Posted in healing, inner child, Twin Flame

Understanding Trauma Bonding

Trauma bonding is a complex subject. 

During our formative years, usually from womb to around the age of seven when our neurons are creating networks and we are forming a sense of who we are in the world, we are susceptible to deep emotional wounding. We haven’t gained the resilience to see the bigger picture and we personalise everything from our inner child eyes.

Usually, the emotional wounds hang on not being seen, heard, loved or valued. When those are perceived as not present for us, our inner child is traumatised and it’s as though the moment is forever frozen within us. A belief is formed, such as “I’m not lovable” or “I’m not worthy” and from that moment, our inner child is triggered whenever that belief is activated by any situation.

We don’t have one inner child, we have as many as there were wounds or traumas created. And each inner child is inside us and aware of everything that happens, on the alert for anything that feeds that belief or can fix it. Except it can’t be fixed from outside us, that ship has sailed but our inner child doesn’t realise that. They are constantly searching for what is missing.

Sometimes, we may meet someone who resonates with us because our inner child interlocks with their inner child and they bond. This takes place on a deep subconscious level so we don’t realise it happened. We believe we are consciously deciding and that events are fully within our control, but that’s not the case.

When two inner children bond, it’s the most wonderful experience, like we’ve found somebody who resonates with us so deeply, except the resonance is with the trauma we carry. We feel drawn to them and may fall in love. We may feel like soul mates or twin flames.

Bonded inner children feel seen and understood and that’s a big deal because we may often find that nobody gets us, certainly not as deeply as our new special friend, so we feel especially drawn to them. That’s what trauma bonding is.

Now it gets a bit complicated because there are different types of wounds and we may respond differently, depending on the wounds and beliefs we carry. For instance, a co-dependent may carry the need to be loved and appreciated, so when someone resonates with them, someone who really gets them, someone who is just so open and showing such loving affection, then the inner child is going to soak all that in. The inner child feels so loved, cared for, seen and valued. And the other inner child responds in kind, basically, it’s a love-fest.

All this is sounding lovely. Until the day when one or both of the subconscious inner children begin to realise that the deep wound from early childhood isn’t being fixed. At that point, a new dynamic is created as the child-self continually tries to elicit what it perceives as missing, which is the original trauma. And a cycle begins where everything is going wonderfully and then it all blows up and falls apart. A reconciliation is reached and a cycle of love, blame and reconciliation repeats over and over again. This cycle becomes more demanding and destructive of the relationship over time.

Trauma bonding is, deep down, all about unresolved need. And that need is never going to be resolved through the relationship because it cannot be resolved outside of us. This isn’t the basis for a healthy relationship.

Two needy, wounded and unhealed inner children have connected and sooner or later, as children do, they will push the boundaries. They may test this new love, is it real? They may push away to ensure the other comes back. It’s the need of a wounded part of two unhealed beings. Both are trying to get those needs met but with somebody who has their own needs and can’t help. Neither can yet fully love themselves, so how on earth are they going to truly love anybody else? They can’t, their path needs to be one of self-healing and as long as they’re together, that can never happen because they’re caught up in a dynamic that keeps them tied to need, feeding the need. The dark side of this relationship will always crop up from time to time.

When trauma bonding takes place, there are red flags. We let things slide that should raise our red flags because we’re bonded. We are in denial of the fact that something isn’t right. We keep quiet to keep the peace when the dissonance emerges. It may feel like we see each other so clearly, that we see the others’ faults, we may call them out in the hope they’ll fix things, but they can’t whilst trauma bonded. As we come up against the trauma expressing in each other, we feel like we’re walking on eggshells. At its worst, it can feel like everything’s falling apart, like we’re going crazy, like we don’t know what’s real anymore.

All the time, two beautiful souls are stuck in the dynamic. And their souls brought them together in the first place to address what is ready to be healed. Life is like that, if we don’t see it, life will kick our butt and knock our heads together until we work it out. However hard this journey is, even if two people end up hating each other, this can be seen as an opportunity and a gift to fast-track healing.

Nevertheless, we won’t easily let go of the dream of being with that perfect person we first perceived, the fantasy of who we wanted them to be, thought they were. Sometimes, people are stuck in this dynamic for a long time.

Trauma bonding is often mistaken for a twin flame relationship. Twin flames can go through difficulties with each other because they see the best and worst in each other, like looking in a mirror. They sometimes heal together through the drama. So, trauma bonding and twin flame relationships are easily confused. Even so, with both, quite often the answer is to walk away and do the healing away from each other. All those needs can be met, they can be healed but it’s never going to come from someone else. We heal from within. Sometimes, walking away is the biggest act of love we can give to another, even if they’re never going to appreciate it. And more importantly, it’s the biggest act of love we can give to ourselves.

Posted in Energy healing, inner child, Personal Story

Get Out of Your Head!

One of the most powerful lessons that has felt transformational for me in the past year or so is getting out of my own head.

For years, this was a huge bug-bear for me, I was always getting in my own way, over-thinking, messing with my own head. And for most of that time I didn’t realise it. Then, when I did, it was like witnessing a car crash, I could see it happening but seemed powerless to change course.

Recently, I realised I don’t do it much anymore and have to stop a moment and wonder, “When did that happen? How did that happen?!”

And, to be honest, I’m not sure what the answer is. I just don’t need to over-think or over-analyse my conditions and emotions anymore and if I start, I notice and say to myself, “Not going down that road, let’s just stop right there,” and in the next moment I’m reminding myself of better ways to see things, which brings me back to balance.

For me, staying out of my head is synonymous with remaining balanced and centred in myself. Maybe that’s what changed, I found my centre and just stopped doing it. I have to cite positive self-talk as my natural go-to when it starts up though, literally being my own unconditional best friend and putting myself back on track asap.

When I feel into it, I see that the kind of situations where this happened the most were the same ones that came into my life to show me how much inner child healing I needed to do. Well, I have done so much inner child healing now that a great deal has changed for me and perhaps, very likely, this is one of those changes too.

Inner child healing is like magic, it’s one of the simple techniques that gives me an instant, noticeable result. I do a twenty minute healing journey and, hey presto, the next time a trigger situation materialises, I’m not triggered, I’m not behaving, thinking, feeling from my hurt inner child, because that inner child has been healed and integrated into my being. That said, I have found that I have a lot of those healings to do because I carry a lot of lost, hurt and stuck inner children, all capable of being triggered again and again until they’re found, healed and brought to a state of wholeness in my heart. One time, I received a message from my spiritual support team that I had another forty-four inner children to heal. Yikes! I thought. And yet, even after healing the first one or two I had noticed myself being less triggered. To date, I’ve healed at least twenty-two and am feeling hugely proud of myself because it really has been a life-changer. Whenever a trigger situation comes up, I go through it again based on the situation and rescue another beautiful inner child. I use the free tools provided on YouTube by Jen Peters and can vouchsafe that they work for me. If this is something that resonates, you can find her website here.

Posted in Energy healing, inner child, Personal Story, spiritual skills and techniques

Healing The Past and the Present

Our wounds, patterns and beliefs start to make sense, once we see our backstory.

Wounds are the result of the beliefs we make and fix, for the most part before the age of seven.

During those early years, we haven’t got a lot of experience of life.  We haven’t developed sophisticated methods of questioning and reasoning.  We live in a very small world, you could say, a bubble.  And the adults we spend most of our time with, our parents (if we haven’t got parents, our significant care-givers) are our priority cues.  We watch and learn, we have to work out who we are, where we fit, who other people are and where they fit and what the world around us is all about.  And we have to learn fast because our survival, physically and emotionally, depends on it.

We don’t have complex mental or emotional skills at that age, so our reactions are instant.  We create beliefs very quickly and then, since beliefs are absolute, they are fixed and we live by them.  We use them as our immediate go-to, in order to protect ourselves in new situations.  We have little flexibility and in our brains, the neurons hardwire those early beliefs for life.  They are not a part of our conscious thought, they are too deep for that, so we don’t even notice the way our beliefs dictate our life.

What beliefs might we learn before the age of seven?  Since, in our little minds, everything is about us, all the patterns and wounds our significant adults, our parents, carry and display are personal.  They are about us.  So, if we are not acknowledged, not seen or heard, not valued or validated, we create beliefs that we are not good enough, not worthy.  Not loved or lovable.  If our parents are absent, either physically or emotionally, we believe that we are on our own, that people leave us, that we are not lovable or good enough.  If we are put down or criticised, we are never good enough.  We give up our self to be what they need us to be in an attempt to find approval, but we never find it because they were never able to give it. We become a pleaser.  If a parent is controlling and dominating, we become dependent, accepting that they make all the decisions, dictate who we are and what happens in our lives.  If a parent is needy, emotionally or physically, we believe we have to solve their problems, carry their burdens.  And so it goes on. 

Those beliefs remain with us and certain situations trigger them for us again and again, and we probably won’t realise it.  When they are triggered, we fall into old patterns.  The patterns are our behaviours, thoughts, emotions belonging to the belief of the little child who first created that belief.  Triggers may be when someone rejects us or leaves us, when we fail at something, when we are criticised, when we become ill, when others seem needy, when we enter a new relationship.  It can be anything that threatens the belief we carry from our younger years.  And we don’t carry one belief, we carry many, so it gets complicated.

Our wounds are the traumas that we experienced that caused us to create a belief that was meant to help us survive.  When we were put down, when we felt unseen.  When we felt unloved, when we were not enough to keep a parent around, maybe our parents separated, maybe a parent was away working.  Any situation that diminished our sense of self up to the age of seven when we didn’t have the skills and sophistication to understand that sometimes, things are not about us and we don’t have to own them.

So, there we are, all of us, carrying within us wounds and beliefs that still, to this day, create patterns and behaviours when they get triggered.  And that keeps us hostage to a past that, not only is not relevant now, it never was.  It was never about us, it was never true, these were the limited understandings of a little child with a limited view of themselves, the world and everybody else. 

But, if we think about our story as we were growing up in those early years, if we think about our parents or other key care-givers, we can see how that happened.  If we know our parents’ backstory, we can see where they were coming from, if we know our grandparents, backstory, we can see the lineage of wounds that have been handed down.  As long as we know their early story and relationship with their parents, we can see it in our friends, we can see it in our partner, we can even see it in our own children. 

There is no shame and no blame here, everyone was subject to a process they could do nothing about.  But there may come a time when we are grown up and notice all this.  We see the patterns and understand the backstory, so we begin to work out the beliefs we carry and the wounds and traumas that created them, when we were little children before the age of seven. 

That is when we can heal.  We heal, not only for ourselves but for our children because they are still seeing how we respond to the world, ourselves and others.  They are still learning from us, always.  Our parents may never see or know about this in themselves, not consciously, but we are able to end the ancestral patterns when they couldn’t.    

I have found, in my healing, that when I notice a pattern and a wound is triggered, that is the time to do some healing.  Perhaps, something someone says hurts me, perhaps it has triggered a ‘not good enough’ wound.  What happens then is I can engage with that hurt and go through all the feelings and thoughts of not being good enough, of blaming the other person, of feeling hurt, maybe becoming distressed, feeling lonely and depressed.  I may shut myself away.  I may over-eat the wrong kind of foods.  I may get involved in an emotional and escalating exchange with my friend.  The thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations and behaviours then feed themselves and things can go downhill quickly.  Maybe I notice that this is a pattern that comes up for me from time to time.  So, this time, I’m going to choose to do it differently.  Instead of engaging, I’m going to say to myself, “ah, this is a pattern, I’ve been triggered.”  Then, I will find a quiet space and take 20 minutes to go through a healing.  That’s all it takes to connect with the inner child who created that initial belief and those patterns.  I listen to that child, validate that child, love and really see and hear that child, heal that child and reintegrate that child within my heart space, all in 20 minutes – and we are done.  And from then on, that particular belief and those specific patterns will not trigger me. 

So far, I have healed about twenty plus inner children and I have about the same number again of wounded inner children to find, heal and integrate.  But I have come a long way, so many patterns have stopped being triggered and it feels like freedom from bonds that have held me prisoner for all those years.  We all have a different number of wounded inner children, we all have more or less healing work to do, but it’s a life-changer and once you see the difference, and how instant the change is, you will see how beautiful your life was always meant to be.  

Go here for a free inner child healing tool. This is the one that I use because I like working with Jen Peters, but there are more similar therapists and tools to be found online.    

[This is an old photo of me and my niece, Chloe Elgar
Chloe writes about her own ancestral patterns and trauma in her new book, ‘Revealed By Darkness: a psychic memoir’ available from her website. Her book is a catalyst for our own healing as she leads us through her experiences and supports us in looking deeper into our selves.]

Posted in Energy healing, inner child, Personal Story

Learning How to Heal From Darkness

The next time my life goes tits up, I will know what it means, I will know what to do about it.  I won’t be found floundering about like a fish on land again. 

‘Tits up’ could mean getting ill with the kind of crazy shit that doesn’t have a label.  For me, that has been chronic fatigue, lack of mental acuity, depression, anxiety.  By ‘crazy shit’ I mean it’s going to be trigger energy from a childhood trauma wound. It could be a relationship, whether in the family, intimate or friendship, something that gets messy, to the extent that it starts to make me out of balance.  It could be a situation, something that overwhelms me.  Any kind of thing that throws me off, that takes me out of my centre, unbalances me, leaves me destabilised and outside my power. 

I remember days like that, I remember days stretching into weeks, months, even years as I fought and railed and didn’t have a clue what was going on.  Those were the days of darkness.

Fortunately, I’ve been out of the darkness for a while now, long enough to feel a sense of stability and settling.  In fact, I would say my personal power and liberation has grown enormously of late.  But what has really changed is I’ve done the healing, which, for me was inner child healing and abandonment healing, and now I look back and see those days completely differently.  I see how my body, mind, emotions, higher self, my soul were literally screaming at me the whole time that something was wrong and I was screaming at them, in despair, as I tried, but failed, to work it out. 

So, if it ever comes back, if I ever hit those kind of days again, I will know what to do.  I will check who is in my life and what kind of energy they are bringing to me.  What am I doing that is not serving me?  Where is the healing I need to attend to?  Yes, those are the questions I will ask myself and I will know how to turn that shit around, straight away.

Posted in Energy healing, inner child, love, Soul Integration, spiritual skills and techniques

The Treasure You Seek

This is the last post of the week on persona and this is the one where we look at what to do about it.  For most of us, we have a proportionate amount of persona and the rest of what we project as our self is our personality-ego, which is our true face, as projected by our soul.  We know that our soul is our true state but our soul is so much more than the sum of this one single incarnation as the person we are in this life. Personality is the authentic expression of this current self as a physical person on Earth and it comes from our soul.  Persona is a false casing, a mask that covers over our personality that we made when very young when we found that our true self was rejected by our main care giver(s). 

So, there are two means to increase the fulfilment of our spiritual journey that we are talking about here.  One is to remove persona and become our true, original personality, this is the person we would have been if we had been loved, kept safe, been approved of, heard, seen and validated by our care givers as a child in the early years.  The other is to invite our soul to become fully integrated into who we are as a being and connected into every moment of our life.

If we take the first part of that, how do we chip away at that hard, tough carapace that persona has built around us?  If we have a small amount of persona, then we know our authentic self very well, can access it and increase it, we can even choose to carry on using persona completely safely, when in certain situations, such as when at work or in performance, knowing that we are utilising persona and knowing when we are putting that mask down again.

The more persona we have, the longer it will take to chip it off and the more persona will try to sabotage our efforts to protect itself.  However, once we have accepted that this is our situation and embraced the need to change, to heal, to remove persona, as long as we stay committed to that, we will move swiftly towards freedom and every step we make will improve our condition. 

If we have become mostly or all persona, instead of our original personality, our first task is to really see it.  To really believe it and to really choose to work on it, for as long as it takes.  We have a lot of chipping away to do.  The first myth I wish to dispel, that persona feeds us, is that there will be nothing of us left if we let persona go.  This is simply not true.  We will feel like sheep must feel when they have endured the first shearing of the year, we will stand there, naked and trembling, we will feel like a weight has been lifted off of us but that weight also felt like the cosiest comfort blanket ever.  We will also feel the light and love inside of us for the first time and realise, for the first time, what authenticity feels like and how our previous state really was a prison.

There are two paths to follow to remove persona.  The first is to heal the wounds and traumas that we suffered in early childhood, before the age of seven usually, because they are the source.  The second is to integrate our soul into our being because it brings in so much love, so much wisdom, so many skills, tools abilities, all of which will strengthen, heal and add to our fulfilment.  And it brings in the truth of our being and a deep connection to the divine source. 

When it comes to healing the inner child wounds at source, there are free resources online for this here or just find Jen Peters’ free videos on youtube. Look out for her free abandonment wound healing too, it is so important to cover this.  Do the work.  If you are light on persona, light on early trauma, you will have less work to do.  If you are heavier on trauma wounds, you will be using these tools over and over again, I recommend every time a behaviour pattern is triggered.  If you are mostly or completely persona, really, you need some help from a dedicated specialist in the field and although I’m not promoting her, Jen Peters is one I know of.  Seek your own, but make sure you get the right kind of help. 

There are also numerous resources out there for integrating your soul into your being but, of course, I’m only going to talk about the Soul Integration work I am soon to offer.  This is something I have been passionate about since I had my own soul integration in 2018, it’s not exaggerating to say it changed my life.  I am finalising an online six session 45 minute weekly workshop on Soul Integration with a sacred soul initiation and download.  It will be released at a special introductory price in June.  


Posted in Energy healing, Soul Integration

Overcoming The Power of Persona

Self-sabotage is a difficult subject to tackle, it’s a kind of self-denial, so we are fighting ourselves and may never even realise it.

It’s our persona that does this. Personality is who we are, that is, personality is the projection of us that our soul creates as our presence in this incarnation. Ego is a part of personality, although ego may not be such a bad guy, my post ‘Ego is Not the Enemy’ looks closer at this.

Persona is not our true personality at all but it appears to be. We build a persona or personas to protect us from the knocks we learnt to expect in early childhood, when we found that who we were was not deemed acceptable in the eyes of our care givers, and persona has been attempting to protect us ever since. This is another powerful reason for integrating our soul into our being, inviting it to be fully present in every moment of every day.

Persona is built from our wounds and trauma and is the hardest of nuts to crack. Can you tell the difference between your persona and your authentic self? It can be difficult. There are times when it’s possible, for instance, if we are different at work or socially, compared to at home, that’s down to our persona.

Having a persona can feel like it’s a choice, our public face, and that’s one of the ways it deceives us to protect itself. There’s no choice with persona, it is hard-wired to protect itself at all costs, by many means. Not only from everyone else but from us. Then, we cannot tell what is the ‘real’ self and what is not. We cannot tell who we are. We think we know, but we don’t.

How on earth are we going to overcome this problem? We are all trying to heal and be our authentic selves, right?

Most difficult of all, sometimes, when we were scarred by trauma in our early years, some of us ditched our entire personality and became our persona, then, there is nothing of the original personality left. When we were told or shown, over and over again, that we are not good enough, not acceptable, not lovable, not worthy as a little child, we simply didn’t have the skills to process it before we were seven or eight, so we tried to adapt, to please. We may have ended up entirely becoming a new projection of self ditching all that was our authentic and natural self which was rejected by our significant care giver(s).

When personality is overwhelmed by persona, we are really up against it, there’s little chance to fight persona because we are deceiving ourselves all the time and don’t know it. We don’t know we are not our personality, it seems a terrifying truth to face, one that our persona protects us from fiercely. The soul is present to help us but the soul only gets on board when invited, otherwise, soul is an observer. So many people don’t know this and never do the soul-work that enables them to break free of persona. Apart from not being our persona, we are not really our personality either, we are, in truth, our soul and our life becomes so much richer if we embrace that.

Imagine if you were entirely your persona, how would you know? For the most part, you would not. From my early childhood, I lost touch with my authentic self, I did have an uncomfortable feeling about not being my true self at times but initially, I didn’t know what that feeling was, why it was there, what it meant or what to do about it. I didn’t know any different, I was really in the dark.

What changed for me was engaging with an incredible amount of light work, dumping huge quantities of light into my broken down self. I opened myself up to do that and as it continued, I accepted more and more light as my heart and channel opened more and more. The consequence was I changed, I became empowered, found out who I am, realised myself you could say, and it’s still unfolding. It changed everything and, yes, it did mean a lot of the things that kept me ‘safe’ had to go. They were illusions, patterns that kept me locked into my persona, and persona fights tooth and nail to stay. But persona has to go, rather to be naked and alive than clothed and living dead.

I believe there are different ways to break down persona and we each find our own. One thing’s for sure, it won’t happen unless we are 100% committed and we can’t get committed unless we realise what’s going on in the first place.

For me, it all started with a sacred soul initiation and that’s why I am feeling the call to bring that powerful tool to others now. Persona comes from a deep wound and the solution has to go deep as well, getting right to the root inside us where the hurt stems from. I believe light and love are the means by which we break that rock-solid carapace that is the persona. Once we create an opening, we need to pour in self-love as if our life depends upon it. Self-love, more than anything, is our salvation.

This is the beginning of a week of posts about persona, there’s a lot to look at here. Please look out for more posts every day as we unpack it and find out how to move forward from it.

My Soul Mastery Soul Integration online workshop is now available for bookings.

Posted in Energy healing, Inspiration

Celebrating the Resonance of Life

Time for my third and final post of the week on the subject of celebration (as tomorrow is Transformational Question Friday). 

And today I am celebrating Life!  Let’s go big or go home, as they say.  I don’t know about you, but for me life can sometimes be a bit of a roller-coaster, full of up days and down days and boy, do I get dizzy with it all sometimes.  And yet, even when I’m in the thick of a rough, tough week I know that so much of that problematic stuff, those thoughts and emotions, are coming from inside me.  Or are they? 

I spend a lot of time looking at life from the point of view of being energy.  We know that everything is energy, I do believe those science bods have decided this is definitely the case.  So, we are energy, everything is energy and that’s all there is.  It’s not easy to think of our solid, flesh and blood selves as energy, I admit, but hold that idea for a moment and let’s see where we can go with it. 

We also know that energy is vibration.  Everything is vibration.  When we are experiencing something that has the same or similar vibration level as us, it resonates with us.  The more something or someone resonates, the nearer the match to our own vibration.  When there is a mis-match, we get a sense of dissonance, it feels out of synch with us and we feel uncomfortable.  We learn to recognise the feeling of being uncomfortable and that’s life giving us a chance to make different choices.  

So, what can lead us to feel dissonance?  Anything that is of a lower vibration to us.  What if we are at a low vibration ourselves?  Then, other low vibration energies are a fit and we resonate with them rather than feeling dissonance. When we are at a low vibration and we come into contact with low vibrational situations, thoughts, actions, people, events, then they feel comfortable to us because we match them. We don’t get the signal to stay away because there is no dissonance. So, if you are feeling dissonance, going through times when you are out of synch, then you are resonating higher.  

It’s only when we are at a higher level of vibration than the dissonance that we detect its presence and know that something is out of alignment.  This is a gift, and it means that the low dissonance is not inside of us, it’s not a part of us, we are the high vibration and we remain the high vibration. We may choose to focus on and own that dissonance, but it is not us and we haven’t lost our own vibration, we remain at that same high level.

Life is amazing, life is looking after us all the time.  Just by being energy, being vibration, life ensures we are kept informed of our needs, whether or not we pay attention.  It also means that when we detect dissonance, when we are brought into contact with the vibration of a situation, event, thought or object that is not resonating for us, we are learning to understand that we are not that feeling, we can refuse to own that dissonance.  Just let it be there, respect it as a guest that has come to show us something, don’t fight it and don’t own it. Continue to vibrate at the same high level.  If we are wise, we learn to move away from whatever is bringing this lower vibe into our life. When we can’t move away, know the dissonance will pass, the dissonance is a teacher and a gift.  Life is a teacher and a gift.  Well worth celebrating, I’d say.        

Posted in Inspiration, Personal Story

Speaking Our Truth

Today, I am bringing to mind speaking our truth, opening our voice and not swallowing our words.  This subject seems pertinent because last night, the Oprah interview with Harry and Meghan was broadcast in the UK on International Women’s Day, which seemed relevant.  It brought to my mind a number of key issues about the enormity of speaking our truth, how fundamentally difficult that can be and how many fear factors can be stacked up against us, and sometimes the fear factors include that if we don’t speak the truth, new fears are going to be realised.  So, it’s a big issue.

For me personally, it’s only in the last few years that I have found myself able to recognise who I am, enough to know what my truth is and what is the truth of my words.  Partly, I have stuffed it down so deeply in terms of my childhood wounds and traumas that I haven’t been able to value myself enough to even know who I am or what my truth is.  Part of that has been that I haven’t had the permission, as a child, to have a truth, or have a ‘self’, even.  And it’s taken a lot of my adult life to come to the point where I’ve been able to understand and access my truth and find out who I am. 

There have been times when I haven’t been truthful about my boundaries, my needs or myself, because of my fears of other people’s judgements, of what others will say, that I would be incapable of managing the assumed or perceived rejection and the assumed or perceived criticism or judgment. 

Criticism and rejection have been two of the biggest themes of my childhood, into my adult life, because I’ve continued to be held hostage by those traumas and their underlying beliefs, developed at a very young age, including the behaviours I adopted or sought refuge with because of them.  So, knowing what my truth is and speaking my truth has been a big issue for me. 

These days, it’s not a problem, I have now voiced many truths that have been huge in my world and would have previously been impossible, but now they are said with freedom and power.  Some recent examples have been changing my name, telling my mother about my tattoo, something I would have previously hidden rather than face the judgement and criticism.  Another situation is deciding to leave my husband, a big one that I wouldn’t previously have been able to follow through.  All sorts of truths are surfacing in my life now because I have a completely different attitude about who I am.  I haven’t set out to increase the personal power that has given me the strength to uncover and declare my truth, it’s more that it’s unfolded as a part of my spiritual journey, a journey that’s another testament to stepping into my truth and speaking from it. 

I do feel that what Harry and Meghan have unleashed through their interview is to model for many the power of speaking one’s truth and how the value of doing so is much greater than all of the fears and consequences.  For them in particular, they are public figures, they are a part of the British monarchy which some might say is notoriously stuffed down in its truth. 

It’s never wise  to sit on our truth or be more concerned about the look of things, how we will be perceived and judged, those are not the kind of values we should be living by.  Meghan and Harry have blown that out of the water.  They have made themselves targets for being judged, everybody feels they now have a right to have an opinion about all they’ve said.  Personally, I don’t feel inclined towards an opinion, or to judge or question whether or not their words are ‘The Truth’, I don’t think there is a ‘The Truth’ in this or any situation because we’re humans, we all have a filter, every single one of us has a filter and therefore, we can only ever experience our truth, only ever represent our truth, only ever validate our truth, and not the truth.

What Harry and Meghan have done is validated their truth.  It doesn’t mean that the Royal Institution or other members of their family who may wish to have a say in the truth that Harry and Meghan have expressed, that they would or wouldn’t agree with it, it doesn’t matter.  What matters is it’s the truth as they perceive it, and therefore it’s validated, and that’s the case for all of us. 

When we express our truth, it doesn’t matter whether anybody judges or has a different view of the situation, they will do, we all see things from our own perspective and we’re probably never going to be able to fix an objective ‘Truth’, even though that’s what’s attempted in courts of law, I don’t think it’s ever really achieved.  We don’t have to do that, we can just acknowledge each other’s truth, even when it’s different from our own.  In family situations where resolution is taking place, if we uncover, by speaking our truth, that other members of the family see things from a different view, that truth can be accepted, allowed for and encompassed into the whole.  Bringing everything out into the open, speaking from each person’s perspective and viewing the full picture can be illuminating and healing.  To get to that healing place, it first has to come out, even though that can be terrifying. Let’s not be fearful of speaking from our true voice.

Posted in Energy healing, inner child

Healing At Source

When we need healing, when there is something inside of us that is a wound from the past, something that keeps disturbing our peace and hijacking our life, it surfaces in one or two ways.  One way is through our body as physical symptoms and especially when we and our doctor struggle to understand what is wrong.  The other way our wounds and traumas surface are in our relationships.  This is because other people act as a mirror that allow us to see ourselves.  Other people create the kind of situations which trigger our patterns and beliefs.  The worst case scenario is that we find ourselves in toxic relationships, whether familial, intimate or platonic.

When we become ill with chronic pain and fatigue, explained or unexplained symptoms, when we are suffering an emotional rollercoaster of torment and blame in our relationships, we need to do something about it, otherwise, we go around and around in circles.  If we leave the relationship, we just end up in another similar situation.  If we successfully treat the symptoms and conditions of our illness, we just end up with another illness a short way down the road.  That stuff has to come out somehow, but it doesn’t get rid of it until we remove the energy at source.

Does any of this sound familiar?  If so, what is the answer?  There is only one answer and that is to treat the underlying problem at source.  If we treat only the surface appearance of it, the symptoms, it is not gone and it just keeps coming back.  This means we have to treat the problem at a deeper level, at a subconscious level.  That means energetically as well as physically because the wound or trauma isn’t just a physical manifestation, it’s emotional energy, it’s memory, it’s a trapped moment from our past when an energy blockage was created, a wound.  A wound is a powerful emotional energy that is frozen in time, stuck with a deep-set belief that doesn’t work for us, never did.  A belief like “I’m not good enough” or “I’m unlovable” or “Everyone abandons me”.  There are so many possible beliefs based around rejection, loss, lack of self-worth, lack of self-love.  Essentially, these wounds are stopping us from loving ourselves and that is desperately what we need to be able to do, to embrace ourselves, become ourselves, love ourselves. 

How do we remove the wound?  When we treat conditions with conventional medicine we are usually using chemicals in the form of drugs to mask or remove the symptoms but not the dis-ease, conventional medicine is rarely holistic.  But if we treat our needs using a treatment that targets the energy that is forming the wound, the feelings and pain, the frozen blockage, then we are able to dissolve that wound away to nothing and change the beliefs from impossible ones to healthy ones, removing the patterns and behaviours so they no longer trigger pain and suffering for us. 

Posted in inner child, shadow self, spiritual skills and techniques

Loving Your Shadow Self

Are you aware of your shadow self? We all have one. S/he is the one that comes out when we are triggered by one of those situations that always triggers us. When we feel attacked or judged or criticised or misunderstood by that key person. All of a sudden, we are on auto-pilot. There’s no longer any of that slow, careful thought process, only the pin-point accuracy of absolute knowing that we need to attack back or defend forcefully – NOW!

The key person is always a person that really matters to us, it’s only within their power to take us to this hot place, if it was anybody else we wouldn’t give a damn. But when it’s them, our fundamental self is being threatened. They have to love us, protect us, be good to us. If they attack us or make us feel small, where does that leave us? We are doomed, all our fears are realised.

And there it is. We are in one of those horrifying situations again with one we love dearly, maybe one we love/hate, because we can love and hate a person at the same time.

The shadow self shouts, screams, wails, flails. The shadow self self-destructs, self-sabotages. The shadow self is the wound being expressed, the trauma of that delicate, tiny, innocent, bewildered, perfect inner child that was subject to such shocking attacks and judgement and criticism and misunderstandings themselves, when little more than a toddler.

Do you know your shadow self? Do you know of whom I speak? Do you recognise this part of you? What do you think of her or him? Are you disgusted? Do you love or hate your shadow self?

When s/he comes out, she is in opposition with the one that triggered her. Is that your dear and loving partner? Who is that for you? Maybe a bosom friend, a parent? A daughter or son? And what that does is, more often than not, trigger their shadow self. Now we have two people, usually loving and caring, suddenly at each other’s throats, flinging words like weapons, attempting to throw a killer blow right into the heart of the enemy. You know those times, right? There are more and more of those situations happening these days because we are all bringing everything to the surface. Suddenly you are facing the dark side of your loved one, the one that you cannot reason with, anymore than they can reason with you, at such a time as this.

So much damage.  So much hurt.  So hard.  You cannot accept each other at this time.  You hate each other at this time and later, you feel shame and hate yourself, hate your dark side, your shadow self. 

You need your loved one to love all of you, you need your loved one to love even your shadow self, but they won’t be able to until they love their own. And you won’t be able to love theirs until you love yours.

Can you do it? Can you see your shadow self in all her darkness and love her? Can you accept her fully? Embrace her? She just wants to be loved, like the rest of you. To be wanted. Can you look into the face of your beloved one’s shadow self and love them?

Next time you find yourself in one of these toxic situations where you are not being your best, remember that it is your wound talking, the wound of a little child that should have been loved, so innocent and undeserving of the trauma they received.  How can you not love that part of you?  They did nothing wrong, it wasn’t fair that they were hurt so deeply, so young.  Please love this part of you.  Please see the hurt child in your partner, your loved one.  Please find a way to find each other, to hold each other, to heal each other together, even at the worst of times, even when the wound is triggered.  You are both so deserving.  It was never about you.  It’s time to change our fear into love, together. 

(Photo courtesy of Huff Post)