Posted in healing, Personal Story

The Last Post

A writer fabricates a narrative by linking events together. Every story is coloured and defined, a comedy or tragedy, depending on how the writer interprets events and the connections between them. Without this, there is no story, only a landscape of disparate words. A landscape that is broad, infinite and mysterious, just as our inner landscape is one of divine magic and mystery.

To accept that inner magical landscape, we must abandon the idea of making any sort of connection between one idea and another. We grasp nothing.

Opening ourselves up to the mystical landscape of our soul and its wordlessness, that is the greatest healing.

Words don’t go far enough. There’s magic in words, they are spells, hence ‘spelling’, but for deep healing we have to get beyond words and into the abstract. We need to bypass the intellect which gets caught up with words. What’s called for is a deeper, wordless knowing.

That’s the kind of healing journey I’ve been on, the kind that heals from within, the only holistic healing there is. The kind that teaches you that everything exists inside you, everything. And it’s no longer words, it’s knowing.

When you’re reborn through that kind of healing, you are born to yourself. You are your own mother and you are foetus and newborn babe all at the same time. You are all that you ever were, are now and will ever be. Nothing is the same from that moment on. And there’s really nothing left to say.

So it is, this is my last post. My blog is ending here and now, this website will soon be taken down. Those who need me will find me, the universe will take care of that.

One day, there may be a new website, but right now, nothing more needs to be spoken, nothing is waiting to be said. I have entered that inner, magical landscape and from here, I am learning to paint my truth without words.

Posted in gender, sexual healing, The Truth of our Being

Exploring Gender

I’m interested in gender and the constructive nature of the genders we embody.

We know that from the moment we are born, we’re conditioned to conform with the gender our body represents.

Before birth, we all began with female physicality and some stay that way whilst others develop a male body.

Does a newborn baby know what gender it is?

Is gender purely physical or is it defined by a number of different factors, such as cognitive, emotional, spiritual and energetic frameworks?

It’s clear that humans usually place the defining factor on the body.

Over time, males and females learn to walk differently, speak differently, act, think and believe from different parameters.

We dress differently, arrange our appearance in different ways and live life in different roles.

Everything around us supports this; culture, family, society, media, religion, politics, education, law, business.

We are living at a time when people are breaking through these parameters but it’s still not easy and neither is it safe for many.

I identify as a woman but feel masculine too. It’s not either-or, I feel I contain both within the totality of my being.

We are all performers in our daily lives but we’re not aware of the fact that we’re performing. There’s the person we are when we’re asking the bank manager for a loan, the person we are when we’re talking to young children, we’re someone else when we’re dancing with our friends. We have all these different behaviours and all of it is a performance.

Who we are depends on what we decide to take upon ourselves and become.

I believe that if we explore gender as a part of our truth, we open up to healing and awaken positive qualities that are suppressed within us when we limit our truth. We can understand ourselves and each other so much better if we embrace ourselves as beings that embody both feminine and masculine energies.

Posted in ancestors, elemental kingdom, healing

Wandering Womb

Did you know that in the ancient world there was this idea that the womb could wander around inside a woman’s body?

The thought was, it was a being inside our being, a living thing, some called it an animal, some a beast.

Further, they believed it was sensitive to odours and would move towards pleasant smells and away from unpleasant ones. Thus, they treated a displaced womb by wafting scents over the body.

They postulated that a misplaced womb was the cause of hysteria.

Incredible, hey? There’s nothing like that in the body, is there? Well, actually there is a living being inside our bodies, and not only women. It’s not one that exists at the physical level. As you may know, energy manifests at various frequencies and as it becomes denser, it manifests at the noetic level, that’s the world of ideas, and then denser still at the emotional level and finally, densest of all, the physical.

There’s a great deal that exists on Earth at an emotional level but not physical, and yet has consciousness. Of course, the disbelievers will want material proof and that’s a problem, but many people have their own proof, called personal experience.

I’m referring to spirits, such as those our ancestors have experienced for tens of thousands of years. Our own departed loved ones. Mythical creatures such as unicorns and dragons. Angels and beings from the stars. And plant, tree, landscape and elemental beings.

And it’s of these last that I refer with regards the wandering womb. You see, every human, animal and living creature on Earth, not just plants and trees, has an elemental being attached to them from their birth to death.

This being has a job, the same, no matter what it’s attached to. It’s to support that entity in growing, living and expressing it’s divine blueprint.

Can you imagine what a difficult job elementals have with us humans? We, the ones with the free will to go our own way? We are least likely of all to live with a pure intention to express the divine on Earth, that is our blueprint. If we did, our bodies would be flexible, healthy, full of vitality and of the ideal proportions and weight.

Unfortunately, we abuse our bodies dreadfully, and our poor old elemental is overwhelmed by our behaviours that make its job untenable. The same is true of our mental and emotional selves, indeed, every expression of our being is tested to the limit. And then there’s our lifecycle and ways of living. No longer being conscious of our place within the web of life, no longer honouring the Earth and all our animal sisters and brothers, or the plants and trees, or the soil. No longer honouring ourselves or each other. We go through some vital transitions such as adolescence, life partnership, becoming a parent, menopause, retirement and death. In the past, there were rituals which informed and supported our elemental, allowing us to transition smoothly, but nowadays we mostly ignore these events.

What do you think all this misalignment with the emotional consciousness that guides all our systems might create? Yes, hysteria. In other words, a whole heap of common and severe mental health conditions. Not to mention physical conditions. So, maybe the ancient Greeks did have an inkling about what was going on.

If you could talk to your elemental, which you can, what would you say?

If you could hear your elemental, which you can by opening your channel and accepting what comes to you, what do you think it would say to you?

When I did this, the first thing I said was, “I’m so sorry.”

[Image: ‘Ordering the internal body: A thirteenth century uterus diagram in Bodleian, MS Ashmole 399’ courtesy of Thinking3D]

Posted in Energy healing, Inspiration, The Truth of our Being

My Amazing Body

This post is in celebration of my amazing body.  Not just my body, yours too, all our bodies are equally amazing!  Have you discovered what your body can do for you yet?

My body is a finely tuned instrument that can tell me whether each thought or idea is a good one or not.  If I have an emotion, I ask my body to tell me more, whether this feeling means something, whether I need to do a healing, whether it needs my attention or just to let that feeling go.

My body works with me throughout my healing work all the time and I would be lost without it, whether healing for myself or anybody else.  I ask my body to show me where in the energy field there’s a wound or trauma, where there’s a blockage, and it gives me a physical sensation at the location that feels like the problem, perhaps a sharp pain or a feeling of constriction or nausea.  I know that many physical conditions are really because my body’s talking to me about my needs, whether emotional or physical.

I have a special left hand, it’s my healing hand and I’ve been taught to use it as a kind of radar.  It kind of tingles if I ask, when I’m doing the right thing or going in the right direction down a path.  I can use it to find my way or avoid danger.  Are you familiar with dowsing rods or a pendulum?  They are simply extensions of our body, tools that allow us to see what our body knows, that’s also our bodies talking to us.  My left hand works like that, I don’t need to hold rods or a pendulum, just tilting my hand gives me answers.  I can use it to ‘read’ ley lines and energy fields at sacred sites and standing stones.  It was taught to me by the Elemental Kingdom, specifically for doing Earth healing, although I find it can do so much more. 

My body gives me sensations like chills up the spine to let me know when spirits who have passed over are near and shows me specific symbols when my guides and soul group are present. 

My body is in no way unique, everyone’s body is the same, just as animals and birds have super-senses, so do we, only we question ours and learn to ignore the signals.  Bats have echolocation, snakes can detect infrared radiation, bees and certain birds can sense the Earth’s magnetic field and so can we.  We all have moments when we get that feeling in the gut or know something is so.  We just get freaked easily when we don’t understand what can’t be seen, but bees and bats get on with it because it works for them.  When we begin to trust and cultivate what our body can do, it’s like having a super-buddy who’s got our back night and day.  

What I’ve recently embraced about my body is something that’s come from the healing work I’ve been doing with Jen Peters recently.  That my body is not who I am.  It’s a marvellous sensitive instrument that comes with this Earth incarnation, for focusing my energy in the physical experience and providing me with all the feedback that I’ve mentioned above and more.  Like many others, I grew up thinking it was who I am, identifying myself with it.  And because of my early life experiences, I grew to have a negative view of my body.  I got caught in a cycle of hatred and destruction towards my body which manifested as an eating disorder, in my case, an overeating compulsion.  Consequently, I’ve abused my body rather badly, to the detriment of my health.  But no longer, I’m healing and reframing our relationship.  I know now that my body isn’t who I am, it doesn’t define me, and that leaves me free to accept my body as it is.  It’s not my body that shows my beauty, it’s my soul.  It’s not my body that attracts people or success into my life, it’s my soul.  I am a soul with a body, not a body with a soul.  I marvel at all it does to support me, I’m literally in awe.  And I accept the body I have with huge love and gratitude.   

[Image: ‘Dancing Gypsy Queen’ painting by Amenet Drago. Not available for copying or reproduction] 

Posted in Energy healing, Personal Story

On The Golden Road

Today, I am coming forward with a huge amount of love and gratitude towards myself, towards all the little versions of me I ever was, what they went through and how amazing they are. This is for me being me and for my journey. 

I’ve been on a healing journey for most of my adult life and a couple of months ago, it got hugely real and very empowered when I invited a very special person into my life to help me. Now, me being me is a whole new ball game and I could never begin to describe to you the many ways this is so.

The changes are many, they are unfolding and profound. I’m moving away from a fierce need to exert my individuality as something important, a need that I know has made me appear arrogant or aggressive. I’ve done that throughout the years as part of my inner child’s fight against not feeling seen or valued.

But I’m now letting that go for humble because I no longer feel like I need to fight for myself. When I fought for myself, I was not in alignment, not coming from a place of authenticity, it was fear expressing itself. It was wound and trauma expressing itself and it never felt right. I just didn’t know how else to be.

To finally find the peace to be me is more than wonderful, it’s a gift, a divine gift that I can now fully embrace. It means I breathe out and feel myself sink into the peace of letting go of the fight.

I don’t have to prove myself, I don’t have to convince anyone of anything or fear what anybody might say or how they might judge who or what I am. That’s been my whole life, fear of judgement, of being criticised as a moment-to-moment experience. To feel that it’s not happening or not important anymore, or just not there anymore, is peace and freedom.

Peace and freedom to love myself and others, to love everybody. It’s okay and it’s safe now. It’s all possible. From this place, in letting go of that tiring fight, which felt like the fight to survive, in relaxing into acceptance, peace, love, gratitude and forgiveness, I am proud of myself and can truly say that I love myself, I love what I am, who I am, and in seeing my shadow self, the not so attractive qualities that we all have to some degree, I love them too. I love all of me.

This journey isn’t about the past anymore, it’s about where I am now and who I am now. Here I am, a sixty year old woman, making her healing journey the priority and the journey is really empowering me.

Where I am now feels like a turning point. I have a vision of a golden road that just goes straight out in front of me, clear of obstacles and with a beautiful golden glow about it. I see myself walking down that road hand in hand with my little three year old self and all my healed inner children are walking with us, there’s quite a crowd of us now.

We’re on that road together. We’re marching forward together, and boy, what a mighty force of love we are.

I’m actively embodying self love into every moment of my days, in the way that I live, that I go through a day, the way I make food and eat, that I choose activities and interact with others. Embracing every task, making acts of self love and self care the foundation of my wellbeing.

Every time I choose something that doesn’t fulfil my being, it’s an act of self destruction at some level or other. The influence of my energetic self on my health and wellbeing is undeniable. I am stepping up to appreciate the richness that’s in every moment.

What is home for me? What’s my soul here for? What does it look like? Is it who I am, what I’m doing, where I’m living? And what am I calling forward? How am I manifesting and creating in my existence, my being and life? Because it’s from there that I express my soul purpose.

It means not hiding anymore but expressing my truth through my clear and true voice. It means being connected with other human beings in an easy, natural, loving, supportive and sacred manner.

And all this I manifest. I manifest everything very specifically, clearly knowing that I’m creating home for this soul in this personality at this time, in this physical manifestation upon the Earth.

And then it came. First, I received clarity about my divine plan. Then, along with others, I received an update that aligned my being to a higher dimensional vibration. I realised that as we receive this shift, as many have and more will, it’s important we realise that we still need to step up for ourselves and remain true to our power every day. To stay empowered through our inner peace, love and truth. To trust ourselves, believe in ourselves and hold that conviction steady. It’s down to us to remain in the higher vibration in every moment. It’s a moment to moment choice, not a given. The shift comes when we are ready to step up to that level of clarity and mastery.

All this places me exactly where I’m meant to be in the flow. That’s where I am, in the right place in the flow. When it’s right, it’s easy, that’s what flow means.

So, when the journey’s still difficult, there are obstacles, problems or physical conditions present and I know what that’s like. That’s been my journey for years, especially during the last six years. It means that healing is calling for our attention.

Posted in inner child

Loving Our Inner Children

Adults of any age, twenty, forty, even ninety, can act like children sometimes.

And I don’t mean in a fun and carefree way, I mean when we’re upset.

We go back to that childhood feeling of vulnerability when we had much less resources to call on in dealing with emotional upsets.

We act like children when one of our inner children is activated.

Maybe we’re petulant, maybe we don’t listen, we shout or scream, we get tongue-tied and can’t express ourselves. Maybe we lash out, blame others, cover up and say things we’re going to regret.

We’re far from our clear thinking adult self at those times and that’s because we’re feeling hurt and back in that feeling from our childhood.

We don’t have one inner child, we have one for each wound or trauma experienced.

Most of us will have many wounded inner children, each carrying a belief such as “I’m not worthy; I’m not lovable; people can’t be trusted.”

Every time something happens to trigger one of those beliefs, the little child who suffered the original wound and created that belief comes to the surface.

Then, when we’re hurt and emotional, it’s easy to find ourselves acting like a hurt child again at such a time.

And if someone in your life is acting that way from time to time, that’s probably why.

Give them a break and give yourself a break, we all do it, unless we heal those inner children and relieve them of the burdens they are desperately trying to address.

To heal, we go within, find our inner child.

Listen to our child, really hear our child.

Acknowledge, validate, love and embrace that child,

Then, we heal and integrate our inner child into our heart space, finally letting go of what was never our burden to carry. And that’s such a beautiful thing to do.

[Image: ‘Surma Tribe Mother With Baby’ photograph by Francisco Mendoza Ruiz courtesy of Fine Art America]

Posted in Ascension, Personal Story, transformation

Emergence Four – Awake!

Just look at my lady’s slipper orchid, two flowers in full bloom. It’s now May and yet, the first flower opened in December, around Christmas! Isn’t that remarkable? Every year previously they have flowered for three months, but this year they surpassed themselves.

There’s a real emergence going on for me right now too.

My journey has been feeling like a birth process that finally reached the last push. Years of difficult labour are past and the waters broke already so now I’m ready for what’s about to be born.

My life, particularly a childhood of trauma is being transmogrified into something beautiful and incredible, something made of the most potent rose pink love. And it’s who I am, not a woman called Ananda, but who I really am beyond names.

I woke up this morning and there it was. All the answers I’ve been waiting for over the years. Clear as crystal. There, in my head before I opened my eyes, my soul destiny.

I know what I’m waiting for. I know what to do and not do, who I am and who I’m not. I know my soul purpose and how to express it. And I can see why I wasn’t ready to know until I got to this point.

I did the healing and now it’s time to fulfil my soul purpose for the new Earth ascension.

Now it’s time to get busy, I’ve got things to do, places to go, people to see. I’m making things happen and know they’re just going to flow, as long as I stay on track, because the Universe wants this too.

Everything that was already there, tantalising me as half the story, it’s coming into full focus.  Everything is blossoming.  My soul baby has been born and now she’s going to grow.

I did the healing and now I’m ready, it’s time.

What’s emerging for you, right now?

How do you feel about it?

How is your understanding of self changing?

[Image: ‘Lady’s Slipper Orchid, two blooms flowering’ photograph by Amenet Drago]

Posted in darkness and light, healing, Inspiration

Making Pearls From Grit

“When you create yourself, at some point you’re going to have to either let that creation go and take a chance on being loved or hated for who you really are, or you’re going to have to kill who you really are and fall into your grave grasping onto a character that you never were.

What is the grit that the pearl is built around? The pearl is the personality that you build around yourself as a protection against the thought, “If they ever find out that I’m worthless, if they ever find out that I’m not enough, I’ll be destroyed.”

The avatar you create and the cadence you come up with that’s pleasing to people, it takes them away from their issues and makes you popular, and then at some point you have to peel it away. It’s not who you are.

This is what everybody goes through when they create themselves to be popular or successful. You act a certain way and say a certain thing and lie through your teeth at times, and you do whatever you need to do to look like a winner.

And then at some point in your life you have to say, “I don’t care what it looks like. I found the hole in the psyche and I’m going through and I’m going to face the abyss of not knowing whether that’s going to be okay with everybody or not.”

At some point, they’re going to try to drown you in the middle of that abyss. But no, be the other guy. You told us you were this guy, the character you built, but no one can live with that forever.

People sometimes exist so completely in their character, they maybe don’t know how to get out of it or how to take another road. So, they might take the ultimate road, where they actually have to leave the planet to get out.

All we really yearn for is our own absence. We yearn for what happens at death.

I don’t have to worry about that anymore. I truly feel like if you ask me where I live right now, where the real me is, I would say that there’s a quiet, gentle seat in the universe that seems to contain everything and that’s where I am.

I don’t want anything. I have no ambition. I don’t have to go anywhere. That’s fascinating to me now….. the disappearing.”

– words by Jim Carrey (from the film ‘Jim & Andy: The Great Beyond’)

[Image: ‘Pearl With A Shell Inside’ art by Amenet Drago]

Posted in Ascension, Energy healing

Singing Yourself Back Home

Although a certain amount of clarity can be perceived through the fog of life, there is always yet more awareness and understanding to come, when what was lost is found. What is lost is your truth, freedom and power, that which was stolen from you.

And now it is time to call those energies back. Keep calling the energies that belong to you home. Keep demanding that they are released by those who took them. It is time. It is time to call yourself home, to finally be complete and healed.

You have been waiting and this is now possible. When you have re-integrated all your missing energies that were lost and stolen, then, the full extent of your soul purpose will be seen, like a sun that emerges from behind a dark cloud.

And it will be magnificent. It will truly be blessed. You will herald it as a marvel. And there will be so much love and support available to you from every side. Then, you will become the fulfilment that is your soul’s destiny.

Right now, your greatest need is to sing yourself back home.

(Here is a LINK to a free resource from Jen Peters that guides you through calling your dissociated energy back home)

[Image: ‘Mother Wound (close up)’ painting by Amenet Drago]

Posted in darkness and light, Inspiration

The Gifted

There are two sides to the same coin,

And just the same, we may have two sides

Because of the gift we bear.

When we have a gift,

We contend with what it costs to have that gift.

And it’s hard to say what that cost will be.

The gift could be anything, any talent, ability or skill,

And it often comes from darkness

For, it is our earliest adversities that give birth to our greatest gifts.

The cost of that gift is the darkness that comes with it.

And if the darkness eats us up,

If we’re holding anger within us because of adversities from the past,

Be aware of the anger you hold inside.

Anger is a potent spice,

A pinch wakes us up, too much dulls our senses.

Anger is our fighter self who keeps us moving forward

But also, it paralyses.

Our strength came from darkness,

Our hope is in darkness.

We are light and dark, we are all of it.

As long as we accept it as so,

We will not be consumed.

(Words inspired by ‘The Queen’s Gambit’)

[Image: ‘Sparks In The Dark’ art by Amenet Drago]