Posted in inner child

Loving Our Inner Children

Adults of any age, twenty, forty, even ninety, can act like children sometimes.

And I don’t mean in a fun and carefree way, I mean when we’re upset.

We go back to that childhood feeling of vulnerability when we had much less resources to call on in dealing with emotional upsets.

We act like children when one of our inner children is activated.

Maybe we’re petulant, maybe we don’t listen, we shout or scream, we get tongue-tied and can’t express ourselves. Maybe we lash out, blame others, cover up and say things we’re going to regret.

We’re far from our clear thinking adult self at those times and that’s because we’re feeling hurt and back in that feeling from our childhood.

We don’t have one inner child, we have one for each wound or trauma experienced.

Most of us will have many wounded inner children, each carrying a belief such as “I’m not worthy; I’m not lovable; people can’t be trusted.”

Every time something happens to trigger one of those beliefs, the little child who suffered the original wound and created that belief comes to the surface.

Then, when we’re hurt and emotional, it’s easy to find ourselves acting like a hurt child again at such a time.

And if someone in your life is acting that way from time to time, that’s probably why.

Give them a break and give yourself a break, we all do it, unless we heal those inner children and relieve them of the burdens they are desperately trying to address.

To heal, we go within, find our inner child.

Listen to our child, really hear our child.

Acknowledge, validate, love and embrace that child,

Then, we heal and integrate our inner child into our heart space, finally letting go of what was never our burden to carry. And that’s such a beautiful thing to do.

[Image: ‘Surma Tribe Mother With Baby’ photograph by Francisco Mendoza Ruiz courtesy of Fine Art America]

Posted in darkness and light, Inspiration

Imperfect Is The New Perfect

Get comfortable with what’s not perfect,

Allow what’s imperfect in your life, imperfect in you.

These are precious gifts.

They bring treasures as well as pain.

Pain and suffering are so valuable.

When you experience and allow pain

You create space for the joy you’ve been missing.

Your imperfect is beautiful,

Let imperfect be your perfect.

[Image: ‘The Green Goblin’ art by Amenet Drago]

Posted in darkness and light, Inspiration, Personal Story

When We Are Free

I’ve just been through another dark night of the soul.

I’ve been through them before, ones that lasted days, weeks, months, even years.

The intensity of my darkest night only lasted 24 hours but the ongoing situation is much longer.

My dark night was intense, powerful, transformational and illuminating.

As I reflect back, I notice how much stronger I’ve become and how quickly I turned it around.

I can see how necessary and useful it was.

It came about because of a situation that many go through.

We reach a certain age when our widowed, aged parent is no longer coping.

Somebody needs to step up.

Maybe we’re the only one who can or will do that.

We do our best to make sure our vulnerable parent is looked after, helped to find their best life, a life where they’re safe, loved, happy and able to live every day with the best quality of life available to them.

We explain all the options and make sure there are choices.

Maybe that parent cannot make the decisions we think are best for them.

Maybe they are choosing what is neither safe nor wise anymore.

Maybe it’s difficult because of dementia, mental health, or simply a stubborn disposition.

Maybe the parent has all those things going on.

Maybe there comes a time when we have to make tough decisions for them, just to keep them safe.

Maybe we place ourselves in the firing line to do it.

Maybe we’re the only one prepared to act according to their best interests and that makes us the villain, at least in the eyes of our parent.

Maybe we spent the last few decades knowing this time would eventually come and always wondered what it would be like, how we’d cope, how our parent would be.

If we’re unlucky, maybe our parent will turn against us.

We may falter. We may take it personally, who wouldn’t?

We may be criticised, blamed, accused, when all we’re trying to do is the best thing that can be done.

And perhaps our childhood selves will come to the fore because this is the parent our inner child remembers.

The one who criticised, blamed and didn’t know how to love us.

And if it happens like this, it’s not a bad thing.

If we go through this dark night, we face truth once more, seeing new light, allowing more feelings to be released.

We are cleansed further.

We are not the same as our childhood selves,

We have gathered many resources along the way.

We have learnt how to be our own parent.

This time, we are different.

We are not looking for anything from our parent now.

We are not needing anything now.

We find it inside.

We are free.

If we are by their side at all, let it not be because we have to be but because we choose to be.

Even when it’s the hardest thing to be there.

Even if we keep getting slapped in the face.

Even when they spit hateful words at us.

Or spread them about us behind our back.

Or when we see our parent is showering our sibling with loving words that we don’t receive, even though they make excuses and don’t show up for them.

We choose to forgive.

Forgive ourselves and forgive our parent.

Because we are free.

And they, bless their soul, are not.

[lmage: Owl heart reflection photograph by aol.co.uk]

Posted in Inspiration, prayer

Andy’s Prayer

This is Andy’s Prayer, it’s an updated version of The Lord’s Prayer, which is the prayer that Jesus taught his disciples to say.

Those that know me will surely know Andy too. He is the soul that my soul came into this life to spend thirty-nine wonderful years with, living and loving side by side. As souls, we looked for each other and, upon meeting, there was recognition. We have given each other nourishment at every level. We have grown together, enabled each other and learned so much from each other. As souls, we will always hold each other in our hearts.

Andy finished writing this prayer two days ago on Twosday. Day 22 of month 02 in the year 2022

A palindrome number and a day that was full of powerful manifesting energy of transformation.

He finalised it at 22:22. Here’s Andy’s Prayer:

Soul Maker

Divine Source of the infinite

Sacred is your name

Our existence in all things come

Your intent manifestly done

Upon Gaia as within the multiple realms

Shared amongst us your true divinity

And forgive us our blinded ego

As we too forgive our connected kin

Guide us not to harm

And protect us from deception

For ours are the multiple universes

The creation of all beings

Elemental and Angelic

In awe and with grace

May love guide our way

22022022

What does The Lord’s Prayer mean to you and how would you change it?

'Moon Angel' photograph by Andy Reid
‘Moon Angel’ photograph by Andy Reid
Posted in darkness and light, I AM Presence

Prayer To Call In The Entirety of Oneself

“I’m calling in the energies right now, to own myself, completely and utterly.

To own all that I am.

To call in all the disparate energies that are me that have scattered to the four winds

Hear me! I call you back! I address all those parts of me, all those energies that ever left me or were taken from me.

It is safe. It is safe to return to the source, to be whole, to be healed, to be one. I am ready to love you, I am ready to own you

I own my body

I honour my physicality and the ways my body speaks through sensations and pain

I own my feelings

I embrace my anger, sadness, fear, hurt, and allow them to express and unfold

I own my story

I accept the hand I’ve been dealt, that my soul is choosing, and the learning my wounds have brought

I own my wounds and trauma

I allow the depths, the cracks, the burdens that I bear to give me their gifts and teach me their wisdom

I own my thoughts and beliefs

I observe the meandering narratives and persistent absolutes and thank my ego for standing at the interface between myself and the world every day

I own my heart

I ask my heart to remain open and enable the flow of love, knowing that my soul is ever present at my heart’s centre, knowing that the more open my heart is, the more freely the divine flows through me and from me

I own my voice

I enable my words representing my truth and vision to be expressed with power and conviction. I am ready to be heard and will not shirk from speaking my truth

I own my intuition

I get out of the way of myself and let divine inspiration guide me

I own my authenticity

My authenticity is the truth of my being, it is my acceptance of self, it is the owning of my entire multi-dimensional, multi-faceted and integrated being

I own my power

I recognise my sovereignty and know that I am rooted into my divinity and that my foundation is love. I have been holding closed the floodgates of my power but now I unleash my power upon the universe

I own my darkness

I am ready to see and accept that there are no sins, only choices. Whether foul or fair, it is all me. It is all a part of the canvas upon which the divine plays and explores itself. There is no judgement from now on, no evil exists here, only darkness and light, and I embrace them both as I would my children

I am ready to fully step into myself, to never falter from being true to me

I release all the energy that I’m holding that isn’t mine. Begone, return to your maker, you are not for me.”

[Image: This is my one and only tattoo which I call Kali Na Gig, a version of the Crone Goddess bringing forth the energies of empowerment. Inked by Pixtattoo, Southampton, UK]

Posted in healing, The Truth of our Being, transformation

Being Authentic

Over the years, there have been times when persons have judged me as coming up short in their estimations. It happens, perhaps it’s happened to you. I’ve always had a good radar for reading people but I could read myself too and knew where they were coming from.

I didn’t know what was missing in me that made me express myself in a limited way.

Now I understand, I grew up a traumatised person and consequently, was not able to be authentic. It took me a while to recognise that and longer to change.

Authenticity isn’t something we do, only be.

People can only be where they are on their life journey and that’s okay, but that’s not necessarily the entirety of the ‘who’ of us. Because the truth of our being unfolds.

We are all in a process of movement through fulfilment.

So, let’s give people a chance, let them in a little more. Give others room to grow. Let’s do that for ourselves too.

We are often struggling with each other, with ourselves, learning to love, to trust, to open our hearts.

Being authentic is the easiest thing in the world when you’re ready for it, until then, it can be the hardest thing to find. But it’s there, deep inside, it’s always there. Like a diamond waiting to be revealed.

[Image: ‘Sunset over the estuary from Burry Port’ photograph by Amenet Drago]

Posted in darkness and light, death, The Truth of our Being, transformation

Seeing The Light: Death As Birth

Imagine you’re sent away from everyone you love and who love you, everyone who understands you. Imagine you go to a place where existence is difficult, not least because you have a bad case of amnesia and can’t remember who you are or where you’re from.

Perhaps, you don’t feel like you belong, as though somewhere, deep down, you know you’re not home. Despite this, it’s not all hard work, there’s a lot to learn here, you’re becoming more aware of your truth and enjoying the delights that life has to offer.

Then, one day, through a situation that makes you think it’s the end of the road, that your life is over, suddenly there’s a great light. Life has brought you your death because your soul called it. It’s time to go and Life has finished with being your teacher. You didn’t want to die but the light feels so peaceful, so calm and so full of love. You’ve never felt anything as wonderful as this before.

But wait, wasn’t this what home felt like? All of a sudden, you know that your true home and true soul family and everything you’ve always been missing is right there on the other side of the light.

You only wish to enter the light and go home, nothing has felt more blissful, more beautiful, more right, for as long as you remember. You know there are loved ones that you’ll be leaving behind, if you go, but you instinctively know it’s their home too and one day they’ll be with you again. And you know that, from where you’re going, you can visit them whenever you wish.

As you step forward to enter the light, you experience the greatest surge of the most profound bliss and love and peace. It cannot be understood except by being there. You are simply aware of your oneness with all, your love of all, your divine unity.

Your true form, as a being of light is revealed to you. For a moment, you sense yourself suspended, floating between the indescribable beauty of planet Earth and the divine light before you. In that moment, the surge of love and truth that opened you up and revealed your divinity, is grounded and anchored into the planet, like a shaft of lightning. Mother Earth is present and she gifts the energy of that moment to all the beings living on Earth. This is your gift to your loved ones on Earth, for in this moment, you love every being in equal measure. In the next instant, a connecting cord is untethered from Earth and you are free to gently drift into the light.

As you enter the light, familiar figures come forward with beaming faces to greet you with such heartfelt love. And you know, at last, you are home. It’s as though you have been reborn and you’ve finally woken up from a strange dream.

[Image: ‘Seeing The Light’ art by Amenet Drago]

Posted in darkness and light, nature, Shamanism

Hummingbird Shaman

This is a picture-led post and this stunning image caught my eye. It’s a hummingbird-shaped naturally occurring ice feature discovered in a Michigan yard, photographed by Tammy Shrive, via LOCAL 12 WKRC-TV.

Then, in the usual synchronicity that the universe provides, I caught a fascinating TV programme all about hummingbirds.

There was a time when, in my shamanic practice, I called the directions using the Four Winds system. In this South American system introduced to me by Alberto Villoldo, serpent is in the south, jaguar in the west, eagle or condor in the east and hummingbird in the north.

In shamanic terms, hummingbird is connected to our awakening, our vision and the epic journey of our soul. Hummingbird brings courage and resilience and is the symbol for those whose lives are specifically focused on the journey of their soul, and I count myself as one.

Hummingbirds are migratory, spending winter in the South American rainforest, the Sonoran desert and the Andes mountains and travelling as far as the Canadian border for summer. They travel up to 23 miles a day, their heart beating 1,260 times a minute and their wings beating 15 – 80 times a second.

Across the species, they range from 5.5cm up to 13cm in length, and that includes their long beak and tail.

Living on the edge, hummingbirds exist at the very precipice that is the energetic trade-off between how much nectar they need to fuel their flight and how much flight is required to find the food. They literally dance between death and life every day.

They live at high altitudes where oxygen is thin, reaching their limit at around 43,000 feet. To achieve this, hummingbirds maximise the oxygen molecules in their bodies, which makes them uniquely equipped to live in the mountains.

Because of this, hummingbirds don’t have enough energy to sleep, they have to go beyond sleep and enter a deeper state called torpor every night, which is dangerous, another way they dance with death. Torpor means their heart rate drops from 1000 beats per minute to 70. Their nearness to death and association with a deep state of consciousness could be seen to label them as ‘little shamans’.

Hummers can fly forwards, backwards and hover in place because their wings are different to all other birds. Instead of rotating from the shoulder joint, they have a short arm and rotate on the wrist joint, giving their wings a much greater range of movement.

Their long tongue-filled beaks are not only for probing flowers but for serious aerial warfare, in the battle for flower access. They are combatant, in competition for the best feeding grounds and frequently fight to the death to protect their favoured flowering plants.

All in all, hummingbirds are pretty incredible, their fortitude and beauty are the least of the tools, skills and abilities that these ‘little shamans’ embody.

Posted in darkness and light, healing, inner child, love

Power Play and Boundaries

Setting boundaries can be hard and that’s something coming to the fore at the moment. It’s so easy to let things slip, then it’s difficult to do a u-turn and put a boundary in place.

And we can feel confused about how to communicate what we want in the best way.

There are times we are going to upset other people and that’s okay.

Have you ever come across a bully? Most people have and where there’s a bully there’s a person or people being bullied.

Have you ever wondered what determines that one person holds all the power and another person is powerless? It’s like a silent agreement between them.

The bully has made control and power their own. The bully feels entitled and lacks empathy.

The bullied is holding victim consciousness, feels guilt and apologises for their needs.

There’s a bully in my environs and although there’s talk about how troublesome they are, people continue enabling their behaviour.

It’s a two-way dance, it takes a mutual agreement. We do have the power to change that dynamic.

The bully in my environs is sometimes confronted but then, the same old dynamic quickly returns. In this dynamic, the souls are learning about personal power, not only the one who is controlling and manipulative but those struggling to stand up for themselves, to find and uphold their boundaries and embody their sense of empowerment. And this means learning how to love, honour and respect oneself.

Are you setting and protecting your boundaries?

Are you involved in a power play with anyone?

What are you learning from them about yourself?

Does that make you feel like changing in any way?

(Image: “Goddess: Yin Yang” by Amenet Drago)

Posted in darkness and light, love, Mother Earth, transformation

Emergence: one

This is my orchid. Every year at this time, in time for Christmas, two flowering stems begin to emerge. Once they are fully open, the flowers last for a remarkable three months. And then they begin to wilt and die.

I love the entire process from the first moment of noticing the new growth to the eventual decaying of the blooms. It’s emergence, the story of life and death is told through it all.

And I turn myself to face all that I feel is emerging, without judgement or fear.

Recently I heard from a reliable source that there is much upheaval ahead, that such upheaval is the coming journey of our beloved Mother Earth and therefore, will involve us all.

What I heard could be scary and I don’t know if it’s going to unfold that way or not, but it got me thinking. It goes against my expectations, I anticipate another thirty years of living on this Earth, maybe. And hope to meet more beautiful souls, to love and be loved by, moving forward on my soul path, living my life, lots of painting, fulfilling dreams. We all expect there to be a future. But what if there isn’t?

I had to think about that. Then I realised, deep in my heart, that it doesn’t matter. I have never felt afraid of the transition we call death and know it won’t stop me doing whatever work my soul is here to do, whether from this side or the other.

If life is destined to get chaotic, then chaos will emerge. If everything comes crashing down, I trust it is required to happen that way. If not, contemplating such a possibility brings riches of its own.

Whatever’s emerging, it’s all as precious as watching the blooms of my orchid unfold. Even if it seems as though darkness is emerging, that we are facing the darkest and most threatening times of all. Even then, with our invisible roots extended into the Earth and hearts full of love and peace, we don’t need to be afraid. We have nothing to fear, there never was, is or will be anything to fear, no matter what.

The wise Grandmothers are telling us, do not meet fear with fear. Fear is like a disease, it’s catching and spreads like a contamination.

Fear is everywhere, people are being activated by it. People are turning on each other through their fear. Everything is polarised. So, stay in your heart, remain connected to the web of light, do not move into fear yourself. Whatever happens, whatever you encounter, do not succumb to judgement or fear. Allow, accept, remain in your peace, know how to connect with your inner peace and stay with your heart foundation which is love. You are a divine being.

If we engage the future with fear, we will end up attracting exactly what we fear. Stay calm, stay engulfed in peace and love, don’t engage with fear, now or ever.

As my orchid emerges, I will share the story of her flowering with you and we will learn together to embrace beauty, even through darkness, even as life transforms into death.

Are you scared about the future? Why are you scared? How does fear help you? How does fear hinder or hurt you? How can you transform your fear into peace, love and acceptance? How does doing that feel?

Image: “This is my Orchid” by Ananda Amenet Reid