Posted in healing, inner child, Twin Flame

Understanding Trauma Bonding

Trauma bonding is a complex subject. 

During our formative years, usually from womb to around the age of seven when our neurons are creating networks and we are forming a sense of who we are in the world, we are susceptible to deep emotional wounding. We haven’t gained the resilience to see the bigger picture and we personalise everything from our inner child eyes.

Usually, the emotional wounds hang on not being seen, heard, loved or valued. When those are perceived as not present for us, our inner child is traumatised and it’s as though the moment is forever frozen within us. A belief is formed, such as “I’m not lovable” or “I’m not worthy” and from that moment, our inner child is triggered whenever that belief is activated by any situation.

We don’t have one inner child, we have as many as there were wounds or traumas created. And each inner child is inside us and aware of everything that happens, on the alert for anything that feeds that belief or can fix it. Except it can’t be fixed from outside us, that ship has sailed but our inner child doesn’t realise that. They are constantly searching for what is missing.

Sometimes, we may meet someone who resonates with us because our inner child interlocks with their inner child and they bond. This takes place on a deep subconscious level so we don’t realise it happened. We believe we are consciously deciding and that events are fully within our control, but that’s not the case.

When two inner children bond, it’s the most wonderful experience, like we’ve found somebody who resonates with us so deeply, except the resonance is with the trauma we carry. We feel drawn to them and may fall in love. We may feel like soul mates or twin flames.

Bonded inner children feel seen and understood and that’s a big deal because we may often find that nobody gets us, certainly not as deeply as our new special friend, so we feel especially drawn to them. That’s what trauma bonding is.

Now it gets a bit complicated because there are different types of wounds and we may respond differently, depending on the wounds and beliefs we carry. For instance, a co-dependent may carry the need to be loved and appreciated, so when someone resonates with them, someone who really gets them, someone who is just so open and showing such loving affection, then the inner child is going to soak all that in. The inner child feels so loved, cared for, seen and valued. And the other inner child responds in kind, basically, it’s a love-fest.

All this is sounding lovely. Until the day when one or both of the subconscious inner children begin to realise that the deep wound from early childhood isn’t being fixed. At that point, a new dynamic is created as the child-self continually tries to elicit what it perceives as missing, which is the original trauma. And a cycle begins where everything is going wonderfully and then it all blows up and falls apart. A reconciliation is reached and a cycle of love, blame and reconciliation repeats over and over again. This cycle becomes more demanding and destructive of the relationship over time.

Trauma bonding is, deep down, all about unresolved need. And that need is never going to be resolved through the relationship because it cannot be resolved outside of us. This isn’t the basis for a healthy relationship.

Two needy, wounded and unhealed inner children have connected and sooner or later, as children do, they will push the boundaries. They may test this new love, is it real? They may push away to ensure the other comes back. It’s the need of a wounded part of two unhealed beings. Both are trying to get those needs met but with somebody who has their own needs and can’t help. Neither can yet fully love themselves, so how on earth are they going to truly love anybody else? They can’t, their path needs to be one of self-healing and as long as they’re together, that can never happen because they’re caught up in a dynamic that keeps them tied to need, feeding the need. The dark side of this relationship will always crop up from time to time.

When trauma bonding takes place, there are red flags. We let things slide that should raise our red flags because we’re bonded. We are in denial of the fact that something isn’t right. We keep quiet to keep the peace when the dissonance emerges. It may feel like we see each other so clearly, that we see the others’ faults, we may call them out in the hope they’ll fix things, but they can’t whilst trauma bonded. As we come up against the trauma expressing in each other, we feel like we’re walking on eggshells. At its worst, it can feel like everything’s falling apart, like we’re going crazy, like we don’t know what’s real anymore.

All the time, two beautiful souls are stuck in the dynamic. And their souls brought them together in the first place to address what is ready to be healed. Life is like that, if we don’t see it, life will kick our butt and knock our heads together until we work it out. However hard this journey is, even if two people end up hating each other, this can be seen as an opportunity and a gift to fast-track healing.

Nevertheless, we won’t easily let go of the dream of being with that perfect person we first perceived, the fantasy of who we wanted them to be, thought they were. Sometimes, people are stuck in this dynamic for a long time.

Trauma bonding is often mistaken for a twin flame relationship. Twin flames can go through difficulties with each other because they see the best and worst in each other, like looking in a mirror. They sometimes heal together through the drama. So, trauma bonding and twin flame relationships are easily confused. Even so, with both, quite often the answer is to walk away and do the healing away from each other. All those needs can be met, they can be healed but it’s never going to come from someone else. We heal from within. Sometimes, walking away is the biggest act of love we can give to another, even if they’re never going to appreciate it. And more importantly, it’s the biggest act of love we can give to ourselves.

Posted in healing, Inspiration, love, The Truth of our Being

Spiritual Freedom

Over the years, I’ve been chasing freedom and didn’t even realise it until it found me.

It turned out, freedom was not what I expected it to be.  I expected freedom to be a ‘doing’ thing and it turned out to be a ‘being’ thing. 

Being true to myself, that’s freedom.  And that meant learning who I am and that nobody else’s opinion matters.  Freedom is what happens when bravery to live one’s truth becomes second nature and doesn’t require being brave anymore.

Freedom is trusting oneself, finding the self-worth and love you need inside yourself.  Freedom is stepping into your sovereignty and rocking your power. 

I didn’t go looking for it, I just kept following my in-built instinct towards fulfilment.  And that meant taking down my walls and opening my heart, whatever the risks.  I thought I was protecting myself from the outside world but what I found was, until I did that, I couldn’t learn to love myself.

Freedom meant making some big decisions to change and acting from a place of love whilst surfing on the crest of the universal energies that guided me towards a new me.

It’s supreme liberation and it’s so empowering and enriching.  Spiritual freedom is such a glorious superpower to have.

Posted in Abundance and lack, Angels, love, oneness

Abundance is Who We Are

What is abundance to you?  Is it having everything?  Is it being rich?  What is being rich?  Is it having lots of money?  Perhaps it’s those moments when something touches your heart, when you see something differently? 

Abundance is all of those and more.  If we are divine beings, if we are complete, then we are abundant.  And yet, the idea of being divine or complete may be even more of a challenge than considering ourselves abundant.

Many grow up with a feeling of lack or scarcity.  A sense of limitation, of poverty in some sort of manner, whether material or emotional or something else.  If we grew up feeling we weren’t good enough, then we experienced lack.  Lack of love and lack of worthiness.  And abundance is the opposite of that.

Abundance is limitless love, limitless worth and regard, abundance is being enough, having enough, always more than enough.  Abundance is not limited to one, it is unity consciousness.  We can only be abundance because we are energy beings that are not, in truth, separate, we are collective energy of the divine source scattered but always connected.  As the divine source, we are everything and therefore we are abundant.

Imagine that you can hear angels singing.  Imagine what that might sound like.  There is such harmony, resonance, beauty, richness, sweetness, peace and love emanating from this sacred choir of angels.  So much so, it would easily bring tears to your eyes, tears of joy and bliss.  The sound is complex because it weaves together multitudinous levels, tones and vibrations.  You begin to realise that you are not hearing the sound with your ears but with your entire being, with every cell and particle of your body, mind and spirit.  This is the sound of the universe.  You realise, more and more, that this is the sound of all-that-is and that your personal sound is present within this celestial orchestra too. 

The sacred sound flows through your being, stirring every part of you.  Notice how it resonates for you, with you.  See if you can pick out the sound that is originating from your core.  What does the harmony that emanates from your core sound like?  Is it not truly beautiful?  Does it not resonate perfectly with the angelic choir?  And as you tune in again to the whole, are you not aware of the expansiveness of this united harmonious sound?  You are hearing the sound of every soul, every living being or energy, visible or invisible.  Every note is different and diverse and yet, the entirety and wholeness of this sacred vibration is unified, whole and complete, as are you.

You are as equal and important as any other note that is present in that immense celestial choir.

How did you experience the sound?  Was it energy moving through your being?  Was it expressed as an emotional experience?  Did you sense the energy and power of the vibrations viscerally within your chest cavity?  The universal frequencies may be so subtle as to be beyond the human experience, and yet you still receive them as your soul. 

The song you heard, the multi-layered melody of the spheres of which you and all-there-is is a part, this is the sound of divine abundance.  Divine abundance is your very essence, your very nature, your very truth.  And divine abundance is everywhere all the time, manifesting.  It is the material with which matter is created, it is the source of all creation, for that is the nature of sound. 

Divine abundance flows through you constantly and is available to you always.  If you are perceiving lack or limitation of any sort, then you are perceiving illusions created from deep wounds and those wounds can be healed instantly by bathing in the sounds of the spheres, the harmonies of divine abundance of which you are constantly a part.  You are never not in the flow.