Posted in Energy healing, inner child, love, Soul Integration, spiritual skills and techniques

The Treasure You Seek

This is the last post of the week on persona and this is the one where we look at what to do about it.  For most of us, we have a proportionate amount of persona and the rest of what we project as our self is our personality-ego, which is our true face, as projected by our soul.  We know that our soul is our true state but our soul is so much more than the sum of this one single incarnation as the person we are in this life. Personality is the authentic expression of this current self as a physical person on Earth and it comes from our soul.  Persona is a false casing, a mask that covers over our personality that we made when very young when we found that our true self was rejected by our main care giver(s). 

So, there are two means to increase the fulfilment of our spiritual journey that we are talking about here.  One is to remove persona and become our true, original personality, this is the person we would have been if we had been loved, kept safe, been approved of, heard, seen and validated by our care givers as a child in the early years.  The other is to invite our soul to become fully integrated into who we are as a being and connected into every moment of our life.

If we take the first part of that, how do we chip away at that hard, tough carapace that persona has built around us?  If we have a small amount of persona, then we know our authentic self very well, can access it and increase it, we can even choose to carry on using persona completely safely, when in certain situations, such as when at work or in performance, knowing that we are utilising persona and knowing when we are putting that mask down again.

The more persona we have, the longer it will take to chip it off and the more persona will try to sabotage our efforts to protect itself.  However, once we have accepted that this is our situation and embraced the need to change, to heal, to remove persona, as long as we stay committed to that, we will move swiftly towards freedom and every step we make will improve our condition. 

If we have become mostly or all persona, instead of our original personality, our first task is to really see it.  To really believe it and to really choose to work on it, for as long as it takes.  We have a lot of chipping away to do.  The first myth I wish to dispel, that persona feeds us, is that there will be nothing of us left if we let persona go.  This is simply not true.  We will feel like sheep must feel when they have endured the first shearing of the year, we will stand there, naked and trembling, we will feel like a weight has been lifted off of us but that weight also felt like the cosiest comfort blanket ever.  We will also feel the light and love inside of us for the first time and realise, for the first time, what authenticity feels like and how our previous state really was a prison.

There are two paths to follow to remove persona.  The first is to heal the wounds and traumas that we suffered in early childhood, before the age of seven usually, because they are the source.  The second is to integrate our soul into our being because it brings in so much love, so much wisdom, so many skills, tools abilities, all of which will strengthen, heal and add to our fulfilment.  And it brings in the truth of our being and a deep connection to the divine source. 

When it comes to healing the inner child wounds at source, there are free resources online for this here or just find Jen Peters’ free videos on youtube. Look out for her free abandonment wound healing too, it is so important to cover this.  Do the work.  If you are light on persona, light on early trauma, you will have less work to do.  If you are heavier on trauma wounds, you will be using these tools over and over again, I recommend every time a behaviour pattern is triggered.  If you are mostly or completely persona, really, you need some help from a dedicated specialist in the field and although I’m not promoting her, Jen Peters is one I know of.  Seek your own, but make sure you get the right kind of help. 

There are also numerous resources out there for integrating your soul into your being but, of course, I’m only going to talk about the Soul Integration work I am soon to offer.  This is something I have been passionate about since I had my own soul integration in 2018, it’s not exaggerating to say it changed my life.  I am finalising an online six session 45 minute weekly workshop on Soul Integration with a sacred soul initiation and download.  It will be released at a special introductory price in June.  

         

Posted in Energy healing, Soul Integration

Overcoming The Power of Persona

Self-sabotage is a difficult subject to tackle, it’s a kind of self-denial, so we are fighting ourselves and may never even realise it.

It’s our persona that does this. Personality is who we are, that is, personality is the projection of us that our soul creates as our presence in this incarnation. Ego is a part of personality, although ego may not be such a bad guy, my post ‘Ego is Not the Enemy’ looks closer at this.

Persona is not our true personality at all but it appears to be. We build a persona or personas to protect us from the knocks we learnt to expect in early childhood, when we found that who we were was not deemed acceptable in the eyes of our care givers, and persona has been attempting to protect us ever since. This is another powerful reason for integrating our soul into our being, inviting it to be fully present in every moment of every day.

Persona is built from our wounds and trauma and is the hardest of nuts to crack. Can you tell the difference between your persona and your authentic self? It can be difficult. There are times when it’s possible, for instance, if we are different at work or socially, compared to at home, that’s down to our persona.

Having a persona can feel like it’s a choice, our public face, and that’s one of the ways it deceives us to protect itself. There’s no choice with persona, it is hard-wired to protect itself at all costs, by many means. Not only from everyone else but from us. Then, we cannot tell what is the ‘real’ self and what is not. We cannot tell who we are. We think we know, but we don’t.

How on earth are we going to overcome this problem? We are all trying to heal and be our authentic selves, right?

Most difficult of all, sometimes, when we were scarred by trauma in our early years, some of us ditched our entire personality and became our persona, then, there is nothing of the original personality left. When we were told or shown, over and over again, that we are not good enough, not acceptable, not lovable, not worthy as a little child, we simply didn’t have the skills to process it before we were seven or eight, so we tried to adapt, to please. We may have ended up entirely becoming a new projection of self ditching all that was our authentic and natural self which was rejected by our significant care giver(s).

When personality is overwhelmed by persona, we are really up against it, there’s little chance to fight persona because we are deceiving ourselves all the time and don’t know it. We don’t know we are not our personality, it seems a terrifying truth to face, one that our persona protects us from fiercely. The soul is present to help us but the soul only gets on board when invited, otherwise, soul is an observer. So many people don’t know this and never do the soul-work that enables them to break free of persona. Apart from not being our persona, we are not really our personality either, we are, in truth, our soul and our life becomes so much richer if we embrace that.

Imagine if you were entirely your persona, how would you know? For the most part, you would not. From my early childhood, I lost touch with my authentic self, I did have an uncomfortable feeling about not being my true self at times but initially, I didn’t know what that feeling was, why it was there, what it meant or what to do about it. I didn’t know any different, I was really in the dark.

What changed for me was engaging with an incredible amount of light work, dumping huge quantities of light into my broken down self. I opened myself up to do that and as it continued, I accepted more and more light as my heart and channel opened more and more. The consequence was I changed, I became empowered, found out who I am, realised myself you could say, and it’s still unfolding. It changed everything and, yes, it did mean a lot of the things that kept me ‘safe’ had to go. They were illusions, patterns that kept me locked into my persona, and persona fights tooth and nail to stay. But persona has to go, rather to be naked and alive than clothed and living dead.

I believe there are different ways to break down persona and we each find our own. One thing’s for sure, it won’t happen unless we are 100% committed and we can’t get committed unless we realise what’s going on in the first place.

For me, it all started with a sacred soul initiation and that’s why I am feeling the call to bring that powerful tool to others now. Persona comes from a deep wound and the solution has to go deep as well, getting right to the root inside us where the hurt stems from. I believe light and love are the means by which we break that rock-solid carapace that is the persona. Once we create an opening, we need to pour in self-love as if our life depends upon it. Self-love, more than anything, is our salvation.

This is the beginning of a week of posts about persona, there’s a lot to look at here. Please look out for more posts every day as we unpack it and find out how to move forward from it.

My Soul Mastery Soul Integration online workshop is now available for bookings.

Posted in Energy healing, Inspiration

Celebrating the Resonance of Life

Time for my third and final post of the week on the subject of celebration (as tomorrow is Transformational Question Friday). 

And today I am celebrating Life!  Let’s go big or go home, as they say.  I don’t know about you, but for me life can sometimes be a bit of a roller-coaster, full of up days and down days and boy, do I get dizzy with it all sometimes.  And yet, even when I’m in the thick of a rough, tough week I know that so much of that problematic stuff, those thoughts and emotions, are coming from inside me.  Or are they? 

I spend a lot of time looking at life from the point of view of being energy.  We know that everything is energy, I do believe those science bods have decided this is definitely the case.  So, we are energy, everything is energy and that’s all there is.  It’s not easy to think of our solid, flesh and blood selves as energy, I admit, but hold that idea for a moment and let’s see where we can go with it. 

We also know that energy is vibration.  Everything is vibration.  When we are experiencing something that has the same or similar vibration level as us, it resonates with us.  The more something or someone resonates, the nearer the match to our own vibration.  When there is a mis-match, we get a sense of dissonance, it feels out of synch with us and we feel uncomfortable.  We learn to recognise the feeling of being uncomfortable and that’s life giving us a chance to make different choices.  

So, what can lead us to feel dissonance?  Anything that is of a lower vibration to us.  What if we are at a low vibration ourselves?  Then, other low vibration energies are a fit and we resonate with them rather than feeling dissonance. When we are at a low vibration and we come into contact with low vibrational situations, thoughts, actions, people, events, then they feel comfortable to us because we match them. We don’t get the signal to stay away because there is no dissonance. So, if you are feeling dissonance, going through times when you are out of synch, then you are resonating higher.  

It’s only when we are at a higher level of vibration than the dissonance that we detect its presence and know that something is out of alignment.  This is a gift, and it means that the low dissonance is not inside of us, it’s not a part of us, we are the high vibration and we remain the high vibration. We may choose to focus on and own that dissonance, but it is not us and we haven’t lost our own vibration, we remain at that same high level.

Life is amazing, life is looking after us all the time.  Just by being energy, being vibration, life ensures we are kept informed of our needs, whether or not we pay attention.  It also means that when we detect dissonance, when we are brought into contact with the vibration of a situation, event, thought or object that is not resonating for us, we are learning to understand that we are not that feeling, we can refuse to own that dissonance.  Just let it be there, respect it as a guest that has come to show us something, don’t fight it and don’t own it. Continue to vibrate at the same high level.  If we are wise, we learn to move away from whatever is bringing this lower vibe into our life. When we can’t move away, know the dissonance will pass, the dissonance is a teacher and a gift.  Life is a teacher and a gift.  Well worth celebrating, I’d say.        

Posted in Inspiration, Personal Story

Speaking Our Truth

Today, I am bringing to mind speaking our truth, opening our voice and not swallowing our words.  This subject seems pertinent because last night, the Oprah interview with Harry and Meghan was broadcast in the UK on International Women’s Day, which seemed relevant.  It brought to my mind a number of key issues about the enormity of speaking our truth, how fundamentally difficult that can be and how many fear factors can be stacked up against us, and sometimes the fear factors include that if we don’t speak the truth, new fears are going to be realised.  So, it’s a big issue.

For me personally, it’s only in the last few years that I have found myself able to recognise who I am, enough to know what my truth is and what is the truth of my words.  Partly, I have stuffed it down so deeply in terms of my childhood wounds and traumas that I haven’t been able to value myself enough to even know who I am or what my truth is.  Part of that has been that I haven’t had the permission, as a child, to have a truth, or have a ‘self’, even.  And it’s taken a lot of my adult life to come to the point where I’ve been able to understand and access my truth and find out who I am. 

There have been times when I haven’t been truthful about my boundaries, my needs or myself, because of my fears of other people’s judgements, of what others will say, that I would be incapable of managing the assumed or perceived rejection and the assumed or perceived criticism or judgment. 

Criticism and rejection have been two of the biggest themes of my childhood, into my adult life, because I’ve continued to be held hostage by those traumas and their underlying beliefs, developed at a very young age, including the behaviours I adopted or sought refuge with because of them.  So, knowing what my truth is and speaking my truth has been a big issue for me. 

These days, it’s not a problem, I have now voiced many truths that have been huge in my world and would have previously been impossible, but now they are said with freedom and power.  Some recent examples have been changing my name, telling my mother about my tattoo, something I would have previously hidden rather than face the judgement and criticism.  Another situation is deciding to leave my husband, a big one that I wouldn’t previously have been able to follow through.  All sorts of truths are surfacing in my life now because I have a completely different attitude about who I am.  I haven’t set out to increase the personal power that has given me the strength to uncover and declare my truth, it’s more that it’s unfolded as a part of my spiritual journey, a journey that’s another testament to stepping into my truth and speaking from it. 

I do feel that what Harry and Meghan have unleashed through their interview is to model for many the power of speaking one’s truth and how the value of doing so is much greater than all of the fears and consequences.  For them in particular, they are public figures, they are a part of the British monarchy which some might say is notoriously stuffed down in its truth. 

It’s never wise  to sit on our truth or be more concerned about the look of things, how we will be perceived and judged, those are not the kind of values we should be living by.  Meghan and Harry have blown that out of the water.  They have made themselves targets for being judged, everybody feels they now have a right to have an opinion about all they’ve said.  Personally, I don’t feel inclined towards an opinion, or to judge or question whether or not their words are ‘The Truth’, I don’t think there is a ‘The Truth’ in this or any situation because we’re humans, we all have a filter, every single one of us has a filter and therefore, we can only ever experience our truth, only ever represent our truth, only ever validate our truth, and not the truth.

What Harry and Meghan have done is validated their truth.  It doesn’t mean that the Royal Institution or other members of their family who may wish to have a say in the truth that Harry and Meghan have expressed, that they would or wouldn’t agree with it, it doesn’t matter.  What matters is it’s the truth as they perceive it, and therefore it’s validated, and that’s the case for all of us. 

When we express our truth, it doesn’t matter whether anybody judges or has a different view of the situation, they will do, we all see things from our own perspective and we’re probably never going to be able to fix an objective ‘Truth’, even though that’s what’s attempted in courts of law, I don’t think it’s ever really achieved.  We don’t have to do that, we can just acknowledge each other’s truth, even when it’s different from our own.  In family situations where resolution is taking place, if we uncover, by speaking our truth, that other members of the family see things from a different view, that truth can be accepted, allowed for and encompassed into the whole.  Bringing everything out into the open, speaking from each person’s perspective and viewing the full picture can be illuminating and healing.  To get to that healing place, it first has to come out, even though that can be terrifying. Let’s not be fearful of speaking from our true voice.

Posted in Energy healing, inner child

Healing At Source

When we need healing, when there is something inside of us that is a wound from the past, something that keeps disturbing our peace and hijacking our life, it surfaces in one or two ways.  One way is through our body as physical symptoms and especially when we and our doctor struggle to understand what is wrong.  The other way our wounds and traumas surface are in our relationships.  This is because other people act as a mirror that allow us to see ourselves.  Other people create the kind of situations which trigger our patterns and beliefs.  The worst case scenario is that we find ourselves in toxic relationships, whether familial, intimate or platonic.

When we become ill with chronic pain and fatigue, explained or unexplained symptoms, when we are suffering an emotional rollercoaster of torment and blame in our relationships, we need to do something about it, otherwise, we go around and around in circles.  If we leave the relationship, we just end up in another similar situation.  If we successfully treat the symptoms and conditions of our illness, we just end up with another illness a short way down the road.  That stuff has to come out somehow, but it doesn’t get rid of it until we remove the energy at source.

Does any of this sound familiar?  If so, what is the answer?  There is only one answer and that is to treat the underlying problem at source.  If we treat only the surface appearance of it, the symptoms, it is not gone and it just keeps coming back.  This means we have to treat the problem at a deeper level, at a subconscious level.  That means energetically as well as physically because the wound or trauma isn’t just a physical manifestation, it’s emotional energy, it’s memory, it’s a trapped moment from our past when an energy blockage was created, a wound.  A wound is a powerful emotional energy that is frozen in time, stuck with a deep-set belief that doesn’t work for us, never did.  A belief like “I’m not good enough” or “I’m unlovable” or “Everyone abandons me”.  There are so many possible beliefs based around rejection, loss, lack of self-worth, lack of self-love.  Essentially, these wounds are stopping us from loving ourselves and that is desperately what we need to be able to do, to embrace ourselves, become ourselves, love ourselves. 

How do we remove the wound?  When we treat conditions with conventional medicine we are usually using chemicals in the form of drugs to mask or remove the symptoms but not the dis-ease, conventional medicine is rarely holistic.  But if we treat our needs using a treatment that targets the energy that is forming the wound, the feelings and pain, the frozen blockage, then we are able to dissolve that wound away to nothing and change the beliefs from impossible ones to healthy ones, removing the patterns and behaviours so they no longer trigger pain and suffering for us. 

Posted in inner child, shadow self, spiritual skills and techniques

Loving Your Shadow Self

Are you aware of your shadow self? We all have one. S/he is the one that comes out when we are triggered by one of those situations that always triggers us. When we feel attacked or judged or criticised or misunderstood by that key person. All of a sudden, we are on auto-pilot. There’s no longer any of that slow, careful thought process, only the pin-point accuracy of absolute knowing that we need to attack back or defend forcefully – NOW!

The key person is always a person that really matters to us, it’s only within their power to take us to this hot place, if it was anybody else we wouldn’t give a damn. But when it’s them, our fundamental self is being threatened. They have to love us, protect us, be good to us. If they attack us or make us feel small, where does that leave us? We are doomed, all our fears are realised.

And there it is. We are in one of those horrifying situations again with one we love dearly, maybe one we love/hate, because we can love and hate a person at the same time.

The shadow self shouts, screams, wails, flails. The shadow self self-destructs, self-sabotages. The shadow self is the wound being expressed, the trauma of that delicate, tiny, innocent, bewildered, perfect inner child that was subject to such shocking attacks and judgement and criticism and misunderstandings themselves, when little more than a toddler.

Do you know your shadow self? Do you know of whom I speak? Do you recognise this part of you? What do you think of her or him? Are you disgusted? Do you love or hate your shadow self?

When s/he comes out, she is in opposition with the one that triggered her. Is that your dear and loving partner? Who is that for you? Maybe a bosom friend, a parent? A daughter or son? And what that does is, more often than not, trigger their shadow self. Now we have two people, usually loving and caring, suddenly at each other’s throats, flinging words like weapons, attempting to throw a killer blow right into the heart of the enemy. You know those times, right? There are more and more of those situations happening these days because we are all bringing everything to the surface. Suddenly you are facing the dark side of your loved one, the one that you cannot reason with, anymore than they can reason with you, at such a time as this.

So much damage.  So much hurt.  So hard.  You cannot accept each other at this time.  You hate each other at this time and later, you feel shame and hate yourself, hate your dark side, your shadow self. 

You need your loved one to love all of you, you need your loved one to love even your shadow self, but they won’t be able to until they love their own. And you won’t be able to love theirs until you love yours.

Can you do it? Can you see your shadow self in all her darkness and love her? Can you accept her fully? Embrace her? She just wants to be loved, like the rest of you. To be wanted. Can you look into the face of your beloved one’s shadow self and love them?

Next time you find yourself in one of these toxic situations where you are not being your best, remember that it is your wound talking, the wound of a little child that should have been loved, so innocent and undeserving of the trauma they received.  How can you not love that part of you?  They did nothing wrong, it wasn’t fair that they were hurt so deeply, so young.  Please love this part of you.  Please see the hurt child in your partner, your loved one.  Please find a way to find each other, to hold each other, to heal each other together, even at the worst of times, even when the wound is triggered.  You are both so deserving.  It was never about you.  It’s time to change our fear into love, together. 

(Photo courtesy of Huff Post)        

Posted in inner child, Personal Story, spiritual skills and techniques

The Wound

The wound (or wounds, I’m going to call it singular but it usually isn’t) that we carry are given to us by another wounded person, usually a key intimate care giver, like a parent.  They are generally received before the age of seven when we are developing our cognitive abilities and shaping who we are and the world we live in.  The wound is generational, it came to us through a chain of abuse and nobody, nobody is to blame.  There is no blame here, only sadness and hurt and fear.  So, when we are ready to realise and start working with the wound, it helps to do so from the position that the person who gave it to us was a victim like us.  And when we heal it in ourselves, we are also healing them and everybody down the line. 

The most important point to make is that the wound has nothing to do with us, it’s not ours, never was, it is not ours to own and the same applies to the person who gave it us.  And yet, we own it, become it and express it throughout our lives, causing ourselves much pain and suffering and usually pain and suffering that we pass on to others.  Unless we realise and change things.

That we are carrying a wound is entirely acceptable for us because our soul chose this.  We chose to carry this wound so we could learn and heal.  My wound is teaching me about the nature of love, especially self-love, and I can’t learn about love from only receiving love, I need to also experience the opposite, the complete absence of love, in order to fully understand it.  I’ve been learning about the nature of love for many lives and this time, I’ve been learning from a place of scarcity.  What I have learned is that I am love.  Even when there is literally nobody in my life at all that is giving me love, showing love to me, as was the case in my childhood, I am love and there is an infinite abundance of love existing inside of me all the time.  Actually, I did see love in my childhood but it was a warped kind of love, sometimes worse than no love at all.  Sounds like a horrible thing to choose, a horrible way to learn, and it was, one that even took me to contemplate taking my life as a teenager, but I didn’t.  I was too strong, too much in touch with the love from within me.  And now I see it all, now I know and love is my foundation.  I embrace and express a beautiful love when I’m not coming from my wound.  I am learning every day to differentiate and choose love.     

One of the most profound natures of the wound is that we refuse to accept it is there.  The wound itself causes us to refuse to accept that we are wounded at all.  To be wounded would mean we are not special, not healed, not love, not perfect.  The wound wants to hide to survive and it does so by telling us both that we are all these things, and therefore not wounded, and that we are none of these things.  Deep down, sometimes only at an unconscious level, but one that seeps out into everything we are and do, we feel that we are not special, we are not love, we are not perfect, we are not healed.  But up close and consciously, we insist that we are all of those things to avoid facing the pain and hurt from our childhood trauma.  And thus, the wound hides itself and gets to live and thrive.  Actually, we are always healed, love, special and perfect, yes perfect, we are always perfect.  And the wound is never us, never who we are.   

Once we see the wound and are not afraid to admit it’s there, we can start to heal.  We are expressing the wound when we come from a place of hurt, when we are defensive, attacking, controlling, on the back foot.  We are reactive from the wound, we lash out without thinking things through.  We are emotional, we personalise, we blame. 

What happens is, something triggers our wound, it is always something that is connected to the dynamic of trauma and abuse that we experienced as a child with the person who gave it us.  Maybe we were criticised, blamed, shamed, usually many, many times, maybe every day.  Maybe we were refused love and affection, never good enough, maybe we were punished for being ourselves.  Whatever those conditions were for us, they created powerful, absolute beliefs in our tiny child mind; “I am not good enough”, “I am not lovable”, “Everybody leaves me”, “I am on my own”, “Nobody can be trusted”.  We may each be carrying many of these beliefs and each one connects to a trauma, a wound.  When we are living our life as an adult, some situation, something someone says to us suddenly triggers one of those beliefs and the voice of the wound comes out.  We express using words that came from our wounded child.  Those words and actions are not ours and we need not own them, they belong to the person who gave us the wound in the first place, it’s their voice speaking, not ours.  We never need to apologise for our words when we feel vulnerable, attacked, defensive or hurt, it’s not our voice, it’s the wound’s voice.  My calm voice that comes from my place of healing and love will never say those things to anyone.  And it’s quite a contrast, those two voices.  One can be nasty, it expresses an absence of love and the other is our loving, compassionate voice.  We’re the loving one, in case you’re not sure.  We are not the nasty voice, even though it speaks out of our mouths sometimes.  We never own it because it was foisted upon us when we were little, innocent children and it was never ours to own.  It never belonged to us, it was never for us and it was never about us.      

Neither should we have to apologise for being the recipient of such a damaging wound when we were innocent children.  Nowadays, when the wound’s voice comes out, we are quite often not aware, at least not at first, only if we have insight.  It is nothing to do with us how another person responds to our hurt voice.  The way they respond is not our problem and they don’t have to receive it.  A healthy person won’t, but we might attract someone who reflects our voice back to us so we can learn, and they will receive it.  If they do, if they feel hurt, then that hurt is already inside them, not really coming from us, our comment has triggered their wound inside them, which can be a gift to them, giving them a chance to see their hurt and find the wound and change things.  And if we receive somebody’s words and feel hurt, it is not our fault, it is the damage we carry that is our problem, not their words.  We have another opportunity to notice the voice of the wound, that our words are coming from hurt and are reactive.  We have a chance to let that go and instead, find our loving place of peace inside that is coming from healing and speak to them from there instead.  So, we can say thank you for the gift of healing, but we do not need to say sorry, for to do so is to own that which is not ours to own.

Here is a link to a healing meditation for dissolving the inner child wound.  Scroll down, you will find it at the lower half of the post. 

Posted in inner child, Personal Story, spiritual skills and techniques

The Cycle of Hurt – Healing – Hurt – Healing

Sometimes we are called to write our posts as messages to others, but they are really to ourselves, to properly hear ourselves, which can be a healing thing to do.  And this is a part of a stream, you could say a sequel, to one written by someone else about me.  I’m assuming they won’t read this, they have decided to let go and move on now, so this is for me to share with you, reader. I share this because I feel in my heart there are so many of us going through similar conditions and being called to inner child healing. 

I got in touch with someone very dear to me over New Year and wished to let them know they were in my heart and mind.  It was a sweet and yet sad but brief exchange for me.  A few weeks later and I found out, through a post, that my dear one was hurt by the contact, partly because of me, partly because it brought up old wounds that I triggered that were not about me.

I got back in touch with my dear one to mend the hurt and ensure that understanding was reached for us both.  I opened up my heart again and offered to reconnect.  This time, it was she who walked away and now I am the one who is managing my hurt through writing. My hurt also comes from a wound from the past, but also from the certain loss of one I love so dearly. 

You see, I had walked away from our relationship previously, in part because I could see that we were hurting each other without meaning to, triggering deep wounds from our childhoods.  I am a retired psychological therapist, a clinical manager, and this is my specialist subject. Even so, I refused to see it for a while, and when I did, denied it for a while longer, and then tried to fight it and eventually bargained with it until I had no other option but to face it. Once I faced it, I thought I had been led here to be the redeemer, that I was ideally placed to make a difference, but eventually realised I was not there for that. We were a gift to each other in the way we came together as two wounded humans to help each other heal as equals and release what was never our truth, but was instead the received wounds of a wounded other, given to us before the age of seven when our cognitive abilities were still developing.  My dear one is yet to uncover that her deepest wound, like mine, is the mother wound, pre-dating the traumatic event she is aware of. We really did come together to be a mirror for each other and I hope we both learned all we needed before this point of departure.

I, for my part, have been healing my inner child and when I asked my guides, they told me I had 44 inner child wounds.  I have been told the hardest wound to heal is the one we receive in the womb.  I was the unwanted pregnancy of a sixteen year old girl in 1960, the result of an unwise casual dalliance.  Her Victorian parents persecuted her relentlessly for her actions, accusing her of making them both ill and indeed, they did become ill.  When one died, she was blamed for their death.  Her parents had been mortified about what their neighbours and family would think of them.  My birth mother received an offer of marriage from her new boyfriend, not my father, and the chance to keep me as their child, but she refused.  She didn’t want me then and she didn’t want me when I tracked her down in my early forties.  I grew as a foetus in a stew of whatever difficult emotions she faced, I knew from my contact with her that the reason she didn’t want to know me was because of the trauma that I rekindled. 

I went to live with a new family where fear was my constant companion. Emotional neglect, psychological and sexual abuse created many traumas for me, but mostly it was the ever-present, not feeling loved and being criticised daily.  It wears away at you. 

I know I’m not alone and many of us are carrying childhood traumas and their wounds.  A way to heal them is scripted below.  We need to visit and heal each trauma, it requires several visits to our inner children, each one can be healed and placed tenderly in our heart.  When I was told I had 44 to heal, I had already done loads of inner child healing, so maybe I originally had a lot more.  Since then, I’m down to 39, although I also had a mass inner child healing event recently, so maybe I’m down to much less.  When I notice a trigger situation and it’s accompanying behaviour come up, I visit another inner child and heal her. 

When I walked away from my dear one I realised I couldn’t help her heal in person, the only way I could do so was by working in the energetic at a distance.  So, I walked away, to protect us both, despite the deep desire I carried to remain with her.  To do so hurt more than I can say.  Despite this, I always hoped that one day we would be able get together again, healed and whole, reconnecting with the most amazing and deep purity of beauty, joy and love we once had together, she brought me by far the most wonderful of any relationship I have ever known, hurt and pain aside, what a ride of highs and lows it was. Today, I face the knowledge we won’t be back together again, this time for good, we are both going to try and let go and find a life apart.  And my heart feels broken again, like I have lost a piece of my soul.  Time for another healing. 

Here is a script you can use for healing your inner children.  I’ve found this method can be used for other types of trauma healing, I’ve used it to heal a past life with my dear one where a trauma of separation was kindled between us and played out for me in this incarnation, and now is healed. It’s from an expert in the field, Jen Peters.  You can visit her website here Jen Peters – Returning you to your True Essence (jen-peters.com) where you will find a free video version of this healing:-

In meditation, bring to mind a moment when you felt lost, confused, maybe abandoned, rejected.

Notice whereabout in the body that you become emotionally triggered.

Focus on the most strong emotional charge, if more than one place.  That is where the trauma has been trapped.

How does it feel physically?

Go deeper, what feelings and emotions are sitting in that part of your body?

Are there any other emotions sitting in there, in deeper layers?

Go deeper, dive into those emotions and physical feelings and notice a younger part of you that is sitting in that part of your body.  Connect with them now.

If you don’t see or sense your inner child there, then allow your imagination to bring that vision forward for you.

Notice how is this inner child feeling?

Is there more?

Now go in to your inner child, perhaps pick them up, sit down with them, make eye contact and let them know you are here now, you see them and that they are safe.

Recall what you noticed they were feeling before and reflect that back to them and remind them that you are here now and will always be here to love them and keep them safe.

Now it’s time to give them a voice, say to them, “I know you’ve got some really important stuff you want to say, please feel free to share that with me now.”

With that information, mirror that back to them with the reassurances that they need, that they are loved, safe and you are with them now.

Explain in your own words to them that how they are feeling is not about them and is not their fault, that others have passed on their own wounds to them.

Ask them what beliefs have they formed in response to this trauma?

Depending on what they say, mirror that back to them whilst letting them know it’s not true and remind them that they are loved and safe now.

Ask them again if there are any other beliefs they might have.

Once again, play the beliefs back to them with the reassurance that those beliefs are not true and give them specific reassurance that they are more than enough and always have been.

Ask them what patterns of behaviour have they formed, that they play out as a response to this trauma?

Depending what that pattern is, play it back to them and let them know it’s time to let that pattern go.  Let them know that they don’t need to do that to keep themself safe because you are going to keep them safe now, whatever they do.

Ask are there any further patterns that they are playing out?

Once again, replay the patterns and that they don’t need to do them anymore, that you are always going to be there to love them and keep them safe.

You may have noticed a shift in how your little one is feeling now, they are probably more peaceful and maybe sleepy.

So now, look them in the face and tell them that you will always be present for them, to love them and protect them now.  To nurture and care for them and never ever abandon them and that you are really proud of the little girl/boy that they are.

Let us bring in healing energy for them and visualise violet light completely immersing them that will dissolve away their wound.

You are holding a quartz crystal now that has a rainbow of light coming from it and so place that crystal into your body in the place where you first noticed the trauma coalescing when you started. And also place a golden drop of divinity there to intensify the healing.  The rainbow quartz is filled with templates and codes, with geometry and activations that will be specific to you and your needs.

Notice the rainbows starting to radiate out and surround and immerse through your inner child’s little body and also the gold, all the way out to the energy field. 

Now we are going to bring in some unconditional love, so placing some soft pink right into the centre, radiating out with the rainbows and the gold, see it radiate out until your inner child is wrapped up inside a bubble of beautiful gold light, rainbows and softest pink unconditional love.

Notice that they are going to sleep now or are really relaxed.

Now shrink them down to the size of a tennis ball, inside the beautiful ball of light, all wrapped up.

If there is anything else you would like to say to them now, go ahead and do that, but include letting them know that you are now going to bring them home to you, where you will always love them, always nurture them and always care for them and just pop them into your heart, still wrapped up.

If there is anything else you would like to say, just say that to them now.

Beautiful, you’ve done an amazing job.

Now take a little peak at the original scenario that you started with and see how that feels now.

We can have numerous inner children, each one of them holds on to one theme of distortion with its patterns and beliefs.  You can do this exercise with each inner child that is holding a different theme or belief which is currently holding your adult life to hostage.

By doing this, you will be able to collect and dissolve each trauma or wound, which is really powerful and beautiful work because you are literally loving yourself back to wholeness.  You are becoming the source for what those wounded parts of you didn’t get as a child and are still reaching out to others for.  You are now becoming the source for that.

Posted in Inspiration, Personal Story, spiritual skills and techniques

Letting Go And New Beginnings

I’m a bit of a control freak and so are my mother and husband, the two key influences of my life.  I realise we are all control freaks with different focuses.  My mother is a master control freak in many ways but specialises in controlling people and situations.  My husband can sure give her a run for her money, but his specialities are processes and systems.  For myself, I have tried to control anything that triggers feeling overloaded, attacked or rejected.  I realise we are all trying to avoid our triggers, the triggers that fire off our childhood wounds and traumas and that’s what our controlling ways are all about.  Most people feel out of control as a child, in one way or another, we are not the ones in the driving seat of our lives at that time. We don’t necessarily realise that those childhood fears are still driving us.           

Letting go is the opposite of being in control.  Letting go is relaxing, relinquishing the need for control because we have opened to trust. Don’t you just yearn to relax, to let go? Doesn’t that possibility sound so releasing, healing, loving and nurturing? We can learn to trust others, the world and ourselves, learn to trust life. To do so, all we need to do is choose it and keep on choosing it. 

Over the past three years, my guides and soul have been teaching me about letting go.  They use a number of key words; accept, allow and surrender.  And trust.  They have been preparing me for a future that’s about to unfold. 

It hasn’t been easy, I still sometimes notice my controlling ways being triggered. I can also allow, accept and surrender in many ways too. It materialises in little, everyday ways as well as the attitude I bring to my life, to let go and surrender where I’m going, what I’m doing, who I am.

Right now, I’m selling my house, leaving my husband and stepping out into an unknown future with relatively little to live on.  I have no idea where I’m going to live or how I’m going to survive.  On paper, it looks a bit dodgy, in reality, it’s perfectly fine.  All I need do is keep the fear that comes with the details out of my head and hold my mission of service to life itself in my heart.   

I’ve been alive 59 years and have never lived on my own before, never stood on my own two feet without someone else there who thought their mission was to look after me, and it’s been nice, being looked after, up to a point.  But that point meant relinquishing myself, pleasing others, not knowing who I was or living my own life and that no longer is a part of my path.

I find I’m not terrified, actually, I can’t wait. I am excited to see what comes, to make my own decisions, to feel a sense of personal freedom I have never known. I trust the universe to provide what I need. I know this is my path and that I am being held by invisible hands. I am ready.

Whatever 2021 has in store for you, I hope you find the trust in yourself to let go of your fears. We are at a time when letting go of our fears is being experienced in every way, individually and en masse. When fears are released, they first have to be expressed, they come to the surface and manifest in our lives and that can be terrifying, like coronavirus.

Fears come up anyway from time to time, when triggered, and we cannot go through life controlling things so that they are not released, no matter how hard we try. So, next time, when your fears come up, sit with them, don’t fight against them. Listen to what they have to say but don’t judge, just listen. Accept, allow the feelings and the thoughts to happen because they probably have something to teach you, then say; “I release you with love in my heart.” And let go.

May this New Year bring a magical and healing new beginning for you, full of unconditional love for yourself, dear and beautiful soul.
Love and blessings, Ananda Amenet x

Posted in Inspiration, Personal Story

Transforming the Burdens of your Shadow Self

I feel a compulsion to talk about our shadow self, it feels important at this time, not only for me but for all of us.  Our shadow self isn’t our evil twin, the one who holds our negative and nasty side, we are not talking about a dark and dangerous version of ourselves.  When I talk to people about journeying to meet their shadow self, some are scared or wary.  They shouldn’t be.  Our shadow selves are in pain, they need our love and support.  They’ve been holding all the stuff we could not face whilst living our day to day life and it’s time to take some of those burdens away and transform the energy into unconditional love. 

Our shadow self exists to hold all the things we have done that we don’t feel good about, in this life and other lives.  All those transgressions, things we’re not proud of, whether actions, thoughts or feelings.  Our shadow self is also holding all the hurt and damage that others have given us, things we could not manage whilst trying to live in this world.  Maybe we were bullied, criticised, abused, traumatised.  Do you ever think, “If I look back at my life and the things I’ve been through, it’s surprising I’m as sane and healed as I am”?  Well, that’s down to your shadow self.

Today, I felt like crying and with that feeling came the thought of my shadow self, so I sat and called her, visualising her sitting back to back with me and asked her if she had any burdens she was ready to let go of.  She gave me an energy and I passed it through my entire being, not missing a molecule.  Then, I brought it in front of my face and confronted it fully.  I found that this energy was hatred and disgust for myself.  I was shocked, I had no idea that I held hatred and disgust for myself, she was holding it for me and I didn’t know.  But it was there, a part of who I am and she was carrying it, my beloved redeemer. When I thought about it later, I could see how this energy was the voice of significant others, one in particular, a voice I had let in and energised. Whether they had really felt those feelings towards me or I had assumed them, I knew I had let this energy in.  

So, I summoned the vortex of transformation and change, placed the energy inside the vortex and watched it twist and turn, doing somersaults until a heart came flying out, filled with love, which I brought into my heart chakra.  Each time I put something into that vortex, a different form of beauty and love emerges. 

I’ve got more business with my shadow self, I know she is holding a few things that I can relieve her of right now and I love her so much for all that she is, I am so grateful to her for all that she does, it’s down to me to take these burdens off her and transform them into love.