For some time, moving towards a purer existence has been encouraged by my guides and soul. A pure existence can mean a number of things and will not be the same for each person. It means what I put in my body in terms of eating and drinking. It means the kind of energy that I surround myself with, the people I interact with, the activities I choose to engage with, the music I listen to, reducing the mind-numbing use of my laptop and phone, the kind of TV programmes and films I watch. It can even mean the colours I choose to wear, white being my favourite for purity. It means taking walks in nature, being amongst the woodland trees and visiting the coast. It means spending time with the cats. It means making every moment mindful, every moment a state of meditation. It means listening to my body and giving myself what I need when I need it, sleep, movement, singing, a break, alone time, social time. It means loving myself.
When it comes to food and drink, my body has been reacting for some time, in a detrimental manner, to certain substances. These are things that my body cannot tolerate and they affect me detrimentally on every level; physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. They make me sick, cause my mood to drop and deplete my energy, both in terms of vitality and my ability to connect to spirit. I simply don’t have a choice about it and it has been a fight sometimes. These substances have to be removed or at least diminished in my life. They include alcohol, wheat, caffeine, cooking oils and meat. But the truth is, it’s not about a list of dietary requirements, it’s about attitude, embracing a state of love and appreciation for myself, for my body, listening to my body with respect and acting in love and gratitude.
For years, I have struggled with an eating disorder leading to over-eating and obesity. Like many people, I have tried all sorts of ways to change this, diets and restrictions of eating. Now, I am finding the most radical and unrealistic approach of all is coming into the light for me.
Have you heard the word ‘breatharian’? Also known as living off light, it refers to people who don’t need to eat anymore because they have reprogrammed their beings, body, mind and spirit, to find all its nourishment from the light we are naturally breathing in. They go through a process of changing their body’s access to the fuel it needs, which is pretty challenging, and then use breathing to feed their body’s needs. As soon as I heard about it, I was intrigued. Since then, I have researched it. I know that I’m not yet ready to go through such a profound process of change but that I am moving towards it. Now, my entire attitude to food is coming from an awareness of this being the reality I am moving to.
So, what’s different? Now, I enjoy the experience of seeing how long it takes before my body tells me it’s time to eat, instead of eating at mealtimes. Yesterday, it wasn’t until 4.30pm.
I am no longer running to the fridge the moment my tummy rumbles, in fact, I can sit and enjoy the feeling of being empty for a while and realise it’s okay.
When I eat, I am learning to be amazed at how little I actually need to feel satisfied. I’m a lot more comfortable that way than when I take more food.
I am eating a lot more fruit, in fact, the majority of my diet is raw food. I am eating purer food, not out of a packet or tin. I am taking an attitude of curiosity to food, trying different things and finding new combinations. I am liking things I used to avoid and happily avoiding things I used to like.
I am drinking a pint of water and a mug of warm water with organic apple cider vinegar and half a lemon upon waking. Then, I wait at least an hour before eating. I have water with me all day long.
The upshot is I eat a lot less and feel better for it. I eat a lot more healthily and enjoy it. I am getting on with things and food is not taking the front focus it was. Of course, I couldn’t have got here at all without first having healed my inner child enough to overcome my trigger behaviour of comfort eating. My warped relationship with food has always been about lack consciousness. Lack of love, fear of going without, fear of starving. This is about my learning to love myself from within, about my inner child feeling loved, about my inner child feeling reassured that the old fears are not there anymore. This is all about self-love.