Posted in healing, Personal Story

The Last Post

A writer fabricates a narrative by linking events together. Every story is coloured and defined, a comedy or tragedy, depending on how the writer interprets events and the connections between them. Without this, there is no story, only a landscape of disparate words. A landscape that is broad, infinite and mysterious, just as our inner landscape is one of divine magic and mystery.

To accept that inner magical landscape, we must abandon the idea of making any sort of connection between one idea and another. We grasp nothing.

Opening ourselves up to the mystical landscape of our soul and its wordlessness, that is the greatest healing.

Words don’t go far enough. There’s magic in words, they are spells, hence ‘spelling’, but for deep healing we have to get beyond words and into the abstract. We need to bypass the intellect which gets caught up with words. What’s called for is a deeper, wordless knowing.

That’s the kind of healing journey I’ve been on, the kind that heals from within, the only holistic healing there is. The kind that teaches you that everything exists inside you, everything. And it’s no longer words, it’s knowing.

When you’re reborn through that kind of healing, you are born to yourself. You are your own mother and you are foetus and newborn babe all at the same time. You are all that you ever were, are now and will ever be. Nothing is the same from that moment on. And there’s really nothing left to say.

So it is, this is my last post. My blog is ending here and now, this website will soon be taken down. Those who need me will find me, the universe will take care of that.

One day, there may be a new website, but right now, nothing more needs to be spoken, nothing is waiting to be said. I have entered that inner, magical landscape and from here, I am learning to paint my truth without words.

Posted in gender, sexual healing, The Truth of our Being

Exploring Gender

I’m interested in gender and the constructive nature of the genders we embody.

We know that from the moment we are born, we’re conditioned to conform with the gender our body represents.

Before birth, we all began with female physicality and some stay that way whilst others develop a male body.

Does a newborn baby know what gender it is?

Is gender purely physical or is it defined by a number of different factors, such as cognitive, emotional, spiritual and energetic frameworks?

It’s clear that humans usually place the defining factor on the body.

Over time, males and females learn to walk differently, speak differently, act, think and believe from different parameters.

We dress differently, arrange our appearance in different ways and live life in different roles.

Everything around us supports this; culture, family, society, media, religion, politics, education, law, business.

We are living at a time when people are breaking through these parameters but it’s still not easy and neither is it safe for many.

I identify as a woman but feel masculine too. It’s not either-or, I feel I contain both within the totality of my being.

We are all performers in our daily lives but we’re not aware of the fact that we’re performing. There’s the person we are when we’re asking the bank manager for a loan, the person we are when we’re talking to young children, we’re someone else when we’re dancing with our friends. We have all these different behaviours and all of it is a performance.

Who we are depends on what we decide to take upon ourselves and become.

I believe that if we explore gender as a part of our truth, we open up to healing and awaken positive qualities that are suppressed within us when we limit our truth. We can understand ourselves and each other so much better if we embrace ourselves as beings that embody both feminine and masculine energies.

Posted in ancestors, elemental kingdom, healing

Wandering Womb

Did you know that in the ancient world there was this idea that the womb could wander around inside a woman’s body?

The thought was, it was a being inside our being, a living thing, some called it an animal, some a beast.

Further, they believed it was sensitive to odours and would move towards pleasant smells and away from unpleasant ones. Thus, they treated a displaced womb by wafting scents over the body.

They postulated that a misplaced womb was the cause of hysteria.

Incredible, hey? There’s nothing like that in the body, is there? Well, actually there is a living being inside our bodies, and not only women. It’s not one that exists at the physical level. As you may know, energy manifests at various frequencies and as it becomes denser, it manifests at the noetic level, that’s the world of ideas, and then denser still at the emotional level and finally, densest of all, the physical.

There’s a great deal that exists on Earth at an emotional level but not physical, and yet has consciousness. Of course, the disbelievers will want material proof and that’s a problem, but many people have their own proof, called personal experience.

I’m referring to spirits, such as those our ancestors have experienced for tens of thousands of years. Our own departed loved ones. Mythical creatures such as unicorns and dragons. Angels and beings from the stars. And plant, tree, landscape and elemental beings.

And it’s of these last that I refer with regards the wandering womb. You see, every human, animal and living creature on Earth, not just plants and trees, has an elemental being attached to them from their birth to death.

This being has a job, the same, no matter what it’s attached to. It’s to support that entity in growing, living and expressing it’s divine blueprint.

Can you imagine what a difficult job elementals have with us humans? We, the ones with the free will to go our own way? We are least likely of all to live with a pure intention to express the divine on Earth, that is our blueprint. If we did, our bodies would be flexible, healthy, full of vitality and of the ideal proportions and weight.

Unfortunately, we abuse our bodies dreadfully, and our poor old elemental is overwhelmed by our behaviours that make its job untenable. The same is true of our mental and emotional selves, indeed, every expression of our being is tested to the limit. And then there’s our lifecycle and ways of living. No longer being conscious of our place within the web of life, no longer honouring the Earth and all our animal sisters and brothers, or the plants and trees, or the soil. No longer honouring ourselves or each other. We go through some vital transitions such as adolescence, life partnership, becoming a parent, menopause, retirement and death. In the past, there were rituals which informed and supported our elemental, allowing us to transition smoothly, but nowadays we mostly ignore these events.

What do you think all this misalignment with the emotional consciousness that guides all our systems might create? Yes, hysteria. In other words, a whole heap of common and severe mental health conditions. Not to mention physical conditions. So, maybe the ancient Greeks did have an inkling about what was going on.

If you could talk to your elemental, which you can, what would you say?

If you could hear your elemental, which you can by opening your channel and accepting what comes to you, what do you think it would say to you?

When I did this, the first thing I said was, “I’m so sorry.”

[Image: ‘Ordering the internal body: A thirteenth century uterus diagram in Bodleian, MS Ashmole 399’ courtesy of Thinking3D]

Posted in Inspiration, Poetry

Faith

An everyday interaction takes place

Which, due to it’s coincidental timing and vague reflection of the circumstances,

Is interpreted as a sign of a higher power at work.

This leads to a more positive attitude,

A change in behaviour.

And life improves,

Coincidence or synchronicity?

It brings faith that something better is possible

You are the maker of your destiny

You create what you perceive as the best and worst moments.

You may not perceive this because we’re not usually conscious of it,

But we are learning to stay conscious.

Just know,

Everything is One

(- taken, adapted and inspired from ‘Humans’ by Sam Vincent & Jonathan Brackley)

Posted in art, Personal Story

Art From The Heart

There was a time when I wasn’t very confident about my artistic ability. I was still learning techniques but the main problem was confidence in myself.

I couldn’t even get myself to draw or paint for a while. But then, I went to do an art workshop at Findhorn and it released my creativity. That got me painting but it was still years before I became good at it. Art has been there most of my life and I’ve dipped in and out sporadically. There have been times when I did nothing for years. I’ve taken it for granted and thought of myself as a mediocre artist.

That changed after my niece, Chloe, asked me to paint a deck of oracle cards. Forty-four paintings on the same project, it seemed like such a massive task.

Two and a half years later and I’ve painted twenty-three cards. Those twenty-three paintings have changed my painting ability. I’ve become so much more skilled technically and my confidence has grown.

Sometimes, it seems magical, like I’m not even the one doing the painting, I just dab the brush around here and there, sit back to look, and wonder how those marks are working better than I had envisioned. It’s not always like that but it’s true to say I’m a much more accomplished artist than I was twenty-three paintings back.

The paintings are in different styles, they are all bearing the signature of my hand, but quite a range of techniques. A big range of subjects too, some daunting, but I’ve managed to take on some challenging tasks.

“Paint me a woodland full of animals”

“I’ll do my best…”

“Paint me a crowd of people surrounding a breaching whale”

“Okay!”

The more difficult the subject, the more my confidence grew, so that I don’t know there’s anything I wouldn’t tackle, which is just as well, because card twenty-four is a face one way, but when you turn it upside down, you get a whole other scene.

However, the twenty-second card became a bit of a game changer. A new style, a personal story, a triumph. To me, it blew everything else out of the water.

Now, I want to paint more and more in this one style, and it’s working with the theme of the womb, healing work that I’ve been doing with Jen Peters, part of the birthing process that I’ve been experiencing.

But I have a commitment to finish the oracle project as well, so now I’m painting the rest of the cards and starting new paintings, big ones on canvas, and they’re for sale.

I no longer take my art for granted and I’m no longer a mediocre artist. Now, I have to paint. Painting is my breathing.

The funny thing is, I’ve been asking, “What is my gift to the world?” and painting was there all along and I ignored it. I wasn’t ready to see it before. I am now. Painting is my language and I have a lot to say.

Posted in darkness and light, Inspiration

The Gift

“Have you ever felt like you were lost?

That you didn’t know where you were going or where you came from?

Have you ever asked yourself, “Who am I?

What should I remember?

What is my deepest wish from the bottom of my heart?”

I know you must have a wish like that, because we all do.

I learned that we really have to believe in miracles.

All you have to do is take that leap.

If you stop resisting and surrender,

You’ll see that even the most painful thing in life is a gift.

Instead of thinking, “How can I get rid of this burden?”

Ask yourself, “In what way is this a gift?”

The steps you take to escape the pain can bring you to the edge.

And if you cross over that edge, you can never go back to sleep.”

⁃ taken from ‘The Gift’ by Jason George and Nuran Evren Sit

P.S. The picture today is a close up shot of a monkey puzzle tree’s bark. If you enlarge and zoom into the centre of the eye, you might be able to spot two tiny figures, a male and female greeting each other with arms raised. Or is that just my vivid imagination?

Posted in Inspiration, The Truth of our Being

The Great Heart Sutra [Buddhist mantra to remove all obstacles]

The bodhisatva of compassion

Was practicing deep meditation

When he saw that all desires are empty.

Transforming all suffering and distress,

Form is nothing other than emptiness,

Emptiness is nothing other than form.

Sensation, perception, mental response and consciousness are all emptiness.

All is essentially empty,

Not born, not destroyed,

Not stained, not pure,

Without loss, without gain.

In emptiness there is no form, sensation, perception, reaction or consciousness.

No eye, ear, nose, tongue, body or mind.

No sight, sound, smell, touch, taste, object or thought.

No ignorance and no ending of ignorance.

No suffering, no death,

And also no ending of them.

No pain, no cause for pain, no cease of pain.

No noble path that leads away from pain.

No wisdom and no attainment, since there is nothing to attain.

The bodhisatva lives by life-breath and heart-wisdom,

With no hindrance in the mind and therefore no fear.

For beyond delusive thinking,

Right here is nirvana.

All buddhas of past, present and future

Live by life-breath and heart-wisdom,

Attaining perfect vision.

Therefore, know that life-breath and heart-wisdom

Are the great mantra, the vivid mantra,

The unsurpassed and supreme mantra

Which completely removes suffering.

Therefore, embrace life-breath and heart-wisdom.

Embrace and proclaim:

“Gone.

Gone beyond.

Gone utterly beyond.

Awakened!

Exalt!”

“Gate Gate Paragate Parasamgate Bodhi Svaha

Gate Gate Paragate Parasamgate Bodhi Svaha

Gate Gate Paragate Parasamgate Bodhi Svaha”

[gatay gatay para-gatay para-sam-gatay boh-dee sah-ha]

Posted in Energy healing, Inspiration, The Truth of our Being

My Amazing Body

This post is in celebration of my amazing body.  Not just my body, yours too, all our bodies are equally amazing!  Have you discovered what your body can do for you yet?

My body is a finely tuned instrument that can tell me whether each thought or idea is a good one or not.  If I have an emotion, I ask my body to tell me more, whether this feeling means something, whether I need to do a healing, whether it needs my attention or just to let that feeling go.

My body works with me throughout my healing work all the time and I would be lost without it, whether healing for myself or anybody else.  I ask my body to show me where in the energy field there’s a wound or trauma, where there’s a blockage, and it gives me a physical sensation at the location that feels like the problem, perhaps a sharp pain or a feeling of constriction or nausea.  I know that many physical conditions are really because my body’s talking to me about my needs, whether emotional or physical.

I have a special left hand, it’s my healing hand and I’ve been taught to use it as a kind of radar.  It kind of tingles if I ask, when I’m doing the right thing or going in the right direction down a path.  I can use it to find my way or avoid danger.  Are you familiar with dowsing rods or a pendulum?  They are simply extensions of our body, tools that allow us to see what our body knows, that’s also our bodies talking to us.  My left hand works like that, I don’t need to hold rods or a pendulum, just tilting my hand gives me answers.  I can use it to ‘read’ ley lines and energy fields at sacred sites and standing stones.  It was taught to me by the Elemental Kingdom, specifically for doing Earth healing, although I find it can do so much more. 

My body gives me sensations like chills up the spine to let me know when spirits who have passed over are near and shows me specific symbols when my guides and soul group are present. 

My body is in no way unique, everyone’s body is the same, just as animals and birds have super-senses, so do we, only we question ours and learn to ignore the signals.  Bats have echolocation, snakes can detect infrared radiation, bees and certain birds can sense the Earth’s magnetic field and so can we.  We all have moments when we get that feeling in the gut or know something is so.  We just get freaked easily when we don’t understand what can’t be seen, but bees and bats get on with it because it works for them.  When we begin to trust and cultivate what our body can do, it’s like having a super-buddy who’s got our back night and day.  

What I’ve recently embraced about my body is something that’s come from the healing work I’ve been doing with Jen Peters recently.  That my body is not who I am.  It’s a marvellous sensitive instrument that comes with this Earth incarnation, for focusing my energy in the physical experience and providing me with all the feedback that I’ve mentioned above and more.  Like many others, I grew up thinking it was who I am, identifying myself with it.  And because of my early life experiences, I grew to have a negative view of my body.  I got caught in a cycle of hatred and destruction towards my body which manifested as an eating disorder, in my case, an overeating compulsion.  Consequently, I’ve abused my body rather badly, to the detriment of my health.  But no longer, I’m healing and reframing our relationship.  I know now that my body isn’t who I am, it doesn’t define me, and that leaves me free to accept my body as it is.  It’s not my body that shows my beauty, it’s my soul.  It’s not my body that attracts people or success into my life, it’s my soul.  I am a soul with a body, not a body with a soul.  I marvel at all it does to support me, I’m literally in awe.  And I accept the body I have with huge love and gratitude.   

[Image: ‘Dancing Gypsy Queen’ painting by Amenet Drago. Not available for copying or reproduction] 

Posted in Ascension, Inspiration, Poetry

Pilgrimage

We are on a pilgrimage of faith and belief

We were once cynical and isolated

We saw no future for ourselves or Earth

And worse, we didn’t care enough to believe differently

So, we set out on this journey

Learning to trust each other

We climbed the mountain of doubt when destruction was almost certain

And yet, hope was growing inside

Now, we have power

Power to save humankind from itself

It’s good we know fear

It helps us choose to use power wisely

We have all hurt ourselves and others

We have loved and been loved

Have faith

We are humanity and we have each other.

(- adapted from ‘Humans’ by Sam Vincent & Jonathan Brackley)

Posted in Inspiration

If It’s Easy, It’s In The Flow

When it’s right, it’s easy.

When it’s not easy, something’s not right.

Now, don’t get me wrong, difficult has its place.

Hurt, pain and suffering have their place.

But when we’re trying to find our passion,

Our gifts, abilities and destiny,

When we’re trying to find our way forward,

Look out for where it’s easy.

Look for what’s in the flow.

That’s your clue that you’re in the right place,

Doing the best thing,

On the right tracks.