Posted in Abundance and lack, Inspiration, love

The Doorway to the Temple

Take a moment to consider your mouth, an entrance into the body along with certain other openings.  What we put in our body in the form of liquids, food, medicine is absorbed and distributed throughout the body.  Everything that enters our body has an impact at every level, not only physically but emotionally, mentally and spiritually.  Our body is the temple of our soul and the mouth and other bodily openings are doorways into the temple. 

Nothing should go through those doorways and enter our inner sanctum without considering it’s worth and sacredness. We wouldn’t leave the door of our house wide open and let just anyone walk in, would we? That would be reckless, unsafe and unwise. But we seem willing to pop all sorts of crap into our mouths. Let nothing go inside unless it’s worthy of your divine essence. Let nothing become a part of your energy, by entering through your holy doorways to be absorbed into your temple unless it is a sacrament to your divinity.

Imagine considering every bite, every sip, every substance, every penetration that enters your holy gateways, in terms of their worthiness to enter your body. That would require holding yourself in the highest esteem and valuing your purity. You would become aware of the energy with which they enrich your being, sensing how each act of receiving into your being fulfils you, not in terms of instant gratification and momentary desire, but nourishing you on every level as the divine being you are.

It changes our relationship with food, with the substances we have addictions to, dysfunctional relationships, as is the case with alcohol and drugs. It makes us see ourselves differently. When I stopped and considered all this, I was drinking a mug of black coffee. I had to look down at that coffee, really think about what I was putting in my body, really see my mouth as the doorway to the holy temple that houses my sacred soul. I struggled with the desire to keep drinking, but in the end, I poured it away.

Our lifestyles have got so we can hardly avoid substances that are not kind to us, sugar, coffee, alcohol, additives, they are everywhere. My body has started fighting back, it gives me physical reactions like diarrhoea, indigestion, nausea, fatigue and lethargy and all because I eat things my body is telling me not to put in my mouth anymore. My body is telling me it’s time to radically change my relationship to what I put in my holy temple. This requires the restructure of a complicated relationship. My relationship with food is hugely emotional and that’s where I need to make the first change.

I am restructuring my relationship with food through working with the energy templates that encompass my attitude towards food and towards my body. I feel sad for my body. I’ve abused it so badly and it’s time to put things right.

What I’ve come to realise is that I’ve been programmed to be a human dustbin. This body of mine has been treated like a dustbin, not a temple. I am moving forward one step at a time, embracing a higher energy because I know I am worthy of caring for myself from a place of love and respect.

Posted in healing, inner child, Twin Flame

Understanding Trauma Bonding

Trauma bonding is a complex subject. 

During our formative years, usually from womb to around the age of seven when our neurons are creating networks and we are forming a sense of who we are in the world, we are susceptible to deep emotional wounding. We haven’t gained the resilience to see the bigger picture and we personalise everything from our inner child eyes.

Usually, the emotional wounds hang on not being seen, heard, loved or valued. When those are perceived as not present for us, our inner child is traumatised and it’s as though the moment is forever frozen within us. A belief is formed, such as “I’m not lovable” or “I’m not worthy” and from that moment, our inner child is triggered whenever that belief is activated by any situation.

We don’t have one inner child, we have as many as there were wounds or traumas created. And each inner child is inside us and aware of everything that happens, on the alert for anything that feeds that belief or can fix it. Except it can’t be fixed from outside us, that ship has sailed but our inner child doesn’t realise that. They are constantly searching for what is missing.

Sometimes, we may meet someone who resonates with us because our inner child interlocks with their inner child and they bond. This takes place on a deep subconscious level so we don’t realise it happened. We believe we are consciously deciding and that events are fully within our control, but that’s not the case.

When two inner children bond, it’s the most wonderful experience, like we’ve found somebody who resonates with us so deeply, except the resonance is with the trauma we carry. We feel drawn to them and may fall in love. We may feel like soul mates or twin flames.

Bonded inner children feel seen and understood and that’s a big deal because we may often find that nobody gets us, certainly not as deeply as our new special friend, so we feel especially drawn to them. That’s what trauma bonding is.

Now it gets a bit complicated because there are different types of wounds and we may respond differently, depending on the wounds and beliefs we carry. For instance, a co-dependent may carry the need to be loved and appreciated, so when someone resonates with them, someone who really gets them, someone who is just so open and showing such loving affection, then the inner child is going to soak all that in. The inner child feels so loved, cared for, seen and valued. And the other inner child responds in kind, basically, it’s a love-fest.

All this is sounding lovely. Until the day when one or both of the subconscious inner children begin to realise that the deep wound from early childhood isn’t being fixed. At that point, a new dynamic is created as the child-self continually tries to elicit what it perceives as missing, which is the original trauma. And a cycle begins where everything is going wonderfully and then it all blows up and falls apart. A reconciliation is reached and a cycle of love, blame and reconciliation repeats over and over again. This cycle becomes more demanding and destructive of the relationship over time.

Trauma bonding is, deep down, all about unresolved need. And that need is never going to be resolved through the relationship because it cannot be resolved outside of us. This isn’t the basis for a healthy relationship.

Two needy, wounded and unhealed inner children have connected and sooner or later, as children do, they will push the boundaries. They may test this new love, is it real? They may push away to ensure the other comes back. It’s the need of a wounded part of two unhealed beings. Both are trying to get those needs met but with somebody who has their own needs and can’t help. Neither can yet fully love themselves, so how on earth are they going to truly love anybody else? They can’t, their path needs to be one of self-healing and as long as they’re together, that can never happen because they’re caught up in a dynamic that keeps them tied to need, feeding the need. The dark side of this relationship will always crop up from time to time.

When trauma bonding takes place, there are red flags. We let things slide that should raise our red flags because we’re bonded. We are in denial of the fact that something isn’t right. We keep quiet to keep the peace when the dissonance emerges. It may feel like we see each other so clearly, that we see the others’ faults, we may call them out in the hope they’ll fix things, but they can’t whilst trauma bonded. As we come up against the trauma expressing in each other, we feel like we’re walking on eggshells. At its worst, it can feel like everything’s falling apart, like we’re going crazy, like we don’t know what’s real anymore.

All the time, two beautiful souls are stuck in the dynamic. And their souls brought them together in the first place to address what is ready to be healed. Life is like that, if we don’t see it, life will kick our butt and knock our heads together until we work it out. However hard this journey is, even if two people end up hating each other, this can be seen as an opportunity and a gift to fast-track healing.

Nevertheless, we won’t easily let go of the dream of being with that perfect person we first perceived, the fantasy of who we wanted them to be, thought they were. Sometimes, people are stuck in this dynamic for a long time.

Trauma bonding is often mistaken for a twin flame relationship. Twin flames can go through difficulties with each other because they see the best and worst in each other, like looking in a mirror. They sometimes heal together through the drama. So, trauma bonding and twin flame relationships are easily confused. Even so, with both, quite often the answer is to walk away and do the healing away from each other. All those needs can be met, they can be healed but it’s never going to come from someone else. We heal from within. Sometimes, walking away is the biggest act of love we can give to another, even if they’re never going to appreciate it. And more importantly, it’s the biggest act of love we can give to ourselves.

Posted in Inspiration, The Truth of our Being

No Qualifications Necessary

I’m not interested in your titles or your qualifications.  I don’t want to see your certificates.  I don’t care where you trained, I just need to feel your energy to know whether you are right for me.

I believe that the deepest learning happens outside the structured world of accreditation. That the ones with little or no education, the unindoctrinated, the self-taught, they understand things that academics have been stripped of. To be self-taught means there’s nobody driving your passion, only yourself, propelled by a thirsty desire for knowledge for its own sake, drinking everything in because you can’t get enough. We call such people amateurs, never underestimate an amateur, I say.

So, don’t give me material evidence of your worth, I will know your worth from feeling your energy and by your actions.

If you spent all your time going from course to course, collecting titles that say you’re a master of this, an expert in that, then I wonder, are you about ego, developing an outward appearance that validates you?  What does your bit of paper mean, really?  That you paid money and went through those hoops? Going through the hoops doesn’t necessarily mean you’re good at it.    

What has life taught you?  What has love taught you?  Just five minutes spent with you whilst you do what ignites your passions, express what your soul is here for and I will know whether you are a master of your trade.  I will not hold it against you if you didn’t have the opportunity or the money to do the courses that say you are competent and to be trusted.  Many that have those titles are not right for me and many that don’t are my supreme masters and teachers.  Indeed, most of my teachers these days reside on a different plane of existence and they don’t give out certificates. But what they teach and how they teach it, that is pure magic and has transformed me from the inside out. The best teacher of all is the universe of life.

If you haven’t got the paperwork that says you can do the thing your soul is here to do, don’t give up and don’t despair.  Follow your heart, you are on the right path, your path.  Be true to you and don’t worry about societies’ rules, they may not be meant for you.  What’s meant for you will find you.  If you have a gift, people will come to your door.

Ask yourself, are you chasing someone else’s idea of success? Training isn’t enough and often, isn’t even required. What is needed is integrity, love, talent and passion, qualities that cannot easily be trained or tested for. It’s not some accreditation organisation made up by a bunch of people that have the right to qualify you for your soul’s calling, it’s you and the universal energies of the divine source. You are already worthy and nobody else can quantify that. Nobody else.

There are many routes to go by and the solitary path of the seeker for truth may be the one that creates the great master.  

Here’s a wall of names, all people who failed before they made it and some of them have no qualifications for what they do at all. Good job they didn’t give up because these people and many more have a lot to give:

Thomas Edison; Albert Einstein; Steven Spielberg; Walt Disney; J.K. Rowling;

Abraham Lincoln; Dr Seuss; Oprah Winfrey; Stephen King; Vincent Van Gogh;

Elvis Presley; Charles Darwin; Frida Kahlo; Louis Armstrong; Bob Dylan;

Janis Joplin; Henry Ford; William Shakespeare; Jim Carrey; Richard Branson;

Grandma Moses; Malala Yousafzai; Ada Lovelace; The Wright Brothers; Mother Teresa         

Posted in Abundance and lack, Angels, love, oneness

Abundance is Who We Are

What is abundance to you?  Is it having everything?  Is it being rich?  What is being rich?  Is it having lots of money?  Perhaps it’s those moments when something touches your heart, when you see something differently? 

Abundance is all of those and more.  If we are divine beings, if we are complete, then we are abundant.  And yet, the idea of being divine or complete may be even more of a challenge than considering ourselves abundant.

Many grow up with a feeling of lack or scarcity.  A sense of limitation, of poverty in some sort of manner, whether material or emotional or something else.  If we grew up feeling we weren’t good enough, then we experienced lack.  Lack of love and lack of worthiness.  And abundance is the opposite of that.

Abundance is limitless love, limitless worth and regard, abundance is being enough, having enough, always more than enough.  Abundance is not limited to one, it is unity consciousness.  We can only be abundance because we are energy beings that are not, in truth, separate, we are collective energy of the divine source scattered but always connected.  As the divine source, we are everything and therefore we are abundant.

Imagine that you can hear angels singing.  Imagine what that might sound like.  There is such harmony, resonance, beauty, richness, sweetness, peace and love emanating from this sacred choir of angels.  So much so, it would easily bring tears to your eyes, tears of joy and bliss.  The sound is complex because it weaves together multitudinous levels, tones and vibrations.  You begin to realise that you are not hearing the sound with your ears but with your entire being, with every cell and particle of your body, mind and spirit.  This is the sound of the universe.  You realise, more and more, that this is the sound of all-that-is and that your personal sound is present within this celestial orchestra too. 

The sacred sound flows through your being, stirring every part of you.  Notice how it resonates for you, with you.  See if you can pick out the sound that is originating from your core.  What does the harmony that emanates from your core sound like?  Is it not truly beautiful?  Does it not resonate perfectly with the angelic choir?  And as you tune in again to the whole, are you not aware of the expansiveness of this united harmonious sound?  You are hearing the sound of every soul, every living being or energy, visible or invisible.  Every note is different and diverse and yet, the entirety and wholeness of this sacred vibration is unified, whole and complete, as are you.

You are as equal and important as any other note that is present in that immense celestial choir.

How did you experience the sound?  Was it energy moving through your being?  Was it expressed as an emotional experience?  Did you sense the energy and power of the vibrations viscerally within your chest cavity?  The universal frequencies may be so subtle as to be beyond the human experience, and yet you still receive them as your soul. 

The song you heard, the multi-layered melody of the spheres of which you and all-there-is is a part, this is the sound of divine abundance.  Divine abundance is your very essence, your very nature, your very truth.  And divine abundance is everywhere all the time, manifesting.  It is the material with which matter is created, it is the source of all creation, for that is the nature of sound. 

Divine abundance flows through you constantly and is available to you always.  If you are perceiving lack or limitation of any sort, then you are perceiving illusions created from deep wounds and those wounds can be healed instantly by bathing in the sounds of the spheres, the harmonies of divine abundance of which you are constantly a part.  You are never not in the flow.       

Posted in Abundance and lack, Energy healing, Full Moon, inner child, Inspiration, love, Personal Story

Embracing Abundance at the Full Moon

Abundance is something I’ve looked into and worked with energetically many times over the years. I’ve been trying to connect with that energy and invite it fully into my life.

Like secretly eating donuts when you’re trying to lose weight, I’ve been working against myself, sensing deep down that the fear of lack is still underlying.

It’s a difficult one to shake. My mother grew up during rationing with a strong tendency towards frugality, carrying her own lack consciousness wounds. She portioned out every meal, sparsely and carefully, for the family and it was never acceptable to help yourself from the fridge or cupboards, take seconds or refuse to eat everything on your plate. I was the youngest in the family and always received the smallest portions.

Everything was hand-made, toys and clothes, DIY was king and it was all about make-do and mend. My clothes were sewn by my mother, my out-of-fashion school uniform made me an easy target. The sense of material lack, lack of love and lack of emotional connection were tangible in every moment throughout my childhood.

My mother often expressed, sometimes hysterically, fears that we were poor and how she couldn’t cope with it all, now I know we were not as poor as all that. As a little child it scared me and I felt a heavy burden upon me when she spoke like that, a feeling I still remember now. It’s as though my little self translated it as, “we’re going to die!” It felt like she was giving me that burden, she was and I took it.

I don’t think my childhood was that unusual, we all have experiences of lack growing up. When material things and love are both scarce, the two easily become intertwined. So it is my current wounds relate to early traumas about not feeling wanted, loved or valued. That’s the healing I’ve been working on for years.

I’ve come a long, long way. It feels like I’ve cleaned the house and now I’ve just got to hoover up the last bits of mess, left over from all that hard work. But boy, are those sticky bits of mess difficult to vacuum up. If you read my posts you will know that inner child healing has been a game-changer for me, really helping me to shift a lot of stuck patterns and heal early life traumas. And sometimes, one twenty minute healing has changed so much. But when it comes to lack consciousness, I just keep going over and over it with the healing and yet, it’s still there. There’s just so much of it, so many trauma moments from my young selves, such fixed beliefs and patterns of behaviour that it’s like wading through treacle. I know I’m making a difference, finding and healing child after child who are carrying this energy, but there are so many of them!

Lack is deep, sometimes too deep to see. It’s not being good enough, not being worthy, not receiving the love we crave, it’s never feeling full up or complete, like having a hole inside you that cannot be filled, no matter what you do.

Its presence appears in desperately seeking or craving to be loved, engaging in addictions like alcohol, drugs, food or sex. It’s a panic feeling that surfaces when there’s any kind of possibility of not getting enough of anything, whether food, time, money or attention.

Lack of love can materialise as entanglements within relationships, when we are looking for the love we crave but are matching with the wrong energy, finding someone that fits the dysfunctional energy from our past. It never works and there’s only one answer, find that love inside ourselves. But when we carry a hidden wound, it’s not easy to give up the deeply held hope and desire to find the love of our life, the one who fulfils all our dreams and doesn’t hurt us.

I fear, literally fear not getting enough to eat, even when I over-eat, fear I’ll go hungry before my next meal, when that’s simply not possible. I fear that I don’t have enough money to live off, to get me through to my state pension. I even fear that I’m wasting time, that there’s never enough time in the day and I’m not using it wisely. Of course, these fears are always there but they’re not always activated, so there are lots of times I feel huge gratitude and great abundance in my life. But deep down, there’s a part of me that can’t completely buy into that and it’s the part of me that was hurt so much by lack of love throughout childhood.

So, what am I doing about it? Well, today it’s full moon and I’ve been making it my focus all day. I’m celebrating the full moon and her beautiful energies of increase, manifestation and abundance by embracing abundance consciously all day long.

I often bless my food and give gratitude before I eat and today I’m doing this for everything that goes into my body.

I’m having a little fire ceremony to release all that no longer serves me mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually, calling my guides, soul and soul group to help. This will make room for more abundance.

I’m making a candle spell for increase of all harmonious energies in my life, mental, emotional, physical and spiritual.

I’m creating full moon water and drinking it with intention to receive the moon’s blessings of increase and abundance.

I’m drawing down all that is ready to come into my life now and calling in all that my heart is choosing.

I’m working with inner child healing, looking for wound energy trapped within my body related to that little inner child who carried the burdens of lack from her mother.

I’m spending time with my shadow self, my cosmic double who holds all the unresolved energies and offering to transform energies of lack into abundance.

I’m being conscious of abundance all day, starting and ending the day with prayers of gratitude and really feeling the power of gratitude. I’m taking my time, feeling no pressure, putting aside thoughts or feelings that I need to be doing something else.

And I’m sending you many blessings this full moon!

Posted in inner child, Inspiration, The Truth of our Being

Being Seen, Being Strong, Being Vulnerable

Listen, nobody is saying it’s easy being born into this world, growing up and living your best life. And if we are wise, we know that every stumble, every hurdle and every chain rattling around our ankles is there for a reason. We are here to learn and grow into our best selves and it’s when life brings forth challenges that we are forced to bring our best self to the surface.

As little children, many of us were not seen or heard, not by our parents, our teachers, our siblings, friends or society at large. Not because of who we were, but because others didn’t know how to see us. And some of us felt like that all the way through growing up and into adulthood. If you’ve grown up resonating with; “I’m not important” or “I’m not worthy” or “I don’t matter”, then you know what I’m talking about.

Putting ourselves out there does not come easy to us, from a young age, maybe we got used to staying in the shadows, being a pleaser, getting out of the way. So, good for you if you’re learning to step up now.

And do you know someone who’s loud? They’re giving off an aura of “Don’t mess with me!” Maybe they’re so strong you hardly ever see the person underneath, no vulnerability showing. They are tough and ballsy. Maybe they come over as unpleasant, aggressive and downright full of themselves. It’s normal to want to avoid such a person and maybe we’re the one who’s built that wall and we see how people perceive us as scary but we don’t know how to be any different.

Believe me, the tough ones are likely terrified of being outed as not good enough. They’ve been hurt and built a strong defence. It takes a brave and persistent friend to find out they’re not that hard, scary bully, that they have a centre as gooey as caramel if you get past their defences and a big heart lies hidden within.

There may come a time in your life when you start to change. Instead of being timid, you find your inner lion and start roaring. Or maybe you allow the cracks to light up your inner beauty and start bringing your impenetrable wall down. If you do, you will know that vulnerability is one of the most powerful gifts we have. When we change, we find ourselves learning to find that centre-point where authenticity shines. We may go a little too far the other way before we pull back to our true selves.

Let’s remember, we all encompass, deep inside, that same innocent, vulnerable little child we once were before the world messed with us. We are all truly beautiful and had we lived in a world that embraced love, peace and truth as the three principles of humanity, we would have grown up as the best versions of ourselves from the start. It isn’t our fault that we don’t live in that world, this world exists to bring out the best in us through the choices that we make and the actions we convey. We can choose to embody love, peace and truth for ourselves and the next generation. When we do find our best, authentic self, we can totally own it because it was totally down to us.

Posted in Inspiration, love, The Truth of our Being

Blazing Sun

Who do you know that impresses you?

Who do you know that you admire?

Maybe they’re honest, they embody integrity, maybe they’re full of love and compassion.  Maybe they make time for others when they don’t have to or simply live by the kind of standards you respect.

Maybe, when they talk, they talk from the heart.  They are real.  Maybe, when they act, they walk their talk.  They bring it.  They step up and follow through.

Sure, they probably have some baggage too, don’t we all?  But they’re mature about it.  And maybe they’re quiet about themselves, not the kind that comes to the forefront.  Maybe their inner beauty is soft and subtle, but you notice them, just the same.

Maybe, it’s somebody who has a main role in your life, maybe it’s somebody you see from afar.  Whoever it is, don’t lose them, don’t take who they are for granted.  Don’t pass up the chance to spend more time with them, to invite them wholly into your heart and your life. 

So often, we don’t tell people how much they mean, we don’t spend time with the ones who uplift and enrich us.  We don’t make the effort because we think there will always be time, always be a chance…  Maybe, you hold back because you don’t think they see you or that you’ve got anything they need.  Maybe you don’t think you’re deserving enough for them. 

You’re wrong, you are.  You can see them, can’t you?  And we all need to be seen.  You can hear their truth, and we all need to be heard.  Maybe, they don’t feel the same value in themselves as you perceive in them.  Maybe, someone’s looking at you right now and seeing how brightly you shine, how fine a person you are, how true your heart is, what a beacon of love you can be.  You would want them to step forward, wouldn’t you?  To let you know they see you?

You deserve people like that walking alongside you on your journey and they deserve you. 

Don’t hold back, don’t wait, don’t question your worth.  Don’t hesitate, bring those people into your life now, for the beacons of light we are will shine together as a blazing sun.

Posted in Energy healing, inner child, Personal Story, spiritual skills and techniques

Healing The Past and the Present

Our wounds, patterns and beliefs start to make sense, once we see our backstory.

Wounds are the result of the beliefs we make and fix, for the most part before the age of seven.

During those early years, we haven’t got a lot of experience of life.  We haven’t developed sophisticated methods of questioning and reasoning.  We live in a very small world, you could say, a bubble.  And the adults we spend most of our time with, our parents (if we haven’t got parents, our significant care-givers) are our priority cues.  We watch and learn, we have to work out who we are, where we fit, who other people are and where they fit and what the world around us is all about.  And we have to learn fast because our survival, physically and emotionally, depends on it.

We don’t have complex mental or emotional skills at that age, so our reactions are instant.  We create beliefs very quickly and then, since beliefs are absolute, they are fixed and we live by them.  We use them as our immediate go-to, in order to protect ourselves in new situations.  We have little flexibility and in our brains, the neurons hardwire those early beliefs for life.  They are not a part of our conscious thought, they are too deep for that, so we don’t even notice the way our beliefs dictate our life.

What beliefs might we learn before the age of seven?  Since, in our little minds, everything is about us, all the patterns and wounds our significant adults, our parents, carry and display are personal.  They are about us.  So, if we are not acknowledged, not seen or heard, not valued or validated, we create beliefs that we are not good enough, not worthy.  Not loved or lovable.  If our parents are absent, either physically or emotionally, we believe that we are on our own, that people leave us, that we are not lovable or good enough.  If we are put down or criticised, we are never good enough.  We give up our self to be what they need us to be in an attempt to find approval, but we never find it because they were never able to give it. We become a pleaser.  If a parent is controlling and dominating, we become dependent, accepting that they make all the decisions, dictate who we are and what happens in our lives.  If a parent is needy, emotionally or physically, we believe we have to solve their problems, carry their burdens.  And so it goes on. 

Those beliefs remain with us and certain situations trigger them for us again and again, and we probably won’t realise it.  When they are triggered, we fall into old patterns.  The patterns are our behaviours, thoughts, emotions belonging to the belief of the little child who first created that belief.  Triggers may be when someone rejects us or leaves us, when we fail at something, when we are criticised, when we become ill, when others seem needy, when we enter a new relationship.  It can be anything that threatens the belief we carry from our younger years.  And we don’t carry one belief, we carry many, so it gets complicated.

Our wounds are the traumas that we experienced that caused us to create a belief that was meant to help us survive.  When we were put down, when we felt unseen.  When we felt unloved, when we were not enough to keep a parent around, maybe our parents separated, maybe a parent was away working.  Any situation that diminished our sense of self up to the age of seven when we didn’t have the skills and sophistication to understand that sometimes, things are not about us and we don’t have to own them.

So, there we are, all of us, carrying within us wounds and beliefs that still, to this day, create patterns and behaviours when they get triggered.  And that keeps us hostage to a past that, not only is not relevant now, it never was.  It was never about us, it was never true, these were the limited understandings of a little child with a limited view of themselves, the world and everybody else. 

But, if we think about our story as we were growing up in those early years, if we think about our parents or other key care-givers, we can see how that happened.  If we know our parents’ backstory, we can see where they were coming from, if we know our grandparents, backstory, we can see the lineage of wounds that have been handed down.  As long as we know their early story and relationship with their parents, we can see it in our friends, we can see it in our partner, we can even see it in our own children. 

There is no shame and no blame here, everyone was subject to a process they could do nothing about.  But there may come a time when we are grown up and notice all this.  We see the patterns and understand the backstory, so we begin to work out the beliefs we carry and the wounds and traumas that created them, when we were little children before the age of seven. 

That is when we can heal.  We heal, not only for ourselves but for our children because they are still seeing how we respond to the world, ourselves and others.  They are still learning from us, always.  Our parents may never see or know about this in themselves, not consciously, but we are able to end the ancestral patterns when they couldn’t.    

I have found, in my healing, that when I notice a pattern and a wound is triggered, that is the time to do some healing.  Perhaps, something someone says hurts me, perhaps it has triggered a ‘not good enough’ wound.  What happens then is I can engage with that hurt and go through all the feelings and thoughts of not being good enough, of blaming the other person, of feeling hurt, maybe becoming distressed, feeling lonely and depressed.  I may shut myself away.  I may over-eat the wrong kind of foods.  I may get involved in an emotional and escalating exchange with my friend.  The thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations and behaviours then feed themselves and things can go downhill quickly.  Maybe I notice that this is a pattern that comes up for me from time to time.  So, this time, I’m going to choose to do it differently.  Instead of engaging, I’m going to say to myself, “ah, this is a pattern, I’ve been triggered.”  Then, I will find a quiet space and take 20 minutes to go through a healing.  That’s all it takes to connect with the inner child who created that initial belief and those patterns.  I listen to that child, validate that child, love and really see and hear that child, heal that child and reintegrate that child within my heart space, all in 20 minutes – and we are done.  And from then on, that particular belief and those specific patterns will not trigger me. 

So far, I have healed about twenty plus inner children and I have about the same number again of wounded inner children to find, heal and integrate.  But I have come a long way, so many patterns have stopped being triggered and it feels like freedom from bonds that have held me prisoner for all those years.  We all have a different number of wounded inner children, we all have more or less healing work to do, but it’s a life-changer and once you see the difference, and how instant the change is, you will see how beautiful your life was always meant to be.  

Go here for a free inner child healing tool. This is the one that I use because I like working with Jen Peters, but there are more similar therapists and tools to be found online.    

[This is an old photo of me and my niece, Chloe Elgar
Chloe writes about her own ancestral patterns and trauma in her new book, ‘Revealed By Darkness: a psychic memoir’ available from her website. Her book is a catalyst for our own healing as she leads us through her experiences and supports us in looking deeper into our selves.]

Posted in Inspiration, love, oneness

Your Greatest Gift to the World

“The greatest gift you have to give is that of your own self-transformation.”   Lao Tzu

Whatever we do for ourselves, it affects everybody and everything.  There is nothing that happens in isolation, all things are connected.  We are all on the web of life. 

It matters not if it’s love or fear, compassion or anger, peace or aggression.  Whatever it is we express, it resonates throughout all-that-is.  It is the gift we give the world, humanity, Mother Earth, the Creator.

When we focus on loving ourselves, we increase the love in the world.  When we focus on healing ourselves, we increase the health of the world.  We might feel like a tiny grain of sand on a vast beach but this grain of sand can put out the eye of the mightiest beast.  This grain of sand can choke the throat of doubt.  This grain of sand can smooth the pains of the world.

Do not under-estimate your might, your power, your strength.  Do not under-estimate your worth and your significance in the scheme of things.  Do not under-estimate your influence.  You influence your family, you influence your friends, you influence your work colleagues, you influence strangers that cross your path, you are the most important person in the world.  We all are.  We are not equal but we all have equal influence. Because influence isn’t media coverage or who talks the loudest, it’s energy. And energy is every thought, every word, every action we make. Every moment counts. 

There is no such thing as selfish.  This is a concept designed to make you feel guilty for not putting others before yourself.  Who taught you that?  A generation who still carried guilt for two world wars?  It matters not.  The past is healing and we are the ones who are healing it by the choices we make.  What matters is that we, now, today, have the good sense to look beyond the filter that sees illusions and limitations.  You are here to make yourself number one.  You are number one.  This is the most loving, most giving, most precious thing you can do for the world.  To put yourself first.  To love yourself completely.  To honour yourself entirely.  To accept yourself absolutely.       

Posted in Energy healing, inner child

Recognising Persona

Here are some ways we might recognise the presence of a strong persona in our lives:

We may be accomplished at self-image and appearance. This means making efforts towards a polished appearance in public or with significant others and investing in quality products for make-up, hair, clothes, shoes, accessories. It means people regularly compliment us on appearance which persona values. Persona is making sure we present the best image for ourselves to maximise our perceived image and personal story as one of accomplishment, success and distinction.

More self-image and the appearance, this also impacts environment; home, car, what we do for a living, they are an extension of us, so we make an effort to ensure they look and sound impressive. It’s a part of the efforts persona makes to appear worthy, in contrast to the way we feel deep inside.

Friendships and social contacts are often enabled by social media. These are important because they validate us and provide the acknowledgment we inwardly crave. Alongside choosing what makes us feel special, we are also choosing friendships and connections with people who we feel are special and talented too, if possible. We are attracted to people who we would like to associate ourselves with because they fulfil the narrative we are creating.

Seeking praise. Some people in persona enter the performance arenas or public fields; writing, singing, comedy, spirituality, politics, acting, giving presentations. Anywhere we receive praise or feel special because that helps feed the continued need for approval we didn’t get in childhood. And, of course, this happens on some level in whatever arena we find ourselves in. We are constantly seeking to impress with our talents and abilities, we are often driven and successful people who may rise through the ranks. Strong persona people are often found in elevated functioning roles, (presidents of powerful nations perhaps, or just as high as we can get.)

Skills and accomplishments are important, we will probably have one or more talent, hobby or skill that we use to elicit praise. Art, music, cookery, crafts, performance, writing. Whatever it is, we are keen to showcase such skills to feel that sense of worthiness, which is never enough because the inner wound is always there.

Storytelling is key. We concern ourselves strongly with creative ways to tell our narrative, maybe posting, blogging, selfies that are staged and edited. Maybe the unique clothes we wear or other aspects of our appearance. Whatever we use to create our story of self, it’s so important, it feeds the persona and builds that thick protective shell which hides the truth from ourselves and others.

We may often feel that others don’t understand us, that we are hard-done-by or under-valued. We may feel exclusively different, a loner, someone who is so individual that nobody really gets us. This is because our persona is telling us we are especially worthy. This powerful sense of specialness feeds our narrative to offset and hide our deep feelings of unworthiness which is coming from the wound we carry.

Having an overly affectionate manner or being extremely friendly and effusive is common. Persona tends to emphasise affection and praise towards others in order to encourage the same back, which helps feed our unmet needs. We are looking for the affection, love, admiration and approval that we didn’t receive in early years and this is especially true in significant relationships. This is an unconscious behaviour coming from the persona.

We are prone to be highly sensitive. We may pick up the signs and signals of others so clearly, like an empath. This is because we had to learn to read people very well since early childhood. We would have been hyper-sensitive to the moods, words and behaviours of the significant adults around us as a child. We did this in order to protect ourselves and it became a survival skill. Now, as adults, we are really good at reading people, it comes as second nature and we pick up on other’s emotions too, better than they do themselves even.

We commonly have a tendency to be a rescuer, a fixer or feel that we are always there for others. This becomes a key way to feel important and valued for us and it’s a distraction from doing our own healing work which we might be in denial about or keep sabotaging, even as we think we are doing it.

Emotional and physical exhaustion can be a problem, we have moments when we feel overly tired and exhausted because keeping persona going is such hard work. We may find we are overwhelmed with our commitments, keeping on top of our social diary, keeping our narrative going on social media, creative projects and self-image. All this may be quite demanding at times. And we probably have some health issues that keep plaguing us because that hurt and suffering, the deep wound and trauma, it’s got to come out somehow.

Perhaps, deep down, we know something’s wrong, we are just too scared to unpack that feeling and look at it. But there will be moments when this uncomfortable feeling will surface. Perhaps we dismiss it quickly. If we are doing the work already, we might even realise already that our sense of worthiness is a big issue for us.

Is this post starting to feel uncomfortable, perhaps a little bit threatening? Then maybe there’s another clue.

The above list gives some indications to recognise persona, but remember, that includes all of us to some degree. This list is only meant to give a rough idea. The first hurdle for persona is denial, and it’s a big one. If you said ‘yes’ to most of those statements above and you’re still reading now, I’d say you have the insight to overcome it and are already well on your way and going in the right direction.

One thing I want to tell you, right now. If this is you, you are truly beautiful and completely worthy. There is an authentic you underneath persona that is just incredible, so magnificent, you would hardly believe it. It is there. It is the truth of you. It is reachable and you can claim it.

Are you ready to take persona off, like a cloak that has been covering up your natural beauty with a painted image of beauty?  You can do it because it’s the only way to your personal power, supreme liberation and the truth of your being.  It’s what you’re here for, not just here reading this but here on Earth. 

I can’t tell you that doing this is going to be completely safe, but let’s face it, compared to what you’ve been through, you can do it and it’s so worth it. You have all you need to survive. I can’t tell you it won’t kill you because that’s exactly what it’s going to do. But once you ‘die’, you will emerge anew and your life will become the life you have always hoped for, always dreamed of, always been your true destiny. And you know there is no other way. So, get someone to be there alongside you, whether family, friend or expert support. The time has finally come and you so deserve to be free at last.