Posted in darkness and light, I AM Presence

Prayer To Call In The Entirety of Oneself

“I’m calling in the energies right now, to own myself, completely and utterly.

To own all that I am.

To call in all the disparate energies that are me that have scattered to the four winds

Hear me! I call you back! I address all those parts of me, all those energies that ever left me or were taken from me.

It is safe. It is safe to return to the source, to be whole, to be healed, to be one. I am ready to love you, I am ready to own you

I own my body

I honour my physicality and the ways my body speaks through sensations and pain

I own my feelings

I embrace my anger, sadness, fear, hurt, and allow them to express and unfold

I own my story

I accept the hand I’ve been dealt, that my soul is choosing, and the learning my wounds have brought

I own my wounds and trauma

I allow the depths, the cracks, the burdens that I bear to give me their gifts and teach me their wisdom

I own my thoughts and beliefs

I observe the meandering narratives and persistent absolutes and thank my ego for standing at the interface between myself and the world every day

I own my heart

I ask my heart to remain open and enable the flow of love, knowing that my soul is ever present at my heart’s centre, knowing that the more open my heart is, the more freely the divine flows through me and from me

I own my voice

I enable my words representing my truth and vision to be expressed with power and conviction. I am ready to be heard and will not shirk from speaking my truth

I own my intuition

I get out of the way of myself and let divine inspiration guide me

I own my authenticity

My authenticity is the truth of my being, it is my acceptance of self, it is the owning of my entire multi-dimensional, multi-faceted and integrated being

I own my power

I recognise my sovereignty and know that I am rooted into my divinity and that my foundation is love. I have been holding closed the floodgates of my power but now I unleash my power upon the universe

I own my darkness

I am ready to see and accept that there are no sins, only choices. Whether foul or fair, it is all me. It is all a part of the canvas upon which the divine plays and explores itself. There is no judgement from now on, no evil exists here, only darkness and light, and I embrace them both as I would my children

I am ready to fully step into myself, to never falter from being true to me

I release all the energy that I’m holding that isn’t mine. Begone, return to your maker, you are not for me.”

[Image: This is my one and only tattoo which I call Kali Na Gig, a version of the Crone Goddess bringing forth the energies of empowerment. Inked by Pixtattoo, Southampton, UK]

Posted in healing, inner child, Personal Story

Growing Up With a Box Full of Darkness

“Someone I loved once gave me
a box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand
that this, too, was a gift.” – Mary Oliver

Are you someone who grew up having a difficult relationship with a parent? 

It can be a tough experience to grow, from womb to adulthood and beyond, trying to make sense of oneself and the world. And then add in to that a parent or parents who don’t see, hear or acknowledge that we matter, let us know that we are loved and worthy.

Worst still, maybe you lived with a parent or parents who criticised, judged, manipulated, controlled, demanded, abused, denied, hated or gaslighted. Maybe there was alcohol, drugs, absence, divorce, violence, abuse…

There are parents that aren’t able to be loving and affirming because it wasn’t there for them. It wasn’t modelled or experienced when they were growing up. They had difficulties with their own parents that led to not feeling loved or worth much. That’s not to say that a child who had a dysfunctional parent grew up to be dysfunctional themselves. Sometimes, the child becomes the healer of the entire generational family trauma. Sometimes, dysfunction is the starting point for such a journey.

Nothing said here is intended as criticism or judgement. There are few more unfortunate circumstances than a person becoming disordered in their personality because it happens during the earliest years of childhood. I feel sad for every one of us that’s subject to such a life story.

One of the most complicated labels is Narcissistic Personality Disorder. A person with NPD has little or no chance of understanding or accepting that they have this disorder and even if they do, it’s almost impossible to commit to treatment that could help them unpick it, because to do so would go against the absolute need to deny their wound is there.

When an NPD parent brings up a child, undoubtedly it means that the child experiences some shocking deficits that would impact their life. They may need to walk away. Maybe they stay. Either way is difficult.

A parent with NPD would find it difficult to show genuine love, empathy, compassion or gratitude. They may say they understand you, love you or are grateful, but over time, you realise they’re hollow words that are not backed up.

Almost everything revolves around the NPD person, leads back to them and their needs, worries or affairs, although they may be skilled at making it look otherwise. Truth is, they live for drama and their life is often chaotic and complicated as they draw drama around them.

An NPD parent will usually have a charming and highly social persona so that others think they’re fun, charming people. They may be overly affectionate, a ‘talk-to-anybody’ kind of person. They are charismatic, often successful people. As their child, you will see this side being demonstrated, but not so much within the core family. The side projected towards you may be a completely different picture which is very confusing since many will see your challenging parent as a lovely person and that’s not likely to be your reality at all.

The NPD person contains and expresses an absolute sense of entitlement. Maybe they need to express how special and unique they are, maybe they become angry when they feel someone doesn’t understand or appreciate them or didn’t value their specialness, maybe they simply make things about themselves and expect others to organise their lives around them, be at their disposal.

Walking away from an NPD parent is a real consideration, sometimes it’s the only way to heal and learn to love ourselves. I didn’t.

I maintained a good distance and limited contact for many years. Eventually, I found a way to get closer, to abate the onslaught, stay calm, ignore or walk away when needed. I learned it’s of no use to try to explain things in the hope they may understand and adjust their behaviour. Totally pointless.

I love my parent and feel sad that they’re trapped by conditions that were never asked for or deserved and they don’t understand any of it. My parent created in me a pleaser and fixer from a young age but I don’t please or fix so much nowadays, thanks to inner child healing. It’s such freedom to no longer carry the drive to have to do that. I can accept other people’s journeys for what they are, including that of my parent, and focus on my own journey, the only one I have the power to change.

Do you have an NPD-type person in your life? Did you have a difficult time with a parent growing up? Are you still struggling? Have you learned to love yourself, through healing from such a dynamic? Have you understood the gifts and opportunities that are open to you? Have you found all the love you need inside yourself, so you don’t need it from your parent anymore?

If this resonates for you, my love and blessings are with you. There are many others sharing this journey, you’re not on your own. Quite often, we live for years without knowing that it’s never been about us. Then, we hear or read something and start to see the whole of our past in a new way that makes sense. It helps to understand, it’s part of the healing. There may be little we can do but understand, yet that, in itself, is the start of healing, not only for ourselves but for previous generations.

Many of us are healing now and our insights are changing the energy of the past too. We are clearing it for our parents and grandparents and their parents too. We are all healing, only some of us consciously, but that’s all it takes.

(Image: “Opening The Box” by Amenet Drago)

Posted in Celtic festival, darkness and light, Inspiration, Mother Earth

Winter Solstice 2021: The Sun Stands Still

At 15.58 UK time (GMT) today, it’s the very moment of Winter Solstice 2021.

At exactly that moment, the sun stands still between its going and coming, leaving and returning.

The word ‘solstice’ means ‘sun stands still’.

The sun stands poised at the extent of darkness, gathering itself for the reappearance of the light.

This is the moment of renewal.

We rekindle the spark of light in ourselves and each other.

We are reconnecting to the light that is within and without.

You may think, in many ways, that these are dark times for Earth and humanity

But there has never been so much light shining throughout the Earth as now.

Gifted by the divine, increased with deepest love by archangels, ascended masters and star beings who are on the journey with us.

Let your heart embrace the renewal of the light,

Now, more than ever before.

This is a time of year when many people across the globe are opening their hearts to love,

To giving and receiving,

Sending cards of loving gratitude to each other.

Gathering together in celebration with family and community.

This is the time to tune into that powerful vibration of love,

To connect with the tremendous Christ light that begins to flow down to Earth and humanity from the moment of the solstice.

So, I ask you now,

At the moment of solstice at 15.58 GMT today,

Draw all the light into your being and send it to the leaders of the world, those who are visible and those who are invisible,

The ones that shape the future, they can create peace.

Together, we will open their hearts and minds.

Together, we will seed love,

Together, we will transcend fear.

Together, we will change the world.

My blessings to you this festive season,

May love pour into your heart,

May your heart open to receive the loving light that’s waiting to enter,

May the infinite blessings of the divine source pour over and through your being, cleansing, healing and enriching you.

My gratitude is with you, thank you for being present in my life,

Amenet Drago

(Image: “The Green Bough of Renewal” by Amenet Drago)

Posted in Ascension, darkness and light, Inspiration, Mother Earth, transformation

Emergence: two

Hopi Indian Chief White Eagle has recently shared a message about the current world situation. In the light of my recent post ‘Emergence: one’ I felt this was quite relevant, providing further understanding of the coming times:

“This moment that humanity is living through can be considered a door or a hole. The decision to fall into the hole or go through the door is yours.

If you consume information 24 hours a day, with negative energy, constantly nervous, with pessimism, you will fall into this hole.

But if you take the opportunity to look at yourself, to rethink life and death, to take care of yourself and others, you will go through the door.

Take care of your home, take care of your body. Connect with your spiritual home. When you take care of yourself, you take care of others at the same time.

Do not underestimate the spiritual dimension of this crisis. Adopt the perspective of an eagle that sees everything from above with a broader vision.

There is a social demand in this crisis, but also a spiritual demand. The two go hand in hand. Without the social dimension, we fall into fanaticism. Without the spiritual dimension, we fall into pessimism and futility.

You are prepared to go through this crisis.
Grab your toolbox and use all the tools at your disposal. Learn to resist by the example of the Indian and African peoples: we have been and continue to be exterminated. But we never stopped singing, dancing, lighting fires and having joy.

Don’t feel guilty for feeling lucky in these difficult times. Being sad and without energy doesn’t help at all. Resilience is resilience through joy!

You have the right to be strong and positive. You have to maintain a beautiful, cheerful and bright posture.

This has nothing to do with alienation (the ignorance of the world). It is a strategy of resistance.

When we walk in the door, we have a new view of the world because we have faced our fears and difficulties.

This is what you can do now:

  • Serenity in the storm,
  • Keep calm, meditate daily,
  • Make a habit of encountering the sacred every day.

Demonstrate resilience through art, joy, trust and love.”

(Image: “View of Sunrise, as seen from Stonehenge at Summer Solstice” by Andy Reid)

Posted in darkness and light, Personal Story, Storytelling, transformation

Revealed By Darkness by Chloe Elgar

My niece, Chloe Elgar, has just self-published her second book. And I was one of the lucky ones who got an early preview, receiving bits of it and then getting to read the entire manuscript, pre-publication. I have to say, from the off, I feel so hugely proud of Chloe and her book is amazing. She is one incredible human being, one of the many things I admire about her is that she knows how to stay in her centre and is true to herself, no matter what.

The book is called ‘Revealed By Darkness: A psychic memoir’ and tells the story of how Chloe emerged as the person she is through dark times and scary events. How her psychic gifts developed and the ways she first denied and then embraced her truth. She has written in such a way that asks, nay, challenges us to reflect on the truths for ourselves, because in reading this book, we will all recognise ourselves and our journeys somewhere here, even though we are all different, we often share the same fears and challenges, in one form or another. And hopefully, we will all come to trust the dark, even trust endings and death, as Chloe’s book guides us to a greater understanding of the reason these energies exist in partnership with love and life.

I warn you, it’s gritty, raw and powerful. It really amazed me how it brought up so much of my own childhood and there were some challenging moments. But that’s what working with the dark is all about, that’s how transformation happens.

Chloe and I met up occasionally over the years, but it wasn’t until 2019, at my mum’s 90th birthday party, that something really clicked between us. From then on, we developed a much closer relationship and started working on an exciting project together, utilising our unique skills in combination. This is a long-term project, under wraps for now but one day, I’ll tell you all about it.

In the meantime, if you feel attracted to Chloe’s book, it’s on Amazon and available as kindle, paperback and audio version. Or follow the link above by clicking on the book title or Chloe’s name and you’ll land on her website where you can order your copy.

Posted in darkness and light, Inspiration

Seeing in the Dark

Have you ever thought, how far can you see during the day compared to at night?

So much further, right? Not so…

At night, we can see the Andromeda galaxy with the naked eye, which is about thirteen million trillion miles away.

And during the day it is the bright light of the sun that limits our distant vision.

Who says you can’t see in the dark?

Embrace the dark, it is when we see in the dark that we see furthest.

Posted in shadow self, spiritual skills and techniques

Darkness, My Friend

The point about darkness is to claim it, then you are safe.

Darkness is not something to fear or run away from but to embrace. We can only do that safely when we have claimed and owned our power. It doesn’t matter whether the darkness is coming from inside ourselves, from somebody else or from the invisible realms, same applies.

Darkness is only a threat when we are not standing in our power, when we leave ourselves open or give our power away. Know how to do that, to stand in your power, to create your boundaries, to protect yourself and call back what power you lose. You do that with heartfelt intent, with your true voice, with your directed willpower and focused emotion. You do that from the centre of your power.

If we give our power away to darkness, we are giving ourselves away. If we stand in our power with darkness all around us, we are safe to experience the secrets and magical gifts that darkness has for us.

This is a part of who we are, we are both light and dark and we are not in balance until we have learnt to claim our power and walk through the dark night.

Posted in Inspiration, Personal Story

Diving For The Light

Like many others, I’ve had the kind of life where I lived in darkness a lot of the time.  A difficult childhood that felt lonely and full of fear.  An adulthood marked by dysfunction, trauma and wounding; from my childhood, the family legacy of generational abuse and probably trauma from past lives as well.  Such a lot to process and this is a part of the reason I didn’t have children, I knew deep down I needed to clear myself of all these burdens and their disruptive patterns so that I didn’t pass them on anymore and it took way longer than my child-bearing years to do it.  For the most part, I did good.  And I learnt how to dive for the light.

We usually say ‘reach for the light’, don’t we?  Reach for the stars.  Diving for the light is different, diving for the light means going down into the dark to get to the light.

Imagine you are treading water in a deep mountain lake in the middle of a moonless night.  The only way you have any sense of where you are is because the bottom half of your body is in water and the top part is in air.  Now, imagine taking a great, deep breath and diving down. 

There was a day when I nearly watched my husband drown. He was in the sea and there were others on the beach and in the sea. The tide was coming in and there was a sand bar. The sand bar made the waves bigger and rougher, they looked playful but what was not visible was the rip tide under the surface. My husband and a young girl became caught in the rip tide, they were desperately trying to swim to shore, touch their feet on the bottom, but as much as they tried, they didn’t move an inch. I watched and saw them both get tired. I screamed to him to grab the girl and swim out to sea, to break away from the rip tide, not fight against it, but he couldn’t hear me above the sound of the waves and the noise of people playing all around. Nobody else seemed to notice them, so I screamed louder at everybody around me, I screamed out and pointed that my husband and the girl were drowning, because they were. They were both rescued but not before they each accepted that their life was going to end there and then, they had nothing left to fight with. It hadn’t occurred to my husband to swim out to sea, it seemed completely contrary to common sense, he continued striving for the shore and was going to die trying to reach it.

Sometimes, we have to do the opposite to what our instinct says in order to find what we need to survive.  And that’s what it means to dive for the light.  We dive into the darkness because that is where light is born.  It means being able to accept the darkness, being able to love the darkness.  It means we don’t get upset with the hard days of pain or sadness, we embrace them.  We don’t feel like victims but like survivors.  We don’t feed our story of trauma but allow it to unfold.  We don’t hide our wounds but celebrate them. We don’t stay in the dark, because we know how to find the light in it.