Posted in darkness and light, death, The Truth of our Being, transformation

Seeing The Light: Death As Birth

Imagine you’re sent away from everyone you love and who love you, everyone who understands you. Imagine you go to a place where existence is difficult, not least because you have a bad case of amnesia and can’t remember who you are or where you’re from.

Perhaps, you don’t feel like you belong, as though somewhere, deep down, you know you’re not home. Despite this, it’s not all hard work, there’s a lot to learn here, you’re becoming more aware of your truth and enjoying the delights that life has to offer.

Then, one day, through a situation that makes you think it’s the end of the road, that your life is over, suddenly there’s a great light. Life has brought you your death because your soul called it. It’s time to go and Life has finished with being your teacher. You didn’t want to die but the light feels so peaceful, so calm and so full of love. You’ve never felt anything as wonderful as this before.

But wait, wasn’t this what home felt like? All of a sudden, you know that your true home and true soul family and everything you’ve always been missing is right there on the other side of the light.

You only wish to enter the light and go home, nothing has felt more blissful, more beautiful, more right, for as long as you remember. You know there are loved ones that you’ll be leaving behind, if you go, but you instinctively know it’s their home too and one day they’ll be with you again. And you know that, from where you’re going, you can visit them whenever you wish.

As you step forward to enter the light, you experience the greatest surge of the most profound bliss and love and peace. It cannot be understood except by being there. You are simply aware of your oneness with all, your love of all, your divine unity.

Your true form, as a being of light is revealed to you. For a moment, you sense yourself suspended, floating between the indescribable beauty of planet Earth and the divine light before you. In that moment, the surge of love and truth that opened you up and revealed your divinity, is grounded and anchored into the planet, like a shaft of lightning. Mother Earth is present and she gifts the energy of that moment to all the beings living on Earth. This is your gift to your loved ones on Earth, for in this moment, you love every being in equal measure. In the next instant, a connecting cord is untethered from Earth and you are free to gently drift into the light.

As you enter the light, familiar figures come forward with beaming faces to greet you with such heartfelt love. And you know, at last, you are home. It’s as though you have been reborn and you’ve finally woken up from a strange dream.

[Image: ‘Seeing The Light’ art by Amenet Drago]

Posted in healing, inner child, Personal Story

Growing Up With a Box Full of Darkness

“Someone I loved once gave me
a box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand
that this, too, was a gift.” – Mary Oliver

Are you someone who grew up having a difficult relationship with a parent? 

It can be a tough experience to grow, from womb to adulthood and beyond, trying to make sense of oneself and the world. And then add in to that a parent or parents who don’t see, hear or acknowledge that we matter, let us know that we are loved and worthy.

Worst still, maybe you lived with a parent or parents who criticised, judged, manipulated, controlled, demanded, abused, denied, hated or gaslighted. Maybe there was alcohol, drugs, absence, divorce, violence, abuse…

There are parents that aren’t able to be loving and affirming because it wasn’t there for them. It wasn’t modelled or experienced when they were growing up. They had difficulties with their own parents that led to not feeling loved or worth much. That’s not to say that a child who had a dysfunctional parent grew up to be dysfunctional themselves. Sometimes, the child becomes the healer of the entire generational family trauma. Sometimes, dysfunction is the starting point for such a journey.

Nothing said here is intended as criticism or judgement. There are few more unfortunate circumstances than a person becoming disordered in their personality because it happens during the earliest years of childhood. I feel sad for every one of us that’s subject to such a life story.

One of the most complicated labels is Narcissistic Personally Disorder. A person with NPD has little or no chance of understanding or accepting that they have this disorder and even if they do, it’s almost impossible to commit to treatment that could help them unpick it, because to do so would go against the absolute need to deny their wound is there.

When an NPD parent brings up a child, undoubtedly it means that the child experiences some shocking deficits that would impact their life. They may need to walk away. Maybe they stay. Either way is difficult.

A parent with NPD would find it difficult to show genuine love, empathy, compassion or gratitude. They may say they understand you, love you or are grateful, but over time, you realise they’re hollow words that are not backed up.

Almost everything revolves around the NPD person, leads back to them and their needs, worries or affairs, although they may be skilled at making it look otherwise. Truth is, they live for drama and their life is often chaotic and complicated as they draw drama around them.

An NPD parent will usually have a charming and highly social persona so that others think they’re fun, charming people. They may be overly affectionate, a ‘talk-to-anybody’ kind of person. They are charismatic, often successful people. As their child, you will see this side being demonstrated, but not so much within the core family. The side projected towards you may be a completely different picture which is very confusing since many will see your challenging parent as a lovely person and that’s not likely to be your reality at all.

The NPD person contains and expresses an absolute sense of entitlement. Maybe they need to express how special and unique they are, maybe they become angry when they feel someone doesn’t understand or appreciate them or didn’t value their specialness, maybe they simply make things about themselves and expect others to organise their lives around them, be at their disposal.

Walking away from an NPD parent is a real consideration, sometimes it’s the only way to heal and learn to love ourselves. I didn’t.

I maintained a good distance and limited contact for many years. Eventually, I found a way to get closer, to abate the onslaught, stay calm, ignore or walk away when needed. I learned it’s of no use to try to explain things in the hope they may understand and adjust their behaviour. Totally pointless.

I love my parent and feel sad that they’re trapped by conditions that were never asked for or deserved and they don’t understand any of it. My parent created in me a pleaser and fixer from a young age but I don’t please or fix so much nowadays, thanks to inner child healing. It’s such freedom to no longer carry the drive to have to do that. I can accept other people’s journeys for what they are, including that of my parent, and focus on my own journey, the only one I have the power to change.

Do you have an NPD-type person in your life? Did you have a difficult time with a parent growing up? Are you still struggling? Have you learned to love yourself, through healing from such a dynamic? Have you understood the gifts and opportunities that are open to you? Have you found all the love you need inside yourself, so you don’t need it from your parent anymore?

If this resonates for you, my love and blessings are with you. There are many others sharing this journey, you’re not on your own. Quite often, we live for years without knowing that it’s never been about us. Then, we hear or read something and start to see the whole of our past in a new way that makes sense. It helps to understand, it’s part of the healing. There may be little we can do but understand, yet that, in itself, is the start of healing, not only for ourselves but for previous generations.

Many of us are healing now and our insights are changing the energy of the past too. We are clearing it for our parents and grandparents and their parents too. We are all healing, only some of us consciously, but that’s all it takes.

(Image: “Opening The Box” by Amenet Drago)

Posted in darkness and light, nature, Shamanism

Hummingbird Shaman

This is a picture-led post and this stunning image caught my eye. It’s a hummingbird-shaped naturally occurring ice feature discovered in a Michigan yard, photographed by Tammy Shrive, via LOCAL 12 WKRC-TV.

Then, in the usual synchronicity that the universe provides, I caught a fascinating TV programme all about hummingbirds.

There was a time when, in my shamanic practice, I called the directions using the Four Winds system. In this South American system introduced to me by Alberto Villoldo, serpent is in the south, jaguar in the west, eagle or condor in the east and hummingbird in the north.

In shamanic terms, hummingbird is connected to our awakening, our vision and the epic journey of our soul. Hummingbird brings courage and resilience and is the symbol for those whose lives are specifically focused on the journey of their soul, and I count myself as one.

Hummingbirds are migratory, spending winter in the South American rainforest, the Sonoran desert and the Andes mountains and travelling as far as the Canadian border for summer. They travel up to 23 miles a day, their heart beating 1,260 times a minute and their wings beating 15 – 80 times a second.

Across the species, they range from 5.5cm up to 13cm in length, and that includes their long beak and tail.

Living on the edge, hummingbirds exist at the very precipice that is the energetic trade-off between how much nectar they need to fuel their flight and how much flight is required to find the food. They literally dance between death and life every day.

They live at high altitudes where oxygen is thin, reaching their limit at around 43,000 feet. To achieve this, hummingbirds maximise the oxygen molecules in their bodies, which makes them uniquely equipped to live in the mountains.

Because of this, hummingbirds don’t have enough energy to sleep, they have to go beyond sleep and enter a deeper state called torpor every night, which is dangerous, another way they dance with death. Torpor means their heart rate drops from 1000 beats per minute to 70. Their nearness to death and association with a deep state of consciousness could be seen to label them as ‘little shamans’.

Hummers can fly forwards, backwards and hover in place because their wings are different to all other birds. Instead of rotating from the shoulder joint, they have a short arm and rotate on the wrist joint, giving their wings a much greater range of movement.

Their long tongue-filled beaks are not only for probing flowers but for serious aerial warfare, in the battle for flower access. They are combatant, in competition for the best feeding grounds and frequently fight to the death to protect their favoured flowering plants.

All in all, hummingbirds are pretty incredible, their fortitude and beauty are the least of the tools, skills and abilities that these ‘little shamans’ embody.

Posted in artistic, darkness and light, healing, inner child, love, Poetry, shadow self, transformation

Searching for Love

Is there anybody searching for love they never had?

Searching, yet, on self-destruct cos things are getting bad.

Because it’s quite a journey, not feeling worth a damn

Makes who you are feel like nothing but a sham.

Were you told no-one could love you?

‘Cos that’s just not true.

Do you know how many there are

Out there feeling just like you?

The truth is, very few know of your pain.

And very many feel exactly the same

And neither do they let their pain show,

Years of denial, taking knocks, blow by blow.

Running away through using drugs or booze or sex.

Always moving on from ex to ex to ex.

Or maybe it’s shopping or maybe it’s food,

The campaign to self-destruct is gonna get you screwed.

But always, underneath are words like poison darts

The ones that made you build defensive ramparts.

Words hiding in the back of your thoughts

That prove you’re worth nothing,

An aberration of sorts.

Well, you’re not, you’re simply caught up in a snare,

Take it from one who’s already been there.

I’m thinking back to what or who might have saved me

During the years when I wasn’t free.

Someone who’d been there, now doing fine.

Someone who knew how to draw a line.

Each journey is lonely and yet we all share

The same kind of experience, the same wear and tear.

Don’t feel resentful for things that don’t matter.

Find out who you are, let the past shatter.

Find all the love you need in your heart

‘Cos that will give you a true restart.

And don’t ever let anyone talk to you

With poison dart words that aren’t even true.

The love that will save you is the love you find inside

Let that love enrich you, it cannot be denied.

You are truly worthy, in fact, you’ve always been,

They didn’t have it in them, your soul was never seen.

But don’t let that stop you from moving on now,

You are amazing, let that be your vow.

Posted in Ascension, death

Soul Purpose Revealed

I have wondered why my spiritual support team haven’t shared with me what is my soul purpose, what is my unique gift for myself, humanity and the Earth. How many of us are still wondering, “What am I here for? What’s my destiny, my purpose and direction?”

I asked myself those questions over several years.

When I felt into it, it wasn’t time to know. Maybe I wasn’t ready yet or it would get in the way of something that needs to happen first.

On new year’s eve night, I opened up my channel, invited communication and my soul group came through.

Unprompted, my soul purpose was explained, that many souls are choosing to transition from Earth to the spiritual realms on the other side.

And my soul has chosen to be here to support their transition. I was asked to step up and prioritise my role as an end of life soul guide.

I would never have imagined this was my soul purpose, had you asked me only a few years back. It was thanks to my soul integration in 2018 that I embodied all the skills and tools being held by my soul to enable me to do this work. Since then, I’ve been honing those skills and now I’m ready to fulfil my soul’s purpose.

The souls who are choosing to cross to the inner planes are not doing so consciously, it’s their soul, not personality or mind that’s bringing on the conditions that enable their death. These souls are Truth Makers and their transition is enabling an opening to truth for us all.

I honour every soul. I honour every death, for we often only see this profound transition from the limited perspective of loss and yet, it is so much more. It’s a birth as well. It’s returning to our natural state as an energy being. It’s returning home.

(Image: ‘Freefall’ art by Amenet Drago)

Posted in divine magic, Inspiration

Finding Magic Every Day

When we are looking for the profound, for transformation, for momentous change or growth, awakening or enlightenment, don’t discount the simplest of experiences, events or moments.

Have you ever enjoyed a sunset or sunrise and found tears are streaming down your face?

Profound is what we get when the peace and stillness inside us connects with a special moment in the outside world.

And it can be the most mundane, everyday of things.

The trick is to learn how to master inner peace and mental stillness.

Keep engaging with the magical everyday.

Open up to the moment.

Still the mind.

(Image: ‘Setting Moon at Dawn, Seen from the Garden, Mynyddygarreg’ photograph by Amenet Drago)

Posted in Ascension, I AM Presence, sovereignty, The Truth of our Being

Identity – It’s a Lie

Every identity or label merely hides our naked truth.

These are lies we don’t see ourselves making but we are.

We are lying to ourselves in every moment.

Who am I, really?

Who are you?

How do you answer that without using a label that expresses your existence relative to something or someone else?

How do you define yourself without such words?

Truth, you will find your core, authentic self inside your being.

You will recognise it by it’s incomparable beauty.

You will have no words to describe it, perhaps only surreal ones.

Words like ‘immensity’ and ‘fragrant’.

You will find the person you are by becoming atuned to that feeling that tells you “I am being real with myself”.

It will be indisputable.

(Image: ‘Soul Water’ gouache painting art by Amenet Drago)

Posted in Ascension, darkness and light, Energy healing, healing, Inspiration, Mother Earth, The Truth of our Being

Not Of This World

I can’t judge anybody else’s choices, I don’t know what your soul purpose is.

There’s no value in anybody judging mine, for you don’t know what my soul purpose is.

Don’t talk to me about the news.

Don’t ask me about covid.

Don’t think I have an opinion about global warming.

I don’t have anything to say to you. I am not unaware, I am simply engaged from a different perspective, focused on another means of expressing.

I would rather meditate and invoke healing energy for humanity and the Earth, directing the light where it’s needed, than talk about the problems.

I’m a solution focused sort of person and my modus operandi is in activating energy fields of love and light.

I am not here for the physicality of reality, nor to engage in the affairs of the world.

Mine is not a political journey,

Nor am I here to convince anybody how to think or what to do, even though I may get confused about that sometimes.

More and more, I am being shown that my soul purpose is to cut myself off from the world, to go within. My engagement with media, internet and TV is reducing as my body and mind become averse to their stimulus. My engagement with material possessions, food and physical needs are more and more minimal as I continually reduce and remove what doesn’t serve me. My engagement with people is more discerning and honest than ever.

I am not judging you if you are engaged with the narratives of the world. To me, they are just stories and only have power when we feed their narratives with our emotions.

I’m choosing not to feed them.

I am learning to release my narratives and those pertaining to humanity and the world collectively.

(Image: ‘Metropolis’ by Amenet Drago)

Posted in Ascension, I AM Presence, Inspiration, spiritual skills and techniques

Cutting Out the Narrative

Recently, I’ve noticed how I’m cutting off narratives and dialogues that run through my head. You know the sort of thing, we tell ourselves a story of what’s going on in our heads and we rehearse conversations with others when we know we’ll never actually have that conversation with them.

At those times, we create a false idea of self and the world, fixing limitations and feeding ego.

Instead, we can become aware of our internal dialogue as it starts up and choose to cut it off in mid-flow. Because if we let it run, it feeds our life, it becomes us. We are engaging with emotions that don’t serve us and aren’t even our truth.

It feels good to let it go, it feels like finding inner peace. I’ve noticed that my inner peace and contentment have increased commensurate with the reduction of my self dialogue.

(Image: ‘The Sorceress’ (close up) by Amenet Drago)

Posted in Ascension, darkness and light, healing, Poetry

Seeing the Light Through Struggle

When something unpleasant comes up, what do you do? Do you hold it inside to avoid creating unpleasantness for others? Or do you express your feelings and go through that unpleasantness in order to work it out and clear the air? And what if you get caught up with the other person in a whole world of hurt and recrimination? What if you can’t work it out together?

I recently found myself in this position, we do, from time to time. I went through all my hurt feelings, explored the dialogues I might have with the other and finally saw that my hurt was coming from inside me, not from the actions of others but from what those actions brought up in me.

What was the learning here?

Sometimes, it’s as though someone is purposely trying to push our buttons, creating drama and trouble. Even so, our reaction is down to us. How do we show strength, so not to be a push-over, and yet, rise above it?

I asked for guidance, helping me to see the underlying message for me. I realised old hurts were being triggered. I realised I had choices, that new directions were possible. Still, I didn’t know if I was going to say anything to the other person. It would take a little time for the feelings to resolve within me. Sometimes, I was calm about it, sometimes the feelings would rise up. I noticed that when I’m calm about it, the problem’s no longer there.

It’s always a good idea to stay with those feelings for a while, because they shift through a process of change and a day or two later, we might not feel the same. Sometimes, we need to talk about it, no matter how painful it may be. Sometimes, we don’t.

I found that the message and healing for me was the realisation that this is igniting a journey of transformation inside me. To remain in a place of connection, not fear, for hurt is a form of fear. This was an opportunity for me to turn within and reconnect with the light within my being, and just like that, I was reminded of a moment, two years ago, when the light flooded through my being like a cascade of the deepest, most incredible love and enlightenment. I knew that moment was with me still, once experienced, never lost, and here was a reminder to open to it again and embrace that light within.

At the time, a friend who witnessed my enlightening experience gave me this poem which I share with you now. It’s a reminder that, even if we don’t hold onto those powerful moments of growth, even if we plunge into darkness again, we don’t lose the moment. It’s called ‘Annunciation’ by Marie Howe:-

Even if I don’t see it again — nor ever feel it
I know it is — and that if once it hailed me
it ever does–

And so it is myself I want to turn in that direction
not as toward a place, but it was a tilting
within myself,

as one turns a mirror to flash the light to where
it isn’t — I was blinded like that — and swam
in what shone at me

only able to endure it by being no one and so specifically myself I thought I’d die
from being loved like that.

(Image: “Turbulent Waters” by Amenet Drago)