“When you create yourself, at some point you’re going to have to either let that creation go and take a chance on being loved or hated for who you really are, or you’re going to have to kill who you really are and fall into your grave grasping onto a character that you never were.
What is the grit that the pearl is built around? The pearl is the personality that you build around yourself as a protection against the thought, “If they ever find out that I’m worthless, if they ever find out that I’m not enough, I’ll be destroyed.”
The avatar you create and the cadence you come up with that’s pleasing to people, it takes them away from their issues and makes you popular, and then at some point you have to peel it away. It’s not who you are.
This is what everybody goes through when they create themselves to be popular or successful. You act a certain way and say a certain thing and lie through your teeth at times, and you do whatever you need to do to look like a winner.
And then at some point in your life you have to say, “I don’t care what it looks like. I found the hole in the psyche and I’m going through and I’m going to face the abyss of not knowing whether that’s going to be okay with everybody or not.”
At some point, they’re going to try to drown you in the middle of that abyss. But no, be the other guy. You told us you were this guy, the character you built, but no one can live with that forever.
People sometimes exist so completely in their character, they maybe don’t know how to get out of it or how to take another road. So, they might take the ultimate road, where they actually have to leave the planet to get out.
All we really yearn for is our own absence. We yearn for what happens at death.
I don’t have to worry about that anymore. I truly feel like if you ask me where I live right now, where the real me is, I would say that there’s a quiet, gentle seat in the universe that seems to contain everything and that’s where I am.
I don’t want anything. I have no ambition. I don’t have to go anywhere. That’s fascinating to me now….. the disappearing.”
– words by Jim Carrey (from the film ‘Jim & Andy: The Great Beyond’)
[Image: ‘Pearl With A Shell Inside’ art by Amenet Drago]