she’s pregnant

How will her mother respond?

There are many possibilities…

I watched.

The mother looked deeply into her daughters’ eyes

Enfolded her in a hug

Nothing was said for a long time as they held each other.

In that moment, I saw how possible it is

To be the kind of person that,

Even when one she loves

Invokes deep fear within her,

She doesn’t think first of her own fears, beliefs, expectations or conditions

But bypasses them to see what her loved one needs.

What a momentous moment.

Posted in darkness and light, Inspiration

The Gift

“Have you ever felt like you were lost?

That you didn’t know where you were going or where you came from?

Have you ever asked yourself, “Who am I?

What should I remember?

What is my deepest wish from the bottom of my heart?”

I know you must have a wish like that, because we all do.

I learned that we really have to believe in miracles.

All you have to do is take that leap.

If you stop resisting and surrender,

You’ll see that even the most painful thing in life is a gift.

Instead of thinking, “How can I get rid of this burden?”

Ask yourself, “In what way is this a gift?”

The steps you take to escape the pain can bring you to the edge.

And if you cross over that edge, you can never go back to sleep.”

⁃ taken from ‘The Gift’ by Jason George and Nuran Evren Sit

P.S. The picture today is a close up shot of a monkey puzzle tree’s bark. If you enlarge and zoom into the centre of the eye, you might be able to spot two tiny figures, a male and female greeting each other with arms raised. Or is that just my vivid imagination?

Posted in Ascension, Inspiration, Poetry

Pilgrimage

We are on a pilgrimage of faith and belief

We were once cynical and isolated

We saw no future for ourselves or Earth

And worse, we didn’t care enough to believe differently

So, we set out on this journey

Learning to trust each other

We climbed the mountain of doubt when destruction was almost certain

And yet, hope was growing inside

Now, we have power

Power to save humankind from itself

It’s good we know fear

It helps us choose to use power wisely

We have all hurt ourselves and others

We have loved and been loved

Have faith

We are humanity and we have each other.

(- adapted from ‘Humans’ by Sam Vincent & Jonathan Brackley)

Posted in Inspiration, love

Love Is Not Nice

I am not nice

I am love

Love is not nice

Love is love.

What is ‘nice’, anyway?

Nice is a word that needs to be quantified

It’s a judgy word.

Love doesn’t need to be quantified

It stands alone,

There really is only love.

Love is our natural state.

Being nice is one of fear’s many manifestations,

The fear of being judged

As not good enough,

Not worthy enough.

That’s what drives us towards being nice.

So, I’m giving up nice and focusing on

Just being love.

[Image: ‘Angel Wings Explosion’ art by Amenet Drago]

Posted in Ascension, Personal Story, transformation

Emergence Four – Awake!

Just look at my lady’s slipper orchid, two flowers in full bloom. It’s now May and yet, the first flower opened in December, around Christmas! Isn’t that remarkable? Every year previously they have flowered for three months, but this year they surpassed themselves.

There’s a real emergence going on for me right now too.

My journey has been feeling like a birth process that finally reached the last push. Years of difficult labour are past and the waters broke already so now I’m ready for what’s about to be born.

My life, particularly a childhood of trauma is being transmogrified into something beautiful and incredible, something made of the most potent rose pink love. And it’s who I am, not a woman called Ananda, but who I really am beyond names.

I woke up this morning and there it was. All the answers I’ve been waiting for over the years. Clear as crystal. There, in my head before I opened my eyes, my soul destiny.

I know what I’m waiting for. I know what to do and not do, who I am and who I’m not. I know my soul purpose and how to express it. And I can see why I wasn’t ready to know until I got to this point.

I did the healing and now it’s time to fulfil my soul purpose for the new Earth ascension.

Now it’s time to get busy, I’ve got things to do, places to go, people to see. I’m making things happen and know they’re just going to flow, as long as I stay on track, because the Universe wants this too.

Everything that was already there, tantalising me as half the story, it’s coming into full focus.  Everything is blossoming.  My soul baby has been born and now she’s going to grow.

I did the healing and now I’m ready, it’s time.

What’s emerging for you, right now?

How do you feel about it?

How is your understanding of self changing?

[Image: ‘Lady’s Slipper Orchid, two blooms flowering’ photograph by Amenet Drago]

Posted in darkness and light, Inspiration

Imperfect Is The New Perfect

Get comfortable with what’s not perfect,

Allow what’s imperfect in your life, imperfect in you.

These are precious gifts.

They bring treasures as well as pain.

Pain and suffering are so valuable.

When you experience and allow pain

You create space for the joy you’ve been missing.

Your imperfect is beautiful,

Let imperfect be your perfect.

[Image: ‘The Green Goblin’ art by Amenet Drago]

Posted in darkness and light, healing, Inspiration

Making Pearls From Grit

“When you create yourself, at some point you’re going to have to either let that creation go and take a chance on being loved or hated for who you really are, or you’re going to have to kill who you really are and fall into your grave grasping onto a character that you never were.

What is the grit that the pearl is built around? The pearl is the personality that you build around yourself as a protection against the thought, “If they ever find out that I’m worthless, if they ever find out that I’m not enough, I’ll be destroyed.”

The avatar you create and the cadence you come up with that’s pleasing to people, it takes them away from their issues and makes you popular, and then at some point you have to peel it away. It’s not who you are.

This is what everybody goes through when they create themselves to be popular or successful. You act a certain way and say a certain thing and lie through your teeth at times, and you do whatever you need to do to look like a winner.

And then at some point in your life you have to say, “I don’t care what it looks like. I found the hole in the psyche and I’m going through and I’m going to face the abyss of not knowing whether that’s going to be okay with everybody or not.”

At some point, they’re going to try to drown you in the middle of that abyss. But no, be the other guy. You told us you were this guy, the character you built, but no one can live with that forever.

People sometimes exist so completely in their character, they maybe don’t know how to get out of it or how to take another road. So, they might take the ultimate road, where they actually have to leave the planet to get out.

All we really yearn for is our own absence. We yearn for what happens at death.

I don’t have to worry about that anymore. I truly feel like if you ask me where I live right now, where the real me is, I would say that there’s a quiet, gentle seat in the universe that seems to contain everything and that’s where I am.

I don’t want anything. I have no ambition. I don’t have to go anywhere. That’s fascinating to me now….. the disappearing.”

– words by Jim Carrey (from the film ‘Jim & Andy: The Great Beyond’)

[Image: ‘Pearl With A Shell Inside’ art by Amenet Drago]