Posted in inner child

Loving Our Inner Children

Adults of any age, twenty, forty, even ninety, can act like children sometimes.

And I don’t mean in a fun and carefree way, I mean when we’re upset.

We go back to that childhood feeling of vulnerability when we had much less resources to call on in dealing with emotional upsets.

We act like children when one of our inner children is activated.

Maybe we’re petulant, maybe we don’t listen, we shout or scream, we get tongue-tied and can’t express ourselves. Maybe we lash out, blame others, cover up and say things we’re going to regret.

We’re far from our clear thinking adult self at those times and that’s because we’re feeling hurt and back in that feeling from our childhood.

We don’t have one inner child, we have one for each wound or trauma experienced.

Most of us will have many wounded inner children, each carrying a belief such as “I’m not worthy; I’m not lovable; people can’t be trusted.”

Every time something happens to trigger one of those beliefs, the little child who suffered the original wound and created that belief comes to the surface.

Then, when we’re hurt and emotional, it’s easy to find ourselves acting like a hurt child again at such a time.

And if someone in your life is acting that way from time to time, that’s probably why.

Give them a break and give yourself a break, we all do it, unless we heal those inner children and relieve them of the burdens they are desperately trying to address.

To heal, we go within, find our inner child.

Listen to our child, really hear our child.

Acknowledge, validate, love and embrace that child,

Then, we heal and integrate our inner child into our heart space, finally letting go of what was never our burden to carry. And that’s such a beautiful thing to do.

[Image: ‘Surma Tribe Mother With Baby’ photograph by Francisco Mendoza Ruiz courtesy of Fine Art America]

Posted in darkness and light, Inspiration, Personal Story

When We Are Free

I’ve just been through another dark night of the soul.

I’ve been through them before, ones that lasted days, weeks, months, even years.

The intensity of my darkest night only lasted 24 hours but the ongoing situation is much longer.

My dark night was intense, powerful, transformational and illuminating.

As I reflect back, I notice how much stronger I’ve become and how quickly I turned it around.

I can see how necessary and useful it was.

It came about because of a situation that many go through.

We reach a certain age when our widowed, aged parent is no longer coping.

Somebody needs to step up.

Maybe we’re the only one who can or will do that.

We do our best to make sure our vulnerable parent is looked after, helped to find their best life, a life where they’re safe, loved, happy and able to live every day with the best quality of life available to them.

We explain all the options and make sure there are choices.

Maybe that parent cannot make the decisions we think are best for them.

Maybe they are choosing what is neither safe nor wise anymore.

Maybe it’s difficult because of dementia, mental health, or simply a stubborn disposition.

Maybe the parent has all those things going on.

Maybe there comes a time when we have to make tough decisions for them, just to keep them safe.

Maybe we place ourselves in the firing line to do it.

Maybe we’re the only one prepared to act according to their best interests and that makes us the villain, at least in the eyes of our parent.

Maybe we spent the last few decades knowing this time would eventually come and always wondered what it would be like, how we’d cope, how our parent would be.

If we’re unlucky, maybe our parent will turn against us.

We may falter. We may take it personally, who wouldn’t?

We may be criticised, blamed, accused, when all we’re trying to do is the best thing that can be done.

And perhaps our childhood selves will come to the fore because this is the parent our inner child remembers.

The one who criticised, blamed and didn’t know how to love us.

And if it happens like this, it’s not a bad thing.

If we go through this dark night, we face truth once more, seeing new light, allowing more feelings to be released.

We are cleansed further.

We are not the same as our childhood selves,

We have gathered many resources along the way.

We have learnt how to be our own parent.

This time, we are different.

We are not looking for anything from our parent now.

We are not needing anything now.

We find it inside.

We are free.

If we are by their side at all, let it not be because we have to be but because we choose to be.

Even when it’s the hardest thing to be there.

Even if we keep getting slapped in the face.

Even when they spit hateful words at us.

Or spread them about us behind our back.

Or when we see our parent is showering our sibling with loving words that we don’t receive, even though they make excuses and don’t show up for them.

We choose to forgive.

Forgive ourselves and forgive our parent.

Because we are free.

And they, bless their soul, are not.

[lmage: Owl heart reflection photograph by aol.co.uk]

Posted in healing, The Truth of our Being, transformation

Being Authentic

Over the years, there have been times when persons have judged me as coming up short in their estimations. It happens, perhaps it’s happened to you. I’ve always had a good radar for reading people but I could read myself too and knew where they were coming from.

I didn’t know what was missing in me that made me express myself in a limited way.

Now I understand, I grew up a traumatised person and consequently, was not able to be authentic. It took me a while to recognise that and longer to change.

Authenticity isn’t something we do, only be.

People can only be where they are on their life journey and that’s okay, but that’s not necessarily the entirety of the ‘who’ of us. Because the truth of our being unfolds.

We are all in a process of movement through fulfilment.

So, let’s give people a chance, let them in a little more. Give others room to grow. Let’s do that for ourselves too.

We are often struggling with each other, with ourselves, learning to love, to trust, to open our hearts.

Being authentic is the easiest thing in the world when you’re ready for it, until then, it can be the hardest thing to find. But it’s there, deep inside, it’s always there. Like a diamond waiting to be revealed.

[Image: ‘Sunset over the estuary from Burry Port’ photograph by Amenet Drago]

Posted in darkness and light, inner child, Personal Story

Fire From Within

The other day, things got a little fiery. I was in conversation with someone who knows me well and who I love greatly when things started to get out of hand. At first, I was calm and patient but when I felt we were going around in circles and I wasn’t feeling heard, I got fierce.

Two days later, we had a conversation about it when it was said to me; “Because you do so much spiritual work, I was surprised to see all that anger in you!”

You and me both. I had to take a look at it myself.

I remember, a long time ago, someone asked me why I hold myself back and I said, “Because if I were to let go, people will get annihilated.” I really felt the rage that existed inside me but didn’t have the capacity to understand or release it at the time. It was going to have to come out at some point.

It seems I’m learning to let it go.

When we’re on the spiritual journey, there comes a time when we finally learn to embrace our love for ourselves and then we no longer tolerate what we used to accept from others. And that’s when things can get empowering.

I’ve always known that kind of power is inside me.

Like Kali, Cailleach and Ceredwen, I am fierce and capable of delivering a fatal blow to your ego. I can unleash fury like a lioness, strike like a cobra with my cutting words.

I embody the Crone, I am a cracking whip that stings but the sting won’t linger. The more I love you, the more I will honour you with my fire.

Don’t get me wrong, 99.9% of the time, I’m kind, caring, easy going and tolerant. But lately, the deeper I go inside and the more I make space for myself, the less will I tolerate and the fiercer I am.

For some years now, I’ve been healing many traumatised, abandoned, rejected and lonely inner children of mine. I’ve been searching for them, embracing them, acknowledging and loving them, healing and integrating them back into my being, into my heart, into my whole self. Those beautiful children have suffered so much. And some are angry.

Each integrated inner child has my permission to express the entirety of their true selves through me, all the qualities that I once embodied but were knocked out of me. They brought back to life the feisty, sparky firecracker I used to be, now expressed as a grown up who’s ready to claim the full extent of her power.

No filter, no regulating dial, just full-on, absolute brutal honesty. Yes, it’s true, I’m not for everybody. And these days, I come with a warning.

Posted in darkness and light, death, The Truth of our Being, transformation

Seeing The Light: Death As Birth

Imagine you’re sent away from everyone you love and who love you, everyone who understands you. Imagine you go to a place where existence is difficult, not least because you have a bad case of amnesia and can’t remember who you are or where you’re from.

Perhaps, you don’t feel like you belong, as though somewhere, deep down, you know you’re not home. Despite this, it’s not all hard work, there’s a lot to learn here, you’re becoming more aware of your truth and enjoying the delights that life has to offer.

Then, one day, through a situation that makes you think it’s the end of the road, that your life is over, suddenly there’s a great light. Life has brought you your death because your soul called it. It’s time to go and Life has finished with being your teacher. You didn’t want to die but the light feels so peaceful, so calm and so full of love. You’ve never felt anything as wonderful as this before.

But wait, wasn’t this what home felt like? All of a sudden, you know that your true home and true soul family and everything you’ve always been missing is right there on the other side of the light.

You only wish to enter the light and go home, nothing has felt more blissful, more beautiful, more right, for as long as you remember. You know there are loved ones that you’ll be leaving behind, if you go, but you instinctively know it’s their home too and one day they’ll be with you again. And you know that, from where you’re going, you can visit them whenever you wish.

As you step forward to enter the light, you experience the greatest surge of the most profound bliss and love and peace. It cannot be understood except by being there. You are simply aware of your oneness with all, your love of all, your divine unity.

Your true form, as a being of light is revealed to you. For a moment, you sense yourself suspended, floating between the indescribable beauty of planet Earth and the divine light before you. In that moment, the surge of love and truth that opened you up and revealed your divinity, is grounded and anchored into the planet, like a shaft of lightning. Mother Earth is present and she gifts the energy of that moment to all the beings living on Earth. This is your gift to your loved ones on Earth, for in this moment, you love every being in equal measure. In the next instant, a connecting cord is untethered from Earth and you are free to gently drift into the light.

As you enter the light, familiar figures come forward with beaming faces to greet you with such heartfelt love. And you know, at last, you are home. It’s as though you have been reborn and you’ve finally woken up from a strange dream.

[Image: ‘Seeing The Light’ art by Amenet Drago]

Posted in darkness and light, healing, inner child, love

Power Play and Boundaries

Setting boundaries can be hard and that’s something coming to the fore at the moment. It’s so easy to let things slip, then it’s difficult to do a u-turn and put a boundary in place.

And we can feel confused about how to communicate what we want in the best way.

There are times we are going to upset other people and that’s okay.

Have you ever come across a bully? Most people have and where there’s a bully there’s a person or people being bullied.

Have you ever wondered what determines that one person holds all the power and another person is powerless? It’s like a silent agreement between them.

The bully has made control and power their own. The bully feels entitled and lacks empathy.

The bullied is holding victim consciousness, feels guilt and apologises for their needs.

There’s a bully in my environs and although there’s talk about how troublesome they are, people continue enabling their behaviour.

It’s a two-way dance, it takes a mutual agreement. We do have the power to change that dynamic.

The bully in my environs is sometimes confronted but then, the same old dynamic quickly returns. In this dynamic, the souls are learning about personal power, not only the one who is controlling and manipulative but those struggling to stand up for themselves, to find and uphold their boundaries and embody their sense of empowerment. And this means learning how to love, honour and respect oneself.

Are you setting and protecting your boundaries?

Are you involved in a power play with anyone?

What are you learning from them about yourself?

Does that make you feel like changing in any way?

(Image: “Goddess: Yin Yang” by Amenet Drago)

Posted in inner child, Inspiration, love

Feeling Hurt

Epiktetos, a Greek philosopher who lived from 50AD to 135AD once said:

“Another person will not hurt you without your cooperation. You are hurt the moment you believe yourself to be.“

How are we complicit when someone hurts us?

In what ways do we enable the other person to influence us thus?

Where is the hurt we feel coming from?

It cannot happen without our consent and our emotional response is the soul agreement we have with the other.

Their words or actions activate something that already exists inside us and then we feel hurt.

We created that, not them. Because we carry the potential to be hurt.

We are receiving an opportunity to perceive the hurt we are carrying.

It’s only when a belief we are carrying that isn’t true changes that the patterns change.

The belief is very old and very deep. It’s absolute and so deep we may not realise it’s there.

Hurt is the signal that alerts us to the presence of a false belief within us.

It’s our inner child that’s hurting.

What does our inner child need that’s missing?

To be loved, to be seen, to be heard, to be acknowledged, to know that they are truly worthy.

So you see, when someone hurts us it’s a gift, a chance to meet our hurt inner child and remind them they are loved, heard, seen, valued and so, so worthy.

Image: “Understanding My Hurt Feelings” by Ananda Amenet Reid

Posted in love, Personal Story, Soul Integration, The Truth of our Being

The Harmony of Being

There are two parts of me that are learning how to work harmoniously together. There’s my personality and my soul. We need both and they need to communicate and co-operate when we live on this Earth. My personality has long since held the reins and now my soul is fully on board as well. My soul is choosing to do some things differently and I can see she is always choosing what is healthy and serves me most.

But personality has got comfortable with quite a few poor behaviours and habits, most of which developed from early childhood wounds and limitations. Personality doesn’t always want to give up foods that don’t serve me, attitudes that don’t do me justice or methods that keep me stuck. Personality is a bit stubborn like that and has a tendency to not want to step outside the comfort zone.

Soul is patient and understanding, there’s no hurry, no timescale in changing the habits of a lifetime. The less urgency and pressure, the better.

The way forward is love, to keep loving and reassuring my personality, letting her know it’s safe to change, reminding her she is loved, important and valued.

Personality is letting go more and more, realising there’s still a role for her. Accepting that soul is improving things for us all. Welcoming soul and her loving wisdom to the party.

We are learning to work together for our ongoing fulfilment.

Posted in inner child, Inspiration, Soul Integration, The Truth of our Being

The Jewels We Hide

How do I know who I am?  Who my authentic self is?  I know from the things that come out of me when I let go of myself, or move my personality/ego aside.  When I’m alone with nobody around to trigger my insecurities, when I am not thinking about who I am, not even thinking about being me. 

We tend to think about being ourselves a lot more than we realise, especially when amongst company.  Complete strangers in the store or café, amongst friends, in relationships, we are running everything through the ‘me’ filter automatically, working out what is meant by the words, actions and behaviour of those around us, especially when their attention is directed our way. 

But when we’re alone, there’s no need to worry about all that, no need to feel self-conscious, perform or automatically behave from inner child wounds.  We can drift into a state of natural awareness where we don’t come from self-consciousness but from consciousness. 

That’s when my paintings pour out of me, when words pour out and when I sing with my naked voice.  That’s where I am when I’m channelling, healing and shamanic journeying. They are the times when I’m bringing the truth that’s inside me out.  And that’s me in my super-power, with my mojo working.  That’s my authentic self.  That’s when my soul speaks. 

How do you know who you are, who is your authentic self?  What comes out from inside you when you are alone, when you let go of yourself, move aside from yourself?  When your triggers are not active?  Maybe you run, get your running shoes on and create a deep relationship with the open road.  Maybe you bake, allowing food to be your palette, your alchemy, as you wizard up delicious creations in the kitchen.  Maybe you dance or express through musical instruments and allow music to unleash the vibrations of the spheres within your soul.  Whatever it is, it feels like meditation.

Baking is not just baking.  Playing the guitar is not just playing the guitar. It’s not what we do, it’s the places and spaces we travel through when we enter into a connection with that energy.  When we are authentic with it. 

Never belittle or diminish the value of your truth. Whatever pours out of you when you are being rather than doing, that is gold-dust right there, that’s diamonds.  Let your jewels shine.  

Soul Integration deepens our authentic relationship with ourselves, and the workshop that will make that happen is starting soon on June 12th. Spaces still available.

Soul Integration is for you if you are:-

Dreaming of finding your soul’s purpose, your life path;
Wishing to activate your twin flame;
Breaking through wounds from the past;
Looking to find your tribe;
Searching for your authentic self;
Connecting to the truth of your being.

Check it out here now:

[Above is one of my more recent paintings, or actually, a close up of a part of it. I hope you like it and perhaps you can sense the voice of my soul speaking through it]

Posted in Energy healing, inner child, love, Soul Integration, spiritual skills and techniques

The Treasure You Seek

This is the last post of the week on persona and this is the one where we look at what to do about it.  For most of us, we have a proportionate amount of persona and the rest of what we project as our self is our personality-ego, which is our true face, as projected by our soul.  We know that our soul is our true state but our soul is so much more than the sum of this one single incarnation as the person we are in this life. Personality is the authentic expression of this current self as a physical person on Earth and it comes from our soul.  Persona is a false casing, a mask that covers over our personality that we made when very young when we found that our true self was rejected by our main care giver(s). 

So, there are two means to increase the fulfilment of our spiritual journey that we are talking about here.  One is to remove persona and become our true, original personality, this is the person we would have been if we had been loved, kept safe, been approved of, heard, seen and validated by our care givers as a child in the early years.  The other is to invite our soul to become fully integrated into who we are as a being and connected into every moment of our life.

If we take the first part of that, how do we chip away at that hard, tough carapace that persona has built around us?  If we have a small amount of persona, then we know our authentic self very well, can access it and increase it, we can even choose to carry on using persona completely safely, when in certain situations, such as when at work or in performance, knowing that we are utilising persona and knowing when we are putting that mask down again.

The more persona we have, the longer it will take to chip it off and the more persona will try to sabotage our efforts to protect itself.  However, once we have accepted that this is our situation and embraced the need to change, to heal, to remove persona, as long as we stay committed to that, we will move swiftly towards freedom and every step we make will improve our condition. 

If we have become mostly or all persona, instead of our original personality, our first task is to really see it.  To really believe it and to really choose to work on it, for as long as it takes.  We have a lot of chipping away to do.  The first myth I wish to dispel, that persona feeds us, is that there will be nothing of us left if we let persona go.  This is simply not true.  We will feel like sheep must feel when they have endured the first shearing of the year, we will stand there, naked and trembling, we will feel like a weight has been lifted off of us but that weight also felt like the cosiest comfort blanket ever.  We will also feel the light and love inside of us for the first time and realise, for the first time, what authenticity feels like and how our previous state really was a prison.

There are two paths to follow to remove persona.  The first is to heal the wounds and traumas that we suffered in early childhood, before the age of seven usually, because they are the source.  The second is to integrate our soul into our being because it brings in so much love, so much wisdom, so many skills, tools abilities, all of which will strengthen, heal and add to our fulfilment.  And it brings in the truth of our being and a deep connection to the divine source. 

When it comes to healing the inner child wounds at source, there are free resources online for this here or just find Jen Peters’ free videos on youtube. Look out for her free abandonment wound healing too, it is so important to cover this.  Do the work.  If you are light on persona, light on early trauma, you will have less work to do.  If you are heavier on trauma wounds, you will be using these tools over and over again, I recommend every time a behaviour pattern is triggered.  If you are mostly or completely persona, really, you need some help from a dedicated specialist in the field and although I’m not promoting her, Jen Peters is one I know of.  Seek your own, but make sure you get the right kind of help. 

There are also numerous resources out there for integrating your soul into your being but, of course, I’m only going to talk about the Soul Integration work I am soon to offer.  This is something I have been passionate about since I had my own soul integration in 2018, it’s not exaggerating to say it changed my life.  I am finalising an online six session 45 minute weekly workshop on Soul Integration with a sacred soul initiation and download.  It will be released at a special introductory price in June.