Posted in inner child

Loving Our Inner Children

Adults of any age, twenty, forty, even ninety, can act like children sometimes.

And I don’t mean in a fun and carefree way, I mean when we’re upset.

We go back to that childhood feeling of vulnerability when we had much less resources to call on in dealing with emotional upsets.

We act like children when one of our inner children is activated.

Maybe we’re petulant, maybe we don’t listen, we shout or scream, we get tongue-tied and can’t express ourselves. Maybe we lash out, blame others, cover up and say things we’re going to regret.

We’re far from our clear thinking adult self at those times and that’s because we’re feeling hurt and back in that feeling from our childhood.

We don’t have one inner child, we have one for each wound or trauma experienced.

Most of us will have many wounded inner children, each carrying a belief such as “I’m not worthy; I’m not lovable; people can’t be trusted.”

Every time something happens to trigger one of those beliefs, the little child who suffered the original wound and created that belief comes to the surface.

Then, when we’re hurt and emotional, it’s easy to find ourselves acting like a hurt child again at such a time.

And if someone in your life is acting that way from time to time, that’s probably why.

Give them a break and give yourself a break, we all do it, unless we heal those inner children and relieve them of the burdens they are desperately trying to address.

To heal, we go within, find our inner child.

Listen to our child, really hear our child.

Acknowledge, validate, love and embrace that child,

Then, we heal and integrate our inner child into our heart space, finally letting go of what was never our burden to carry. And that’s such a beautiful thing to do.

[Image: ‘Surma Tribe Mother With Baby’ photograph by Francisco Mendoza Ruiz courtesy of Fine Art America]

Posted in ancestors, Personal Story

Ancestors

This is a photo of Alfred Elgar and Annie Jackson on their wedding day. They are my paternal grandparents.

I don’t know what year it is or who any of the other people are. The picture is a postcard, made out of a wedding photo and it was sent to Aunt Polly, Annie’s oldest sister.

I keep this picture on my mantelpiece to remind me of my ancestors every day.

Do you ever come across old photos like this of your ancestors?

Who do you count as your ancestors?

I was adopted, so my grandparents don’t share DNA with me, but we do share memories and we are family, the only family I have known.

I have often felt my grandfather looking out for me after he left this world for the next. When he was alive, he was a profound presence in my life, I really looked up to him and respected him, more so than anyone else. Even from my little girl perspective, I felt very much that he was a man with a big heart, a wise and kind man. In spite of this, I can’t think of a single person in my extended family who knew how to show love or express their emotions to any meaningful degree, and I don’t think my grandfather really saw me or understood me in the way I hoped either, not until after he passed on. Then, I guess he had a better view of me and my life and he started to take a special interest in supporting my journey.

I trust he can see the work I’m doing to uncover and heal the generational traumas in our family. Thank you, Grandpa, I feel you with me.

[Image: ‘Photo postcard of the wedding of Alfred Elgar and Annie Jackson’ by Turner & Co., Small Heath Studio, 7 Whitmore Road, Birmingham]

Posted in Ascension, Energy healing

Singing Yourself Back Home

Although a certain amount of clarity can be perceived through the fog of life, there is always yet more awareness and understanding to come, when what was lost is found. What is lost is your truth, freedom and power, that which was stolen from you.

And now it is time to call those energies back. Keep calling the energies that belong to you home. Keep demanding that they are released by those who took them. It is time. It is time to call yourself home, to finally be complete and healed.

You have been waiting and this is now possible. When you have re-integrated all your missing energies that were lost and stolen, then, the full extent of your soul purpose will be seen, like a sun that emerges from behind a dark cloud.

And it will be magnificent. It will truly be blessed. You will herald it as a marvel. And there will be so much love and support available to you from every side. Then, you will become the fulfilment that is your soul’s destiny.

Right now, your greatest need is to sing yourself back home.

(Here is a LINK to a free resource from Jen Peters that guides you through calling your dissociated energy back home)

[Image: ‘Mother Wound (close up)’ painting by Amenet Drago]

Posted in Inspiration, life and death

Feeling Into People

The way we experience people is mainly through the feeling they bring up in us.

Each person we meet, the feeling we get is greatly or slightly different.

And that’s how we have a different relationship with each person, compared to the relationship anyone else has with them.

Because our experience of that relationship consists of both the energy coming from them and the energy coming from within us, and what happens when those energies meet.

That’s a different unique experience for everyone we meet.

And, as you know, those energies can change, as our relationships change.

If our experience of each other is essentially expressed as a feeling, then, the feeling remains even if we’re apart, whether we’re in different rooms or different countries or even in different realms, between life and death.

The feeling will remain.

[Image: ‘Inside Stonehenge at Summer Solstice’ photograph by Amenet Drago]

Posted in healing, love, Personal Story

Acts Of Self Love

A few weeks ago, I started to consciously consider what was happening on a daily basis, in terms of loving and nurturing myself.

I was going through a difficult period, away from the peaceful solitude of my beloved sanctuary, my home, in an environment that was challenging every day, where making compromises was necessary in each moment.

A month long task of love and support for someone at the centre of my life was called for, someone whose own life seemed to be falling apart to them.

They were understandably scared and unable to appreciate the value of my presence or kindly intentions because of their health, anxiety and personality. Things were not running smoothly between us and we were both struggling.

I needed to look after myself as I looked after them but was too tired and too busy.

It took effort to structure some acts of self love instead of simply pouring myself into practical tasks for my charge. I made changes that slowed down my day and set me up for it much better. Initially, things changed.

It changed the atmosphere in the house and both our attitudes lightened. We began to be constructive, considering little ways to brighten the day and we related to each other with more harmony.

It didn’t last for more than a day or two because we were in such a difficult and challenging situation. The darkness still had plenty of gifts to bring and is still bringing them, but it brought a reprieve for a while, a refresh that could be repeated.

More importantly, it helped me remember something important, that when someone behaves badly towards us, there might very well be a scared and wounded child hiding inside that person, no matter how old they are.

Such circumstances are best met with gentleness and understanding, if possible, even when the natural impulse is to treat them as the enemy, which is reasonable when we’re under attack. I do know just how hard a thing that can be to do.

Especially when it’s a parent who was supposed to be the one to love us. Sometimes, that’s something that parents never learn how to do and it’s a big lesson for us to be the receiver of such a realisation.

When I look at myself now, I am proud of how I’ve navigated such a journey. I’m learning to be the bigger person.

When someone treats us poorly, we can always choose to be the bigger person by not answering their aggression with our own. And this is as true for nations as it is for personal relationships.

[Image: ‘Brilliance’ art by Amenet Drago]

Posted in darkness and light, Inspiration, Personal Story

When We Are Free

I’ve just been through another dark night of the soul.

I’ve been through them before, ones that lasted days, weeks, months, even years.

The intensity of my darkest night only lasted 24 hours but the ongoing situation is much longer.

My dark night was intense, powerful, transformational and illuminating.

As I reflect back, I notice how much stronger I’ve become and how quickly I turned it around.

I can see how necessary and useful it was.

It came about because of a situation that many go through.

We reach a certain age when our widowed, aged parent is no longer coping.

Somebody needs to step up.

Maybe we’re the only one who can or will do that.

We do our best to make sure our vulnerable parent is looked after, helped to find their best life, a life where they’re safe, loved, happy and able to live every day with the best quality of life available to them.

We explain all the options and make sure there are choices.

Maybe that parent cannot make the decisions we think are best for them.

Maybe they are choosing what is neither safe nor wise anymore.

Maybe it’s difficult because of dementia, mental health, or simply a stubborn disposition.

Maybe the parent has all those things going on.

Maybe there comes a time when we have to make tough decisions for them, just to keep them safe.

Maybe we place ourselves in the firing line to do it.

Maybe we’re the only one prepared to act according to their best interests and that makes us the villain, at least in the eyes of our parent.

Maybe we spent the last few decades knowing this time would eventually come and always wondered what it would be like, how we’d cope, how our parent would be.

If we’re unlucky, maybe our parent will turn against us.

We may falter. We may take it personally, who wouldn’t?

We may be criticised, blamed, accused, when all we’re trying to do is the best thing that can be done.

And perhaps our childhood selves will come to the fore because this is the parent our inner child remembers.

The one who criticised, blamed and didn’t know how to love us.

And if it happens like this, it’s not a bad thing.

If we go through this dark night, we face truth once more, seeing new light, allowing more feelings to be released.

We are cleansed further.

We are not the same as our childhood selves,

We have gathered many resources along the way.

We have learnt how to be our own parent.

This time, we are different.

We are not looking for anything from our parent now.

We are not needing anything now.

We find it inside.

We are free.

If we are by their side at all, let it not be because we have to be but because we choose to be.

Even when it’s the hardest thing to be there.

Even if we keep getting slapped in the face.

Even when they spit hateful words at us.

Or spread them about us behind our back.

Or when we see our parent is showering our sibling with loving words that we don’t receive, even though they make excuses and don’t show up for them.

We choose to forgive.

Forgive ourselves and forgive our parent.

Because we are free.

And they, bless their soul, are not.

[lmage: Owl heart reflection photograph by aol.co.uk]

Posted in Inspiration, prayer

Andy’s Prayer

This is Andy’s Prayer, it’s an updated version of The Lord’s Prayer, which is the prayer that Jesus taught his disciples to say.

Those that know me will surely know Andy too. He is the soul that my soul came into this life to spend thirty-nine wonderful years with, living and loving side by side. As souls, we looked for each other and, upon meeting, there was recognition. We have given each other nourishment at every level. We have grown together, enabled each other and learned so much from each other. As souls, we will always hold each other in our hearts.

Andy finished writing this prayer two days ago on Twosday. Day 22 of month 02 in the year 2022

A palindrome number and a day that was full of powerful manifesting energy of transformation.

He finalised it at 22:22. Here’s Andy’s Prayer:

Soul Maker

Divine Source of the infinite

Sacred is your name

Our existence in all things come

Your intent manifestly done

Upon Gaia as within the multiple realms

Shared amongst us your true divinity

And forgive us our blinded ego

As we too forgive our connected kin

Guide us not to harm

And protect us from deception

For ours are the multiple universes

The creation of all beings

Elemental and Angelic

In awe and with grace

May love guide our way

22022022

What does The Lord’s Prayer mean to you and how would you change it?

'Moon Angel' photograph by Andy Reid
‘Moon Angel’ photograph by Andy Reid
Posted in Abundance and lack, Ascension, Inspiration

Seize Your Power

It is not enough to learn things

You must choose them

And keep on choosing them with all your power

That’s why cultivating your personal power is so important

If your power is weak, then your goals may begin to manifest but they will slip away before you can fully grasp them.

What is your power?

It is a combination of strength, belief in yourself, trust in everything, knowing when to surrender, accepting the flow, opening your heart, making fear your friend, stillness, truth and saying yes to life.

[Image: This is my nephew, Sam, and his lovely wife, Tori, on their wedding day, December 2021]

Posted in healing, The Truth of our Being, transformation

Being Authentic

Over the years, there have been times when persons have judged me as coming up short in their estimations. It happens, perhaps it’s happened to you. I’ve always had a good radar for reading people but I could read myself too and knew where they were coming from.

I didn’t know what was missing in me that made me express myself in a limited way.

Now I understand, I grew up a traumatised person and consequently, was not able to be authentic. It took me a while to recognise that and longer to change.

Authenticity isn’t something we do, only be.

People can only be where they are on their life journey and that’s okay, but that’s not necessarily the entirety of the ‘who’ of us. Because the truth of our being unfolds.

We are all in a process of movement through fulfilment.

So, let’s give people a chance, let them in a little more. Give others room to grow. Let’s do that for ourselves too.

We are often struggling with each other, with ourselves, learning to love, to trust, to open our hearts.

Being authentic is the easiest thing in the world when you’re ready for it, until then, it can be the hardest thing to find. But it’s there, deep inside, it’s always there. Like a diamond waiting to be revealed.

[Image: ‘Sunset over the estuary from Burry Port’ photograph by Amenet Drago]

Posted in darkness and light, inner child, Personal Story

Fire From Within

The other day, things got a little fiery. I was in conversation with someone who knows me well and who I love greatly when things started to get out of hand. At first, I was calm and patient but when I felt we were going around in circles and I wasn’t feeling heard, I got fierce.

Two days later, we had a conversation about it when it was said to me; “Because you do so much spiritual work, I was surprised to see all that anger in you!”

You and me both. I had to take a look at it myself.

I remember, a long time ago, someone asked me why I hold myself back and I said, “Because if I were to let go, people will get annihilated.” I really felt the rage that existed inside me but didn’t have the capacity to understand or release it at the time. It was going to have to come out at some point.

It seems I’m learning to let it go.

When we’re on the spiritual journey, there comes a time when we finally learn to embrace our love for ourselves and then we no longer tolerate what we used to accept from others. And that’s when things can get empowering.

I’ve always known that kind of power is inside me.

Like Kali, Cailleach and Ceredwen, I am fierce and capable of delivering a fatal blow to your ego. I can unleash fury like a lioness, strike like a cobra with my cutting words.

I embody the Crone, I am a cracking whip that stings but the sting won’t linger. The more I love you, the more I will honour you with my fire.

Don’t get me wrong, 99.9% of the time, I’m kind, caring, easy going and tolerant. But lately, the deeper I go inside and the more I make space for myself, the less will I tolerate and the fiercer I am.

For some years now, I’ve been healing many traumatised, abandoned, rejected and lonely inner children of mine. I’ve been searching for them, embracing them, acknowledging and loving them, healing and integrating them back into my being, into my heart, into my whole self. Those beautiful children have suffered so much. And some are angry.

Each integrated inner child has my permission to express the entirety of their true selves through me, all the qualities that I once embodied but were knocked out of me. They brought back to life the feisty, sparky firecracker I used to be, now expressed as a grown up who’s ready to claim the full extent of her power.

No filter, no regulating dial, just full-on, absolute brutal honesty. Yes, it’s true, I’m not for everybody. And these days, I come with a warning.