Posted in darkness and light, death, The Truth of our Being, transformation

Seeing The Light: Death As Birth

Imagine you’re sent away from everyone you love and who love you, everyone who understands you. Imagine you go to a place where existence is difficult, not least because you have a bad case of amnesia and can’t remember who you are or where you’re from.

Perhaps, you don’t feel like you belong, as though somewhere, deep down, you know you’re not home. Despite this, it’s not all hard work, there’s a lot to learn here, you’re becoming more aware of your truth and enjoying the delights that life has to offer.

Then, one day, through a situation that makes you think it’s the end of the road, that your life is over, suddenly there’s a great light. Life has brought you your death because your soul called it. It’s time to go and Life has finished with being your teacher. You didn’t want to die but the light feels so peaceful, so calm and so full of love. You’ve never felt anything as wonderful as this before.

But wait, wasn’t this what home felt like? All of a sudden, you know that your true home and true soul family and everything you’ve always been missing is right there on the other side of the light.

You only wish to enter the light and go home, nothing has felt more blissful, more beautiful, more right, for as long as you remember. You know there are loved ones that you’ll be leaving behind, if you go, but you instinctively know it’s their home too and one day they’ll be with you again. And you know that, from where you’re going, you can visit them whenever you wish.

As you step forward to enter the light, you experience the greatest surge of the most profound bliss and love and peace. It cannot be understood except by being there. You are simply aware of your oneness with all, your love of all, your divine unity.

Your true form, as a being of light is revealed to you. For a moment, you sense yourself suspended, floating between the indescribable beauty of planet Earth and the divine light before you. In that moment, the surge of love and truth that opened you up and revealed your divinity, is grounded and anchored into the planet, like a shaft of lightning. Mother Earth is present and she gifts the energy of that moment to all the beings living on Earth. This is your gift to your loved ones on Earth, for in this moment, you love every being in equal measure. In the next instant, a connecting cord is untethered from Earth and you are free to gently drift into the light.

As you enter the light, familiar figures come forward with beaming faces to greet you with such heartfelt love. And you know, at last, you are home. It’s as though you have been reborn and you’ve finally woken up from a strange dream.

[Image: ‘Seeing The Light’ art by Amenet Drago]

Posted in healing, inner child, Personal Story

Growing Up With a Box Full of Darkness

“Someone I loved once gave me
a box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand
that this, too, was a gift.” – Mary Oliver

Are you someone who grew up having a difficult relationship with a parent? 

It can be a tough experience to grow, from womb to adulthood and beyond, trying to make sense of oneself and the world. And then add in to that a parent or parents who don’t see, hear or acknowledge that we matter, let us know that we are loved and worthy.

Worst still, maybe you lived with a parent or parents who criticised, judged, manipulated, controlled, demanded, abused, denied, hated or gaslighted. Maybe there was alcohol, drugs, absence, divorce, violence, abuse…

There are parents that aren’t able to be loving and affirming because it wasn’t there for them. It wasn’t modelled or experienced when they were growing up. They had difficulties with their own parents that led to not feeling loved or worth much. That’s not to say that a child who had a dysfunctional parent grew up to be dysfunctional themselves. Sometimes, the child becomes the healer of the entire generational family trauma. Sometimes, dysfunction is the starting point for such a journey.

Nothing said here is intended as criticism or judgement. There are few more unfortunate circumstances than a person becoming disordered in their personality because it happens during the earliest years of childhood. I feel sad for every one of us that’s subject to such a life story.

One of the most complicated labels is Narcissistic Personally Disorder. A person with NPD has little or no chance of understanding or accepting that they have this disorder and even if they do, it’s almost impossible to commit to treatment that could help them unpick it, because to do so would go against the absolute need to deny their wound is there.

When an NPD parent brings up a child, undoubtedly it means that the child experiences some shocking deficits that would impact their life. They may need to walk away. Maybe they stay. Either way is difficult.

A parent with NPD would find it difficult to show genuine love, empathy, compassion or gratitude. They may say they understand you, love you or are grateful, but over time, you realise they’re hollow words that are not backed up.

Almost everything revolves around the NPD person, leads back to them and their needs, worries or affairs, although they may be skilled at making it look otherwise. Truth is, they live for drama and their life is often chaotic and complicated as they draw drama around them.

An NPD parent will usually have a charming and highly social persona so that others think they’re fun, charming people. They may be overly affectionate, a ‘talk-to-anybody’ kind of person. They are charismatic, often successful people. As their child, you will see this side being demonstrated, but not so much within the core family. The side projected towards you may be a completely different picture which is very confusing since many will see your challenging parent as a lovely person and that’s not likely to be your reality at all.

The NPD person contains and expresses an absolute sense of entitlement. Maybe they need to express how special and unique they are, maybe they become angry when they feel someone doesn’t understand or appreciate them or didn’t value their specialness, maybe they simply make things about themselves and expect others to organise their lives around them, be at their disposal.

Walking away from an NPD parent is a real consideration, sometimes it’s the only way to heal and learn to love ourselves. I didn’t.

I maintained a good distance and limited contact for many years. Eventually, I found a way to get closer, to abate the onslaught, stay calm, ignore or walk away when needed. I learned it’s of no use to try to explain things in the hope they may understand and adjust their behaviour. Totally pointless.

I love my parent and feel sad that they’re trapped by conditions that were never asked for or deserved and they don’t understand any of it. My parent created in me a pleaser and fixer from a young age but I don’t please or fix so much nowadays, thanks to inner child healing. It’s such freedom to no longer carry the drive to have to do that. I can accept other people’s journeys for what they are, including that of my parent, and focus on my own journey, the only one I have the power to change.

Do you have an NPD-type person in your life? Did you have a difficult time with a parent growing up? Are you still struggling? Have you learned to love yourself, through healing from such a dynamic? Have you understood the gifts and opportunities that are open to you? Have you found all the love you need inside yourself, so you don’t need it from your parent anymore?

If this resonates for you, my love and blessings are with you. There are many others sharing this journey, you’re not on your own. Quite often, we live for years without knowing that it’s never been about us. Then, we hear or read something and start to see the whole of our past in a new way that makes sense. It helps to understand, it’s part of the healing. There may be little we can do but understand, yet that, in itself, is the start of healing, not only for ourselves but for previous generations.

Many of us are healing now and our insights are changing the energy of the past too. We are clearing it for our parents and grandparents and their parents too. We are all healing, only some of us consciously, but that’s all it takes.

(Image: “Opening The Box” by Amenet Drago)

Posted in artistic, darkness and light, healing, inner child, love, Poetry, shadow self, transformation

Searching for Love

Is there anybody searching for love they never had?

Searching, yet, on self-destruct cos things are getting bad.

Because it’s quite a journey, not feeling worth a damn

Makes who you are feel like nothing but a sham.

Were you told no-one could love you?

‘Cos that’s just not true.

Do you know how many there are

Out there feeling just like you?

The truth is, very few know of your pain.

And very many feel exactly the same

And neither do they let their pain show,

Years of denial, taking knocks, blow by blow.

Running away through using drugs or booze or sex.

Always moving on from ex to ex to ex.

Or maybe it’s shopping or maybe it’s food,

The campaign to self-destruct is gonna get you screwed.

But always, underneath are words like poison darts

The ones that made you build defensive ramparts.

Words hiding in the back of your thoughts

That prove you’re worth nothing,

An aberration of sorts.

Well, you’re not, you’re simply caught up in a snare,

Take it from one who’s already been there.

I’m thinking back to what or who might have saved me

During the years when I wasn’t free.

Someone who’d been there, now doing fine.

Someone who knew how to draw a line.

Each journey is lonely and yet we all share

The same kind of experience, the same wear and tear.

Don’t feel resentful for things that don’t matter.

Find out who you are, let the past shatter.

Find all the love you need in your heart

‘Cos that will give you a true restart.

And don’t ever let anyone talk to you

With poison dart words that aren’t even true.

The love that will save you is the love you find inside

Let that love enrich you, it cannot be denied.

You are truly worthy, in fact, you’ve always been,

They didn’t have it in them, your soul was never seen.

But don’t let that stop you from moving on now,

You are amazing, let that be your vow.

Posted in Ascension, death

Soul Purpose Revealed

I have wondered why my spiritual support team haven’t shared with me what is my soul purpose, what is my unique gift for myself, humanity and the Earth. How many of us are still wondering, “What am I here for? What’s my destiny, my purpose and direction?”

I asked myself those questions over several years.

When I felt into it, it wasn’t time to know. Maybe I wasn’t ready yet or it would get in the way of something that needs to happen first.

On new year’s eve night, I opened up my channel, invited communication and my soul group came through.

Unprompted, my soul purpose was explained, that many souls are choosing to transition from Earth to the spiritual realms on the other side.

And my soul has chosen to be here to support their transition. I was asked to step up and prioritise my role as an end of life soul guide.

I would never have imagined this was my soul purpose, had you asked me only a few years back. It was thanks to my soul integration in 2018 that I embodied all the skills and tools being held by my soul to enable me to do this work. Since then, I’ve been honing those skills and now I’m ready to fulfil my soul’s purpose.

The souls who are choosing to cross to the inner planes are not doing so consciously, it’s their soul, not personality or mind that’s bringing on the conditions that enable their death. These souls are Truth Makers and their transition is enabling an opening to truth for us all.

I honour every soul. I honour every death, for we often only see this profound transition from the limited perspective of loss and yet, it is so much more. It’s a birth as well. It’s returning to our natural state as an energy being. It’s returning home.

(Image: ‘Freefall’ art by Amenet Drago)

Posted in Ascension, I AM Presence, Inspiration, spiritual skills and techniques

Cutting Out the Narrative

Recently, I’ve noticed how I’m cutting off narratives and dialogues that run through my head. You know the sort of thing, we tell ourselves a story of what’s going on in our heads and we rehearse conversations with others when we know we’ll never actually have that conversation with them.

At those times, we create a false idea of self and the world, fixing limitations and feeding ego.

Instead, we can become aware of our internal dialogue as it starts up and choose to cut it off in mid-flow. Because if we let it run, it feeds our life, it becomes us. We are engaging with emotions that don’t serve us and aren’t even our truth.

It feels good to let it go, it feels like finding inner peace. I’ve noticed that my inner peace and contentment have increased commensurate with the reduction of my self dialogue.

(Image: ‘The Sorceress’ (close up) by Amenet Drago)

Posted in Abundance and lack, Ascension, darkness and light, Inspiration, love, Mother Earth

Love and Peace and the Happiest Man in the World

How was Christmas? One of the best things about Christmas is permission to have fun, to play, laugh and let our hair down. Did you get to do that this year?

Christmas isn’t always about having fun, sometimes it’s about grief and sadness. For some, it’s a continuation of the abuse or homelessness that is there every day.

I once heard a story about a man who everyone called “the happiest man alive.” He lived in abject poverty, no home, no job, no money, and yet, he was always full of joy. He walked the streets, everyone knew him in the neighbourhood, and he made it his business to look for something helpful to do every day. He was often found picking up litter and putting it in the rubbish bin, after all, his lifestyle meant he had an intimate relationship with the contents of bins.

In the park, people who looked sad would soon find a big smile from him. Many went to him with their problems, which is strange because he didn’t specialise in problems, he only beamed out love.

He had no family or friends, although everyone knew his name and many stopped to talk. Once in a while, someone would offer him an old woolly sweater or a hot meal which he accepted graciously. His name was Carl.

As for you and me, and Carl’s neighbours, we don’t know how to live the secret that Carl instinctively embodied.

All our feelings, thoughts, words and actions are not responses to what goes on around us but to what is going on inside.

If we feel sad, then something inside us is resonating with sadness, maybe it’s the grief of losing a loved one. Sometimes, the person we’ve lost and are grieving the lack of is ourselves.

When we are resonating love and peace inside, then we’re like Carl. It doesn’t matter what or who we lost, it doesn’t matter how unfair life seems, it doesn’t matter what others do or say, we continue to experience joy, happiness, blessings and peace because it’s always there inside.

The secret to life is to understand this truth and come to live it. We are here, right now, worrying about the Earth and the state of the world. We are embodying and expressing sadness, fear, worry, lack, not being enough, not having the answer, hopelessness, frustration, anger. The list goes on. How can we embody love and peace when we engage with everything going on outside and around us with these other emotions?

Now, imagine if everyone in the world put their energy into finding and expressing inner peace and love. Do you realise that would remove all the perceived problems in the world because everyone would be thinking and acting from peace and love? That’s the reason we are here.

Wake up, beautiful soul, stop putting yourself through so much pain, this is simple. All you need do is see it and choose it. You have the answer, we all do.

(Image: “Ignite Love and Peace, They Are Waiting Inside” by Amenet Drago

Posted in healing, Inspiration, love, The Truth of our Being

We Are Each Responsible For Ourselves

Imagine a world where every adult is truly responsible for themselves.

Not for anybody else, just themselves.

Everybody.

Fully committed to their own needs, their own growth, their own healing.

Stepping up to themselves.

Now, that’s the world we need.

That world is realised when we stop looking outside ourselves.

When we stop thinking we are incomplete without another.

When we stop trying to help, fix, change or heal others.

We are not responsible for them,

We are responsible for ourselves.

This is not selfishness,

This is love.

(Image: “Love Is A Vibrant Feeling” art by Amenet Drago)

Posted in darkness and light, healing, inner child, love

Power Play and Boundaries

Setting boundaries can be hard and that’s something coming to the fore at the moment. It’s so easy to let things slip, then it’s difficult to do a u-turn and put a boundary in place.

And we can feel confused about how to communicate what we want in the best way.

There are times we are going to upset other people and that’s okay.

Have you ever come across a bully? Most people have and where there’s a bully there’s a person or people being bullied.

Have you ever wondered what determines that one person holds all the power and another person is powerless? It’s like a silent agreement between them.

The bully has made control and power their own. The bully feels entitled and lacks empathy.

The bullied is holding victim consciousness, feels guilt and apologises for their needs.

There’s a bully in my environs and although there’s talk about how troublesome they are, people continue enabling their behaviour.

It’s a two-way dance, it takes a mutual agreement. We do have the power to change that dynamic.

The bully in my environs is sometimes confronted but then, the same old dynamic quickly returns. In this dynamic, the souls are learning about personal power, not only the one who is controlling and manipulative but those struggling to stand up for themselves, to find and uphold their boundaries and embody their sense of empowerment. And this means learning how to love, honour and respect oneself.

Are you setting and protecting your boundaries?

Are you involved in a power play with anyone?

What are you learning from them about yourself?

Does that make you feel like changing in any way?

(Image: “Goddess: Yin Yang” by Amenet Drago)

Posted in inner child, Inspiration, love

Feeling Hurt

Epiktetos, a Greek philosopher who lived from 50AD to 135AD once said:

“Another person will not hurt you without your cooperation. You are hurt the moment you believe yourself to be.“

How are we complicit when someone hurts us?

In what ways do we enable the other person to influence us thus?

Where is the hurt we feel coming from?

It cannot happen without our consent and our emotional response is the soul agreement we have with the other.

Their words or actions activate something that already exists inside us and then we feel hurt.

We created that, not them. Because we carry the potential to be hurt.

We are receiving an opportunity to perceive the hurt we are carrying.

It’s only when a belief we are carrying that isn’t true changes that the patterns change.

The belief is very old and very deep. It’s absolute and so deep we may not realise it’s there.

Hurt is the signal that alerts us to the presence of a false belief within us.

It’s our inner child that’s hurting.

What does our inner child need that’s missing?

To be loved, to be seen, to be heard, to be acknowledged, to know that they are truly worthy.

So you see, when someone hurts us it’s a gift, a chance to meet our hurt inner child and remind them they are loved, heard, seen, valued and so, so worthy.

Image: “Understanding My Hurt Feelings” by Ananda Amenet Reid

Posted in darkness and light, love, Mother Earth, transformation

Emergence: one

This is my orchid. Every year at this time, in time for Christmas, two flowering stems begin to emerge. Once they are fully open, the flowers last for a remarkable three months. And then they begin to wilt and die.

I love the entire process from the first moment of noticing the new growth to the eventual decaying of the blooms. It’s emergence, the story of life and death is told through it all.

And I turn myself to face all that I feel is emerging, without judgement or fear.

Recently I heard from a reliable source that there is much upheaval ahead, that such upheaval is the coming journey of our beloved Mother Earth and therefore, will involve us all.

What I heard could be scary and I don’t know if it’s going to unfold that way or not, but it got me thinking. It goes against my expectations, I anticipate another thirty years of living on this Earth, maybe. And hope to meet more beautiful souls, to love and be loved by, moving forward on my soul path, living my life, lots of painting, fulfilling dreams. We all expect there to be a future. But what if there isn’t?

I had to think about that. Then I realised, deep in my heart, that it doesn’t matter. I have never felt afraid of the transition we call death and know it won’t stop me doing whatever work my soul is here to do, whether from this side or the other.

If life is destined to get chaotic, then chaos will emerge. If everything comes crashing down, I trust it is required to happen that way. If not, contemplating such a possibility brings riches of its own.

Whatever’s emerging, it’s all as precious as watching the blooms of my orchid unfold. Even if it seems as though darkness is emerging, that we are facing the darkest and most threatening times of all. Even then, with our invisible roots extended into the Earth and hearts full of love and peace, we don’t need to be afraid. We have nothing to fear, there never was, is or will be anything to fear, no matter what.

The wise Grandmothers are telling us, do not meet fear with fear. Fear is like a disease, it’s catching and spreads like a contamination.

Fear is everywhere, people are being activated by it. People are turning on each other through their fear. Everything is polarised. So, stay in your heart, remain connected to the web of light, do not move into fear yourself. Whatever happens, whatever you encounter, do not succumb to judgement or fear. Allow, accept, remain in your peace, know how to connect with your inner peace and stay with your heart foundation which is love. You are a divine being.

If we engage the future with fear, we will end up attracting exactly what we fear. Stay calm, stay engulfed in peace and love, don’t engage with fear, now or ever.

As my orchid emerges, I will share the story of her flowering with you and we will learn together to embrace beauty, even through darkness, even as life transforms into death.

Are you scared about the future? Why are you scared? How does fear help you? How does fear hinder or hurt you? How can you transform your fear into peace, love and acceptance? How does doing that feel?

Image: “This is my Orchid” by Ananda Amenet Reid